Fear of death.

btw justine i occasionally freak out when my girlfriend is unreachable for one reason or another for a long time--i don't get mad, but i'll pace the floor and sometimes i'll cry a little when she gets home, or at least give her an unnervingly intense hug.

note that i use "depression" as kind of catch-all for a certain habit of mind, i don't really believe in "clinical depression" per se

i do

xps yeah i felt bad for him feeling bad - he felt super guilty, but it wasn't his fault at all, or anything he did wrong. it's just a weird trigger for me.

an ex of mine, who was involved in a lot of pretty shady activities, would often disappear for days at a time, without warning, and wouldn't contact me. i wouldn't sleep till he got back and then he'd get mad at me for worrying. so that may be of my problem now.

I had several paralyzing fear of death episodes throughout high school and college - a severe one brought about by reading the death of ivan ilyich! then I took a lot of acid, the end.

After which I get gripped by this utter, nauseating existential dread thinking about just . . . not being, while people I don't know dispose of my remains. It's like near-panic-attack levels of fear.

Happy Thursday!

― Julie Derpy (Phil D.), Thursday, June 28, 2012 12:48 PM (1 hour ago)

i only really get this when hi, and then only rarely

BUT ... my back "went out" the other day, and i wound up spending about 14 hours lying on the floor in near-screaming pain, basically unable to move. first time anything like that has ever happened to me, and it wasn't scary, exactly, but it did make me think lots of matter-of-fact thoughts about death. like, will anybody find me? will the cat eventually eat my lips? how often will i soil myself before i go? and so on. eventually i managed to get myself back in bed, and not long after made my way to the hospital. i'm okay now, and more than anything else, the experience seems to have kick-started my general will to live. so, a good thing on the whole. a realistic understanding of impending mortality helps keep things in perspective.

Have mentioned this before on other threads -- I don't really fear death, just any pain and debilitation leading up to it. Death itself would be kind of a relief, tbh. Finally a chance to put my feet up and relax without anybody wanting a piece of my time.

oh dont smoke weed btw

quitting that = best thing i ever did

i mean, not ever. and i'll still every once in a while. but it is BAD for FOD

real talk

xxposts to Phil D - I experience a similar feeling. If that passing thought of 'hey one day you won't exist' enters my brain, I'll have a full blown panic attack unless I shoo it away *immediately*.

Sometimes it wakes me up in the middle of the night, and I can't help but cry about it, but that doesn't happen much anymore.

I've been that way since I was little. I used to have random outbursts when I was very small and supposed to be going off to sleep where I'd run out into the living room crying to Mum and Dad 'I don't want to die, I don't want to die' and they'd have to calm me down. I dunno where it came from, but it's nowhere near as bad now as it was back then.

i don't know what's scarier - 1)one day you won't exist or 2)you will exist for all eternity. obv i know the latter won't happen so by default it's the former but jeez... fuck...

i'm not really afraid of dying itself so much as the process of dying. it seems just so fuckin' grim -- drawn-out physical pain, extended hospital stays, ppl who care about you trying to put on a brave face -- to the point where ppl euphemize it later, like, 'oh, he was doing really well, up until that last week.' well, who wants 'that last week' to be your last experience of life? objectively, i guess dying unexpectedly in your sleep seems like the ideal way to go -- but then the idea of being suddenly cut off (as opposed to being given the chance to 'settle your affairs,' do all the things you always meant to do, etc.) seems pretty terrible too. in conclusion, i suppose i am actually afraid of dying.

Very early in my life I developed a pseudo-zen attitude about it. I suspect it mostly derives from growing up several generations out of place - relatives were much older and passing away when I was pretty young. I always liked the epitaph on one of my early ancestors:

"Death is a debt to Nature due, that I have paid, and so must you"

Have no idea where the phrase originated from (my g-g-g-g-g-g-grandfather's headstone dates from 1780).

Some ways to die are better than others. Both my parents had drawn-out senile dementia in their final years, which involves a steady decline from not being able to manage in your own home, onto to the depressing atmosphere of a nursing home, and finally to being unable to feed yourself. Another terrible way to go is emphysema.

From this perspective, a sudden heart attack seems preferable.

