OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

Laura Barton in fine form at the Guardian http://www.guardian.co.uk/music/musicblog/2012/nov/15/power-of-love-magical-hit

"It was, Lewis explained, "a curious thing" capable of making "one man weep" and "another man sing"."

hurtingchief
Wow, thank you for the great introduction to this music called "Jazz." Miles Davis, huh, I will have to check that guy out. Glad the Voice is still around to shine a light on the hidden corners of the music world.

― super perv powder (Phil D.), Tuesday, November 13, 2012 3:59 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark

lol

i clicked that vanilla fudge video up there and one of the side links is a 9 minute version of season of the witch

Lewis, Rush and Frankie Goes to Hollywood are not the only artists to have attempted to distill the power of love in song

Laura Barton really is the worst. I want to smash something whenever I read her. She has that prissy smugness you get in a lot of student journalism. A nitwit naively laying out one cliche after another.

And then sentences like this: "It's pretty enough, of course, but there is something a little bleached, a little bloodless about Alpin's version".

What function does "of course" have? "There is something"? "A little"? Why bother saying it's both "bleached" AND "bloodless", mixing up the metaphors? The words are so vague here as to be synonymous.

"It's pretty but bloodless." There, that's better.

It's pretty but bloodless, almost as though she had reneged on her promise to keep the vampires from the door

so many commas

I'll fuckin throw your listicle up on the dresser, just ya listicle, and bang that shit with a spiked bat. BLAOW!

I'd sew that sentence up with a period, and just keep feeding it, clause after clause, comma after comma.

http://noisey.vice.com/blog/rip-dave-brubeck

As our music media continues to focus on Taylor Swift's hotel room sleepovers and Shakira's $100 million dollar lawsuit, a major, mind-numbingly influential figure has passed in our midst.

Dave Brubeck, one America's greatest cultural treasures—the man who got late-50s America dancing in 5/4 time with Paul Desmond's seminal track "Take Five"—died today of heart failure, a single day ahead of his 92nd birthday.

Maybe you haven't heard of Dave Brubeck, and unless you sat through hours of jazz appreciation class in high school, we can't really blame you. Pop music fans have a nasty habit of writing jazz off completely, mostly because it's such a dauntingly rich and nuanced genre. But until you've sunk your teeth into the untouchable discography of the Dave Brubeck Quartet, you probably should take a pass on illegally downloading the next Purity Ring single--no offense Corin and Megan!

More than almost anyone else, Brubeck redefined the role of the jazz musician, and walked through the walls hemming in standard conceptions of genre as if they weren't even there. He was a classically trained pianist who brought his talent to jazz, and almost single handedly proved that jazz was an idiom that deserves a place among the highest forms of art.

What blows my mind about Brubeck has always been "Take Five." It's a melody that's existed in my brain since before I can remember, like the Mario theme or the Crossfire commercial. What's so spectacular about the piece is that it's in 5/4, a time signature which almost no pop music even begins to touch (besides Sunny Day Real Estate). The reason no one touches it is because it's just not catchy. With "Take Five," Brubeck and Desmond managed to create a melody everyone knows, in a time signature no one understands. It's more than just an achievement, it's a challenge to take your audience more seriously. Even if Brubeck's catalog had begun and ended with "Take Five," his impact on the music world would still resonate well beyond that of many of his contemporaries (and successors) combined. Magic.

RIP, Dave.

almost single handedly proved that jazz was an idiom that deserves a place among the highest forms of art

oof

Irrelevant and stupid comparison to *today's vapid pop music* -- check
Assumption that your audience has never heard of one of the top-selling jazz artists of all time -- check
Repetition of the canard that Brubeck is a genius because he wrote a song in 5/4, which is like the quantum physics of music or something -- check
Misplaced credit to white guy for elevating jazz to "place among highest forms of art" after it had already been there for decades -- check
"Classically Trained" -- check (seriously do people really think that black jazz pianists are all self-taught blues savants and never went through the Hanon book and Well Tempered Klavier and Chopin etudes like everyone else?

eesh that is stupid.
the 5/4 thing is such a weird thing. it's a catchy song, no one cares about the time signature. also, i mean, it was his signature song, but he didn't even write it!

but it's a time signature no one understands!

understanding 5/4 is definitely a mission impossible

uh people totally care about the time signature in "Take Five." it's called "TAKE FIVE," THAT'S WHAT IT'S FAMOUS FOR

I mean who can count to five

NOBODY

Hurting 2 OTMFM.

not that i'm defending this terrible article xp

maybe if he'd actually talked to his grandparents he might have found they had first-hand stories to share about the genius of dave brubeck.

― idiot man-child (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Tuesday, 13 November 2012 20:55 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

alas, now they are worm food.

― idiot man-child (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Tuesday, 13 November 2012 20:55 (3 weeks ago) Permalink

sorry i killed dave brubeck everybody u_u

living in the world of contemporary choral music really makes articles like this a special level of stupid

walked through the walls hemming in standard conceptions of genre

IS HE IN A BUILDING OR ON A PIECE OF CLOTH? DECIDE!!!

maybe he is drapery

But wait, there's more! http://noisey.vice.com/reviews

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Admin/BkFill/Default_image_group/2012/9/4/1346756780619/Statue-of-Marcel-Aym--008.jpg

no offense Corrin and Megan!

sweet jesus
http://noisey.vice.com/blog/the-dixie-chicks-greatest-hits-reminds-me-that-banjos-are-always-racist

it's like vice ate its own shit until it became fecal vice essence

(for men)

actually it's more of a bite of the old Buddyhead.com reviews section but with more n-word and not punk

"apart from Sunny Day Real Estate"

Ed. Note: The Kid Mero is a Bronx-based writer and comedian specializing in #KNOWLEDGEDARTS and #COKEDREAMS.

