Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

rewrote my profile and posted it to say I am looking for big titties and madd bong hits and my inbox is full

just finished the second date - thought it went well, mostly nice chats but there was a moment where I felt we were ~vibing~ a bit

ended w/o making definite plans - not sure what would be a good date idea next

feel like catpig is the trump card in almost any situation you encounter, tbh

sorry

maybe I should just spend the weekend with catpig

Just went on an okcupid date, first time I've gone out with someone who wasn't my ex since I met her. It wasn't bad! It wasn't great, but there was nothing unpleasant about it. The show we went to was a really good time, though.

The show we went to (Quasi and Jon Spencer - didn't stay for much Jon Spencer and went for beers instead) was really good. The date was strange. She got me to open up about a bunch of stuff, and it seemed pretty good, but then she seemed really distracted and concerned about her day tomorrow so we walked for a while until a bus came for her so she jumped on without saying goodbye. She texted me to say it was swell and that's it. I feel like I was in a car accident slightly worse than a fender bender, but I'm sure I'll be ok sometime next week.

Shouldn't post when drunk-ish and upset and cold. Please excuse the poor wording.

no, that was a good post

Oh, I was brushing up against shutting that whole thing down again (back in Chicago but really need to devote my time and scant resources to pursuits other than OKC-related time wastage/activities) but someone I'd been chatting with proposed an innocuous afternoon coffee which turned into an hours-long and very intimate conversation with someone who I now feel strongly compelled to keep in my life in one respect or another. Probably the single best OKC-related meetup I've experienced, so I'm feeling decidedly less cynical about the site at the moment.

I went on two dates w someone, started to get a thing for him, now he's moving to Georgia. Next.

That afternoon coffee thing happened with me and my husband :-)
No pressure...

Seeing someone in a bit over a week (she's going away for a few days) that seems almost too perfect. Going to have to do my best to relax before then. She's only 34 (I'm 41) but she knows about Four On The Floor (Canadian comedy show from the mid-'80s featuring The Frantics), which is incredible. Barely heard back from the woman from the 15th. Not sad about that now.

Certain interactions on this site make it clear why some people have OKC profiles instead of, say, a significant other. I just sent a brief and breezy reply to an equally-brief and seemingly-breezy first message from someone and got called on the carpet for how noncommital my response was and a demand to know whether she just had to try harder or whether it (whatever the unspoken 'it' entails) just isn't going to happen. I'm just gonna keep y'all in suspense as to which way I'm leaning on that one...

Oh, and having a second coffee with the previously-mentioned lady (who I've chatted with a fair bit since) tomorrow. Even if nothing romantical comes of that, though, I think I'll be seeing a fair bit more of her. Also, I seem to have gotten much better at meeting people in the month I've been back in Chicago and have met a fair number of interesting ladies in that time, which leaves me questioning my interest in OKC more hardcore than ever (seeing as how I only started using it post-college when meeting new people suddenly required more than just hangin' around campus).

WHY do people rate me 4 or 5 stars and then when I write them a message, they still don't respond??

I would also like the answer to this question. OKC users are mysterious.

Asperger's?

Or people who contact you first, then don't respond you when you reply?

I've done that

So it was you!

Ha, I'm 33 and love Four on the Floor/Frantics.

(but I'll stop hitting on you, Bryan.)

when I message I send a bunch of messages at a time, if I get a 'nibble' that's when I really examine the profile carefully

might as nip it in the bud if you see things that set off alarm bells, right?

But you're awesome, Sund4r!

I won't send a message until after I've examined the profile carefully. It's usually answers to certain questions that will prompt me to write.

Had a long OKC chat with someone else last night and I'm seeing her Wednesday. I did disclose that I was seeing someone else for the first time Thursday and she accepted that, though now I kinda only want to see the new person as she's communicative, not mysterious and quiet like the Thursday person. Also agreed to see the Quasi woman for a David Bazan show on the 13th. She'd better be more polite this time.

aw man my date cancelled on tonight - this must be OKC karma

Is there a separate OKC category for quasi women?

That'd be awesome. No, the woman I saw Quasi with a few weeks ago asked me to go out again even though the date was a disaster. Just considering her to be a friend now.

Examining questions is of paramount OKC importance. I've seen relatively-low percentage matches with whom I shared near-identical responses and I've seen a ton of high matches with whom I didn't seem to have a single meaningful thing in common. People seem to be much less adept at cloaking their true selves when answering questions as opposed to finessing a profile that's engineered for maximum appeal. And then sometimes everything gets totally blown out of the water when you actually meet the person. Which calls into question the basic value of the site.

