Shakey Mo's thread of misery

well, getting back on a semi-regular sleeping routine. tinnitus continues largely unabated, altho there are times where it's ignorable. I am spending an *awful* lot of time wearing my ipod headphones and listening to music (at a reasonable volume! I swear!) just to distract me from it. but I know that can't really be good for me in the long run... the times I'm least conscious of it are being in the shower and being in crowds/outside where there's a lot of background noise. it was good to be with my daughter at the Academy of Sciences over the weekend, and at the Dia De Los Muertos parade, for ex.

signed up for a "tinnitus consultation" with Kaiser this friday, dunno what that will consist of exactly

Had it for fourteen years or so, and can say it has its ups and downs -- most of the time, I sorta forget it's there, but then there'll be periods of a week or three where I'll obsess about the damn thing and really just want to off myself. Those have been pretty rare, mind. When I first got it, I basically just walked around constantly listening for it. Never really looked into any sort of treatments though (tbh, I didn't even tell anyone I had it until very recently; my misery always preferred solitude)
Getting enough sleep and food has been important to me though. I find that when I'm tired, it becomes a lot more frustrating.

Now when I have those lousy weeks, I just try to remind myself that it -will- pass. It's not great consolation, but it's some ...

This is an amazing time though, so I keep hoping that some goddamn genius scientist will come up with a cure one of these days. Just get a laser beam popped into yr ear for a minute and *pfft* it's gone.

I am very much looking forward to the day when I forget this is there

those of you who are musicians who have been through this, at what point/under what circumstances did you get back to playing music...?

Can't speak for myself but my tinnitus-suffering friend was out-of-commission for four months :(

shakes i haven't seen this until now but i have this too and i commiserate more than you can know

i haven't developed ringing in my ears (yet) -- the worst i get is sometimes when i bend or strain my neck muscles a certain way there'll be a weird distorted, almost ripping like sound in my ears. i kind of assume that's some fairly normal sign of hearing loss, but maybe somebody can scare me here and say it isn't. when i was younger and playing drums every day and going to shows every week, i'd wear earplugs consistently to both -- now that i do both on a more occasional basis i'm not as dutiful about the earplugs, which i know i'm gonna pay for.

this week i worked a few days at a place where there was some equipment producing a really high pitched ring, and a couple times it really freaked me out that maybe it was just my ears and i really had to stop for a second and make sure it wasn't.

feels like every day is such a fucking struggle

wish I could just get stoned and zone out and read some comics or something but I am scared to even try

have a "tinnitus consultation" scheduled today with an audiologist. dunno what that means exactly.

good luck dude

ooh give us a full report I'm very interested. good luck

yeah good luck shakey mo

i've never been through this but it sounds awful. sending good thoughts your way.

the audiologist will determine where your "notch" is - he'll tell you where you stand, hearing-wise. it'll be a huge benefit to you, just to know. reading can be hugely helpful if you can get your mind to focus on it! getting stoned as I've said - it could be good, but you can't really know how it'll go, and you can't really undo it if it starts to go south

ucsf audiology btw? been there, they're really good

my healthcare plan ain't THAT great - I'm going to kaiser

lol I went to UCSF because I had no insurance at all so I picked the ones who I normally go to for voice treatment

I'm only familiar with UCSF cuz of other things they are renowned for (HIV, neurology etc), never actually been there

they have amazing doctors and therapists and I will be leaving them something in my will. just an incredible place from a health care perspective.

I was just there yesterday with my son for his MRI. Great place. Good luck today!

tried some online tools but have yet to pinpoint the exact frequency of my tinnitus - altho it's clear that it's well above 11,000 kHz. dunno what to make of that really. a bunch of these online test tools are really fucking loud though, so I guess I should be thankful that my tinnitus is not totally ear-splitting. but the super-high-pitched frequency of it means it cuts through a lot of stuff.

still having trouble sleeping too. off the ativan (really not supposed to take it for that long, so not really regretting that) and taken ambien the last few nights - which knocks me the fuck out but only for 5-6 hours and gives me a weird hangover too.

have a consultation scheduled in a couple days about anti-anxiety meds, which will hopefully help me get back to some semblance of normal functioning + sleeping

just in case anyone was wondering

how did the audiologist consultation go?

he didn't have much to say. that I'm doing all the things I should be doing, that my brain will eventually acclimate itself to it but that there's no real way to know how long that will take, that masking devices/sounds will be helpful to relieve the anxiety of it etc. that I need to sleep and exercise and manage the stress.

I am trying. it feels like every day is a struggle.

altho it's clear that it's well above 11,000 kHz

at least that should make it easy to low-pass your mp3s or eq your stereo if you try that music therapy thing, just shelve a little off the top.

sorry dude, I really feel for you :(

yeah no doubt. hope you can feel some relief soon.

best wishes shakey, this sounds like a bad thing happening to a good man

I've been trying to figuer out my "notch" as well since reading that website linked above. I was sure mine is all over the place, but I focussed on it the other night and there is a dstinct "note" - an E, I think - that persists as a very very low hum, a mid-range chorusy sound, and a high pitched eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee noise. I dont know if that means theyre diff freqs but theyre all the same note? I dont know hwo this stuff works tbh. I really need to see an audiologst - the ENT just said "yeah surgery there u go" but I want hearing tests and to discuss a hearing aid and if its an option at all (urgh)

So best of luck yours is solved or you get some releief Shakey!

at least that should make it easy to low-pass your mp3s or eq your stereo if you try that music therapy thing, just shelve a little off the top.