Those Kid Mero reviews... are they supposed to be - funny?

What's so spectacular about the piece is that it's in 5/4, a time signature which almost no pop music even begins to touch (besides Sunny Day Real Estate).
What's so spectacular about the piece is that it's in 5/4, a time signature which almost no pop music even begins to touch (besides Sunny Day Real Estate).
What's so spectacular about the piece is that it's in 5/4, a time signature which almost no pop music even begins to touch (besides Sunny Day Real Estate).
What's so spectacular about the piece is that it's in 5/4, a time signature which almost no pop music even begins to touch (besides Sunny Day Real Estate).
What's so spectacular about the piece is that it's in 5/4, a time signature which almost no pop music even begins to touch (besides Sunny Day Real Estate).
What's so spectacular about the piece is that it's in 5/4, a time signature which almost no pop music even begins to touch (besides Sunny Day Real Estate).
What's so spectacular about the piece is that it's in 5/4, a time signature which almost no pop music even begins to touch (besides Sunny Day Real Estate).

Tell Your Favourite Jokes Here!

dave brubeck the magic man. spreading magic in incomprehensible musical language. that nobody will ever understand. not even aliens!

Dave Brubeck, vanguard ringmaster of total serialism

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_C672_Fkzms&feature=youtube_gdata_player

this isn't about the camille paglia piece specifically but about this amazingly stupid junior high school paper-level response to it in LAist:

http://laist.com/2012/12/06/camille_paglia_rips_hollywood_a_new.php

Camille Paglia isn't known for being polite or couching her feminist arguments in niceties. In an opinion piece for The Hollywood Reporter, she keenly rips Taylor Swift and Katy Perry brand spanking new assholes, calling the singers "insipid" and "bleached-out" and saying that they and their ilk are ruining things for young women.

The piece itself is a little scattered, beginning by talking about how Perry and Swift are so bland as to vault feminism back about 60 years, then moving on to talk about how young middle-class white girls have sex these days without being considered rebellious, and wrapping up by saying that there aren't enough roles in Hollywood for older women in their 40s and 50s.

But in between all that, Paglia makes the correct point that watered down performers like Swift and Perry don't provide particularly interesting role models for girls, insofar as they seem to be more reflections of what society wants them to be than expressions of their own true selves.

The only catch? There are always artists like Perry and Swift out there, and they will probably never go away.

See, not everyone is a Camille Paglia. Some people take their music cookie-cutter because they are cookie-cutter themselves. And here's the thing -- that's OK. Just like not everyone will grow up to be a lawyer or a doctor, not everyone has the eclectic taste of a punk rocker, or a hip-hop head, or a connoisseur of electronic music.

In other words, some people like bland because they are bland. Writing a takedown piece of stars like Perry and Swift, who are harmless for all intents and purposes, just seems kind of unnecessary.

original CP piece here:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/taylor-swift-katy-perry-hollywood-398095

the kid mero is a top 5 twitter follow

Oof, that "The only catch?" followed hard by an "And here's the thing" in the unnecessary takedown of the unnecessary Camilia Paglia takedown. I hate that "it's just us talking over coffee" type writing.

that's just one of the most incredibly stupid and condescending bullshit pieces i've seen, shouldn't be surprised she writes for VVM too.

Chris Redfield 1 day ago in reply to Drrickey

Idiot. At 25 years of age, it is ENTIRELY LOGICAL to reason that our society is MORE DEGENERATE THAN EVER! I see it every day, ant its PAINFUL to witness other idiots like you insist "Wrong"

When I was young THE NATIONS YOUTH DANCED TO THE MACARANA (innocent), Today children know the lyrics, the dance/song to GANGSTER RAP (soldier boy, little wayne)- If you think this is an exaggeration, if you think this has no affect on our society- YOU NEED TO OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES.

When I was young THE NATIONS YOUTH DANCED TO THE MACARANA (innocent)

this is the most amazing comment ever

also I had never looked up a translation to The Macarena's lyrics before:

[Chorus:]
Give happiness to your body Macarena
'cause your body is for giving happiness and nice things to
Give happiness to your body Macarena
Heeey,... Macarena! Aaay!
(repeat once)

Macarena has a boyfriened who's called
who's called the last name Vitorino,
and while he was taking his oath as a conscript
she was giving it to two friends ...Aaay!
(repeat once)

(Chorus)

Macarena , Macarena , Macarena
you're popular the summers in Marbella
Macarena , Macarena , Macarena
you like the guerilla excesses ...Aaay!
(repeat once)

(Chorus)

Macarena dreams of the English Tailor*
and buys the latest models
She would like living in New York
and seduce a new boyfriend... Aaay!
(repeat once)

(Chorus)
http://lyricstranslate.com
http://lyricstranslate.com

xpost Seconding that, holy jeez.

YOU NEED TO ROLL YOUR DAMN EYES