If scientists could create basketball-playing robots from scratch and were asked to create someone to play with Pau Gasol, Kobe Bryant and Nash, basically, they would create Dwight Howard: a ridiculously strong shot blocker/rebounder who can run the floor and doesn't need the ball to be happy.
smh
― Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 11 August 2012 20:33 (eleven years ago) link
WINNER: Steve Nash Went from playing with 11 bench guys on a lottery team to playing with Dwight Howard, Pau Gasol and Kobe Bryant on a title favorite. Remember SNL's "Orgasm Guy" sketches with Rob Schneider? I think that was Steve Nash this morning when he woke up and found out about this trade.
HA! The king of references does it again!
― Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 11 August 2012 20:44 (eleven years ago) link
obviously some hyperbole there but how can you say Dwight isn't a ridiculous fit for this team
― frogbs, Saturday, 11 August 2012 23:25 (eleven years ago) link
Remember SNL's "Orgasm Guy" sketches with Rob Schneider?
embarrassed for my generation
― mookieproof, Saturday, 11 August 2012 23:28 (eleven years ago) link
― frogbs, Saturday, August 11, 2012 11:25 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink "doesn't need the ball to be happy" is just pure wrongness
― Matt Armstrong, Sunday, 12 August 2012 03:31 (eleven years ago) link
Dwight needs candy to be happy, not the ball iirc
― lag∞n, Sunday, 12 August 2012 06:52 (eleven years ago) link
Howard touched the ball only six times on offense in the fourth quarter, with one of those coming from his own offensive rebound. Despite Orlando’s 99-94 win over the Bucks, Howard made it clear that this is not the role he wants. “I do want the ball more in the fourth quarter,” a frustrated Howard said. “I want to become a closer. The only way you get there is by getting the ball and have coach have the confidence in giving me the ball. That’s how Kobe (Bryant) and the rest of the great fourth-quarter players got that way. It’s trial and error. When Kobe first got in the league, it took him a while to become the killer he is in the fourth quarter now. That’s because he went through that phase where he had to learn what shots to take and just get confidence in taking shots in the fourth quarter.”
“That’s one thing that I want for myself, so I can become the guy who finishes games for my team. I want to be that guy whose team wants him to close games out for them. Coach just needs to have confidence in me … Just run plays through me, so I can be comfortable in being the guy and have confidence in getting the ball late in the game and scoring,” Howard said. “That’s what I’m worth. I want to be that guy who controls games. As a kid, that’s what you dream about in the NBA, taking that shot. I want to do that. I’m the leader of the team. Ride my back. I’ll lead. I don’t care if I miss every single shot, I’m going to continue to play hard. Just get on my back. That’s why they call me Superman.”
― Matt Armstrong, Sunday, 12 August 2012 18:15 (eleven years ago) link
Though I guess if he wants to shoot in the fourth quarter he should learn to shoot.
― Clay, Sunday, 12 August 2012 20:57 (eleven years ago) link
matt offtm. It's not like Howard wanted to chuck threes like Bynum. He'll be fine. He wants to play inside out basketball, and if he can develop that ability the Lakers will be even tougher.
What he really needs to work on is ft shooting though. Bynum is a much better shooter in general.
― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Sunday, 12 August 2012 22:02 (eleven years ago) link
he wants to play inside out basketball, i.e. he wants the ball in his hands.
― Matt Armstrong, Sunday, 12 August 2012 23:51 (eleven years ago) link
but according to BSimm he's totally cool being Joakim Noah or something
up late writing his fungibility thesis
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAONQyJWC-8
― johnny crunch, Wednesday, 12 September 2012 23:31 (eleven years ago) link
"You have an amazing gift this NFL season that needs to be exploited in massive capacities. In your first three NFL pieces, you have been incredibly wrong. You have not just been wrong, you have predicted the direct opposite of what actually happened. Do you think you should just write the opposite of what you are thinking or do you think once you write it, even if its the opposite of what you are thinking the opposite of that will happen therefore what you are thinking actually happens."
― johnny crunch, Friday, 14 September 2012 22:11 (eleven years ago) link
AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!
Simmons is joining the NBA Countdown team. Just when I thought that show couldn't get worse. Magic, Wilbon, Simmons and Jalen.
― EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:39 (eleven years ago) link
they were originally revamping it w/ simmons & stan van as the centerpieces -- which would've been incredible -- but stern allegedly put the kibosh on SVG's involvement
― lil dirk (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:41 (eleven years ago) link
I'd love Stan on it. But that crew? You're fucking kidding me. The God of Vapid facepalms at those empty heads.
― EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:43 (eleven years ago) link
bill simmons' transition from a pure writer into an actual talking head whose voice we have to hear, has been one of the most infuriating things to have been witness to of the last couple of years
― 乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:44 (eleven years ago) link
Not as infuriating as his talking head status meaning we get to hear from his friends like Jackoff and the human garbage disposal.
― EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 18:48 (eleven years ago) link
--but stern allegedly put the kibosh on SVG's involvement--
SERIOUSLY?
― Spottie_Ottie_Dope, Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:00 (eleven years ago) link
his podcast would definitely be about 5x better if he didn't sound like that
― frogbs, Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:01 (eleven years ago) link
http://www.thebiglead.com/index.php/2012/10/10/did-david-stern-put-the-kibosh-on-stan-van-gundy-joining-espns-nba-countdown/
xp
― lil dirk (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:05 (eleven years ago) link
its funny because simmons has been complaining abt how his voice is terrible forever and its true
― --bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:08 (eleven years ago) link
lol stern is such a gangster
― --bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:10 (eleven years ago) link
Dammit I love the Van Gundy Bros. Thanks for the link. Stern can do one.
― Spottie_Ottie_Dope, Thursday, 18 October 2012 20:11 (eleven years ago) link
every week I watch boardwalk empire and every week when Nucky seems inscrutable I remind myself "dude he is not inscrutable, he's the original Stern, that's all."
― Clay, Thursday, 18 October 2012 21:34 (eleven years ago) link
simmons should smoke a pack of reds a day, or maybe two packs, that might make his voice more bearable
― 乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 21:36 (eleven years ago) link
The Cousin Sal imitation is far to on the money.
― EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 21:37 (eleven years ago) link
i actually enjoy the podcast jalen rose does now and then but hes kind of stiff on tv and that is an awful, awful lineup of talking heads
― questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:51 (eleven years ago) link
I like jalen
― --bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:52 (eleven years ago) link
I hate Jalen's podcast. But he seems like a bro.
― EZ Snappin, Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:52 (eleven years ago) link
simmons is gonna be insufferable w the comedy routine
― --bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:53 (eleven years ago) link
"so this is like when..."
― 乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:54 (eleven years ago) link
magic is gonna have to watch road house to get ready
― questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:56 (eleven years ago) link
lol yeah
― 乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:56 (eleven years ago) link
lmao
― --bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:57 (eleven years ago) link
― EZ Snappin, Thursday, October 18, 2012 6:52 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark
if you didn't hear the one where he told the patrick ewing vcr story at least go track that down
― questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:58 (eleven years ago) link
tell us the story
― --bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 22:58 (eleven years ago) link
jalen was mad at ewing for some reason-- hard foul in a game i think or something-- but obviously wasn't going to pick a fight. somewhere in the arena after the game he saw ewing's COMBINATION TV/VCR rig with the team's stuff ready to be loaded on the bus or plane. so...he stole it.
― questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:03 (eleven years ago) link
hahahaha
― 乒乓, Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:05 (eleven years ago) link
oh and think it was in some big transport rig a la band equipment - so it obviously huge and also labeled with ewing's name
obviously funnier when he actually tells it
― questionable motor (agent hibachi), Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:06 (eleven years ago) link
hah!
― --bob marley (lag∞n), Thursday, 18 October 2012 23:08 (eleven years ago) link
Simmons fan, Star Trek fan, or the man himself?
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A7vyG51CIAEvGpK.jpg
― EZ Snappin, Thursday, 15 November 2012 14:01 (eleven years ago) link
lol
― Good job, good multiple efforts (Spottie_Ottie_Dope), Thursday, 15 November 2012 14:43 (eleven years ago) link
would have had mucho respect for Simmons had he run this BEFORE the deer antler story but still, kinda ballsy
http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/8904906/daring-ask-ped-question
― frogbs, Friday, 1 February 2013 21:48 (eleven years ago) link
eh don't care about PEDs
― manti 乒乓 (k3vin k.), Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:47 (eleven years ago) link
i have no idea what his point was (as usual these days when he tries to be serious)
― call all destroyer, Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:51 (eleven years ago) link
his point was fair enough, we're inconsistent in how we judge ppl about PEDs - assholes like lance barry and a-rod are suspect but we don't care about AD or peyty because we like them - i just think talking about PEDs even more than we already do is just asking for a sports world completely devoid of joy. there are better issues to moralize about
― manti 乒乓 (k3vin k.), Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:56 (eleven years ago) link
feel like there's no much point in suspecting everyone who is capable of amazing sports accomplishments bc then you might as well stop watching (and his "list" seems to cover everyone who's not a mediocrity.)
― christmas candy bar (al leong), Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:59 (eleven years ago) link
- there are two sports guys- espn sports guy shies away from discussing peds- old school sports guy wants to discuss them. can we make this happen?- he thinks ray lewis is a cheater- he thinks adrian peterson is clean- what a world, that doubt can be cast upon our noblest performers
― mookieproof, Saturday, 2 February 2013 00:59 (eleven years ago) link
he didn't make this point, but dudes who tear their triceps and miss entire seasons are at significant risk of losing their jobs, while dudes who use deer antler spray are apparently rather less so
― mookieproof, Saturday, 2 February 2013 01:02 (eleven years ago) link