Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

Dates, in my head, have a different script than hanging out does, a script that has a bit of coyness in it and hones my conversational swords for crossing, and ends with making out. I realize dating people who play along with that script hasn't worked out that well so I'm open to trying something new, it's just that's where my frisson comes from. Otherwise it seems like we might as well read off lists of personal characteristics, down 3 beers each, and call it a night.

I need to learn that script sometime. My dates often have the bit of coyness, but at least of late, haven't ended with us making out. Not sure what honing conversational swords for crossing entails

i have a date scheduled tonight with a hot metal guy! well he likes lots of death/black metal and dresses metal (which is v.v. hot but also a little exotic to me) but also pulp and jamc and stuff like that. he seems really cool. i'm excited.

Lol, I definitely removed the fact that I don't listen to metal from my profile after noticing several v.v. hot but also a little exotic metal chicks.

I vacillate between lamenting my perpetual lack of a hook and being perfectly okay with not having a hook (at least to the extent that some people are like, "I date ______ dudes!", as if people within a particular subculture are pretty much interchangeable).

well now i'm slightly annoyed because he suggested something in his neighborhood that is a pain in the ass for me to get to on the subway (i have to go into manhattan) and back to brooklyn. is a romance with someone off the Q train doomed from the start?

B_G that previous guy was a douche. I am just reiterating this, even though you know this. I had forgotten there even was such a thing as a Q train so I don't know how geographically undesirable this new dude may be. But perhaps there will be making out which makes any geography acceptable.

I am... confused. I think I have completely forgotten how to be sexual. If I ever knew how to be sexual without alcohol in the first place. Have just had an amazing evening with a person who still completely wows me. And I cannot read if they have the slightest interest in me. (Or indeed if I have in them.) I feel like it's so long since I did this that I have lost the ability to tell.

do we ever learn this for sure? & million love songs later... Nope

bell labs, is there not a bus??

messiah: I'm single, let's mingle. I like balding overweight guys in bands.

woo hoo, maybe this *is* a dating website!

i don't suppose you live in bali, indonesia? otherwise the drive time to meet up is gonna make taking the Q train seem like a relaxing 25 minutes listening to your ipod in a train barreling under the ocean, followed by a brisk walk through the funnest city to walk through in the world (*i know i know it's not really quite like that when you live there bg, but still)

as for looking for A Woman Of Quality and stuff... i mean, maybe you guys are right and i'm trying too hard, it's not like it was working for me. but at the same time, surely i would want the mother of my children to be intelligent and stable and maybe into art or books or kitesurfing or *something*? if only so we have something to talk about for the next 20 years! i just felt like i needed to develop standards, tbh they were frightfully low at the time

Yeah I think my most recent foray into dating was v rusty and weird bcz I didn't know how to like date someone who wasn't a pothead with no job.

In fact disqualifying people in that demographic, even when they were v hot and into William Blake, I mean that's tough. I've been trying to try new things though and the more you do it the easier it gets.

Also, Trayce you need to find the profile called flowered_knife_shadows it is obv. your soulmate.

haha :)

Ok woah, a 36 year old woman whose profile lists her as much "more experienced in love" messaged me (aged 24) asking if I'm a virgin. Then she asked me out after I replied yes.

Weird? Awesome? O_o? (for the record I like older women just fine, I'm just not sure if the implication is that this is someone into virgins or something - actually that would be preferable if that was established from the start).

I mean, I'm really into the idea of going out with experienced older women who are into virgins, but convention is still telling me to be o_O

Also I've never been on a date either so that makes this even more funny.

It does strike me as slightly odd (not necessarily bad odd, just unusual odd, though that may be seeing it from the other side) - though if the genders were reversed I would find it intensely creepy as all fuck, though creepiness really depends on how the person in question feels about it, not my discomfort. I suppose it's another of those situations where it depends on how you feel about finding yourself being someone else's fetish. If you're fine with it, it's great.

This morning I found myself putting together a mixtape for this person, and worrying over how they might interpret the lyrics. Which I think is my clumsy indie-geek way of realising I'm feeling slightly gooey.

if the genders were reversed I would find it intensely creepy as all fuck

Oh god yes.

Anyways, this is one of those things where if I were two separate people and the other-me told me about this I would be super excited for him, in those shoes I'm just slightly apprehensive. But in any case I think I'd be nervous if this was anyone, actually. Well, we'll see...

how did they guess you were a virgin?

I wrote on my profile that "my carnal knowledge is purely theoretical"

I also neglected to mention: gurl is hott

Also, does J0hn Darn13lle still post on ILX? Someone with his name as a her screenname visited my profile and I would love to get and tell her his impression of this.

ah ok thats fair enough, seemed an odd question for her to ask otherwise - and actually, that puts the exchange upthread a something of a different light now

ed.b, I knew a woman with a similar predilection, though younger, who just liked seeing guy's reactions to a new experience, and she wasn't creepy at all. If you want to change your status on that front, this would seem a good opportunity - just don't expect it to be a life-changing event (many of us found our first time disappointing). Still, you'll probably have a better first date than most of us did.

so my date ended up coming to my neighborhood and we had a really great time UNTIL he had a medical issue that seemed pretty serious :( i wasn't able to convince him to go to the hospital but at least was able to convince him to take a cab home (and made sure the cab driver had $ and knew his address). it was pretty heavy for a first date but i think i've convinced him today to go to the dr, at least.

