no boys allowed in the room!!!!

tons of more do-able mid-range high st shops

Agreed. I also like Debenhams a lot though. I miss Dorothy P though I think they may even ship here now.

I do appreciate the selection of 10 and up shoes at N Rack, that is true.

Dorothy Perkins ships to the US, yes.

yeah i am always meaning to order dorothy perkins stuff

:D I'd forgotten that they did. Oh man, this is exciting.

God damn, I would love to have you come over and be my personal shopper, Horseshoe. Like, you go out and do all what my mum calls "the hunter-gathering" and I just sit in splendour in the book department and you come in and say "how about this?" and I either shake my head or try it on.

Which, actually, mirrors a lot of my shopping experiences growing up. So much so that I almost wonder if it's not that the ~shopping gene~ skips a generation, as that when you have one generation that's really into shopping, the one who is often shopped for becomes lazy and thinks of shopping as a different thing. Like, I resent not having someone go out and do the hard work of looking for the right size.

It's not even that I'm not at peace with my body (though I will never forgive it for the fleshy orbs it sprouted on my chest when I was 12. Never.) it's that I'm not at peace with shops that have half a dozen size 10s and nothing remotely near something that will fit me. That just makes shopping awful, like "here are all the lovely things you could have, if you were just... less."

I know that places like TK Maxx are cheap *because* they do not employ enough people to go round and sort everything by size/theme/brand/etc. But jesus christ it is worth going to a pricier place that employs enough helpful shop assistants to put the racks in order and even - gasp! - cheerfully offer to go and find you another size if the one you have isn't right. (It also helps if the shop assistants are closer to my age and understand about middle aged bodies, as opposed to, you know, 12 year olds who think it's acceptable to wear tights as outer garments.) If spending a few extra pounds per garment pays their salaries, good god, will happily pay it. I am so middle aged and middle class now it's not even funny.

One of my biggest problems is that I find a nice, smaller boutiquey kind of shop which does exactly what I want for about a season or two - and then I don't know if they change designers or go for a different market, but then the next time I go shopping there, the stuff I like has gone, and it's full of pastel girly-girl stuff. Ugh. Do not want. It happened at Monsoon, it happened at East, and now it seems to be happening at Seasalt - this season was the first time there was absolutely *nothing* I wanted in their catalogue. I hope it's an aberration and they will be back to normal in the Autumn.

^^^so much OTMness in this post, WCC!

and then I don't know if they change designers or go for a different market

I think that trends just change, and the boutiques shift styles to follow the trends. It really annoys me, too. Like, let's get past this high-low hem thing, please, so I can buy dresses again. (Nothing against any fans of the high low hem, but I dislike it for me immensely plus I think it's going to look very dated in eight months.)

This, plus elastic waists, polyester dresses that ALL hit mid thigh, short skirts with long sheer skirt overlay (thought this was only on gofugyourself but someone got on my local bus wearing one), baggy short tops, tops that seem nice and practical but are ALL sheer >:(

tops that seem nice and practical but are ALL sheer

Oh yeah discovered this when shopping for work clothes. WTF. It always makes me think of Bridge to Teribithia, the older sister has scandalized everyone by wearing a see-through shirt. That's a sad book; I don't want to think about it over and over when buying career separates!

Plus I guess they're terribly impractical clothes and also usually polyester.

Yeah I bought a high-low hem skirt recently even though I have misgivings about the look. I even think it looks fine; it's just got an expiration date of a few months.

polyester dresses that ALL hit mid thigh

Arg yes. I'm hopelessly old fashioned in my skirt length preferences. My favorite is somewhere from below the knee to mid-calf (I KNOW!) but at least has to hit at just below the knee. Unless it's a pencil skirt, then at the knee is good. My best bet now is to buy maxi-dresses and hem them when it's no longer trendy to wear the equivalent of a nightgown out in public.

That will be a sad day for me, by the way. I love wearing nightgowns to work.

OH you know what? I have a high-low hem skirt, but it's more like it's got an upside-down U shaped slit in it, which I wear off to one side despite where the tags are.

I just realised one of my favourite work skirts is knee-length at the back then kind of goes into a lower point at the front/side. So I'm guilty of the high-low skirt after all!

OK, stupid me for thinking I could ask this question on a thread with men on it, and think I could get a real answer.

How do you tell when you're attracted to someone?

It's a simple enough question, right? Can I get some suggestions? Because it's hard to tell. I can tell if I'm definitely *not* attracted to someone. But figuring out if I definitely am attracted to someone? I feel like I need a better set of metrics.

On a very basic level, you would look forward to seeing/hearing from them vs. hope that this never happens?

These are some of the ways I know:
– #1 I don't feel incredibly self-conscious around them (ideally this translates as comfy vibes – butterflies or whatever can still be there but I don't feel like a fuck-up around them)
– blushing, laughing
– I think about them when I'm not around them, or they come to my mind by surprise, and once again they're not awful thoughts
– They suggest something maybe outside your comfort zone – not anything huge but like 'hey let's ice skate' and you've never done it before – and it sounds fun
– You read or see something and think 'hey that dude would like this I should show him'

Yes, I would look forward to seeing them again and hope I do. But I also look forward to seeing friends in whom I have no romantic or sexual interest.

It is probably too early to tell. I just feel so lost in all this.

Ah, thanks Beckott, that is a good bunch of things to look out for, in future.

Do you have any ideas about some of the responses/behaviors/thoughts you might add to your own list, WCC?

FWIW I don't think that the things that attract you to someone romantically/sexually are so different than the same things that attract you to friends in whom you do not have that interest. If you have the same "look forward to seeing" feeling, and then a little something different/extra when you are with the person, that says "romantic attraction" to me!

