Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

Are you actually implying some people would consider mastubating in front of work mates AT ALL, and that it is because they are good looking? I mean.. what the hell?

Isn't being made fun of the last thing you'd be worrying about if you were trying to surreptitiously masturbate in public what is this conversation even

I have no idea what we're talking about anymore but I think clarification is the *last* thing we need

thread is something

show of hands if we're all good on workplace masturbation for now

uh i'm using one of mine right now gimme two mins

grunt for yes, moan for nay

lol

just to bring the tone up a bit, with ffm's description of the buttock-clenching teacher i had a bit of a brainfart and was imagining him with his arms behind him, one hand on each asscheek, rhythmically squeezing away. it was disturbing.

squeeze your own butt cheeks together for undecided.

xp omg.

all like porking himself

like that ace ventura scene where he makes his butt talk?

YES. but symphonic butt is more impressive than mere talking butt.

Holst's The Planets: Uranus.

Omg. No! :) that would have been infinitely more disturbing! Amazing visual. Holding the baton with his mouth? Hah.

lol

what do you do when you've asked someone politely and nicely to do something relatively easy and sensible that is part of their job, and they continually fuck it up, most likely due to just incompetence rather than intent? i seriously don't even know... it becomes embarrassing to the point that it's like each time i raise it it's as if i'm going HI YOU'RE THICK, regardless of the wording.

My brother complains about a guy exactly like this at his office, who's been there over a year and still has to ask him about the same things he has to do like every week. Just, yknow, write it down one time or something?

person in question is an image editor, and constantly labels images with the wrong date, or typos. it's like, how fucking hard is it to check the date? i just don't understand.

start the process to firing him, tbh

she has literally JUST been hired, which makes it worse.

no it makes it much much better, because probationary period makes it a very easy process indeed

Boss: Can you see if there is a problem with Verizon? X says she didn't get any of my texts and I've double-checked the number.
Me: That's her office number.
B: I know, and now she's not getting them for some reason.

Sure enough, there were numerous outgoing texts to a landline in her history.

brayer has been replaced by a seth effrikken who says things like my display name all day

What would he be trying to tell us if he said that?

Ha seth effrikken

Get more vowel sounds, jerks!

it's not a bill, it's a reminder

ps it's a fucking bill btw, we sent 400k bills and it doesn't help to tell people they're anything else after an hour waiting on hold.

Coworker across from me talks all day long. Any word we say gets commented on for 2-3 minutes of stream of consciousness comments. She just spent two minutes talking about mushrooms she has in her fridge because another coworker complained that she forgot to put mushrooms in the soup she'd made.

This woman is training me to do my new job! She showed me how to create a purchase order and was searching for a name in a 'vendor number' field and got frustrated and started to vent to me. I tried to suggest we might find the name if we highlighted the venderNAME field rather than vendorNO and she got ranty and started talking about how 'that will screw everything up,' naturally I waited til she went to the printer and sure enough, the name is in the vendor name field. SHOCKING.
6 weeks of training. YAY.

People are so bad at computers, seriously.

For real. But WHY? Things like what FFM talks about and shit my bosses fuck up problems that require VERY simple reasoning that has ultimately has nothing to do w/ computers. If that person were searching through papers for a vendor's, would she for it look in the space where vendors' numbers go?

If my boss were trying to access a folder of papers in a file cabinet, would she use the handle to open the drawer all the way, or would she notice that it had a hole in the side and pull documents out that way for years and years?

They're good enough analogies.

They work. This lady is nuts. Often pleasant, but I truly dislike when stressed people rage on others. Or dismiss me - a very tech savvy person - because I'm new to something they're good at. It's a computer problem lady, I got this.

For real. But WHY? Things like what FFM talks about and shit my bosses fuck up problems that require VERY simple reasoning that has ultimately has nothing to do w/ computers.

Yes! Or when you show people how to copy files from a USB stick which appears as drive E to drive C, and that's fine, they remember that, they do it every few days with no problem. And a month later they put a new USB stick in and it appears as drive F and you say, OK, it's showing up as drive F in "My Computer" so you can just go into that and drag the files in the same way and they freeze up and tell you they don't know how and what the hell do you even mean because it's completely different.

