OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

one time after i hooked up with a girl, i was driving in my car and 'you got lucky' by tom petty came on the radio. funny, that.

my dad used to sit in the car with the radio on after pulling into the driveway, but he was an alcoholic

i was going to turn this whole thread

whitesnake - "here i go again"

into a voice pitch. maybe i can now.

I heard a Yo-Yo Ma cello performance that was so aching I accidentally drove off the road and crashed into my grandparents' house

i killed my grandfather while listening to albert ayler.

now that's journalism.

you weren't sure he was going to survive, so you put on Spiritual Unity

gave in and went to the first page, went "oh fuck no" and backed away

sorry guys i'm writing this from jail i meant to tell you.

twist ending

When I first put on Herbie Mann - Memphis Underground, I was PISSED. What is that shrill, experimental sound?

did people really fuck to take five

When I first put on Stravinsky's "Le Sacre du Printemps," I was pissed. Where was the melody? Then I threw a chair and booed.

So the Village Voice is paying their writers in Skittles now? Because that seems to be how they attracted the talents of this fine scribe.

i'm pretty sure i was conceived to chuck mangione's "feels so good"

lol

Skittles beat what some place pay.

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQxpK5tTW7Df0OVNt_Gj6O5g6YDn5CW3mOO0vnm4vSfioh8rRpJPA

most of us are actually paid in marshmallow "circus peanuts" these days

haha omg

josh that is fucking creepy

this bottomlessly horrid listicle is producing psychic mind-melds between ilxors now

"Be warned though, there is experimentation happening here."

I think I saw this written on one of those doorknob things at a hotel.

There's something happening but you don't know what it is, do you, Mr. Lapin

i heard amy goodman rambling on and on about bbc sex scandal in the car this morning and then i heard katy perry and then i yelled at my kids. it was raining.

I like how he confuses "raucous" with "ruckus" in the Mingus bit. Well done.

it's still not as bad/horrifying as "jive"/"jibe"

where be thy jives now?

Oh man, I fucking hate when people do that. But it's so common that "jive" is about to overtake "jibe."

he is apparently old enough to drive a car so i guess its safe to assume he isn't 12. which would be the only excuse for this thing i can come up with. though that might actually be offensive to actual 12 year old kids.

honestly I did not know it was "jibe" till just now.

I definitely did not know about any of these albums when I was 12.

my whole life has been cloaked in ignorance

The jibe/jive & raucous/rawkus posts make it sound like you're arguing about Cherry Poppin' Daddies lyrics.

xp: at least you did not say your life was clucked in ignorance

i think my dad might have owned "headhunters" but it also might have been too funky for him

and there was experimentation going on in there

to be fair discharge would have been too funky for my dad

funky discharge is unfair to everybody.

my parents didn't do enough experimentation to listen to funky jazz

when i first started listening to jazz my mom just called me maynard g. krebs a lot

when i was little, my dad sung me a blood, sweat & tears song every night before i went to sleep.

my dad played a lot of Miles Davis, Dave Brubeck, James Brown, Steely Dan, The Beatles, Average White Band, Stevie Wonder and Vanilla Fudge

claire de lune is used in lullabies

my dad's favorite band was yes :'-(

I have a friend who teaches a class in criticism and music writing, a post-grad class, and she says the quality of student and in particular their writing is overwhelmingly abysmal. I have a feeling their idea of funk - or jazz, for that matter - may be the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Before the first time I saw Charles Mingus, I thought bass could only be played flat on the ground. But then one day I drove my Hyundai Elantra over to my grandparents house. It was only a three minute ride, but when i pulled into the driveway, there was Charles Mingus, playing the bass upright. Some say he is the godfather of the upright bass. Including me!

taste in music and quality of writing don't necessarily correlate; my dad could write amazingly and convincingly about Vanilla Fudge and it would not change the fact that he was lionizing Vanilla Fudge

I dunno, the ability to lionize Vanilla Fudge is an achievement unto itself!

That would be my assignment if I were teaching music writing: in 800 words or less, convincingly praise Vanilla Fudge.

(although I'm listening to a remastered version of "You Keep Me Hanging On" on Spotify right now and I'm starting to get it)

also Hurting, you know that "upright bass" is actual terminology, right