I'mma lay your LOLs on the dresser and EXCELSIOR them shits with a spiked bat!

i sure do! why, have a stick of...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U9UZZ_DbOuM

"Swimming pools are filled with people. Some you know. Some you don’t. And every once in a while you see something that maybe you shouldn’t. That’s why swimming pools are a little like Facebook."

― Bound by Habitrails (J3ff T.), Monday, November 5, 2012 3:28 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"Also, all the urine."

― C-3PO Sharkey (Phil D.), Monday, November 5, 2012 3:29 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Also it hurts to open your eyes.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Monday, November 5, 2012 3:34 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"pools are like facebook: i've been banned from both for reasons of nudity"

― these wilburys taste like wilburys (donna rouge), Monday, November 5, 2012 3:34 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I lost interest in Dusk as soon as I heard the spoken word intro in which Johnson asks rhetorical questions ("Have you ever wanted somebody so badly that you'd whisper moistly in her ear?" or something) that I thought Madonna had decisively answered in "Justify My Love."

― the little prince of inane false binary hype (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, November 5, 2012 5:42 PM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no one should do anything moistly in anyone's ear EVER

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, November 5, 2012 5:44 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

keep your laws off my body

― All hail President Optoisolator (jjjusten), Monday, November 5, 2012 5:46 PM (18 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

We vote for Obama. Technocratic neoliberalism is preferable to theocratic neoconservatism, at this early stage before True History begins.

― Banaka™ (banaka), Monday, November 5, 2012 7:12 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oracle speaks

― i've grown accustomed to her face tat (m bison), Monday, November 5, 2012 7:13 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

are you seriously telling people to vote against the first android candidate for a major party?

― iatee, Monday, November 5, 2012 7:13 PM Bookmark

haw

(not that it really needs the context, but the Melbourne Cup is on today, so...)

feeling a little hoarse

― activated burgers (electricsound), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 10:38 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

theres laws against that u kno

― Una Stubbs' Tears (Trayce), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 10:44 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

24 horses 1 cup

― thirstin' maw (haitch), Tuesday, 6 November 2012 11:56 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

irl lols over here

Friends don't let friends vote for 'lesser' evils

― saltwater incursion (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, November 6, 2012 3:07 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

sez the mets fan!

― balls, Tuesday, November 6, 2012 3:10 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

guys focus on the important thing...in just 7 or 8 hours we'll know whether voters have chosen "Taxi" or "Cheers," and what their favorite "Simpsons" Treehouse of Horror segment is

― ICY BRO (SPECIAL GUEST) (some dude), Tuesday, November 6, 2012 8:42 AM (18 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Hamill has been angling for a voice role on The Clone Wars, but they haven't been able to find a part for him. If they're gonna get an original trilogy star to do a voice on the show, they want it to not be something one-off or pointless.

― C-3PO Sharkey (Phil D.), Tuesday, November 6, 2012 10:07 AM (2 hours ago)

Tall order, that

― flamboyant goon tie included, Tuesday, November 6, 2012 10:22 AM (2 hours ago)

ooh that reminds me i must get round to putting online the swift quotes that didn't make it into the interview
--lex pretend

Is this the part where she responds to your request to cut into her flesh and wear her skin as a suit?

― croup da color of mayonnaise (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, November 5, 2012 8:12 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

Hahahaha

lol brilliant

kind of cruel!

you might even say: cutting

http://instantyeah.org/YEAH.JPG

Hahaha again

cold as ice

q lazzarus? i don't know who that is.

ooooh...ooooh oooh oooh...

how is that funny or cruel? it's fine, it's whiney doing his usual hurling anything that resembles a zing at the wall in case it sticks. i mean, obv certain bitches would hyuk hyuk at anything targeted at me no matter how tenuous, jess, but whatevz

"Stranglehold" is the best driving alone late at night about to get into some shit montage music ever. Has it been used in a movie like that before?

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, November 6, 2012 6:56 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah it's been used in the movie called my fuckin life and the sequel my fuckin life 2: me fuckin shit up bro

― You're a pushy lil bastard, ain't ya? But I like that. (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Tuesday, November 6, 2012 11:06 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That's fucking brilliant

Especially because "Stranglehold" is what my friend and I were listening to while getting high 18 years ago right as we were leaving town to go to Lollapalooza where we would end up getting arrested and spending two days in jail.

btw I gave Jill Stein $25 cuz alla you pissed me off. much more bang for the buck.
― saltwater incursion (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, November 7, 2012 12:10 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

gross
― Force Boxman (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, November 7, 2012 12:11 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yr just weird

and doity

Cubans livid over Joe Garcia's victory; Garcia seen as a traitor and appeaser and Fidelist.