I can't think of a work-related analogy for the analogy collection but uhh it's like they can't get the number 20 bus because they've only travelled on the number 15 bus before and the same concept of getting on the bus and saying their destination to the driver doesn't occur to them. Or something.

standard enough 'learn by rote, trust the process, lose yr shit when anything changes' kind of situation.

It's just, like, how are these ppl the BOSS?

Because nobody would keep them as employees so they had to start their own businesses.

Kicked upstairs to management?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dilbert_principle

companies tend to systematically promote their least-competent employees to management (generally middle management), in order to limit the amount of damage they are capable of doing.

i gotta start workin on my incompetence, i figured it would have shone through by now but clearly i'm hiding my shite under a bushel

Because nobody would keep them as employees so they had to start their own businesses.

DING DING DING

Yes! Or when you show people how to copy files from a USB stick which appears as drive E to drive C, and that's fine, they remember that, they do it every few days with no problem. And a month later they put a new USB stick in and it appears as drive F and you say, OK, it's showing up as drive F in "My Computer" so you can just go into that and drag the files in the same way and they freeze up and tell you they don't know how and what the hell do you even mean because it's completely different.

I can't think of a work-related analogy for the analogy collection but uhh it's like they can't get the number 20 bus because they've only travelled on the number 15 bus before and the same concept of getting on the bus and saying their destination to the driver doesn't occur to them. Or something.

Yes! These comparisons are really helpful. It's just so frustrating. My bosses do good lawyering (judging by results and reputation) and I don't think they're dumb, but they just can't generalize for shit.

The other thing they do that makes me nuts is letting one computer (or phone, copier, etc) glitch or mistake wipe out years of ability and understanding. Eg: boss knows how to change color of text in a Word document. One day something actually legitimately goes wrong and we can't just highlight red text and select change text and I help her (or him). Fine. Except after then, they blot out their capabilities to change colors and they start asking, "Can you show me again how you change letters to red?" Which, as I said, they used to do just fine before.

Or "undo" Word and Excel. Lets say hey know how to undo deleting text and they know how to undo italicizing words (click the Undo button). But they DO NOT know how to undo bold-facing. Even though its the exact. Same. Thing.

Like, how deep does this all go? Will they forget how to smoke b/c they knew how to light cigarettes before, but the new ones are from a different pack?

Maybe a driving analogy would work better.

Holy crap, the woman who works across from me (who I like) has just revealed herself as a right-wing crank. One of my other co-workers, a known rabid righty, was ranting about the election results (with a smile on his face, it wasn't like he was getting all shouty and jabbing people in the sternum with a forefinger or anything) and this woman was agreeing with him, talking about how liberty is dead in America, our children will never know what it was like to be free, blah blah blah, and I thought she was just winding him up, but then I overheard her on the phone with someone else later and she was saying all the same stuff, and grumbling about how pro-Obama the office is! She's really nice and easy to work with, so I guess I'll be overlooking this side of her, but still - unexpected.

is it really unexpected that someone who isn't a dick might have different political opinions from you?

It's unexpected that someone who works for a record label in NYC would be a hardcore Republican.

i have avoided threads like this ... but no more.

for reason most folks know, i had to take a few months off work.

so, imagine my distress when upon my return a few weeks ago my lovely neighbour had been replaced with a loud mouthed, excessive shyte spouting monster.

fuck.

its making the daily grind all the more hellish.

i mean for ages i struggled with the issue whether i should make the effort to go back, and then after a lot of soul searching i find this new barrier to peace and harmony.

i totally accept my current troubles are nothing in comparison, but damn, i cant escape the non-stop loud mouth shit.

arghhhhhhhhhhhh.

now, just where is that box of wine ..

It's unexpected that someone who works for a record label in NYC would be a hardcore Republican.

Depends on how big the label is, I guess.

xpost 3rd draw down under the shoebox, behind the box of staples

*drawer

Dear co-worker who sits half the office away from me: shut up. Shutupshutupshutupshutup shut the fuuuck upppppp. Shut up about X Factor. Shut up about your coffee mug. Shut up about the equality training video. Shut up about the film you were talking about yesterday. SHUT UPPPPPPPPP I AM TRYING TO WORK

She's actually leaving next week! This thread gets results!

lucky you kinder.