At what age did you lose your virginity?

yeah, I certainly didn't know (not that we've had a bazillion heart-to-hearts or anything, but we've both been posting here for years and you do tend to learn things about ppl just through osmosis) and I never would have guessed that something like that happened to you

I have to constantly remind myself that everyone I meet doesn't know that about me - it always feels like somehow everyone can somehow discern it. It sucks, and yet, I can't even imagine what it would be like had it never happened. It's not like I have an alternate life to compare it to where none of that happened.

^^^this is beautifully & elegantly put though. my abuse wasn't sexual, but when I tell stories of my home life that by now seem kind of funny to me - they took place decades ago, and some of them have come to seem like broad dark comedy to me - people get visibly uncomfortable, & I'm like "oh umm sorry it's kind of dark & awful but it doesn't surprise me because it's true so the one thing it can't be to me is surprising"

I feel for you. I had plenty of non-sexual abuse too, which of course made the sexual stuff even worse since it all tied together. I've learned not to let on what was done to me when talking to others, but it makes me feel like i'm living a lie, because I can't talk about so many of my formative experiences. I imagine it would be like if Jackie O wrote an autobiography but had to leave out any mention of JFK being assasinated, or something like that.

I knew but only because you've mentioned on threads in the past. I'm pretty sure I've said this before but I'm really sorry you had to experience that.

thx.

for some reason reading this thread has made me a little depressed

on top of that, i always get a litle sad thinking about this because it was in my first gf's parents' bed, while they were out of town, and her parents are great people, still are, and i kinda feel like i disrespected them a bit doing that, like as if i did coke on their wedding photos or pooped on their couch. i guess at least we were the same age and we're all still friends.

Boy there's a question. Are you still in touch with the person?

She and I drop an email once or twice a year, but we're not Facebook friends nor do we send Christmas cards to each other.

Yes. We were pretty good friends until I was about 22 but then sort of drifted apart. Every couple years one of us will find the other and check in. The last time was when he emailed me because seeing a pair of his daughter's shocking pink cords had reminded him of the time I bought a similar pair at Antique Boutique in NYC and the memory prompted him to find out how I was.

I saw mine a few weeks back :) He put on a DJ night in Toronto. Good times!
Ours was not very notable. It was nice, not much pressure, we triumphed over anticipation. He'd had sex once, a year or so before. So was clearly a pro and I a mere novice.
Pretty sure if you google my full maiden name you can STILL find the ILX post where I talked about the music we played during the act (Blur) :P That's not embarassing, at all..

Started doing stuff of various sorts when i was 14, but held off on the actual standard def loss of virginity until i was 18 because i wanted to do it with someone that wasnt stupid (which sounds like a retroactive thought, but i remember having that be a odd really clear manifesto, also a quantity in short supply in my town, and also yeah i was kind of a pretentious dick abt shit like that). then i spent the next 6-10 years or so whoring it up like a fiend, which was greased by booze/drugs/my ability in retrospect to be a complete heartless asshole which i sorely regret abt those years. settled into a series of monagamous ltrs, and now im a decent human being married to a lady i love, so shit worked out eventually i guess.

oh hey anyone object to me deindexing this? not for my benefit but since people are operating with a lot of candor itt it makes a lot of sense i think.

Oh.... ILTMI is not all deindexed?

on top of that, i always get a litle sad thinking about this because it was in my first gf's parents' bed, while they were out of town, and her parents are great people, still are, and i kinda feel like i disrespected them a bit doing that, like as if i did coke on their wedding photos or pooped on their couch. i guess at least we were the same age and we're all still friends.

― the late great, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 21:10 (39 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fwiw, obviously they/you/anyone might consider this a brutal act of dishonour or w/e but i think it's totally okay, & even in the broader context really good - like it's somewhere comfortable where you don't have to think too much &c. i don't have kids but presumably you don't want them never to have sex or to only have sex in the woods or w/e. people make way worse transgressions than venue.

ha honestly i dont remember, maybe it is? im the mod equivalent of the guy who naps through all the morning policy meetings at the office. xpost

If you de-index it I'll share (although it's not a fascinating story it's more pathetic)

mine was sometime early 20s, what I thought was too-late and alcohol-fueled and was kind of a non-event

I'm both glad and disappointed there's not really more of a story to share

the only really amusing thing abt the actual event for me is that for some reason (despite what i said about both of us being smart supposedly) we decided to tackle the task at hand in a goddamn papasan chair in her bedroom

lol

You know, there's nothing really amusing or interesting about my stories, either girl- or boy-. Except this: the girl (she was 17, I was 14) was really into "The Lion King" and we did it to the soundtrack. And the boy (both 16) was babysitting his infant brother at the time and "Pocahontas" was on in the other room.

