Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

married dude (5'11") whose wife is 6'1" here to vouch for shorter mans relationships WORKIN
she towers over me in heels, doesnt wear them much but not on my account

crabbott otm.

While I feel like listing a height requirement is a little extreme I can understand the inclination esp if a lot of these guys are apparently overestimating how tall they are. I once dated a really tiny guy (like 5'3" and very very slight) and I can't lie - it became an issue for me. I hated having to admit it but it just felt really weird. :( It was a big difference though not an inch or two.

i was recently 'chosen' by a woman. on her page she's all like my dream business just went bankrupt, my dog died, might leave town in two months, who knows, my life totally sucks right now, etc.

guess i've still got it!

The last time that happened to me it was a satanist in clown makeup (like Emmett Kelly style not ICP style) who typed in all caps.

she's all like my dream business just went bankrupt, my dog died, might leave town in two months, who knows, my life totally sucks right now

WTF would anyone say that about themselves on a dating site for!?

bene gesserit do you want constructive criticism wrt your profile? cause it's mostly awesome.

WTF would anyone say that about themselves on a dating site for!?

No kidding. You have to learn how to keep the wreckage of your life implicit.

Haha :) tbh as it is I regret letting out any of my woes AFTER Ive started dating someone let alone using it as a selling point.

also screw it, mine's bali dj, except with no space in between the two words. very clever i know! my band's name sucks too, i'm not very good at coming up with clever names i guess. would be curious to have my encapsulation of personality / best foot forward ruthlessly critiqued

xpost

Yeah. Hence the reason why I explicitly state in my profile that me actually dating anyone just now isn't the best idea ever. At least until this footwear hurricane has passed and I can be relatively certain that the shoes have stopped dropping.

i'll take constructive criticism! as long as it's not too harsh since my morale is not at it's highest!

well, i did something i never do with people who live in my own city, and asked out two people in the city i'm visiting next week, and have a tentative yes from one and definite yes from the other! that was easy! and both seem very cool. the definite yes is moving to brooklyn in a few months too so hey who knows.

well hey maybe i should just shuddup then!

but then again i already just finished writing all this out ;) i *hope* this isn't to harsh? don't take it as a personal critique, right? it's just how to word your profile ok?

so almost all of your page is filled with great, appealing answers that give people something to approach you about, and overall it's a great profile that should be getting you lots of attention...

BUT: re: "being happy with your life, having your shit together, don't feel like you need a boyfriend or a husband..." etc in your about me section... when i hear things along those lines in dating profiles i usually think "ok, she's *trying to tell herself that* but is actually the exact opposite, and perhaps a basket of neuroses as well" and it's a little red flaggy. maybe a like when a dude says "i'm a nice guy! no really!" in his profile?

especially when followed up at the contact me if: section with "please be on top of your emotional health and don't say meant things to people and so on" thing. when i read that i think "ok some guy was a complete psycho douche-bag to this lady, perhaps recently, and it sure made an impression. and now i'm gonna have to spend every minute of every date proving i'm not that guy, only to eventually say something innocuous and have it interpreted as a terrible thing. and then, worst case scenario maybe but not entirely implausible, have everything she wanted to say to the terrible ex be told to me, as if *i'd* done it to her, in a crowded restaurant, on like our 2nd date."

even though i'm sure this wouldn't be the case with you, that's kinda what i'd think reading that. sorry? i guess it's the equivalent of a guy saying "and don't be all X and Y and Z, i hate that! (subtext: like my ex-girlfriend who i'm still hung up on)" i mean it's a dating profile, just accentuate the positive and stuff, right?

also your pictures are all great but okcupidblog would probably tell you to lead with the second, over-the-shoulder shot and put the ones of you on stage second and maybe yellow chandelier/mirror shot 3rd? action shots and a certain kind of flirtatious look are Scientifically Proven To Work Better apparently

ok i am now prepared to have my profile eviscerated in turn :)

messiah, your profile was great with the exception of the hopefully tongue-in-cheek ph4t be4tz mention and also (old?) photo of you and soul patch.

messiah you dont look a thing like I expected for some reason. I dont knwo what I was expecting, ha.

