should ilxors be tempbanned for taking their beefs to other social media? (twitter/fbook/myspace/etc)?

it's ocean avenue

Just for the records, I didn't actually mention Mordy by name until *after* he started @-ing me on twitter, trying to bring the beef into my actual twitterstream, when I failed to respond to 3 days of clusterfucking on ILX.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

you could have just been the bigger man of course

could someone point me to the thread(s) that spawned this discussion so that I may be fully informed when I vote? thx

Time was someone would've teed off on "trying to bring the beef into my actual twitterstream," now it's all beefs this and social media that.

I have just looked through my tweetstream. My exact original tweet which tipped this off was complaining about "A Mansplainer". He took that and ran with it.

I took a weekend's break from ILX, came back and he was still running with it on ILX. When he brought it into my actual tweetstream, I decided I didn't have to put up with it any more.

http://toptvcops.com/09b642f0.jpg

no tweets amended or deleted?

no, but yes to the reverse

wcc, feel like u have a somewhat inflated sense of ilx clusterfucks concerning u, probably due to the sensible recourse of trying not to read them. pretty sure there were not three days of clusterfucks prior - mordy mentioned u were tweeting about him on the "button" thread and it wasn't really discussed until andrew farrell was needling him on some other thread a couple of days later iirc

so, ban mordy? i'm in

^^^boom

If I discovered that someone on ILX had taken a disagreement with me to another publicly-accessible online venue rather than a) hashing it out with me personally like a grounded adult or b) dropping it altogether (again, like a grounded adult), there's a good chance that I would be enraged beyond my ability to articulate. But that might just be me, as I'm one of the few that still values a modicum of firewalling between my varied online haunts (and the respective level of biographical info I choose to divulge on each).

Ban nobody in this fucking instance

wcc its unfair of you to call out posters on twitter by tagging them then not allow them to respond and turn it back on them. You shouldn't have done that to me or any of the others.

oh and you had also done the same thing on the poll thread.

http://www.pcrm.org/images/media/psa/sack_your_old_lunch.jpg

Just posted this on MySpace, come at me bro.

ilx beef week

of course wcc or anyone else shouldn't be banned, we're all grown-ups here. (in theory etc)

if you tag someone while talking about them its hardly eavesdropping. You were abusing people publicly and you really expect them not to be angry at you doing that??

whenever i bring negative attention on myself on ilx, i try to take a breath and remind myself that none of it would happen if i hadn't posted in a particular way, or especially if i hadn't posted at all, and that occasionally having people say mean things to/about me is the cost of doing business, especially if business is having somewhere to mouth off on a daily basis and occasionally risk hurting someone else's feelings. lotta bruised egos, very few serious wounds, it's like a playground where things can get a little rough but very rarely does anything really need to be done besides maybe sending someone home with a note.

I deleted a bunch of tweets today because some asshole decided to link directly to them, and every time someone does that, I get a dozen weirdoes trying to follow me. But my Friday afternoon "argh, they've ruined my stupid Friday afternoon thread" tweets appear to be all there in stream of consciousness glory.

It's weird reading old tweets like that, though. I guess I can kind of see how stuff which is all "argh, whoa, I just ate a sandwich, argh, this is the worst!" stream of consciousness at the time reads differently if you're reading it removed in time and place, it seems a lot angrier or more emotional if you are reading these things as permanent records, rather than transient emotional states.

It serves a very different purpose than ILX does, and taking it out of context seems disingenuous.

Over the past year or so, since - and I discussed this on the sandbox last year - the emotions generated by an ILX clusterfuck actually drove me to seek psychological help (Not proud of it, not ashamed of it, not trying to ~manipulate~ anyone by bringing it up, just stating, this was a thing that happened. Sorry for being a human being who is affected by things.) I've tried to keep to a strict policy that if someone on an ILX thread starts getting personal towards me, I leave the thread, immediately. This sometimes feels really really unfair, especially if it's a thread that I've started - but it's for my own wellbeing. So it is what it is.