I can't remember! It's been like, 6 or 7 years since I had sex with anyone. And most of the times that I did, I was usually so drunk that it's hard to remember what it felt like. This is like having to learn how to walk all over again.

I'm kind of in the same boat! I feel you. I've been thinking back to ten years ago when I read A Lover's Discourse. I don't know that is was very helpful but it was something.

How to tell if someone is attracted to ME is an even bigger mystery. My friend and I went out Friday and she was joke-angry at me that I couldn't tell when guys were checking me out. I've never been very good at this. It's not easy but it's not impossible either!

Louis CK had some routine about how marriage/divorce is like a shitty time machine that takes you into the future the length of time your marriage lasted. And when you get out you're just as dumb and confused as when you got it. I can't stop thinking about that, either!

I am v glad you understand why I'm asking, and why this is confusing.

I can tell I'm sexually attracted to somebody if I suddenly imaging myself wildly making out with that person. Not having sex, just mashing our faces together in a big gross tongue kiss. This is not a good barometer of whether I am romantically attracted to somebody.

(kind of speaking of, men's olympic water polo is making me feel aggressively heterosexual. I think it's all the chest hair.)

That's a good idea, c.a.

But I'm not actually sure I can imagine me snogging anyone any more. Like, these days I have to imagine I'm someone else before I could even imagine snogging someone e.g. Thom Yorke to whom I definitely know I'm attracted. Like I'm that disconnected from mine own desires.

high-low hem skirt

like mullet skirts? are we talking about the same thing? I love my mullet skirts - it means i can wear something that hits above the knee without being self-conscious about butt-exposure

How to tell if someone is attracted to ME is an even bigger mystery.

I am so bad at this. I can tell if someone is attracted to another person fairly easily but for myself?

I can sometimes tell if people are attracted to me. Well, some of them. The ones that get a very stupid and dopey expression on their faces and keep looking at my lips. Those ones are easy. It's the ones who get butthurt and weird and slightly aggressive, it's almost impossible to tell if they actually hate yr guts or just want to jump you and hate themselves for wanting to.

May I recommend this delightful advice blog? http://captainawkward.com/category/captain-awkwards-dating-guide-for-geeks/

There's lots of good stuff there, but the dating advice columns might be particularly useful.

OK, yes, this is relevant to my interests.

::bookmarks::

That took me to this:

http://pervocracy.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/geek-social-fallacies-of-sex.html

And jesus christ I think that is such a sensible thing I wish someone had carved it on the back of a drum machine and showed it to me when I was 19 or so.

so envious of captain awkward

my attraction to someone is based on some kind of broken, self-sabotaging radar system. always the ones i'm not supposed to be attracted to.

I bought some Spanx today (I have to wear a suit on Thursday and it's too shitting hot for hose and my raggedy old bike shorts are too grabby) and the crotch has this overlapping gusset that you're supposed to be able to pee out of and LOL at anybody who tries to do this because you will just pee all over your stupid Spanx. I kind of like having a labial air vent, though.

This card was also enclosed in the packaging:

http://www.myfavoriteeverything.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Spanx-e1272307828721.jpeg

If I'd known they were going to be so hilarious, I might have bought some of these things sooner.

I am totally going to save some plumber's butt form a burning building wearing heels, a fire hat, spanx, and my Barbie boobs.

Oh I peed through that hole the one and only time I ever wore Spanx which was on my wedding day. It is pretty difficult though and you have to sort of hold the flaps apart unless you like peeing all over your undergarments.

I Peed through the Hole in My Spanx on My Wedding Day: A Memoir by ENBB

I have zero confidence in my ability to pee through that hole.

lol, pretty much

I didn't at first iirc but I was wearing them from 7 am until 4 the next morning and some time late at night I got tired of having to roll the damn things up and down every time I had to pee (which is often, I pee a lot) and just said "screw it, I'm going for it". Thankfully no disasters occurred.

Why the suit? A good occasion, I hope?

Just lawyer stuff. I have a theory that I only ever have to wear a suit when it's 90 degrees or above so I figured it was only a matter of time as hot as this summer has been.

7 am until 4 the next morning!!! That should go on the "You can do anything in your Spanx" card!

Oh wait it's only going to be 88 on Thursday.

That'll still be pretty warm in a suit.

I have Spanx with pee flaps and I was super paranoid for a bit but now I'm an old pro. I pull it to the side with one hand and it all works out and I don't pee on anything. They're an under bust type with straps so it's far too annoying to take it off, but the trade off is how lovely I look in dresses with them (enbb: pulp show!)

OKAY I am seriously considering peeing through the hole in these Spanx. I break a sweat just trying to wrassle the damn things down and back up again.

YES!! That's what I meant the other day. They're a huge pita to get on and off imo.

you can do it carl! Just pull the panties and have some faith! :D

I couldn't do it. I don't mean I tried and peed all over myself, I mean I started to try and my brain was like "http://dealbreaker.com/uploads/2010/09/drudge-siren1.gifNO YOU ARE STILL WEARING PANTS YOU CANNOT PEE NO NO NOhttp://dealbreaker.com/uploads/2010/09/drudge-siren1.gif" so I gave up.

Here is a shocking Spanx surprise, however: they are kind of comfortable? They are hell to pull on, but once they're up, they feel pretty good. I bought them a size bigger than I needed so maybe that's why.

Also, per our previous shopping discussion: http://ask.metafilter.com/219176/Levis-at-JC-Penny-just-cheap-or-crap