Conservapedia - An encyclopedia you can trust

I mean stuff like:

Georg Cantor's development of set theory in the late 19th century was initially rejected by many great mathematicians, including Henri Poincare, before it became the basis for nearly all of mathematics today. But the Bible contains many hints in support of set theory, as in the "last shall be first, and the first shall be last."

for the times, they are a changing...

ironically.

Crime

Mark 4:22 says how nothing can be hid, neither can anything be kept secret. Empirical statistics show that the vast majority of crimes worldwide are solved.

Well. That settles it, then.

Giant sea creatures and Jonah

The Book of Jonah describes his survival in the belly of a giant sea creature for 2.5 to 3 days. Scientists declared this to be impossible due to powerful stomach acids that quickly break down any material and the lack of breathable air inside marine animals.
In 2010, scientists found the following materials intact in the belly of a gray whale that had died after being stranded on a Northwest beach:[35]
a pair of sweat pants
a golf ball
over 20 plastic bags
small towels
duct tape
surgical gloves
Of course, many sea creatures have gone extinct in the thousands of years since Jonah lived.

A perfect proof!

Only in moderns times have scientists become aware of enormous underwater springs feeding into the oceans, and the very deep valleys at the bottom of the oceans.

But the Bible repeatedly describes this thousands of years earlier: "on that very day the deep subcrustal springs were broken open, and the windows of the sky were thrown open." (Genesis 7:11 (CBP)

The CBP referred to there presumably is the Conservative Bible Project, which aims to 'render God's word into modern English without liberal translation distortions.' So they're relying on a distorted version of the bible, written with the benefit of hundreds of years of science, in order to prove that the bible contains 'comprehension of scientific knowledge far ahead of its time'?

My brain hurts :(

A favorite evolutionist canard is that Leviticus 11:13-19 labels the bat, a mammal, as a bird. But this is an obvious failure of translation, as the Hebrew term 'owph did not entail the "clade" of birds, but was a non-biological category referring to any winged creature, mammalian, avian, or insect. The KJV translation as "fowl" is simply incorrect.

They're acknowledging the King James bible contains inaccuracies in translation? But don't they also believe it's 100% the word of God?

That jumped out at me too, but I wasn't sure enough about the particular quirks of conservapedia dude to point it out...

Who among us can keep track of the quirks of Convservapedia dude?

http://conservapedia.com/Biblical_Conservapedia_Dude_Quirks_Foreknowledge

In 2010, scientists found the following materials intact in the belly of a gray whale that had died after being stranded on a Northwest beach:[35]
a pair of sweat pants
a golf ball
over 20 plastic bags
small towels
duct tape
surgical gloves

Hmmm I wonder if there are any differences between those things and the things they didn't find, e.g., food?

So disappointed that link didn't work :(

This is a pretty revealing entry in itself: http://conservapedia.com/Conservatism

They really seem to believe that the entire concept of conservatism was invented in the US and is defined entirely by Republican priorities of the last 30 years. Contrast this with even Wikipedia.

So much lol in that entry I don't even know where to begin. This is a pretty good place to start, though:

http://conservapedia.com/images/d/d6/Conservative-republican-brain.jpg

Kinda feel we should poll these.

This isn't theology driving the site, its pathology.

Does the existence of a particle or molecule of a certain type mean the quality in question is present, or absent? So many questions. I'm assuming ThePeoplesCube.com is Timecube for the Tea Party generation.

I guess it's both present and absent at the same time? Like some kind of mental Schrodinger's cat.

I had a quick look at thepeoplescube.com. It's yet more evidence that right-wingers apparently don't understand how humour works.

This is how conservatives understand math:

http://tpc.pc2.netdna-cdn.com/images/Ryan_Math_Force_Field.jpg

from thepeoplescube.com

This is basically how conservatives understand logic as well. Nothing funnier than watching conservatives shout out the names of logical fallacies (frequently misapplying the terms) like they were exorcising demons or casting spells.

the conservative bible project is so offensive and horrible it's almost impossible to have a sense of humor about it

True. It's literally blasphemous. It's so comprehensively wrong-headed that it's hard to believe it's real. I guess I'd like to believe it's an epic troll and that they can't possibly be serious.

If someone is really devout, I can sort of understand how they could believe that e.g. the Bible predicts all kinds of scientific discoveries (even if the rationalizations given are pretty weak) but just... I looked up words like "conservative" and "socialism" in a dictionary when I was 10-11 and came across them in a newspaper. Do these people not have access to dictionaries? Or do they think that non-Conservapedia reference sources have a liberal bias?