Sometimes I go to my "kitchen" and have a rant about how unfair it is. But that is what it is, a rant in mine own kitchen. If you come in my kitchen, you sometimes hear me ranting. And then I have a cup of tea and listen to Four Tet remixes and things are OK again. But to take that rant and post it to ILX like "this is the representation of WCC and what she is like all the time, as an ILX poster" - that's way more of a dick move IMO than having a rant in one's kitchen.

having a rant in one's public kitchen with how many followers? In which you say 'here is a representation of x and what they are like all the time as an ilx poster'

http://www.livejournal.com/

but its not in your own kitchen when you tag that person and they and all of your followers can see you having a go at them. Cant you see why that upsets people?

I think it's probably pretty good to leave a thread if it's upsetting and have a rant about it in the kitchen or on fb or in a blog post or whatever you feel. However, Twitter is a public social media service and whether the point is to tell people and get some feedback or you just want to yell into a void that people will see, you're tweeting something people can read and can respond to. Not going to get into who is a bigger dick because honestly I don't care, but it's not the same as someone stalking you back to your home irl and listening in on your kitchen rants.

Sorry for being a human being who is affected by things.

apology accepted

AG, I did not tag Mordy until AFTER he had started going at me on my twitter. I don't mean to be "he started it" but until that point, I had not used his name.

And for the record, AG, I blocked *you* from twitter because you would not stop posting at me. Multiple times in a row, multiple times a day, to the point where my tweet stream was nothing but you going on about a poll I had already told you (several times) that I did not want to participate in.

Asking someone multiple times, after they have already said no, is not likely to make them participate. It is likely to piss them off, and not want to interact with you at all.

I don't dislike you, AG, I think most of the time you're a quite reasonable guy. But when you swamp my social media (like, look at my last.fm wall for your wall of text repeat posting, and I've cleared a lot of your comments out) to the point where it becomes unusable for me - you can't do that. This is why I don't talk to you any more. 1 or 2 messages is OK. Bombarding someone with messages until they respond is not OK.

Sorry that had to be public, but you made that public.

oh my god this thread is getting locked

if the tables were turned it would have been ON like donkey kong in a major way for exactly the same reasons; ie this would still be a clusterfuck. I see no problem in raising it as an issue, because it IS an issue, and it would be for most ilxors.

the fact that it wasn't ever hashed out in private months ago is honestly beyond my comprehension. I will lay my cards on the table and say that I do consider Mordy a good friend. and that twitter was a bridge too far. IM is a kitchen. Twitter is a town hall.

HOWEVER the fact is that this whole thing has been handled terribly for a looooong time by the two involved parties and is almost completely the result of zero useful, mature communication so I have no idea where this ends.

or ilx goes under martial law or the UN sends in their blue dudes or what idk.

no, not banned, but what is the point of talking about ilxors on twitter

wish mordy could confirm when ilx user mordy was first mentioned by name tbh

I will say, if ppl would actually talk TO each other rather than ABOUT or PAST each other, these situations tend to sort themselves out.

There was some random incident a while ago where WCC mentioned my full name in a publicly searchable tweet in response to an argument that originated here; I wrote her saying I didn't use her name in publicly searchable places outside of ILX (and not even here anymore!) and I would appreciate the same courtesy extended in return, and she deleted the tweets with my name in them. PROBLEM SOLVED, and I don't think we've butted heads since.

no, you TAGGED ME! in a tweet. i'm not talking about mordy. Dont turn this around.
You had a go at me on the poll thread then you took it to twitter and actually tagged me in your repeated criticism of the poll. I responded to you angrily for perfectly good reasons and you couldn't accept you were in the wrong so chose to try turn the whole thing round like you're attempting to do so again!

You should not have taken it to twitter and if you wanted it to be private you shouldn't have tagged me!
Stop making things up!

I did not "tag" you, AG. I was responding to your BILLION AND ONE @'s at me. If you see "I don't want to participate in this poll, now PLEASE STOP ASKING" as "having a go" then you have very different ideas about what "having a go" really is.

