Homemade Jokes

I posted this on another thread so sorry for repeat material, but I really think Daft Punk should release an Indian cookery book called "Cumin After All".

good enough to repeat imo, gave me a second chuckle :)

q. What did the pervert say when asked for forgiveness?
a. "Never my love"

A: Paris Maison. I like this one.

q. what did Edgar allen poe say to that fucking raven
a. fuck off bird!

wait did this ever get resolved

My friend made me a joke as a birthday gift...he says it takes a few weeks to sink in. Here it is:

Knock knock?
Who's there?
Ha.
Ha who?
Nothin'.

― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Friday, 18 June 2010 15:52 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

maybe the joke is there is nothing to sink in

Trying to come up with a follow up to my daft punk joke. Can only think of 'One More Thyme' and 'Mace to Mace'

is that crazy incense you have of a daft punk?

Digital Clove

their anime is more hentai than manga (take that!)

that knock-knock joke was the bext birthday gift – I used to get him one sock for his birthday and the other matching sock for Christmas so really he spoiled me in comparsion

A lot of the other orchestral musicians envy the easy portability of my violin. But they're just cellists.

Trying to come up with a follow up to my daft punk joke. Can only think of 'One More Thyme' and 'Mace to Mace'

― sorry for asshole (dog latin), Friday, August 10, 2012 2:23 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Did you not see my follow up in that thread that the book included the recipe "Hotter Pepper Fatter Sambar"?

I'm developing a video game about violent, piano-playing marsupials. It's called Chordal Wombat.

People often ask me how I became the world's most successful weed dealer to migratory birds.

Well it's simple. I leave no tern unstoned.

I like it!

did not realize it when I came up with it, but apparently it's a variation on an Ogden Nash line

So anyway, I couldn't think of any more Daft Punk puns, but I know Sigur Ros are going to be releasing a rival Indian cookbook called Agaetis Biryani.

q: Where does Batman keep his Nietzsche audiobooks?
a: His Bat-Futility Belt.

Did you hear about the new best-seller detailing the salacious academic exploits of a female undergrad who is the daughter of an avid Mets fan? It's called, "50 Grades of Shea."

Wait I made that joke on this board somewhere

tbf I think your version is more elaborate

where does the US military send its funniest soldiers?
Laughganistan!

Man, if there hasn't already been a USO stand-up comedy special called Laughganistan, I think we've failed our troops.

I was really struggling to find places that would repair a harp...

... thankfully Joanna knew some.

bravo

last two are gold

Q: What musician is most at the forefront of the Avant Chard?

A: John Kale

new best tumblr: http://badkidsjokes.tumblr.com/

Your brain is a poop bomb and you are a zombie and you are naked with your butt on fire and your butt in a girls face and you are wearing diapers

WHO EATS LIKE A GREEDY PIG AND SUCK BOOBES
RHIANA

What has 2 legs, 2 arms and is still refusing to make me a sandwich?
My Wife.

That one is great!

WHO LIKES BEING GAY AND SNOGIN THE GIRLS

MY RIDICULOS UNCLE EDWARD

who am i ???
i can make brown stuff.
i put my face on the toylet.
i might be disgusting.
so who am i…
i am your butt

the riddle of the sphincter

omg they are my new favourite things. But I lost my shit most at this one

My cat died in the washing machine yesterday.
At least it died in Comfort!

correction, I'm losing my shit at most of them haha

mum; we can eat camels you know honey
dad ; SHUT UP AND GET YOUR TURKEY SCIENCE BOOKS

that one could be an I LOVE CRICKET: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX thread title

What did the goat say to the dog

nice buttock you loser

There was a man with a ham sandwich sitting on a bench in a park. Next to him was a woman with a dog, and the man said “can I throw him a bit?”
The woman said “yes, OK”, so the man picked the dog up and threw him in the pond.

Q.what did batman say to robin before they got in the car

A.get in the car

Did you hear they accept debit cards at the dump now? You can ask for trash back!

this is great

q: why did the ilxor cross the road?

a: she had room for only one McCarthy novel in her ballot, and blood meridian would probably be underrepresented in the poll

Bad Kids Jokes Special: The Unanswered Jokes

Submissions by different kids, all without answers.

why did the goat eat a baloon

WHY DID THE POO CROSS THE ROAD

Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?

WHAT DO YOU CALL A PIG THAT SHOOTS

how does a penguin get to school

how many dinosaurs can fit in a smart car

why did a cat smak his face

Whats a banana’s favourite dance move?

Why Did The Apple Go To The Toliet?

Do you no the chicken who went to the city to buy a hat

how many pickles do watermelons have

How many cats in the treasure chest?
A: 23
B: 4
C: 176

Joke I literally dreamed this morning:

Monica Lewinsky is giving her clothes away to her celebrity friends. Naturally, Beyonce got the free cum dress.

holy shit.

Did you hear about the grape who liked sunbathing? - He said it was his raison d'etre