I'm not sure it really works that way? other people have said that if you hear that frequency it cancels out the tinnitus.

I haven't tried the MP3 conversion thing tbh seems like more effort than it's probably worth.

yeah, either way seems plausible (taking out that frequency so as to not accentuate/aggravate it vs listening to that frequency for a masking effect).

one thing you may discover is a newfound appreciation for new age mellow drone stuff. I sure did. the benefits of listening to something that just takes you away into some place of calm and relaxation...shit, man. My young punk self sneered at that shit. Eat a trillion dicks young punk self, relaxation music is the business. Especially when it gives you your favorite album title of all time

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51XzhN8cZGL._SL500_AA280_.jpg

LOL

It's like the "I'm kind of a big deal" of relaxation albums

maybe thelonious could come over and play a note so high, the note and your tinnitus will simulate a note in between the two notes that is outside of the audible range. But as a dude with narrow, infection prone ear canals (gross, I know) I feel for you and wish you well

lol aero yeah I have totally developed a newfound appreciation for soothing sounds of mellow keyboards with maybe a little flute

get acquainted with this podcast. It takes up like 1/4 of my hard drive now

http://www.ultimathule.info/

wishing you soothing peace, dude

http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/index.php/is-there-a-treatment-for-tinnitus/

some useful info mixed into to the typical-for-SBM self-righteous complaints about quackery

Hang in there, dude!

sleep patterns still fucked up - more med-switching tomorrow (hopefully)

going back to the ENT on Tuesday, talk about getting an MRI. that the tinnitus has been accompanied by a physical change in my ear (which has not gone away) makes me think something's been missed, that this isn't just standard hearing damage sort of stuff. I've had weird sinus problems for years, sort of feel like this is related. I dunno. still struggling through each day - hopefully some anti-anxiety+sleep meds will make this a little easier for me to deal with. keep trying to remind myself that this will not kill me, that there will come a time when I will be better, when I will enjoy things again. but it's fucking hard.

this sounds awful, i hope you can get some rest and resolution soon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcJ-o_fh1B4&feature=channel&list=UL

god I am like an old man with my fuckin meds now. took 2 ativan and an ambien last night and had the weirdest night's sleep ever - I felt like I was dreaming, but also awake, somehow...? like at any moment I could have opened my eyes and looked at the clock but instead I was making myself lie there with my mind wandering and my eyes closed. so strange. but felt a little more balanced this morning, the tinnitus slightly more ignorable than before. and then I get to try some different meds tonight *sigh*

:/

shakey if you are open to lols about how the meds make you feel may I recommend the comic "ambien walrus"

had my second visit with the ENT today. He does not see anything unusual with me physically that would explain the tinnitus (no infections, no polyps, etc.) And my hearing is fine so it’s not associated with hearing damage from noise exposure or anything like that. He has requested an MRI, which they will call me to schedule within the next day or two, so hopefully I can get that within a week or so. The MRI will show if there is any deep sinus infections or tumors or nerve issues. The prospect of this just being something that happened to me with nothing I can do about it is intensely depressing. I know that with time it’s supposed to be possible to adjust and be able to ignore it but so far I am not able to do this, it is a challenge even to sleep. I have to wear headphones all the time just to distract me from it.

The prospect of this just being something that happened to me with nothing I can do about it is intensely depressing. I know that with time it’s supposed to be possible to adjust and be able to ignore it but so far I am not able to do this, it is a challenge even to sleep.

I have faced that kind of thing (though everyone's situation is different) and I guess the best advice I'd offer is to try to see the process of fixing yourself as a separate one to the process of living your life and getting along with things. Don't let one affect the other where possible. That is definitely easier said than done but at all times just externalise the symptoms as much as you can, not even pretending to understand how difficult that may be, btw. Talk to people and try to consider the mental side of things too.

Hope it improves. having a bit of a nightmare myself, healthwise, in the last week or two, though chronic stuff is sort of old hat for me. It's not helped by the fact I'm rehearsing non-stop to do a play all next week and the accompanying excitement/pressure/responsibility.

^^ that's extremely good advice.

The only good news about something bad happening for no apparent reason is there's no particular reason why it won't get better. I see neurological patients all the time with chronic miserable symptoms (frequent migraines, chronic pain or tingling or dizziness) where all the tests are normal and there's no evident trigger for the problem. It's still good news, even though it doesn't seem like it, not to get a specific diagnosis in these cases -- most specific diagnoses that cause chronic severe symptoms aren't fixable and produce permanent neurological damage.

If there's no hearing loss and no nerve damage, the tinnitus should eventually improve, or even resolve completely. Which is not to say, unfortunately, that you or your doctors or anyone else can make it go away. In the meantime, getting along with things as much as possible despite the problem is probably the best you can do, as maddening as it must be to be in this situation.

I feel for you, this is a really tough situation. Wish I could be more help.

thank you Plasmon. that's encouraging. my suspicion is that the MRI won't turn up anything and oddly that's what I've been dreading most. but you've given me some perspective

even though my hearing brings me like zero joy at the moment I do take some comfort from there not being any hearing loss