I can barely even sit successfully in a papasan chair let alone anything dirty

Oh also, I've been hesitant to chime in b/c I'm shy about this stuff, but the TMI on this thread is beautiful and useful and thanks everybody for sharing.

I used to think it was odd that it was such a non-event for me, but evidently that's quite the norm. Makes me wonder why our first time seems to be regarded as being so significant.

I don't even remember her name. We're talking total random hookup here. I do remember the name of my first kiss though, which occurred a year earlier (13). That must mean something....

I think that's the second papasan reference on ilx this week, kudos

I had to google "papasan" to learn what it was. Wow, i've been a papasan virgin all my life....

I have only heard of it referred to as a satellite chair. Is "papasan" totally racist?

Only if you lost your virginity in a Japanese brothel.

idk ask pier one. xpost

I don't think so. It's what Filipinos call them, that or "grandfather chair".

By any name, these things look incredibly uncomfortable to sit on, and even more uncomfortable for other activities

They are crazy comfortable to sit in. Don't know about blowjies/sexors.

Comfort-wise they're a step above a recliner and a step below a hammock

Comfort-wise, almost everything is below a hammock!

So relaxing....

I used to have a papasan chair and LOVED it. Never fucked in it though.

ha honestly i dont remember, maybe it is? im the mod equivalent of the guy who naps through all the morning policy meetings at the office. xpost

― O_o-O_O-o_O (jjjusten), Wednesday, July 18, 2012 3:59 PM (2 hours ago)

nyah nyah, I brought donuts for everybody last time and you didn't get none.

Just checked and the whole board is deindexed.

well in that case let me also mention that I will remember forever the day my gf & I finally broke down and did the deed after months of oral-and-manual-and-makin'-out-only. It wasn't like the actual act was a huge revelation, it was just that it there was a restriction in place but the restriction was pretty arbitrary so there was just this one off-limits thing: I had mentioned that I knew there were condoms in the house previously & where they were, and it was really rad to be told in the middle of hottness naked stuff "if those condoms are still there go get one"

(heads to wikipedia)

kinda not a great joke on this board for me man

sorry

"If those condoms are still there go get one" aerosmith live in mexico city '82

I won't rest until I get that CD now

As a matter of record, I always have to state that the girl I drove to the other time zone with was my first, but man. I went out with a girl the summer before and we did everything but. We frequently went so far to do it... parallel? Like no penetration, but I would kinda scoop it between? Like a hot dog through a bun but not really?

Enough to make a mess, but we were both Catholics in name only and it seemed almost even more perverted to go that far and not do it.

Needless to say, we both laid other people within 90 days of breaking up.

My first boyfriend I dated for two and a half years without ever putting his dick in me. Sometimes I think back on it and feel like 'wow', and almost kind of guilty – because it was all me holding back – but we had tons of fun? and orgasms? so who cares. One time he tried to claim blue balls was an actual medical condition and I thought he was just uninformed. (TBH he thought ejaculate had only one solitary sperm swimming around in it.)

Never understood blue balls. Some dude would talk about it in the locker room and I would just think inside my head, "Then just go home and masturbate, what's the problem here?"

I remember sexual frustration post-virginity being a very different thing to sexual frustration mid-virginity, but blue balls was obv a joke phrase and if anyone took it seriously they were an idiot

I met some dude on an AOL chat room who was 34 and a waiter and lived in Denver, and he was extremely influential in my development as a thinking adult person. I know that age difference is supremely creepy, but hey, I guess it happens. It's odd to look back fondly on such a creep. In the latter half of my senior year, I started talking with this guy on the phone and stuff and then he started getting all moony and mushy and professed his love for me

^ start as you mean to go on

Like no penetration, but I would kinda scoop it between? Like a hot dog through a bun but not really?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intercrural_sex

Replace "thighs" with "labia minora", and yeah, that's it.

blue balls = a way of pressuring girls to put out

I wish they actually turned blue, like that Coors can that tells you it's cold when the mountains turn blue.

Then you could know...this man is about to die.

hahahah

blue balls = a way of pressuring girls to put out

― Je55e, Thursday, 19 July 2012 05:17 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so otm. it's manufacturing an ailment that has an antidote, like snake bites & sucking out venom.

yeah who ever heard of snake bites