Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together
I showed her how to rub her fingers together

She's going to die of Sort-Kwik poisoning!

Get her a rubber finger. She'll probably blind herself with it and then you'll have to teach her how to use dictation software.

someone has made it too hot in herre

take off all your clothes

irl lols

carl, she uses rubber finger tips. apparently without incident, even.

jon via chicago! A federal just in Denver just awarded a guy $7.3mil in damages in the first successful consumer popcorn lung lawsuit. Keep that in your back pocket in case your popcorn crazed coworker continues to fill your office with diacetyl fumes.

Maybe I can launch this into a lucrative second-hand suit for unwanted exposure to diacetyl fumes.

Dear co-worker: If you have time to both call me (while I happen to be away from my desk) AND to send me an email that says nothing more than "Ring me when you have sec ;)" you have time to tell me what the fuck you want, you passive-aggressive jerk.

Just got cc'd on an email which contained the phrase "would be great to hear your thoughts." So I replied with my thoughts, and received the following reply from my immediate supervisor: "Thanks for your input, but hold off on commenting; it’s not really a majority vote." Um, I was pretty sure opinions were being solicited.

u_u

-what do you think?
-well i um
-NO ONE ASKED YOU

Happens at my co kind of often because they're only asking for opins from the IMPORTANT people on the email.

Yeesh.

Also hate that "call me when you get a chance" bullshit. Tell me what you want! That's what leave a message means!!!

I am def included as a lower-level peon who will be tasked w carrying out the wishes of the more august contributors--but not to actually speak.

carl otm

Some people are really terrible at leaving messages, tbf. I would rather be able to to interrupt them. (pvmic)

email person x, who says please call me at this number at this time to talk
call at that number, that time - and I ask if I have called at a bad time.
no this is not a bad time, etc.
person x asks a question, I start to give a detailed answer since this is a good time to talk
person x interrupts my answer and asks if I can email him the information

THEN WHY DIDN'T WE JUST DO ALL OF THIS VIA EMAIL
RAAAAGGGGGH KILL U

Get email from co-worker to ring person in the outside world I've never heard of who left me a message I don't understand about something that I don't recognise.

So I ring him, am on hold for 30 mins while they find him, and then he doesn't know what he called me for, and he starts asking me questions that make no sense in an effort to prompt his own memory. He's obviously afraid that this might be important, so he ignores my attempts to get off the phone and keeps chasing down non-leads from his failing memory. In the end I just had to hang up on him.

He's probably kind of bummed out and worried himself; you should call him back and team up to complain to your co-worker.

coworker 2 cubicles down from me -- I do actually like him 95% of the time, he's a very sweet and fun guy. But he is very tightly wound and the slightest problem will make him yell loudly at his desk, or storm over to our cubicles and start ranting.
Even worse when he's watching sports. So the Giants being in this current MLB playoff thing is not good for him. He's listening to the playoff at his desk and every 30 seconds he's like NO or GODDAMMMMMMIT or WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT or YOU'VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME

I want to kill him rn

I love sports, I completely understand being engaged in yr team and rooting for them but the way he roots makes me fear that he is going to put his fist through something inanimate and it's kind of awkward to be around

(no real concern over him doing this at his desk, that's not realy the rant - it's dead around here today, even the managers are stopping by his desk to check the scores, lol)

i got the same guy working next to me except he hates sports. one of the best workers i've ever worked with but every time the phone rings or he get's an email it's panic in chaos city.

::phone rings:: Oh JEEZ ::exasperated sigh::

One of the partners could not log in to the scanner so my co-worker was entrusted to fix it. He went back and forth with the main office over THREE DAYS trying to get some resolution. As it turns out the partner was using the wrong login. It was entirely his fault. Co-worker almost died from stress.

Partner: I expect you to "actively" pursue this problem.
Co-worker:

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR6gVS1okhCz43Zzkz0U-8E6PFvBvqT_gRfPbmHav0KXfSfJr6h

And people like that never apologise for being wrong either (cf my boss upthread)

I sit by the Town Crier Who's Always 24 Hours Behind. Today, I got to hear her go "Oh, no!" *heavy sigh* "Everyone, Alex Karras died."

"Now, he was also a football player at one time, right?"

