Better to be unplayable than uninspired - adventures in terrible gaming.

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Also, do the Suda 51 games count when they are so self-conscious? (Lollipop Chainsaw included, I presume)

Nhex, Wednesday, 25 July 2012 20:19 (eight years ago) link

Speaking of which, KILLER7.

Nhex, Wednesday, 25 July 2012 20:20 (eight years ago) link

oh man, stop trying to get me to get Nier

PITILESS LIVE SHOW (DJP), Wednesday, 25 July 2012 20:21 (eight years ago) link

God I want to play Tokyo Jungle so bad

pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Wednesday, 25 July 2012 20:24 (eight years ago) link

dude at this point nier must be all of what $4? thats the great thing about all of this

also yeah i wasnt sure if dead island really fit, but it is a total mess in a lot of ways. #1 being that if you allow their vaunted online coop, you end up finishing a bunch of story quests without even getting a chance to see them because some online psycho is off hardmanning through them solo, but if you dont play online there is some stuff that is basically impossible to do.

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 25 July 2012 20:27 (eight years ago) link

there was a totally hilarious review of Nier where some dude gave it zero stars because he spent a stupid amount of time on the fishing minigame trying to unsuccessfully catch a fish; something like an hour and a half later he realized he was 2 feet away from the spot where he supposed to have been fishing and caught the fish on the first try

PITILESS LIVE SHOW (DJP), Wednesday, 25 July 2012 20:31 (eight years ago) link

can we talk about dos games here

the late great, Wednesday, 25 July 2012 20:36 (eight years ago) link

WarTech Senko No Ronde (360) plays like a mixture of one-on-one fighter & bullet hell shmup? oh and lots of animu bollocks. you can get this really really cheap.
Trauma Team (Wii) worth it just to play the Diagnosis & Pathology sections, which are Phoenix-Wright-esque. you get to tell an old guy he's got an incurable disease! controls for the Endoscopy section are broken, thankfully you can skip those bits.
Recettear (PC) the dungeon parts are clumsy, the shop bits ridiculous - and yet it's just so charming, the localization probably counts for 90% of the goodwill towards this game.

zappi, Wednesday, 25 July 2012 20:48 (eight years ago) link

stuff i am currently considering as future entrants:

that conan game
red faction: armageddon
the CSI game

stuff i will never stoop to i dont think
naughty bear

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 25 July 2012 21:23 (eight years ago) link

how amazing would it be if there was a Conan O'Brien video game

PITILESS LIVE SHOW (DJP), Wednesday, 25 July 2012 21:24 (eight years ago) link

the entire thing should be QTE minigames where the goal is to do the most awkward-looking time-killing lurchdance

PITILESS LIVE SHOW (DJP), Wednesday, 25 July 2012 21:25 (eight years ago) link

Conan O'Brien Kinect Adventures!

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 25 July 2012 22:46 (eight years ago) link

has anyone played DayZ yet? it looks kinda messy but interesting.

zappi, Wednesday, 25 July 2012 23:05 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

ok fuck it, im buying duke nukem forever tonight. i think gamestop has it for under $5, so why not

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Saturday, 11 August 2012 20:22 (seven years ago) link

hahaha whoo boy, this is really something

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Sunday, 12 August 2012 19:04 (seven years ago) link

john, you know - earlier this morning, i was gonna respond to that post with something in the order "man, maybe there are some games that might not be worth the time"

then i walk into Best Buy today, and i see DNF brand new for three dollars, and i cannot resist

Nhex, Sunday, 12 August 2012 22:02 (seven years ago) link

That game has a demo, there is no reason for anyone to play that game :)

Andrew Farrell, Sunday, 12 August 2012 23:25 (seven years ago) link

John, you should post a video/audio review

Fiendish Doctor Wu (kingfish), Monday, 13 August 2012 04:24 (seven years ago) link

ok finished it. i know you will all think i am crazy, but it was infinitely better than i thought it would be. this is not to say that it isnt the most stupid and peurile game i have played in years because whoa it sure is, but the single player campaign is long and not actually bad. multiplayer is hilariously dated in a way that is hard to even describe, and painful to play, but you will be glad to know that there are still devoted maniacs for this just like every other shoot you in the face game on the planet. some particularly classy moments include slapping "wall boobs" until milk shoots out of them and the fact that if you hold up the ego boosting porn mags at just the right angle to the light, there are jizz stains on them. a couple of knowing moments where you say some horribly lunk-headed one liner and one of the space marine grunts in the area will respond with "uh. ok duke."

well worth $5, do not pay a penny more.