(pic of jesus)

tongue-in-cheek is so hard to pull off over the internet! yes pH4T b34Tz is obviously meant to be tongue-in-cheeky but it's also a pretty accurate description of what i do for a living. fwiw when i said "A Woman Of Quality" ~500 messages back i meant it with a similar sort of intention - like, an honest description, yet recognizing that the whole concept is sorta ridiculous to begin with? yet, that's actually exactly what i mean anyway?

also, why am i ending all my sentences with a question mark now?

pic w/soul patch = me walking on the beach? yeah that one's the oldest, i wondered if i should keep it. but it was taken by an milano fashion photographer who does magazine covers! we hired him to take band shots when he was just starting out and as a return favor did our photos again for the same price 2 years later when he was already very sought after and god damn he sure made me look good so surely i ought to throw that photo in with the rest? also subtext: i know where some damn nice beaches are.

fwiw the rest are all pretty-to-very recent and in the spirit of showing my best side without actively trying to fool anyone into thinking i'm something i'm not

b_g, I understand what messiahwannabe is saying but I would keep the rest. I think it's a wonderful profile. It's happy and friendly without trying too hard, and it's honest.

i'll take constructive criticism! as long as it's not too harsh since my morale is not at it's highest!

No joke but your's is probably among the best profiles I've seen in my week and a half of scouring profiles. Maybe I am just uncorrupted by okcupid's mendacity but it felt very sincere in an endearing way. You also seem more than interesting, so...

messiah you dont look a thing like I expected for some reason. I dont knwo what I was expecting, ha.

trayce i picture you as looking like this one female friend i have, for no reason at all. b_g i never expected it to be true but i basically imagined you as my hazy remembrances of the gene besserit in david lynch's dune (combined with however i pictured them in the novels - maybe like the nuns at my catholic school, except with psychic powers?)

b_g, i also understand what messiah is saying but otoh is written in such a natural and relaxed way it kinda gets round that - i think its a great profile

i basically imagined you as my hazy remembrances of the gene besserit in david lynch's dune (combined with however i pictured them in the novels - maybe like the nuns at my catholic school, except with psychic powers?)

This is basically true.

She lulls you into complacency by appearing harmless and effervescent and then uses the Voice to command you to order another drink.

hahaha laurel <3 i try not to abuse the voice too much.

thanks for the profile feedback, everyone. i get what messiah is saying and to be honest i did add that bit at the end about wanting someone on top of their emotional health not to do/say cruel things after my last dating experience (and possibly ever so passive aggressively in case that person looks at my profile!!! shhhh). i could probably take it out. but i guess i don't know why the part in the about me section doesn't come off as sincere and instead makes me seem more neurotic because that's not what i'm trying for at all. i feel the least neurotic point in my life that i have ever been, but it was hard won from lots of therapy and work. so i guess it seems a little cynical to me that people would automatically assume i mean the opposite of what i'm saying.

I didn't get that impression with you, but I do often get the impression with some people that they're trying to sell their well-adjustedness a little too hard. And as I may have mentioned somewhere upthread, I've seen this in the profiles of people I've dated and who I know to be pretty far from even-keeled. So I guess it's just important to keep in mind that that particular tack sometimes gets people's skepticism hackles up. Genuine kudos for feeling like you're on solid ground, though!

I wanted to try and stick it out a little longer this time, but the week I had to wait to deactivate my account again is almost up and I'm just not feeling it. I think I may be over that particular venue altogether but curiosity keeps sucking back into it.

Someone emailed me and we went to about 6 msgs back and forth and then his suddenly got shorter and shorter and I'm taking the hint and not replying to the last one. Wtf, men of OKC? I realize it's pointless to wonder what "went wrong" or w/e, and I'm not that invested in it, but if you can't take the heat, definitely next time u should write to someone who will flirtatiously run with your kinda presumptuous comments and pamper your ego. Which is not me. Hold your own or gtfo.

Ain't just men. Every burst of seeming interest I encounter on OKC eventually tapers off (or just abruptly stops altogether). I feel like the site is full of flighty/flaky people anymore. Or people who are trying to do excessive pre-date vetting?

Trying to think of non-mean-sounding way to say "or maybe your conversations aren't as interesting to them as they are to you?" Like, people have different interests and different conversational styles and that's fine, yours/theirs might not work for everyone.

