SO U MOVING TO HSTNGS! PACK A AMPULE OF ANTIVENOM AND A FACK FULL OF EMINEM

Oh why could this not have been taped, no matter what it was? WHY???

Crazy patient stories:

1. alcoholic withdrawal guy who asked for Ativan (anti-anxiety med) every time I went into his room and claimed he was having a panic attack. Except that he was asleep every time I went in there and then he went right back to sleep as I was leaving. Best panic attacks ever! (Or worst?)

2. Dude in perfectly stable condition telling his wife on the phone that he'd see her tomorrow, "probably for the last time." Then telling me about the casket he rented for himself bc he's going to be cremated. Me: Did you at least rent a nice one? Patient: No, I rented the cheapest one I could find! Me: Okay then!

3. Occasionally inappropriate patient asking the black male nursing assistant if it's true that "black men have bigger dicks" than white men. The nurse in the room said, "you have to stop being inappropriate!" But honestly, if I had been the nursing assistant, I would have confidently told him, "DEFINITELY!"

btw, John and deX - I think I told you about the lady who called me a "crowface?" She died a few weeks after leaving our floor. RIP lady, you will never be forgotten.

I wonder what her final words were

gonna assume "cankles" were in there somewhere

Pretty sure she was on a lot of Ativan by the end, so I imagine she was a lot mellower.

But yeah.

I do love the elderly patients, even the really disoriented ones. They are so unpredictable, never boring!

They just interviewed a super high girl in Marion staring at waves and incoherently babbling about the lack of trees keeping her safe, except for the water... um... yeah, it's waves man

etc etc

This sounds epic, I hope you recorded that somehow!

I got frustrated with old take-out last night so I made shrimp-fried rice; my hands now smell like takeout

It is official: I am moving to deX's house. He knows how to make takeout!

I just received a cold-call spam message about cloud storage from my own company in my work email

yay technology

nice

^^^ I don't actually understand that.

plz take me back to 1989, kthxbye

A salesperson from my company got my email address off of an external tech site and emailed me in an attempt to get me to purchase my own company's software.

hmmm, you didn't buy it, looks like somebody isn't a team player to me

Pretty sure you're fired now, plz come home and also buy my house bc we are trying to buy a different house now. (super busy down here in Nfield)

My current house = in front of a cemetery, total WIN!!!

oh cool, where's the new house?

trying to convince my mom I actually did vote for Doctor Who and Spongebob Squarepants

new house = about 4 blocks from where I live now, but huge and very nice. Offer accepted, but contingent, so we have to sell (obviously!). Trying madly to clean, paint, etc.

If you want to look it up it is 1604 Maple Street in that city I live in. :)

So V1v13n doesn't believe you, then?

She did at first, which is hilarious

<3 <3 <3 your Mom!!!

guys, was T14r4 W4tts this nuts in high school? deX, didn't she play one of your wives in _Joseph_?

I don't remember her being this nuts in high school

That said, lol @ nuts ppl

Yeah, it's kind of heartbreaking, though, in a weird way.

Kind of entertaining myself today watching St4c3y go from believing somehow Romney was going to win NJ and NY (?!) to the end of the election...

...but it's also just SAD to me that she can't see outside of her own perspective even the tiniest bit.

It must be weird to live like that?!

Oh hey, republicans on my Facebook, all of whom are from hstngs, so sorry eat shit

I am so exhausted and have actually cried real tears of amazement tonight you guys.

Super sentimental right now, maybe it's time I go to sleep.

But thanks for being some of the sane HSTNGS people!

<3 you guys!!!

Ow my head

dude

note to self: don't chug 5 Lagunitas super IPAs in one night because you are rolling in Schadenfreude

I was sleep-deprived for the past 5 days and I have a raging headache right now.

Time for caffeine and maybe ibuprofen (and food, don't worry medical people, I will have food w/my ibuprofen).

Probably that is a good Rx for all of us.

#outofmyscopeofpractice

Oh hey, republicans on my Facebook, all of whom are from hstngs, so sorry eat shit

― All hail President Optoisolator (jjjusten), Wednesday, November 7, 2012 1:52 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ha this is accurate. demographic for me seems to split evenly between w1nd0m ppl and HSTNGS ppl who aren't jjj. p.s. we are all BLIND IN ALL CAPS

*bangs pots together* GOOD MORNING GENTLEMEN

yay morning conference calls where I don't have to say anything

ibuprofen, water, etc. etc.

I don't think I realized until just now, looking at your Facebook page, that you work at a place with the acronym SMH

too bad it isn't a dog hospital

ahahaha

Show #1 = done! Went fantastically well! Half the people in the church now think I'm gay!

Well done, deX! (What, do they think J031 is just a really elaborate beard now?)

xpost depending on which residents are on our floor, the acronym can be more or less apt...

I got a lot of "you were a little too good at that" commentary, which is like "fuck you, I'm in a dress and I'm acting, what do you want? Oh sorry Reverend"

Ahahaha

Man, I really have to consider going back to church.

you guys

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWgO9-AIROI&list=UUvHn0MTf40rdEQu6Y2yNL5g&index=8&feature=plcp

ok i lol'd a bit

there is apparently an entire series of these, including "You Can't Touch This" and "Born This Way"

like

ATTN VERY VERY IMPORTANT

http://www.facebook.com/djperry1973/posts/314774691971416

I just had the BEST idea

DURIAN-INFUSED VODKA

xpost I think I have a soundtrack to my work tonight.