Depression and what it's really like

totally. this thread is a good place for you. you're appreciated here. and there are plenty of other cool, talky threads where everyone is cool and not mean. sometimes it's just seeing the forest for the treees etc cliche blah blah

and hey, there's always my tree thread <3 if an ilx beef gets out of hand on the beef thread come here to look at trees

and if shit gets mean, you don't have to stay to defend the castle. just 'remove bookmark from thread' and on you go.

and there's sub-boards too. like my I Love NFL board became a good place for me to get to know some key ilxors at a time when I felt like I wsa about ready to leave. and then you see ilx threads tehy're on and you go play there.

there's ways of coping. it's harder when you're trying to cope with *all* of it. that's impossible and panic-inducing :)

I found ILTMI very safe. Emotionally. Deeply unsafe in other ways of course, but at least nobody judges you there...

well, i don't know. its obviously just me because k3vin's trolling is so "hilarious" and its so much fun for everyone to kick me further down and down. just wish one person really gave fuck one about me beyond "i don't know you, but you aren't bad i guess". just kinda of amazing that i've been posting here for, i believe, 8 years and i still feel like such an outsider.

beyond the four or five tryin to make you feel better (whether you agree with them or not) for the past hour itt?

you gotta not focus on the bad guys. there's some of us who like you, like dmac says. kev's not here now is he? that's all that really matters.

everyone's so kicked back and jaded that when someone reacts, or overreacts, or whatever, that some ppl find that amusing, and like to feed the flames and at that point pretty much everyone else is trolling.

maybe it would help to figure out what sets you off, either topics or specific posters and just give those a wide berth til you're up for it. no-one's going to be captain save a jon...I mean, no one's ever really been captain save a Veg (to be fair I try to avoid those situations in the first place because I'm a huge baby and easily wounded). You have to save yourself. You have to be your own counsel.

and if it's a pattern you find yourself in frequently, then ppl just start to characterize you in that way, and wait for it to happen. you become that guy. even if you're railing against it. you know?

so i'm already "that guy" then and its too late?

Ofc it's not too late.

Creating a new account and not doing anything to link it to your old one in ppl's minds might be the easiest, most effective help for you that doesn't require anyone else's cooperation.

lol awesome. better to just give this place up then. lol. going to go hang out on 4chan now i guess. bye guys.

you can always, always change it. you can change it right now. eliminate the negative, focus on the positve for a while, at least as far as ilx is concerned. put up a few no-go zones, go back through your recent posts even and find the threads where you have had just chill, good interactions, and hang with those.

Because clearly some ppl do find it hilarious and will not stop clowning you no matter what and it's not going to get them permabanned or anything, so, focus on solutions that you can implement on your own.

boxall not otm.

No-one's telling you that you deserve it or that you reap what you sow or whatever.

All that's being said is that you can change the way *you* perceive things, by changing who you interact with and where.

You can do really really small tiny things to just at least get rid of the things that are making you miserable *right now*, in ILX. But only if you want to. You don't have to do that. You can leave. But from what you've said I feel like you do get something out of being here, or there's something keeping here. So find out what that is?

xp Really? OK. You did get I wasn't justifying the shit he takes or advising him to leave ILX right? Just to try a fresh start under a new name, I mean what % of ILX regulars have done that at some point? Over 50?

jon calling out kev on its own thread is just asking for more misery.
you know that. I know you know that.

but if you ever need to come back in here and talk, there's people here who will let you talk and will listen.

xp

Guy has insecurities, feels like an outsider, so you suggest the best solution is to pretend to be somebody else altogether, like no connections he has now are worth anything and nothing he does will ever redeem his current incarnation, i.e. self? Dick move imo.

just kinda of amazing that i've been posting here for, i believe, 8 years and i still feel like such an outsider.

Dude, this totally describes me (at least since the handful of ILXors I knew IRL split forever ago). Being an outsider here is pretty far from the end of the world, and there's a kind of liberation to feeling slightly invisible if you just let yourself feel it rather than struggling to be in the in-crowd.

xp We're all "pretending to be somebody else altogether" because we're writing words on the internet. This isn't my "self." And it doesn't sound like he has "connections" he values here. That's fine, neither do I, it's just talking on the internet.

