bill simmons IS bill simmons IN the book of BASKETBALL

Remember SNL's "Orgasm Guy" sketches with Rob Schneider?

embarrassed for my generation

obviously some hyperbole there but how can you say Dwight isn't a ridiculous fit for this team

― frogbs, Saturday, August 11, 2012 11:25 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"doesn't need the ball to be happy" is just pure wrongness

Dwight needs candy to be happy, not the ball iirc

Howard touched the ball only six times on offense in the fourth quarter, with one of those coming from his own offensive rebound. Despite Orlando’s 99-94 win over the Bucks, Howard made it clear that this is not the role he wants. “I do want the ball more in the fourth quarter,” a frustrated Howard said. “I want to become a closer. The only way you get there is by getting the ball and have coach have the confidence in giving me the ball. That’s how Kobe (Bryant) and the rest of the great fourth-quarter players got that way. It’s trial and error. When Kobe first got in the league, it took him a while to become the killer he is in the fourth quarter now. That’s because he went through that phase where he had to learn what shots to take and just get confidence in taking shots in the fourth quarter.”

“That’s one thing that I want for myself, so I can become the guy who finishes games for my team. I want to be that guy whose team wants him to close games out for them. Coach just needs to have confidence in me … Just run plays through me, so I can be comfortable in being the guy and have confidence in getting the ball late in the game and scoring,” Howard said. “That’s what I’m worth. I want to be that guy who controls games. As a kid, that’s what you dream about in the NBA, taking that shot. I want to do that. I’m the leader of the team. Ride my back. I’ll lead. I don’t care if I miss every single shot, I’m going to continue to play hard. Just get on my back. That’s why they call me Superman.”

Though I guess if he wants to shoot in the fourth quarter he should learn to shoot.

matt offtm. It's not like Howard wanted to chuck threes like Bynum. He'll be fine. He wants to play inside out basketball, and if he can develop that ability the Lakers will be even tougher.

What he really needs to work on is ft shooting though. Bynum is a much better shooter in general.

he wants to play inside out basketball, i.e. he wants the ball in his hands.

but according to BSimm he's totally cool being Joakim Noah or something

up late writing his fungibility thesis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAONQyJWC-8

"You have an amazing gift this NFL season that needs to be exploited in massive capacities. In your first three NFL pieces, you have been incredibly wrong. You have not just been wrong, you have predicted the direct opposite of what actually happened. Do you think you should just write the opposite of what you are thinking or do you think once you write it, even if its the opposite of what you are thinking the opposite of that will happen therefore what you are thinking actually happens."

AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Simmons is joining the NBA Countdown team. Just when I thought that show couldn't get worse. Magic, Wilbon, Simmons and Jalen.

AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

they were originally revamping it w/ simmons & stan van as the centerpieces -- which would've been incredible -- but stern allegedly put the kibosh on SVG's involvement

I'd love Stan on it. But that crew? You're fucking kidding me. The God of Vapid facepalms at those empty heads.

bill simmons' transition from a pure writer into an actual talking head whose voice we have to hear, has been one of the most infuriating things to have been witness to of the last couple of years

Not as infuriating as his talking head status meaning we get to hear from his friends like Jackoff and the human garbage disposal.

--but stern allegedly put the kibosh on SVG's involvement--

SERIOUSLY?

his podcast would definitely be about 5x better if he didn't sound like that

http://www.thebiglead.com/index.php/2012/10/10/did-david-stern-put-the-kibosh-on-stan-van-gundy-joining-espns-nba-countdown/

xp

its funny because simmons has been complaining abt how his voice is terrible forever and its true

lol stern is such a gangster

Dammit I love the Van Gundy Bros. Thanks for the link. Stern can do one.

every week I watch boardwalk empire and every week when Nucky seems inscrutable I remind myself "dude he is not inscrutable, he's the original Stern, that's all."

simmons should smoke a pack of reds a day, or maybe two packs, that might make his voice more bearable

The Cousin Sal imitation is far to on the money.

i actually enjoy the podcast jalen rose does now and then but hes kind of stiff on tv and that is an awful, awful lineup of talking heads

I like jalen

I hate Jalen's podcast. But he seems like a bro.

simmons is gonna be insufferable w the comedy routine

"so this is like when..."

magic is gonna have to watch road house to get ready

lol yeah

lmao

I hate Jalen's podcast. But he seems like a bro.

― EZ Snappin, Thursday, October 18, 2012 6:52 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

if you didn't hear the one where he told the patrick ewing vcr story at least go track that down

tell us the story

jalen was mad at ewing for some reason-- hard foul in a game i think or something-- but obviously wasn't going to pick a fight. somewhere in the arena after the game he saw ewing's COMBINATION TV/VCR rig with the team's stuff ready to be loaded on the bus or plane. so...he stole it.

hahahaha

oh and think it was in some big transport rig a la band equipment - so it obviously huge and also labeled with ewing's name

obviously funnier when he actually tells it

hah!

Simmons fan, Star Trek fan, or the man himself?

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A7vyG51CIAEvGpK.jpg

lol

would have had mucho respect for Simmons had he run this BEFORE the deer antler story but still, kinda ballsy

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/8904906/daring-ask-ped-question

eh don't care about PEDs

i have no idea what his point was (as usual these days when he tries to be serious)

his point was fair enough, we're inconsistent in how we judge ppl about PEDs - assholes like lance barry and a-rod are suspect but we don't care about AD or peyty because we like them - i just think talking about PEDs even more than we already do is just asking for a sports world completely devoid of joy. there are better issues to moralize about

feel like there's no much point in suspecting everyone who is capable of amazing sports accomplishments bc then you might as well stop watching (and his "list" seems to cover everyone who's not a mediocrity.)

- there are two sports guys
- espn sports guy shies away from discussing peds
- old school sports guy wants to discuss them. can we make this happen?
- he thinks ray lewis is a cheater
- he thinks adrian peterson is clean
- what a world, that doubt can be cast upon our noblest performers

he didn't make this point, but dudes who tear their triceps and miss entire seasons are at significant risk of losing their jobs, while dudes who use deer antler spray are apparently rather less so

feel like there's no much point in suspecting everyone who is capable of amazing sports accomplishments bc then you might as well stop watching (and his "list" seems to cover everyone who's not a mediocrity.)

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Friday, February 1, 2013 7:59 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

exactly

he has a pretty clear point imo. It's that we could enforce stricter or more effective drug testing but we don't want to in part (and this is his main point) the media chooses to overlook the elephant in the room.

missing a "because" in there