Have you never had a conversation that tapered off from your side as you realised that it just wasn't happening for you? I know I have.

xpost

And I should point out that it didn't used to be like that. I went out on a lot of OKC dates back in the day and am still friendly with some of those people. It was mostly pretty casual and fun back then, but it just doesn't seem to work that way anymore.

WCC: yeah it's totally that, and yes he's entitled to do that. I'm just bitching about it. It was just the feeling that I was kinda giving him a pass on some comments he made but I kept it going and now HE drops it? Whatevs!

Laurel, why on earth were you giving someone a pass on comments which irked you? You have no obligation to communicate with anyone.

I was giving him another chance to strike a better note! I didn't want to drop someone cute and apparently functional over slightly mis-judging the tone of an email.

I think what failed correspondences are doing is making me more and more sure that a p high level of conversational agility is an absolute requirement for me. I've been telling myself for years that I should give ppl who weren't that adept with language a chance and try to appreciate our differences and stuff but that turns out to be a terrible idea.

yeah. i've been trying to email someone back but something they said in the last email slightly annoyed me a bit, and i was trying to just power through, but it somehow killed all my enthusiasm for the person, and i think i'm just going to drop it

Ha, Laurel, I was going to ask "was he hott or something?"

Look, it's fine. You like what you like. If conversational agility is a big turn-on for you then it's fine to look for that. Sometimes email isn't a good indicator of whether a person has conversational agility (have had brilliant conversations w people via email who couldn't string a sentence together down the pub and vice versa) but sometimes if you're not really feeling it and trying to force something against your better judgement, the other person is having the same vibe.

(In something totally unrelated, I just wish my lust-bone wasn't so damn self sabotaging sometimes.)

apparently i am fun in a flawed but interesting way. haha

have had brilliant conversations w people via email who couldn't string a sentence together down the pub and vice versa

yeah, in email and written communication, I can take all the time I need to find the right word, sometimes calling on the electronic thesaurus to help. Can't do that talking at the pub, and on rare occasion just go silent in the middle of a sentence because the word I'm reaching for I just can't think of right away. I thus sometimes come across more eloquently in writing than in person (although obv. sometimes am ineloquent even in writing)

^^ high language ego

See, I just flap my hands about and spout out words at random, around the meaning of the word I'm looking for, until it comes. I probably come off like a lunatic, but hey oh well.

i should try that

If you're really lucky, it will become a game with your conversational partner, to try and guess the word.

yeah, always fun when that sort of thing happens. Any sort of spontaneous game you make up on the spot

Something I didn't want to type earlier at work (and probably should go on the vagaries of dating thread but oh well I am putting it here.)

Like I needed a sharp refresher course in the difference between proceptive desire and arousability.

I have met someone off a site who is really smart and attractive and kind of amazes me and we have a great time hanging out, but it's all very intellectual (this is a good thing) and we're taking it very slowly (because neither of us know what the hell we want and that's OK) and I'm trying to figure out if it's an attraction or a friendship - like, I find them attractive both physically and intellectually, but it's like we're feeling each other out slowly to see if we're compatible - and that's all great. I'm feeling really comfortable and mature about that process, I think it's a good thing.

But then someone has just been hired at work, and it would ~completely~ be inappropriate on every level and this person is half my age and whoa just... no. So not gonna happen. And yet on an arousal level, like, every time this person is even near me it's like the hairs on the back of my neck prickle up with lust. And it just feels like my hormones are just doing this just to fuck with me. Like "what you feel for this other person is not animal lust, *this* is animal lust, had you forgotten what it felt like ha ha hahahahahah?"

Basically... ARGH.

In my experience, animal lust often gets churned up by people who are maybe completely wrong for you in every (non-sexual) way. It's gotten to the point that whenever I'm feeling heavy sexual chemistry with someon, I'm usually very wary of anything resembling our long-term prospects. And I'm usually right.

i know, it's always like that. and then i just go for it anyway, damn the torpedoes! isn't that how you're supposed to live life?

No.

My quiver matches are my best friend from high school (oh hai!), and a guy who begins his profile thusly: Merry Meet! First and foremost, I consider myself a Witch and student of all things Pagan.

My only twu wuv lives terribly far away, and everyone else sux. (Not my friend-my friend is awesome, but unsuitable.)