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 22 August 2012 18:32 (seven years ago) link

also, brink is turning out to be way way better than expected. of particular note is that the online crowd seems way less creepy than your average cod/halo/l4d peeps - no griefing, no attempts to fuck over new players, lots of avenues to feel like you arent shitty, even though i am sure that i am since ive been playing for a whole 5-10 hours. the vault mechanic or whatever is kinda meh, but the level design so far seems really solid, and the integration of changing objective based gameplay is pretty well executed. seems a little unbalanced in the sense that defensive chapters are way way harder than offensive ones, but that again might just be the way that the random allotments work. again, its sub $5 level now used, and although its no bulletstorm, its worth a look.

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 22 August 2012 19:00 (seven years ago) link

I'm quite tempted to get Nier at the moment.

Resonance Of Fate might qualify. Endless grind, almost no variation, really odd characterisation yet strangely addictive.

Temporarily Famous In The Czech Republic (ShariVari), Wednesday, 22 August 2012 19:10 (seven years ago) link

a couple of knowing moments where you say some horribly lunk-headed one liner and one of the space marine grunts in the area will respond with "uh. ok duke."


thomp, Wednesday, 22 August 2012 19:52 (seven years ago) link

there are plenty of times that you can feel the pain of some poor dude stuck with this ancient terrible character and letting his misery and distaste seep through.

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 22 August 2012 20:00 (seven years ago) link

I enjoyed Bulletstorm, I must say.

Fiendish Doctor Wu (kingfish), Thursday, 23 August 2012 06:49 (seven years ago) link

I have to say, my sense of humour has me wanting to play this just for the crying with laughter value:

frances boredom coconut (Trayce), Thursday, 23 August 2012 09:20 (seven years ago) link

lolll. is the game bug-ridden or is that some kind of comedy mode or what?

emo mcgee vs ricky hitler (Merdeyeux), Friday, 24 August 2012 00:45 (seven years ago) link

skate 3 wonky physics videos are basically my favorite thing ever, cannot imagine the game lives up to the youtubes

The muted sensation feels amazeballs. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 24 August 2012 01:10 (seven years ago) link

I think its just bug ridden from what I can understand! It is so fucking funny to watch. Sort of like a Gary's Mod, only on accident.

frances boredom coconut (Trayce), Friday, 24 August 2012 01:16 (seven years ago) link

Every time I watch one of those it makes me wonder why I've never picked it up.

EZ Snappin, Friday, 24 August 2012 01:29 (seven years ago) link

it is on my list. no surprise there i guess.

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Friday, 24 August 2012 04:24 (seven years ago) link

Yeah, that looks totally Garys Mod.

Fiendish Doctor Wu (kingfish), Friday, 24 August 2012 04:56 (seven years ago) link

Why yes, I am playing Red Faction: Armageddon. Much much better than expected, but still a huge bummer if you go in expecting Red Faction : Guerilla part 2.

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 18:23 (seven years ago) link

I think I convinced my friend to buy Skate 3 after sharing that video w/ him over the weekend.

cwkiii, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 18:24 (seven years ago) link

xp the prospect is just too sad. Guerilla was wonderfully smashy.

Nhex, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 18:28 (seven years ago) link

well theres still plenty of smashy, the magnet gun in particular is v v satisfying and is working with some pretty impressive behind the scenes physics and mass calculations. the big issue is that its very linear, and the destructo is less fun in the underground crawl sections (although not always!)

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 18:39 (seven years ago) link

feels weirdly dead spacey in some ways? also, if you see a mech, use it. plz note: i would be less happy with this if i had not picked it up for $5 at the pawn shop

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 18:40 (seven years ago) link

word, word

Nhex, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 18:43 (seven years ago) link

I bought Skate 3 on Monday. It's awesome but I haven't had any cool glitches.

