Jake Gyllenhaal

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you said what you said before anthony said what he said, also anthony would need to start 17 other threads about anonymous kind of ok looking indie stars and say the same thing for parity to truly be achieved. we can do this, and I have no objections to it, but it hasn't been done. YET.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:05 (eighteen years ago) link

fine, the next time someone starts a thread about star jones, i'll be sure to talk about the soft, billowy folds of my ass.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:06 (eighteen years ago) link

listen, I'm not defending that post. I mean it's a little TMI for my tastes. Also, Star Jones?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:07 (eighteen years ago) link

i like a woman who takes charge.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:08 (eighteen years ago) link

intriguing.
http://www.jakegyllenhaal.com/images/JakeGyllenhaal_speech.jpg

xpost ...

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:09 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/01/star-jones-beach.jpg

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:10 (eighteen years ago) link

Only 17?

― Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:12 (eighteen years ago) link

I think I should start working on this parity goal!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:13 (eighteen years ago) link

But where to start? And where are the female equivalents of oops and kingfish?

― Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:14 (eighteen years ago) link

We're almost there.

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:15 (eighteen years ago) link

"Gun's going OFF!"

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:15 (eighteen years ago) link

He looks like Stallone or Travolta in that shirtless photo.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:18 (eighteen years ago) link

I bet he has a hairy asscrack.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:19 (eighteen years ago) link

Did anyone see him on Conan recently, talking about his lifeguard duty where he pissed on a jellyfish-bite victim's leg as therapy? He mimed it, firehose-style, and O'Brien nearly flew out of his chair. "There are old people watching!"

He'd still have to explain the "These characters are not, like, gay" interview, and I might hafta slap him. Repeatedly.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:21 (eighteen years ago) link

hahahahahahahahahahahaha Nicole.

where to start...we've already got this thread, and Heath Ledger (yuck btw...just...yuck), and I guess my Jimmy Fallon thread should count too. Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

xpost he pissed on someone's leg? What is that supposed to do?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (eighteen years ago) link

AND HE MIGHT LIKE IT.

(xpost)

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:24 (eighteen years ago) link

I think it's the pH of the pee that counteracts the jelly's poison.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:32 (eighteen years ago) link

Pee supposedly takes the sting out of a jellyfish sting. I don't have first-hand experience of this. I bet you're just so stunned that someone is heroically peeing on you, you forget that you got stung.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:33 (eighteen years ago) link

That's just...freaky. I don't know how I'd react to being rescued from jellyfish attack only to be pissed on by Jake Gyllenhaal. I think I'd probably want an adult beverage, and I'd be highly confused.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:35 (eighteen years ago) link

it might make me into watersports.
i bet his pee tastes like candy

― anthony easton (anthony), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:36 (eighteen years ago) link

lik'em aid

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (eighteen years ago) link

ok now you won, jess.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:37 (eighteen years ago) link

that shirtless pic is actually from about 3 years ago.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:38 (eighteen years ago) link

You lie.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:37 (eighteen years ago) link

ally quit reviving this thread.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:39 (eighteen years ago) link

why don't you go post on a Mandy Moore thread.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:42 (eighteen years ago) link

This thread needs more gyllenhaal beefcake, but I cannot search for it while at work. :(

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:44 (eighteen years ago) link

it's probably wrong i want to see american dreamz, isn't it?

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:46 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.artistsnetwork.org/artists/maggiegyllenhaal/maggie.jpg http://www.schoolhousecenter.com/images/ware.gif

― Dan (You're Welcome) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:47 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.stars2go.com/g/jake-gyllenhaal/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:48 (eighteen years ago) link

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.lipglaws.com/jakeG.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:49 (eighteen years ago) link

http://film.widarsson.se/images/jake_gyllenhaal.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (eighteen years ago) link

I have no idea who this "Val" is

http://www.planetkilmer.com/pk_home_val.jpg

― Dan (Mystery Solved) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 19:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Dan, dude, that was totally uncalled for.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:02 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.npr.org/programs/fa/features/2005/11/jar_200.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:04 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.togawp.com/main/images/jake-gyllenhaal4.jpg

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:05 (eighteen years ago) link

I think I found the winner. NSFW & No fainting please.

http://socialitelife.com/images/santa.gif

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:16 (eighteen years ago) link

mpeg clip here:

http://www.socialitelife.com/video/Jarhead.mpg

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (eighteen years ago) link

Girl, I posted that Jarhead pic weeks ago! (along with a clip of the Santa dance)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:17 (eighteen years ago) link

I guess I'm not up to date on my nude celeb pixx.