*heavy sigh* is u&k

Me, to bike messenger dispatcher: Hello, I was quoted a delivery time of 4:45 or sooner on a rush order, but so far no one has even picked it up. That firm may close early

Dispatcher: Well sir, it's only just 4:47 right now.

Right, so it should have been delivered by now, but the envelope is still here, and their office is going to close soon.

Okay, but what I'm saying is that it's just barely past 4:45. That's only two minutes, sir.

:-|

oy

Did you eventually make him realize he was stupid?

She put me on hold to call the messenger just as he walked in the door. His phone rang after he left. The dispatcher told me, "It's en route. He said he picked it up five minutes ago."

Presumably he lied, but why would she - I just ???

There's a girl in my office who likes to pull the "lol I'm so dumb" card to attract attention to herself, like as in she frequently brags about being bad at spelling and pronouncing words; encourages people to give her "quizzes" so she can blatantly mangle words and collapse in a giggling fit while people tell her that she's "something else" or whatever; constantly comes into work with "oh man you're not gonna believe the dumb thing I did last night/this morning" stories; etc.

Anyway, yesterday she sent out an e-mail, then recalled it and resent it with words that were previously spelled correctly now misspelled. This morning I overheard her telling someone that she thought no one was able to read an e-mail if she recalled it.

thqt's wierd.

i kown, rite?

the "lol i'm so dumb" thing is the worst thing on earth

But he is very tightly wound and the slightest problem will make him yell loudly at his desk, or storm over to our cubicles and start ranting.

I work with a guy like this. It's like he's training for the Olympic 400m Exasperated Sigh.

We have a software system named after an explorer -- I'll call it Vespucci -- and he just yelled "FUCK YOU, VESPUCCI!"

the "lol i'm so dumb" thing is the worst thing on earth

God yes.

I recommend the blunt emotionless approach. "Do you put on a dumb act to lower expectations of your performance?"

i guess it might be fun to have a dumboff dumbdown to highlight the absurdity of taking pride in being dumb and even using it to gain attention. just keep the conversation going, challenging her to bring herself to reach new dumb valleys. if you get stuck you can just stutter and then say "...I forgot the word THE! ahahahahhaha" to bring yourself back into the dumboff dumbdown. first one to lick the wall (for whatever reason) wins

Dumboff dumbdown sounds like a good idea but with my luck I'd end up getting way too into it and falling out the window or something.

first one to lick the wall (for whatever reason) wins

hahahaha

it's possible that she once participated in a dumboff dumbdown in an ironic way, ended up winning, and then forgot that it was all an act

there's a dude on my team, nice enough guy, but he's fascistically positive like he's trying to force people to like him. "what's up rockin dude, how's your AWESOME day/?!?" "you're awesome, he's awesome, you're all AWESOME!!!" it's like if ned flanders merged with stuart smalley and became a used car salesman.

Those are usually the guys who sit alone on the commode at night, crying while holding a pistol to their temple.

oh we have a guy like that except it's like he has inner ear problems because he always shouts. The worst is waiting for the elevator in the lobby and you don't hear him coming. Without you even turning around he'll give you a boombing GOOD MORNING!!! HOW ARE YOU? as you jump 3 feet in the air and spend the next 10 minutes regaining composure.
He's scared the living crap out of me on countless occasions.
But it's like he's running for mayor. FABULOUS HOW ARE YOU? THAT'S FANTASTIC GREAT TO HEAR!! HAVE A TERRIFIC DAY!!!

and pplains is 100% otm

running for mayor's a good way to put it. wouldn't be surprised about the gun to temple thing. sometimes he'll let some dark things slip out, like "god I suck so much..." in the same cadence as his uhhh ... other effluences. whenever he's on the scene the room fills with this oppressive, phoney-sounding positivity. i just want to tell him "c'mon man, be real! we already like you."

Dear co-worker who sits half the office away from me: shut up. Shutupshutupshutupshutup shut the fuuuck upppppp. Shut up about X Factor. Shut up about your coffee mug. Shut up about the equality training video. Shut up about the film you were talking about yesterday. SHUT UPPPPPPPPP I AM TRYING TO WORK

nevermind, on further inspection, i do not like mayor of awesometown. may frankenstorm tear off the roof over his head and whisk him away to far off lands.

What happened?