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 18:56 (seven years ago) link

I just enjoyed a nice, long bout of Skate 3 video induced laughter. Thank you so much for that gift.

Old Lunch, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:01 (seven years ago) link

future entries in this thread:

40oz of tears (Jordan), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:03 (seven years ago) link

Bought Duke Nukem Forever off Amazon for £2 today. genuinely so excited to play this.

anyone in here played Doritos Crash Course?

Blue Collar Retail Assistant (Dwight Yorke), Thursday, 30 August 2012 23:45 (seven years ago) link

omg just bought Deadly Premonition

zappi, Friday, 31 August 2012 17:47 (seven years ago) link

You are in for such a treat

O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Friday, 31 August 2012 19:27 (seven years ago) link

this game is fucking terrible

Blue Collar Retail Assistant (Dwight Yorke), Monday, 3 September 2012 00:25 (seven years ago) link

jjj, your obvious love for deadly prem has finally convinced me to order it.

Mordy, Monday, 3 September 2012 00:34 (seven years ago) link

anyone ever play this one?

looks bonkers.

original bgm, Monday, 3 September 2012 02:16 (seven years ago) link

original bgm, Monday, 3 September 2012 02:27 (seven years ago) link

yeah, that's a great article and summary, to the point where i do not feel the need to actually play the game. go HG101!

Nhex, Monday, 3 September 2012 06:39 (seven years ago) link

one year passes...

Ride to hell: retribution just dropped to $10 used at my local gamestop, so it's on

ACA: not bad, needs more death panels (jjjusten), Friday, 11 October 2013 06:03 (six years ago) link

btw, Marlow Briggs and the Mask of Death is a self-aware-ish budget title that looks fairly enjoyable if you are so inclined

Andrew Kornfan, Thursday, 17 October 2013 11:45 (six years ago) link

When it hits a budget price I think I'll bite on Dragon's Crown

Nhex, Thursday, 17 October 2013 16:19 (six years ago) link

Ha, Ride to Hell dropped to $10 at BestBuy. I'm really tempted to get it from jjjusten's review here but... i've probably got enough legitimately good games in the backlog that it would be unwise

Nhex, Tuesday, 22 October 2013 03:37 (six years ago) link

Love this review

Nhex, Thursday, 24 October 2013 20:00 (six years ago) link

god I love Cara Ellison

Andrew Kornfan, Friday, 25 October 2013 09:01 (six years ago) link


polyphonic, Wednesday, 6 November 2013 00:37 (six years ago) link

man. he didn't even kill anybody in First Blood!

Nhex, Saturday, 9 November 2013 05:41 (six years ago) link

Ooooh, Catherine is hitting this sweet spot. Not so much terrible as just super super weird

Wendy Carlos Williams (jjjusten), Saturday, 16 November 2013 06:20 (six years ago) link

Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad on sale on PSN. Thoughts?

Nhex, Friday, 29 November 2013 20:17 (six years ago) link

Was on sale on XBL today too, grabbed it. Will report back... eventually.

Nhex, Saturday, 30 November 2013 05:54 (six years ago) link

Not available on ps3 in America god damn it

On the plus side flash sale on deadpool so uh oh

Wendy Carlos Williams (jjjusten), Saturday, 30 November 2013 06:08 (six years ago) link

Ha never mind, on sale for less in physical format. Tomorrow you will be mine, terrible terrible game.

Wendy Carlos Williams (jjjusten), Saturday, 30 November 2013 06:11 (six years ago) link

ride to hell: retribution - $7
defiance - $7
aliens: colonial marines - $9

Aliens - that's the broken one that looks like a PS2 game?

EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 10 December 2013 21:58 (six years ago) link

true of so many games, but yes

a friend picked up the Alone in the Dark reboot mentioned way upthread as a gag and oh my god this is really something

papa smango (fadanuf4erybody), Wednesday, 11 December 2013 01:55 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Aliens: Colonial Marines for PC download, $1.99 just for today. Comes with coupon for $5 off an Amazon download next month, they're usually pretty good with their "Best Of" selection in January.