Pretty much. We're past the realm of ideology way into pathology here.

humans - the apes taht can do math

In the late 20th century conservatives found new ways to use language and the media to support their goals and to shape the vocabulary of political discourse.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservatism_in_the_United_States#Semantics.2C_language.2C_and_media

the KJV - a well known liberal plot to get Christians into appreciating lyrical and poetic turns of phrase.

The whole concept of the Conservabible makes me want to do my own translation that uses only crisp, technocratic babble whenever possible just to demonstrate how ridic translations put into "modern laguange" are in general. But I'm way too lazy for that kind of thing... I mean, the Bible is a big book!

See also:

http://truth-out.org/progressivepicks/item/12401-george-lakoff-progressives-need-to-use-language-that-reflects-moral-values

Jesus reciprocated: ”Have the greatest possible affection for the Lord your God with all your main circulatory-system organ and with all your incorporeal non-observable attributes and with all your psychological framework, worldview and cognitive processes.’ This is the primary and most pronounced commandment. And the penultimate is similar in a like-wise manner: ‘Love the cohabitants of your locality as your own individuality.’

- Matthew 22:37-39

The Banaka Bible

"Statistically impossible" obviously means improbable beyond reasonable doubt. That is a standard that people use every day, and is well-accepted. When the probability of something falls to a very low level, then it is impossible in a practical sense. It is not merely "highly improbable," which connotes some reasonable possibility.--Andy Schlafly

As is the case with Biblical scientific foreknowledge, the Bible shows a comprehension of knowledge of political events far ahead of its time. Examples include:

In Proverbs 29:9, the tenor of the 2012 vice presidential debate was clearly described: "When a wise man debates a fool, the fool rages and laughs, and there is no peace and quiet."

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

Atheist and evolutionist women are like drippy faucets! Long haired, creationist, wife sweethearts are fruitful and multiply. The righteous shall inherit the earth!

According to the National Peanut Board, American women and children prefer creamy peanut butter, while most American men prefer chunky peanut butter. Unfortunately, for wimpy evolutionist men they can't even eat chunky peanut butter in their homes because their feminist women will not allow it!

In his book, "The Pink Swastika," Lively claims that although the Nazis did persecute homosexuals, the homosexuals the Nazis persecuted were almost exclusively the effeminate members of the gay community in Germany, and that much of the mistreatment was administered by masculine homosexuals who despised effeminacy in all its forms.[4]

http://www.conservapedia.com/Bob_Marley

The goofy atheist Stephen Hawking goes off the deep end with his "little green men" fantasies.[3]
Hawking's foolishness was a contributing factor to him losing his wonderful Christian wife and then marrying a woman who was accused of abusing him.[4][5]

holy shit

http://conservapedia.com/Essay:Best_New_Conservative_Words has been blowing my mind. Doubling every century! Of course!

yeah that one is probably the best evidence of Schlafly being mentally ill

"refudiate 2010 combination of refute and repudiate, as coined by Sarah Palin"

"boomerang 1825 originally coined to describe a throwing device that returns to the thrower, the term became increasingly useful to describe how wrongful conduct returns to bite the perpetrator "

.... I'm at a loss. How the fuck does he think a multithousand year old Australian aboroginal word was invented in 1825?

White people found it = it was invented.

monogamy 1612 this has the same date of origin as "productive", and that may not be a coincidence!

Being charitable, he could be dating the secondary meaning and stating that it was conservatives who created the metaphor?

He *is* completely batshit, though.

Also, lol biological clock 1955 - how each woman begins to lose her ability to have children at age 27, no matter how much feminists try to conceal this scientific fact from women

Tebowing 2011 bending on one knee in public to give glory to God (named after pro-life NFL QB Tim Tebow)

Hah no shit?

a morning work ethic is a conservative concept.

how he decides these words are strictly the domain of conservatives i just don't even

it's called tribalism. It has dick-all to do with politics or theology or anything but straight pathology and psychological issues. Dude was raised by Phyllis Schlafly to detest the modern world.

I mean this literally. He has as many issues with modernity as K-Lo from the National Review Online does.

ok it's definitely getting crazier since the election:

NFL owners need to do some soul-searching about their atheistic culture after today's tragic loss of life.
How about team prayers before and after games, for a change?