While it may not be the best look to take things to twitter using ILX names, no, I don't think they should be banned.

man I find these kinds of "issues" tiresome, the way they suck the oxygen out of conversation around here is a bummer

i think we shd see actual quotes backing up assertions otherwise this goes nowhere

twitter=kitchen analogy is ludicrous, but no, I don't think tempbanning is appropriate.

Certain posters don't get along and certain posters REALLY don't get along. It was ever thus.

you are lying wcc. Your tweet was "I can't believe @algerian_goalie is running a rockist poll" I had never tagged you in a post about the poll until I replied to yours. Get your facts straight.

the new jackoff sesh

what was the funniest beef on ilx this one is p humorless like other posters have pointed out

flavorless beef

What started it all

http://i45.tinypic.com/nvceox.jpg

I did not "tag" you, AG.

― White Chocolate Cheesecake,

and yes it is a very minor thing to be upset about. But it's the principle.

that is an odd thing to not believe, in fact it may be the most believable thing that's happened on ILM

i resent being lied about on ilx threads and criticised offboard without a chance to defend myself. I do not hold grudges and if you had apologised it would all have been forgotten, but i will not accept being lied about EVER.

can't believe wcc is a dramaqueen tbh

AG, your sequence of events is different than I remember it. I'm sorry for misremembering. If you want to go on about it for another 300 posts, and board lawyer and call me a liar some more, go right ahead, but stuff like that is the reason I don't talk to you any more.

But you know, DJP OTM times 1000. This was like 3 years ago, when he was still a mod. He wrote me, we talked about it, we resolved it, we've never had a problem since.

It's amazing to me, the number of people on ILX who love talking *about* me, and starting clusterfucks where they hold forth about me, like this is going to turn into, who never actually try that thing of talking *to* me.

There are a number of ILX0rs I have butted heads with, had an email exchange with, and ended up friends with.

I did once, when the beef with Mordy first started, like, a year ago or whenever, try emailing him, but he didn't seem interested in discussing this stuff in private. And it has now gone past the point where that would even be appropriate. He doesn't like me, I don't like him, let's just avoid one another.

And you're right, Shakey Mo, this kind of discussion is really fucking boring. Not least for me. But when a clusterfuck won't die down a week later, and still finds its way into other threads, it's like... "here's my side of the story. Now can we stop this, so I can go back to talking about sea arches and Radiohead remixes?"

Now here is Thom Yorke doing some dumb dad dancing. Can we just laugh at that instead?

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5ownuXsD81rygqbgo8_250.gif

ILX is a regular SSRI filled Bosom Manor!

young, dumb, and full of zoloft

Taking sertraline for the team.

Push-up plunge & paxil

(speaking as the person who suggested the screenshot be deleted: I think it was fair in context that gyac post it to prove herself not a demented, fabricating liar in the face of claims that she was; just that once that had been shown, the shot was better removed.

((it's also fair for someone to vent on their own twitter about something completely vague and unidentifable to their followers. but BB was disingenuous about how this can still be taken by readers at the top of this thread, and outrageous in gaslighting about it yesterday. as noted in other strands of this discussion, simply saying "I'm sorry, I was venting to myself," would have been an alternative option, as would actually realising that the words could be hurtful and that fabricating a context put them in a worse light.)))

gyac - I think seeing as the user was trying to gaslight you then it was relevant to the issue at hand, and I certainly don't blame you for showing your receipts at that time. I wouldn't worry about having a ban sprung on you for it, but yeah, it did make the mods realise we don't have an official policy in place. And the better policy is always "no doxing".

(Another hand up here for the "ripped to the tits on SSRIS" crew, of course.)

Agree with sic but yes, if someone's venting with no names no pack drill on another forum, surely thats their own business right?

I wont get into the "muh private sanctuareeee" concept because its ridic on its face re twitter. Less so FB (you can lock posts to v specific audiences).

I just want to raise one open question

Taking things from peoples social media, or their personal info in general, to ilx is now covered in the faq and absolutely rightly so. We're a long running, intertwined social community and all vulnerable to an extent.

Is there a policy in place answering the question asked in this thread title?

