your terrible ideas

http://www.uneedabolt.com/

growing up, i had a t-shirt from these guys that read "DON'T GLUE IT, SCREW IT!"

a biography of Steve Howe called "Howe's Life"

Gundam Style

(google suggests that i am not to be the first to think of this)

^^^ see also 'Gangbang Style: A XXX Pr0n Parody'

A retro computer consumables shop called 'Mr. Floppy'.

Also, the employees can answer the phone with "Hello, Mr. Floppy."

A chopped'n'screwed version of the Sopranos called the Baritones

A German 'Skyfall' parody called 'Durchfall'.

iPhone games:

• 'Counting Pebbles On A Beach' - a screen full of pebbles, you have to count them by tapping on them. The game keeps count, but not on screen. It also won't tell you if you've tapped on the same pebble twice, so you could double count some pebbles. After you've tapped all the pebbles, the game asks you how many pebbles there are. Get it wrong and the game won't tell you how many pebbles there really are.
• 'Press The Button' - a large button in the middle of the screen. A voice says "Press the button!", and when you press the button the voice says "Well done!", then says "Press the button!" again, ad infinitum.
• 'Watching Paint Dry' - just a static image of a painted wall. Out of all these games it probably has the longest playing time. Actually would probably be good value for a $1 iPhone game, because most $1 games you realise they're crap after about 30 seconds, but with this one, people would be staring at the screen for quite a long time wondering if something was supposed to happen.

'Press The Button' - a large button in the middle of the screen. A voice says "Press the button!", and when you press the button the voice says "Well done!", then says "Press the button!" again, ad infinitum.

Would buy.

can i purchase upgrades for different types of buttons?

Dev team is snowed under right now making different coloured walls for 'Watching Paint Dry'.

Canadian Dancehall comp called "Driver, Eh?"

A show called Downtown Abby, about a girl called Abby who lives downtown. I think it's solid.

Rock Band: Tin Machine

I love that

i drew up some plans for a "prog band" video game, it was a good idea as a single frame comic i guess, but a bad idea for a game. particularly the flautist part, presented a hygiene quandary

http://i161.photobucket.com/albums/t214/ZachRScott/guitarroxyhero.gif

iirc

Rock Band: Neu! or Rock Band: Sunn o))) would be good too

urc

someone in knox referenced that gif irl the other day

Still holding out for, like, Rock Band: Steve Reich or Rock Band: Laurie Anderson. Rock Band: Max Tundra ideally, for me.

Rock Band: U.S. Maple

rock band: unknown grade z touring band

part of it involves using a giant steering wheel controller and driving an old fucked up bus

That would be like the 'Desert Bus' minigame from Penn & Teller's Smoke & Mirrors.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwjJ284ViaM&feature=related

Painstakingly researched 3-volume (800 pages each) biography of Subway mascot Jaded Fogel

That would be amazing because obviously, only the first volume would ever come out.

Fogel, Volume 1
Age 0-17: the Jaded Years

lol

Gameshow concept: Are You Smarter Than A Three Year Old?

Are You Taller Than A Three Year Old?

Investment marketing idea: in the mold of the BRIC nations (i.e. the idea that you should invest in Brazil, Russia, India and China as the hot emerging markets), promote the BENZ nations: Burma, Eritrea, New Zealand.

The PUKE nations: invest in Paraguay, Ukraine, Kenya and Estonia.

BLING: Bangladesh, Laos, Indonesia, Namibia and Gabon

The COCK nations: Cameroon, Oman, Chad, Kuwait.

I kind of wish I had a platform to set up fake portfolios and see how these would do against each other

i think google and yahoo let you do this.

I'm torn between trying to get my colleagues in the Warsaw office to include CRUMPERS (Croatia, Romania, Ukraine, Montenegro, Poland, Estonia, Russia, Serbia) or GRUMBLERS (Georgia, Romania, Ukraine, Montenegro, Bosnia, Latvia, Estonia, Russia, Serbia) in their 2013 strategy plan.

hahaha GRUMBLERS is awesome

An electronic device to reduce procrastination in the office. It attaches to the wall, and every half an hour (or less depending on the needs of your particular office) blares out a version of the Bee Gee's 'You Should Be Dancing', but with the lyrics changed to 'You Should Be Working'.

just read the lyrics to that song for the first time and realized it's *not really about dancing*

"printerest" -- a pinterest-style site for the prurient interest

"printerrest" - a plastic armrest for you to lean against while waiting for your slow-as-balls printer to print one bloody side of A4.

(could also have a built in screen that shows you stupid stuff currently being posted to pinterest)

"The Jersey Wire" -- a cross between Jersey Shore and The Wire.

That's all I got so far.

Film criticism that takes catering into account

A stand-up comedy duo called Piss & Vinegar, like Little & Large, but with jokes.

St. Ives Malt Liquor: a malt beverage with skin-beautifying properties

could also feature Burl Ives in the commercials.

I once had an idea for a '_____ For Dummies'-style series of basic explainer books called "What Part of _____ Do You Not Understand?"

reggae/jam band called "Fiscal Spliff"