C/D - Cleaning your disgusting ass partner because you're having a rare guest over

congratulations on having a guest

second one since I signed the lease in June 2008

Put on a sweater and the Vampire Weekend record and just be all like "it took my decorator ages to pick out this soap scum"

And then, if this is a romantic visit and it goes well, when you drop your pants you have to say "ladies and gentlemen, BURT STANTON"

http://www.geocities.com/don_homer.rm/Sven.jpg

burt is your guest one of your many female law student admirers

pay a hardcore band to hang out at your place and tell your guest it's a squat

MY COLLECTION OF RARE... AND GRINDING... DUST BUNNNEEEEEZ....... VIOLATED!

why the hell are you leaving stained underpants hanging on your closet...? like not any part of that makes any sense. the rest of it does, but that part. i mean, just think about this:

1) if the underpants are dirty, why would you put them back in the closet?
2) who puts even clean underpants in the closet anyway?

what is this!!!

yes it is max. and the reason no one visits me is I live nowhere near public transport. Also I smell weird.

schef, it's because his roommate painted the stained underwear like easter eggs

also if you have such problems with your underpants just buy black ones.

the stained underwear got there during a bout of Cabin Fever, where I was trying to see how many pair I could throw on there. 300 pairs and counting.

will you liveblog your date pls

if nothing else i encourage you to post a rundown of the date on i love cricket

twittdate

it's like how girls have a collection of red underpants, for their periods -- buy black or brown underpants, so you don't have to wash them ever and can just continue displaying them proudly in the closet.

It's not really a date, it's just going to some trust fundy party in Broklyn Heights. I will make various notes of culture clash!

the reason no one visits me is I live nowhere near public transport. also i like to fart and act crazy.

xp

http://api.ning.com/files/tcyVcdpQGHcXQND4cfKbXU5R07f6NsTYeSQx1H*OnEY6CgKULIu4QSqFOziXwVEb-FYrCdSj71BsBavsS*QfNEVf59*hMkF4/staind.jpg

when she comes over tell her you're burt_stanton, from the Internet

To be fair, schef, some of us have drawers or shelves in our closets.

Also I think burt prides himself on being the kind of guy who is awesome and living on the edge and just never knows when he's going to have time to do boring whitebread stuff like washing his underwear, so he's gotta hang onto the dirty ones just in case things get bad and he has to re-use the freshest-smelling pair.

burt you should buy some flowers, chicks love that shit

why doesn't he just wash them? or do what i do: buy more

maybe he means Staind underwear, because he is a fan of Staind.

xp goddammit dan

Burt, just give her a tour of the apartment and go "that's soap scum, because I don't have a trust fund like some people" and "those are dust bunnies, because I don't have a trust fund or listen to Vampire Weekend like some people" and "those are dirty underwear, because that's how they do it in Philly and Berlin where all the cool bands move these days"

buy more ass partners?

I don't have to do shit

i have a daet tonight and a dirty apartment. no plans to combine the two, but you never know!

nabisco is on fire on this thread i gotta say

burt_stanton where do you live

jordan if i were you i wouldnt not be on this thread bragging about my similarities to burt_stanton

lol, i wouldnt be

never forget the grinding dust bunnies ;_;

burt_dag style

max otm, plants can also be nice in a less obvious way

from the GIS for "crusty":

http://beinart.org/artists/jon-beinart/gallery/crusty-toddlerpede.jpg

buy black or brown underpants, so you don't have to wash them ever and can just continue displaying them proudly in the closet.

It sounds like burt needs some of these:

http://cache.net-a-porter.com/images/products/35512/35512_in_m.jpg

He can use it as a getting-to-know-you game. What's a stain, and what's part of the pattern? Where does Dolce & Gabbana end, and Burt begin? The fun never ends!

quote Quentin Crisp, "After 5 years the dust doesn't get any worse"

at least i don't have any dirty underwear hanging on things. i can blame any dirtiness on the cats that like to puke and act crazy.

well done elmo!

I don't have to do shit

― burt_stanton, Friday, January 23, 2009 5:08 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Yes you do, Burt, it's biologically unavoidable -- denying it is how you wind up with your underwear like that

Wait, unless your ass partner does the shitting for you?

now i am trying to imagine simon rex as a dust bunny

nabisco that took things too far

Wait, unless your ass partner does the shitting for you?

Well, presumably they take turns until the seal breaks.

http://www.animalgift.org/atf/cf/%7B55F52B47-7B8C-4337-A5A9-2F3550FF3D11%7D/SEAL-INSIDEMAIN-V02.JPG

good strategy for tonight--answer the door naked, then just snag a pair of dirty underwear from the closet

I actually have clotheslines running throughout my apartment where I like to hang my dirty underwear, and at night I get stoned, turn up some Einsturzende Neubauten, turn off the lights, and it's like I'm dancing under a sky of shit

burt when you have a lady friend over what sort of music do you listen to

I am just keeping it real, Stanton-style

we should have a fap, where everyone buys burt_stanton one beer.
captain lorax be the flash-drive dj.

― ian, Saturday, 24 January 2009 05:55 (6 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

clean your disgusting ass, partner

company's coming

Burt Stanton, Esq.: Cleaning your disgusting ass partner because you're having a rare client over

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.1226904!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_635/article-klugman3-1224.jpg

best ilx titular typo? you decide

were Burt Stanton and Bill Magill the same guy?

i like this thread title

just imagine how insulted you'd be if your partner told you they needed to scrub you down because guests were coming over.

uh

xp ask a booty cleaner

for lack of a hyphen dignity was lost

the ass partner as i imagine him

Burt

Is ads partner like a timeshare or sumfin.