Have You Ever Shit Your Pants?

I also once shat my pants, aged 23, to amuse a girl.

I'm all about making mincemeat outta punks, but I'm basically a regular guy.

I have shit myself! It sucks!

well mofo you never fronted for ours. remember the junkyard?

That's because outside ILX no one in their right mind would ever admit that it happened to them. Especially to a woman. I mean, could you imagine?!

But then, I know a girl who dumped her then-boyfriend because he came back after a lengthy night on the piss and shat himself. In bed.

but a few 4th of julys ago a few friends and i watched the fireworks in boston, ate ice cream, and wandered around to find the car. one of them (i'll call him bob) announced he needed to use the bathroom, so we spend a while finding out that all the public toilets were closed for the night. so we got in the car and started to drive towards the countryside, where we were staying. suddenly, bob pulls over next to a park that's one of those small triangle greens between traffic directions. he got out of the car and shouted. 'drive!' to me, who had to scramble over the seats to get to the drivers' seat. people were honking at us the whole time, of course. my other friend and i pulled away just in time to see bob pull down his pants and sit down on a garbage bin in the park. we met him outside a pancake house nearby, where he'd gone to clean up. luckily he has a great sense of humor, because it was awful, but the other friend and i couldn't keep a straight face (especially when other friend offered him a 'wet ones' moist towelette)

bob has since decided that he is at least a little lactose intolerant, and we make sure to hang out near ice cream parlors to use their bathroom...

so, yeah. even though it's pretty gross, poop stories can make me laugh like crazy.

Who is that P dude? jeez!

A story from a friend who'd been in the Air Force:

When I was stationed at Columbus AFB, MS there was a real arrogant asshole instructor pilot.

One day he was flying a cross country trip and had to go. But a T-38 is a tiny 2 seater jet fighter trainer = no toilet. Too bad. Had to go. So he did. Now, he was sitting in it. Mmmmmm.

But guess what? Part of the training for that flight was aerobatic maneuvers. Pulling g's resulted in the diarrhea, that had up until now just been pooled around his butt, now being pulled throughout his flight suit - including up his neck and into his helmet.
And people wonder if there's a God....

Ok I am not eating anymore. Thanx Dan!

I believe U!!

oh and recently at a club i heard and unfortunately smelt what can only be described as an attack of dysantry followed by a prolapse going on in a cubicle - i nearly fainted it was that bad

always kinda excited when this thread is revived

1nce or fore times since i was tewelve, but who r u to judge, only god can judge my anus

― Pooping Christ, Thursday, July 31, 2008 1:06 AM (7 years ago)

I like Neanderthal's story but I'm kinda boggling at the idea that 5 minutes is a "quick dump"

For what my stomach was doing I was feeling like a 20 minute session was on deck. So lucky

fair enough. I guess I'm more selfish than you are because I wouldn't have had much compunction about hogging the bathroom for however it took to resolve the issue.

(kid friendly)

There's just something about shit-your-pants stories that makes them the funniest things on earth.
― Dan I. (Dan I.), Monday, December 15, 2003 3:27 AM bookmarkflaglink

I think it's the shit in pants part.
― oops (Oops), Monday, December 15, 2003 3:43 AM bookmarkflaglink

I shared this exchange with my friend and she quotes it incessantly now. 19 years after it was made!

I am struck by how the tenor of this board has changed since the early aughts.

-- oops (Oops)

From The Athletic:

It was 2001, and the Seahawks played the http://i.imgur.com/QbYzHTH.jpg in D.C. Tobeck felt fine on the flight over and fine that afternoon, but in the evening, his stomach started sounding alarms.

“I guess violent would be the word for it,” he says.

It was so bad that the team quarantined him, moving out roommate Steve Hutchinson. Tobeck didn’t come out of his room, but by Sunday afternoon — and with the help from some medication designed to clog him up — he thought he could play.

“I’ll never forget Holmgren,” Tobeck says. “I walked by Holmgren before the game and he just looked at me, real serious, and said, ‘Tough it out.’”

Backed by those uplifting words from his coach, Tobeck took the field for the first series of the game. He was locked in hand-to-hand combat with Dan Wilkinson, a 340-pound defensive tackle nicknamed Big Daddy.

“I’ve got to deal with the stomach issues, plus I have to deal with Big Daddy,” Tobeck says.

Then, disaster. Shaun Alexander took a handoff and, without anywhere else to go, rammed into Tobeck.

Say Tobeck: “Knocked the wind out of me, knocked everything else out of me.”

Tobeck stayed in the game, but when he finally left the field, he asked the trainers and equipment staff for a new pair of pants. And a bucket.

“I would come off to the sideline and there was a bucket there, and the poor guys had to stand around me with a towel,” he says. “I was shitting in a bucket on the sideline during a game.”

Tobeck, it’s worth pointing out, played center, and at some point during the game, a trainer had the sense to walk over to quarterback Matt Hasselbeck and tell him he might want to stop licking his fingers.

THIS is the kind of sports journalism that I pay quality money for.

while i am not a sports person i am charmed by the image of quarterbacks licking their fingers during a game. i presume this is to make for a stickier grip? or just because quarterback fingers are delicious?? the quarterback mouth germs must be astonishing. entire new forms or life could be brewing in there. tiny mutant football players spilling out of their mouths. perhaps that is where rugby players come from.

Is this the most successful thread I've ever started here, or is it the "unavailable sodas you've known and loved" one? I hope it's the latter.

Well, you should look at quality, not quantity. That said, this is your most successful thread