In other news: I saw no fewer than two OKC. matches out and about Friday night. There was no way I was gonna approach them in the moment, but is that a legit and non-creepy OKC icebreaker? It's an indication of shared interests, if nothing else, but I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel if people on OKC contacted me and said they'd seen me around...

Don't cross the streams, imo.

I could never do it, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be a good icebreaker. Tricky. The Quasi woman was a 97% match but the date went very badly. The basic value of the site is something I'm strongly questioning except as a way for people to connect in the first place. Dates seem more important.

(duh)

Absolutely. OKC is useful inasmuch as it cuts down on the "hey you're cute, let's date, wait whaddayamean you're an anti-birth control racist?" factor in dating, but it's a pretty terrible way to actually get to know people in and of itself. And given a lot of people's (ladies', anyway) reluctance to move on to the 'meeting in person' stage, the site just feels like spinningmywheels.com too much of the time.

yeah my friend describes it as a fantasyland, to the point of being unhealthy? like it's full of opportunities for false positives, so many metrics on which to assess other people and build these little perfect paper pagodas. I find it all to be exhausting tbh, I hardly ever go on it anymore unless someone messages me

I can say from experience that a number of OKC people I've dated have misrepresented themselves in one way or another. Usually just in terms of having a more idealized notion of self than was at all reasonable, but still. I can deal with an openly hot mess.

I feel I should also point out: one of my highest matches is an ex (who I did not meet via OKC) who I think very highly of as a person but whose notion of what she wanted relationship-wise vacillated wildly and almost daily while we were dating and seemed like a panicky overcorrection in opposition to the level of comfort I evinced or the amount of space I tried to give her (note: we dated for <2 months and I was careful to let things happen at their own pace while still making sure she knew I was fond of her). And so, given some of my experiences with the site, it seems perfectly fitting that she's one of my highest OKC matches.

Anyone else receive this message?

Hey there ***********!

Thanks for being a loyal and active member of the OkCupid community! We wish everyone could be such an upstanding citizen, but like any user-driven website, OkCupid attracts its share of trolls, scammers, and people who just don't follow directions well. To help minimize this element, we'd like to invite you to moderate the many reports of misbehavior that we receive daily.

Moderating can be fun, but it's not for the faint of heart. If you've never seen a rated-R movie in your life, you may want to sit this battle out. Otherwise, accept our gratitude for embarking on a journey into the dark recesses of online dating!

Moderation is now accessible from the main navigation, or click here to get started!

Not me! I did report a dude the other day though, on a similar note. He basically messaged me with an offer of a "sensual massage" with a cellphone number, eerurrgh. :(

All I get these days is msgs from ppl who havent even read my profile, fat bearded roleplayers, and sleazy scammers :( No one replies to my messages. And the guy I was seeing has pushed me away, saying I could "have anyone i wanted".

Hes been on 2 dates since, I havent even had any replies. Fuck everyone. I hate this.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/21/okcupid-moderator-dating-website_n_1994775.html

i saw a crazy new dating thing today called Me So Far -- it's SUPER weird
you're supposed to put together a 5 min slideshow that shows, i guess, who you are and then at each meetup 5 people give their presentations and then everyone mingles for an hour or something

this is their description of themselves -- makes dating sound like a combination of a TED talk and The Moth?!

Imagine learning in one evening what might take 6 dates, or years, to learn about someone. Based in Chicago, Me So Far is a platform and event designed to bring what’s interesting about people to light. Because interesting people are attractive. Our sessions are curated, small-batch events with limited space. We bring together a group of diverse, single people – who otherwise might not have met, and give them a fun and efficient way to learn about the things that don’t come up in traditional conversation. On the right you’ll see the thinking behind Me So Far Story Sessions.

Our sessions are curated, small-batch events with limited space.

extra weird -- they have special events for "i'm a major/minor public figure" and "hot for teacher"
who does this "curated" format appeal to?

That all sounds so incredibly self absorbed, ew.

Also sorry about my bitter rant above there, I guess I have other issues clouding my judgement. bleh :(

I think it's weird they named their dating site something so similar to "me so horny". I mean, we're they not alive during the PMRC era?!

I love moderating! It's mostly funny and only sometimes alarming.

miso hor'nee

good christ that was a bad typo -- you know what i meant, stupid phone
also i realized that this is a service for people who don't want their dating profiles to be searchable -- i guess the bargain is required public speaking? sounds terrible, but of course i'm interested because i am a disgusting people watcher.

That site sounds horrible. Isn't OKC an awkward enough presentation already?

That's why I wonder who they are trying to appeal to -- apparently, at least in part, it's people who consider themselves "kind of a big deal" and people who respond to keywords "curated" and "small batch". Beyond that is anyone's guess.

Well, better to corral those people to their own dating site anyway.