Nhex, Thursday, 26 December 2013 02:14 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

dudes i want to talk about Anarchy Reigns

Wendy Carlos Williams (jjjusten), Monday, 13 January 2014 18:34 (six years ago) link

so its a sequel (kind of?) to madworld, closed world beat-em-up that is also apparently a 20ish character fighting game as well - im hot garbage with regards to fighters, so i am not a good judge. dumb as a brick in many ways, weird "why is this here" vehicle timed lap racing sections, no attempt at even vague coherency, interspersed with completely out of character and hamfisted "touching" dead kid storyline. its a glorious god damn mess so far, not as broken as ride to hell (which well jesus i dont know if anything in recent memory is that broken) but so bafflingly out of step with videogames of the modern day that it is quite refreshing. its no bulletstorm, but its cheap as dirt and solidly in the spirit of this thread.

Wendy Carlos Williams (jjjusten), Monday, 13 January 2014 18:43 (six years ago) link

sounds fun, will wait for $5

Nhex, Monday, 13 January 2014 20:57 (six years ago) link

just learned about this stinker recently

hang son doong (am0n), Monday, 13 January 2014 22:56 (six years ago) link

lol the voice acting

hang son doong (am0n), Monday, 13 January 2014 22:58 (six years ago) link

jesus that music

this harmless group of nerds and the women that love them (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 14 January 2014 06:14 (six years ago) link

Ride to Hell won GB's worst game award last year

Who is DANKEY KANG? (kingfish), Tuesday, 14 January 2014 08:39 (six years ago) link

one month passes...

ORION: Dino Horde is free this weekend (and if you really like it permanent ownership is on sale for $1 )

u know u want to

Mordy , Friday, 21 February 2014 23:14 (six years ago) link

supposedly really really awful

Nhex, Saturday, 22 February 2014 00:49 (six years ago) link

The first good argument for me to own a gaming PC. Which I don't, so infinite sadface.

Corpsepaint Counterpaint (jjjusten), Saturday, 22 February 2014 03:05 (six years ago) link

one month passes...

daikatana only $1.5 right now on steam:

Mordy , Saturday, 5 April 2014 23:28 (six years ago) link


Nhex, Sunday, 6 April 2014 01:18 (six years ago) link

jjjjusten if you like bad games and you don't have even a mid-level PC that can run garbage from 2006ish then you're missin out.

Andrew Kornfan, Saturday, 12 April 2014 04:05 (six years ago) link

I know! Curse of Mac owner. And it's a shitty "old" mac, but that still means nothing came out for it ever.

Corpsepaint Counterpaint (jjjusten), Saturday, 12 April 2014 04:34 (six years ago) link

eleven months pass...

Ohhhhh yeah, grabbed Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard for 90 cents on that recent flash sale, let's get stupid

a strawman stuffed with their collection of 12 cds (jjjusten), Wednesday, 25 March 2015 06:25 (five years ago) link

two years pass...

I kept seeing these two Skylight games (for Vita) pop up in PSN sales and became curious enough to look into them. And, well...holy jesus:

You dishonor your ancestors with your emoji abstention (Old Lunch), Monday, 12 February 2018 16:07 (two years ago) link

Just to be clear, these are pretty much brand new games and not something someone made for their high school computer class in 1996.

You dishonor your ancestors with your emoji abstention (Old Lunch), Monday, 12 February 2018 16:08 (two years ago) link

eleven months pass...

Ah ha ha ha. Just saw that this is currently on clearance sale in the PSN store and came here to post a gameplay vid, totally forgetting that I'd already ragged on this irredeemable POS. Thanks for saving me some work, Younger Lunch.

Why have more than 1,000 of my bucks disappearded? (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 6 February 2019 00:36 (one year ago) link

jeeze louise

( ͡☉ ͜ʖ ͡☉) (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 6 February 2019 00:38 (one year ago) link

Ah heck, why not another, it's pretty funny to hear the reviewer get pissy about trying to 'play' the godforsaken thing

Why have more than 1,000 of my bucks disappearded? (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 6 February 2019 00:42 (one year ago) link

To be clear, someone is responsible for making three entire games that look/play like this.

Why have more than 1,000 of my bucks disappearded? (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 6 February 2019 00:44 (one year ago) link

i'm definitely planning to do a adventure into this world on the switch but waiting another year or so for the library to 'mature'

ciderpress, Wednesday, 6 February 2019 01:05 (one year ago) link

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