My hairy asscrack theory is disproven!

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:23 (eighteen years ago) link

hahaha now, truly, best thread ever!

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:24 (eighteen years ago) link

He must wax. He looks vain enough.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (eighteen years ago) link

He shaved for Jarhead. Apparently Sam Mendes never knew any hirsute 20-year-old guys (what're the odds)...

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:26 (eighteen years ago) link

Maybe Adrian Brody?? James Spader?

Ahh, James Spader, please. Except not from that detective movie w/ Keanu Reeves, which was...actually I can't remember anything about it, my grey cells have been wiped clean by the hands of time. Not so memorable, then.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:30 (eighteen years ago) link

There was a movie that starred Keanu Reeves and James Spader?????!! The battle of who can make less facial expressions actually occurred??? And I MISSED it??? Shit.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

(don't take that the wrong way, I like both actors!)

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

JAKE WHY U SHAEV ASS ALL TIME>??

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:32 (eighteen years ago) link

He doesn't look THAT hairy in the non-shaved pictures, what are you all on about?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:35 (eighteen years ago) link

Not Robin Williams Hairy, but moderately so. (and I think he has more at 25 than 22...)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Ally - the thick pubic mane evidenced in the upthread shirtless photo suggests that he the lower half of his body is naturally covered in hair, like a satyr or something.

Anyone know what his ethnic heritage is? We could deduce from that.

― elmo, patron saint of nausea (allocryptic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 20:46 (eighteen years ago) link

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https://i.ibb.co/S3mthSy/IMG-2540.jpg

― badpee pooper (Eric H.), Wednesday, 24 January 2024 21:26 (three months ago) link

Papi.

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 24 January 2024 21:35 (three months ago) link

one month passes...

So.

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 12:01 (one month ago) link

Watched Road House last night. JG is very good in it, but calling the movie tonally inconsistent would be very generous. And Conor McGregor looks like a CGI/motion capture gimmick.

― Tahuti Watches L&O:SVU Reruns Without His Ape (unperson), Friday, 22 March 2024 12:39 (one month ago) link

how does it compare to the original?

― the absence of bikes (f. hazel), Friday, 22 March 2024 14:47 (one month ago) link

you could never replicate the brilliance of that part were Dalton jumps over the front porch of his house with that amazing ballet move. that whole original movie is just gold every minute until the credits roll.

― scott seward, Friday, 22 March 2024 14:53 (one month ago) link

how does it compare to the original?

I have a lot of thoughts, but basically this is an attempt to make a PG-13 Road House that the whole family can enjoy. The first one was about people who liked fucking, and punching each other. This one is about people who have never fucked, and only punch each other because they're forced into it. But hey, there's a precocious teen girl who says vaguely joke-like things to the protagonist.

― Tahuti Watches L&O:SVU Reruns Without His Ape (unperson), Friday, 22 March 2024 14:56 (one month ago) link

That sounds absolutely fucking awful

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 22 March 2024 15:08 (one month ago) link

The trouble is, there's already a good variant on Roadhouse in theaters called Love Lies Bleeding.

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 15:12 (one month ago) link

Rather!

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 22 March 2024 15:13 (one month ago) link

i think one key problem i have w/the idea of this film is Patrick Swayze was such an absolutely likable screen presence and JG is increasingly less so, and i feel like Roadhouse requires some kind of likable toughness, a kind of noble tough humility that PS was so good at.

― omar little, Friday, 22 March 2024 16:20 (one month ago) link

speak for yourself!

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 16:24 (one month ago) link

Yeah, Swayze was likable; Gyllenhaal is amiable. Two very different things.

Here's the difference between the two movies in a nutshell: in the original, Swayze wakes up and is doing naked tai chi and the female bartender from the roadhouse brings him breakfast and we see her blatantly ogling his naked ass. In this version, Gyllenhaal is awakened on the boat where he's living by the female bartender from the roadhouse; he's wearing boxer briefs and says, embarrassed, that he'll get dressed; she says, "Don't worry; I have brothers."

― Tahuti Watches L&O:SVU Reruns Without His Ape (unperson), Friday, 22 March 2024 16:27 (one month ago) link

I envy those boxer briefs.

― poppers fueled buttsex crescendo (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 March 2024 16:37 (one month ago) link

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Jake Gyllenhaal - C or D?