And look, thanks to you and the mods because i think everyone knows that this part of the job is shit

xp im specifically referencing ilxors using other public social media to stir ilx shit in public, for the purposes of clarity- not harmless or malign references off board but just to be super clear i dont think that oblique but obvious references to ilx beef on other public media is actually kosher and while ilx mods cannot control that, we can have a policy in place about whether you get to use ilx while acting that way

There is a policy on the FAQ (which is here: ilxor.com/faq) but tbh it's quite old and I kind of disagree with it.

The current statement is this:

An ILX Poster is hassling me off-board! Do something about it!
"No." is the short but unfortunate answer here. The moderators totally disapprove of people being assholes off-board but our jurisdiction is the board: there really isn't anything we can do about it.

However, there have been cases of clear and deliberate harassment on the boards based on an off-line situation, and in those cases we've tried to act by discouraging or attempting to ban the people involved.

There have also been cases which are online feuds that spill over onto the boards, or where any 'harassment' is blatantly two-way -- if there is somebody you hate on ILX then we suggest for the sake of ILX as a whole and its overall tone that you resolve this off-board if possible.

It's pretty tough to police, but I do think we should be sterner about it than this. Especially when users blatantly distort narratives and slander other ilx0rs. I mean, obviously the policy is correct that we can't do anything about off-board situations, but I think it's pretty clear that we can listen to people who've been treated badly and not let their harassers back.

ty

That wording is so old it predates me, and I think referred to requests that expected mods to do something off-board - which obviously they can’t.

I agree it badly needs an update because posters doing that shouldn’t expect to not have consequences here, no.

All of this kind of makes me love this place even more; people actually care.

I mean, a good example is burrito, who did get FPd to a temp ban, but was permanently banned when it came out that he'd been emailing and zoom-bombing other users in a harassing way. That's a pretty straightforward case of off-board shit being banworthy (and even though I now say it was straightforward, there was still a fair amount of back-and-forth about it).

Having a vent on twitter, especially when you don't actually name names, is much harder to judge, and I think having a strict policy about this would be so difficult to enforce. But I do believe there's more we can do than just throw our hands up and say that it doesn't matter because it's not here.

xp to PBKR agreed, everyone's conduct here other than the ex-poster in question has been exemplary IMO

My conduct wasn't so good tbh, I feel pretty bad about blowing up like I did, especially because I was so angry I didn't even make much sense.

emil.y it's totally OK IMO, it was a completely understandable part of that particular discourse and I for one appreciated it and understood the post was made w/frustration

also, it was in defense of another poster

I think you've been great through al of this and I actually though abt messaging you on FB to tell u that

sorry 4 typos

Oh pish, emil.y, you're the absolute best of us. xps

It made perfect sense, emil.y. It needed to be said.

have to disagree with you there emil.y, really. sleeve otm. and everyone else xpish

the FAQ could probably use a caveat at the top noting how non-updated it is

(I know this has been suggested before, just mentioning while it’s being touched. mb date new entries too?)

Fancy a FAQ?

Ha, now I'm worried it looks like I was fishing for compliments/reassurances. Thanks, guys. I think it's fine to say that it was a pretty ludicrous blowout while still understanding where it came from and why.

the FAQ could probably use a caveat at the top noting how non-updated it is

Agree with this, yeah. Stet's been good at updating bits and pieces but as a whole it's still got a way to go.

Come on, my blow up was worse. I'm the one that was begging them to go away. I'm going to admit to posting a video about seagulls attacking on my FB as a way to quietly vent, but I don't think anyone made the connection.

xp I'm the rebel with the Wellbrutin and the crew neck.

What’s plausible deniability? I don’t know, I’m just a happy-go-lucky pixie of some sort.

is this an acceptable time to point out how funny this was

mayor mccheese of pixies

Mayor McPixie Cheese Girl

omg

Not to be a killjoy but since the issue has been resolved to the board's general satisfaction, maybe we can take advantage of this moment to stop talking about it outside of sprucing up the FAQ? It feels unnecessary and a bit inflammatory regardless of the circumstances to indulge in mocking (obliquely or otherwise) anyone who's not allowed to respond.