Sometimes I think we are collectively living in some kind of fever dream.

(when i started reading that, i just assumed it was laurel's post)

yeah, i feel that.

A suggestion? If you ever have to go to the ER with him and he starts a fight with the security guards and is thrown out still shirtless and shoe-less and untreated, and calls 911 for another ambulance from outside the first hospital, and that's the CALM AND RATIONAL part of the evening, may I suggest being busy the next time he calls? Like forever?

yeah it was certainly not a good portent of things to come. mostly based on your experiences with that guy. i know it seems shitty to completely write someone off because of something like this, but its really frustrating to deal with someone who gets defensive/resistant when they are getting into a state. my co-worker does this weekly with his diabetes and almost puts himself in a coma and is the meanest person ever when i am trying to convince him to drink some juice to get his blood sugar up, and i don't think i could deal with managing yet another person's disease for them.

it doesn't seem shitty tbh; seems like the point of dating

Agreed. Learning stuff is the point of dating. My feeling, just from experience, is that if you have a medical issue and you don't manage it, you have a reason...either the treatment is worse than the disease or you're in denial about something in which case may I recommend not dating until you've completed at least 2 years of therapy? Or possibly the drama of being struck by your condition is part of how you INFLICT YOUR NEED FOR MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF ATTENTION ON OTHER PEOPLE.

I can't remember if it was on ilx or somewhere else where someone was recently talking about a couple where the woman got really awful when she had low blood sugar and the guy learned to keep a few power bars on him just in case they got in a situation where they weren't going to eat soon, and I thought... why the fuck is the GUY carrying those instead of the person who actually has this issue?

grumble grumble

maybe he loves her

codependence

bleh. yeah. i am just feeling kind of lonely, it's one of those days. all the fun pictures of coupled up people on facebook of the fun stuff they did together this weekend is making me feel a bit down.

Haha yes, that was my story about the energy bars and I caught your objection. The simple answer is that she doesn't always notice that she's hungry, it makes her muddle-headed and short-tempered for a while before she stops what she's doing enough to notice it.

TO put sudden illness on a first date into another equally depressing persepective: veganguy I dated last year told me a story recently about how he went on an OKCC date and halfway thru it said lady said she was very ill and had to go home. He was of course very concerned, she'd seemed unwell.

Later that night she posted a pic of herself on FB in party clothes, then much later that night pics from her at a karaoke bar she'd gone to that same evening.

She had karaoke fever! It's deadly if untreated.

Hahah :)

This is half being totally new to all this and half being totally insecure anyways, but can I be so audacious as to ask for feedback on my profile (.d.d.b.c.l. without any periods)? I constantly check it because I always suddenly think its horribly off-putting or it reeks of try-hardism, but I can never tell when reading it over, which I end up doing a lot.

Its an interesting way to start out a profile thats for sure! Certainly eye grabbingly honest hehe :) I tink it reads fine, to me. Doesnt seem to clever-clever. And you can spell and write a decent sentence. Believe me, thats rarer on there than it should be.

Thanks!

O the irony of my mispelling on that post.

Just looked at your profile; I don't think you need to mention your lack of sexual experience, btw.

Also might want to cut brooding loneliness. I love brooders but most people like to pretend they like positive, outgoing people (even if they don't, really).

I'd also probably give your profile a once over without a message due to the non-monogamy mention, but perhaps that's just me and due to my bad experiences with polyamorists.

PS I just realized I also described myself as brooding. Oops.

I also describe myself as brooding (specifically as 'a moody, brooding goofball', in the hope that at least one person will hear that in Werner Herzog's voice, a la Julien Donkey-Boy). And even though that's probably not most people's cup of tea, I prefer to be upfront about it rather than misrepresent myself and wind up dating someone who has no time for my shit, y'know?

Heh, I guess this is also where subtle sarcasm doesn't come across in text.

The sexual inexperience thing would possibly put some people off, but as you mentioned above, it could also be a turn-on for people - mentioning it is down to whether you want that to be a 'thing', I guess. You certainly wouldn't be deceiving anyone if you choose not to mention it.

I love brooding! I pursued someone because he looked so dark and brooding in his picture, but when I met him he was perfectly well adjusted, youthful and not brooding at all. He was fun though. I think he was the most functional, non-needy person I met off the site. Needless to say, I never saw him again.

haha i have been known to brood, but have attempted to obscure this fact somewhat. obviously i have no idea what the market demands.

how much straight-up lying do you think there is?

i haven't searched other men, but i've heard stories about shirtless bros and 45-year-olds with an upper limit of 32. i have certainly seen women who list themselves as 10 years younger and then admit as much in their profiles -- and others who surely don't. it is such a weird thing all around