"Death is a debt to Nature due, that I have paid, and so must you"

feel like i've been zinged from beyond the grave

the only way i can imagine coming to terms with the fact that i will cease to exist is if, when i'm on my proverbial deathbed, i can look back on the range of experiences that was my life and think "alright, i can't ask for anything more."

this is a good motivator for wringing as much as i can out of my life, but it doesn't offer any comfort with regard to the possibility of dying randomly/unexpectedly in the near future

but it doesn't offer any comfort with regard to the possibility of dying randomly/unexpectedly in the near future

Agreed. I suspect that during a plane crash/traffic accident/"strange loop" type of event my last thought will be an annoyed "really? right now?" rather than anything fearful.

Being afraid of death makes as much sense to me as being upset that you were born in the first place.

i don't know what's scarier - 1)one day you won't exist or 2)you will exist for all eternity. obv i know the latter won't happen so by default it's the former but jeez... fuck...

Extrapolate this further. Is it scary to imagine that in the past you didn't exist? No, cos you existed in your parents, your ancestors, the slime that crawled out of the ocean, the fucking nuclear reaction in the heart of a dying star, etc. You existed for all eternity in the past and will exist for all eternity in the future.

What are you holding on to? Is it consciousness? The experience of being in the world you are having today? Both of those are ephemeral, shifting things.

even if you die the matter and energy in your body remains in the universe until it ends so you still exist

otm

great I'm cured lock thread

...

you guys know that it's an *irrational* fear to begin with right?

I always liked that Seinfeld that has the standup bit where he talks about how on a survey people rated Public Speaking as a bigger fear than Death. And how basically at a funeral you are better off in the coffin than giving the eulogy.

you existed in your parents, your ancestors, the slime that crawled out of the ocean,

No. No, you didn't.

Convincing argument.

Do you not agree with Carl Sagan that we are all star stuff?

Late at night, being star stuff is very very cold comfort.

To quote Ray Bradbury, "I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of not living." That's what we should all be afraid of.

But whatever your driving force is, go with it. Even if it's irrational fear of something inevitable.

We are all star stuff != the star stuff that composes our bodies was us a billion years ago. That's like saying a wooden table existed in a tree. No, the wooden table is made out of the tree.

But if you are feeling poetic about it, you could indeed say that the wooden table existed in the tree. I'm just sayin'.

I don't think I've ever felt that poetic.

I'm never going to die so it doesn't really scare ms

haha xpost to emily

you'd totally be the monk in the story who gets his nose twisted by the Zen Master for not getting it.

Lamp, teach me how to live

http://dougbierend.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/the-denial-of-death-e9b699l.jpg

(Actually a great book.)

you'd totally be the monk in the story who gets his nose twisted by the Zen Master for not getting it.

No, I'd be the person telling the Zen Master that he's full of shit, and that if he tries twisting my nose I'm calling the police and having him arrested for assault.

"Full of shit" is not a phrase often directly associated with Zen masters. Points for originality. :)

http://nighttimethoughts.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/mountain20stream.jpg

Don't drink the water.

<I>even if you die the matter and energy in your body remains in the universe until it ends so you still exist

― The Cheerfull Turtle (Latham Green), Friday, June 29, 2012 4:37 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
</I>

Yeah well that ain't gonna catch me up on missed seasons of Adventure Time or Parks & Rec, so.

emil.y otm. the "matter and energy in your body remains in the universe" stuff is no antidote to the entirely rational fear of death.

To quote Ray Bradbury, "I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of not living." That's what we should all be afraid of.

kinda the other way around for me and most ppl i suspect. dying sounds horrible. not living is not something u experience at all.

emil.y otm. the "matter and energy in your body remains in the universe" stuff is no antidote to the entirely rational fear of death.

Yeah but nothing is! I mean, maybe for some people. But there's not any one thing you can say that will cause 100% of people to not be afraid of death. I don't think anyone said there was, anyways...

May as well get depressed that the sun is going down, or that your friend is in another geographic location than you, or something.

Or what if we all got sad right before we go to sleep, because we know we won't be awake and experiencing the world.

we get it.

adam bruneau aren't you like 23 or something

I'm not actually afraid of death. But not because of some hippy nonsense. Because I know I won't regret being dead when I'm dead, because it's quite simply impossible to do so.

The process of dying, on the other hand... Ouch.

only 23 year olds are made of stars iirc