― the little prince of inane false binary hype (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 14:58 (4 hours ago) Permalink

Garcia last seen leaping from building to building, a veritable Fidelist on the roof

― I loves you, PORGI (DJP), Wednesday, 7 November 2012 15:00 (4 hours ago) Permalink

posted in my feed today:

You say you love rain, but you use an umbrella to walk under it. You say you love sun, but you seek shade when it is shining. You say you love wind, but when it comes you close your window. So that's why I'm scared when you say you love me.- Bob Marley

― emilys., Tuesday, November 6, 2012 11:27 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You say you love dick, but you make me wear a condom. —Bob Marley

― Infamous dickbiscuits (silby), Tuesday, November 6, 2012 11:28 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

o fuc I almost inhaled the peanuts i was just eating after reading that.

There were many, many times along the way when I didn't think Obama would win. I went back and forth a number of times.

― clemenza, Wednesday, November 7, 2012 10:14 PM (17 minutes ago)

you're kidding!

― all mods con (k3vin k.), Wednesday, November 7, 2012 7:32 PM (2 minutes ago)

he's Canadian give him a break, they won't get Nate silver for another 10 years and it'll be bad bootleg tapes

― Lamborghini mercy, yo sledge she's so percy (m bison), Wednesday, November 7, 2012 7:34 PM (1 minute ago)

ILX doing god's work in this thread:

Six Tips for Avoiding an Office Affair

"when I die, go to my basement and into the laundry room; you will find a hidden compartment behind the dryer. there you will find what I have been working on for the last five years but which I fear may not be finished before I die: the only existing pair of penis pants in the world. burn them."

― 乒乓, Friday, November 9, 2012 12:34 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

there's certainly an aspect to this that is akin to having amazing, mindblowing sex with the corpse of the person who kept telling you "no" while they were alive and wearing provocative clothing

― I loves you, PORGI (DJP), Friday, November 9, 2012 11:06 AM

brb, jackin'

― Inconceivable (to the entire world) (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Friday, November 9, 2012 11:06 AM

The Korean city of Suwon has opened what it says is "the world's first toilet theme park".

The Restroom Cultural Park has a museum displaying Roman style loos, European-style bedpans, and ancient Korean flush toilets, as well as fun facts about human waste and a sculpture garden dedicated to squatting figures.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-20258175

― Huey Lewisies & The Newsie-Wewsies (snoball), Friday, November 9, 2012 3:59 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You have to be shitting me.

― Come Into My Layer (Old Lunch), Friday, November 9, 2012 4:08 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I heard it was a load of crap...

― Huey Lewisies & The Newsie-Wewsies (snoball), Friday, November 9, 2012 4:14 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hey now don't go pissing on their parade

― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, November 9, 2012 4:19 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

turds

― am0n, Friday, November 9, 2012 4:20 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

✓

The Klosterman Ultimatum

― something of an astrological coup (tipsy mothra), Friday, November 9, 2012 8:16 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Good stuff in the how not to date a co-worker thread. Thinking "High quality abortions at any trimester!" would make a fine display name.

lol am0n

how much do you think a person would cost, just hypothetically

― lag∞n, Monday, November 12, 2012 11:29 AM (46 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

depends on their skills, like could you have a computer programmer slave?

― iatee, Monday, November 12, 2012 11:30 AM (45 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I mean obv not in alabama

― iatee, Monday, November 12, 2012 11:31 AM (45 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm sure david carradine's dying wish was for someone to burn the rope, mop up his spooge, and arrange him nicely on the bedspread but things don't always work out for dead people

― CGI fridays (Edward III), Friday, November 9, 2012 11:44 AM (3 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

rip

does smooshing cloacae together actually count as sodomy???

― real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut)

let's just say yes and see where that takes us

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl)

does smooshing cloacae together actually count as sodomy???

― real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, November 13, 2012 12:18 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

let's just say yes and see where that takes us

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, November 13, 2012 12:19 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

XP motherf - -

i feel like my dino sex thread was way ahead of its time

needs a transformers crossover to boost xmas market toy sales imo

at work we tried to introduce "Slappin' the Grimlock" as a euphemism for masturbation but it never caught hold with the general public

Huckabee is the type of dude who would invite you to dinner, ask you all kinds of sincere, heartfelt questions about your family and your job, offhandedly mention the lethal dose of cyanide he put in your lemonade, and then offer you a nice slice of fresh-out-the-oven homemade pie.

― I loves you, PORGI (DJP), Tuesday, November 13, 2012 1:24 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

also from dino sex:

more like tyranno-sore-arse amirite

― Albert Crampus (NickB),

My kind of humor.