So if he likes ILX for music, etc. discussion, but ppl's desire to clown him gets in the way of that, go incognito, I hardly think it's an offensive proposition, but do you have a more practical piece of advice?

And it doesn't sound like he has "connections" he values here. That's fine, neither do I,

;_;

would connect with darragh

it has to be this way deems, I know you'd break my heart if I let you inside

tbh he wasn't looking for practical advice he was looking for an excuse to further wallow and/or to boss everyone about re: one extremely silly recurring joke. i like him, hope he returns post-haste in better form but he wasn't interested in engaging with anything anyone had to say to him today, from softy-lovely-listeny VG (<3) to blunt-arsehole-me

xp :D

Sorry boxall, I snapped a bit there. However, I don't adopt a pose online, and I suspect that Jon does / did not either. He may not have had great connections here, but he said himself that he didn't have anywhere else to go. I got the impression he was *looking* for connections, and in that case, telling him to adopt a new identity kinda underlined everything he was unhappy about.

sadly dmac otm...in another universe we might make a good tag team, lol :)

No offense taken! but I think keeping internet personae separate and distinct from our 'selves' is healthy and if the former j/v/c gives it a shot on ILX under a new name with no baggage he might be pleasantly surprised.

for the record you've been pretty dickish to me so I guess it kinda comes around man

the only time I've gotten real p.o.'d at ilx is when someone thought i was deat5hdrone. also i think someone insulted my peronal appearance once which was a little uncalled for. what kev did was pretty tame IMO

not to go all WCC itt but can the meta/talking about people who aren't here anymore go elsewhere?

ppl were here twenty mins ago but fair enough

not to derail things or anything, but have a depresso question. how on earth do you find real emotional support for this stuff? never had no one, man, got no mom or dad, etc. first person in my life who ever showed me support was a girl from europe i met in nyc who alas disappeared on some global adventure. so the whole idea of having someone in your life who genuinely gives a damn is a total mystery to me. whenever i make some progress with this stuff, it's basically a day before i get burned out and totally bummed. doing everything 100% alone (like, real alone, not depressed alone) is pretty tough going.

it can take a long time to find a person or people to rely on.

that isn't, you know, someone you're paying for the service

xp jon - i ilxmailed you, hopefully it doesn't go to an ancient account you no longer have

yeah, i understand that. it's just tough going at first ... have to break through the depression with no emotional support at all to get to a point to develop it. i've made it this far and accomplished a good deal while pretty much being alone in the world, so i can probably do this, too. wouldn't recommend it, though.

i'm in an outpatient program for my bipolar disorder right now, meets every day from 8:45 to 11:45 am. it's v expensive, like $100 / day, though otoh that's actually a pretty good deal compared to my therapist and psych who charge $100 for 45 minutes. will let everyone know how it goes. after 24 days of intensive work i am supposed to feel better. i just did day three. will let everyone know how it goes.

gl. gl all.

good luck, tlg, that sounds really intense. I hope you get something out of it.

me too

good luck TLG. let us know how it goes.

good luck dude, hope it helps

good luck tlg

word

So i've been kinda down lately. Fortunately i had to go to the grocery store today, and since I don't have a car, it's an hour and a half walk both ways. Got home feeling like a million bucks!!

Exercise really is a great, natural cure. Ever since i lost my car I've been walking everywhere and as a result, even when i do get depressed, it doesn't hit me as hard.

Plus walking is sort of like meditating, you can go at whatever pace you want, just let your mind wander the entire time, and not have to talk to anyone.

Getting groceries usually makes me feel a little better, too.

finding a therapist is harder than I realized. tried 7 so far over the course of a few weeks, and they're all booked solid. will have to try 7 more. it's very frustrating feeling like you have noone to turn to, especially when overwhelming emotions take hold. when that happens you aren't on your A game, and other people easily forget about you. it's a vicious cycle. i'm jealous as hell of people who have parents, family, close friends they can call on, but that's not helpful. i feel like i'm driving on 70mph on a road with a BRIDGE OUT sign at the end of it.

keep trying

it's an annoying obstacle, but keep going