Depression and what it's really like

yeah, i always seem to swing back into dep when i stop eating right and exercising.

I can never work out if that's the case for me or if I stop eating right and exercising because I'm on a down-swing.

keep a lil food diary!...and like a mood one too, it will answer that question

I can tell usually because I stop exercising when the weather turns shitty, which in England happens on the regular, and then the bad mood comes in the week after. This thread inspired me to go for a run earlier though! And I will try to learn some in-door activities for if it gets rainy.

trayce that sux abt yr joints but there must be some sort of low-impact exercise you can handle? yoga?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPvmIxu-LSA

classic

So it turns out one can be completely unhappy for only so many years before it turns into capital-d Depression.

i am not surprised.

how's it going?

The days just keep going by. House payments and birthdays are mile markers. I get up, sit in this chair and stare at this screen all day, then I go to bed. It's not good that my work space is my entertainment space. I hate where I live, I hate my work, I hate what boredom/comfort eating has done to this bag of skin I wear, I don't have enough of an attention span to read a book, I've realized that I'm not as nice a guy as I used to think I was, my wife and I are getting on each other's nerves a lot more, sex life 98% finished... I'm sure there was something else, but I can't think of it. Anyway, I've hit the point in the last few months where I just shut down emotionally. Turned the sign on the window around from OPEN to CLOSED.

This may sound really weird or sarcastic, but I mean it 100% sincerely, Mookie -- thank you for asking.

I'm sorry, Wm. Not gonna even suggest anything because you are a grown man and know there are ways to tackle it, but I am just sorry.

I've been quietly thinking of what I could say that would make any difference, and sadly I never thought of anything, but I have been thinking of you and your wellbeing WmC. That's gotta be worth something. Not as much as actually saying something though. Here's to shaking off the shit and feeling better, however it happens.

That's gotta be worth something.

It's worth a huge, huge something. Thanks, LL and L.

More and more I think that "happiness" and a not-depressed basic state require self-delusion. I'm okay with that, I understand this is why mental health is work and a personal responsibility--because it's not easy, esp if you have a clear-eyed view of this fucked up world full of assholes, p much. I tend to think that depression is an appropriate response to living in the world. It's just not a very satisfactory one.

i was kind of thinking about what to say -- i actually woke up early today (which is wildly out of character) and was thinking, well, dude hates ms and works remotely, maybe he should move somewhere *good*.

of course i am familiar enough with the subject that such suggestions are wild flights of fancy far easier to suggest than implement.

do you see your daughter much? what does she think?

anyway, best wishes

Anyway, I've hit the point in the last few months where I just shut down emotionally. Turned the sign on the window around from OPEN to CLOSED.

Jesus. I understand this feeling all too well...

i was kind of thinking about what to say -- i actually woke up early today (which is wildly out of character) and was thinking, well, dude hates ms and works remotely, maybe he should move somewhere *good*.

I think about this all the time. I could live anywhere! But I'm shackled to this fucking place because it seems to be the only spot on earth where my wife doesn't want to kill herself. We moved back here in 2001 because she "wanted to be closer to family," but really the only family is her brother, who we see about twice a year even though he lives a whopping half mile away. She just hates cities, and I love them. Every time I make noises about moving, she says "well how do you know you'd be any happier somewhere else?" But this is veering off from depression-thread stuff to family-problems-thread stuff.

W, tho we converse mostly about baseball, I wish you better days.

well

(oh man i am completely kickass at practical solutions that would be so far beyond me personally)

i don't want to poop on yr wife, but you have done your decade-plus and you are miserable. if you are aware of something that would make you happy (i am not, which is a problem), i would suggest doing it.

I know they're just 1's and 0's here, but (hugs) for u, W

you will find yr way, I think

I tend to think that depression is an appropriate response to living in the world.
--how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel)

I agree with this. Sorry to hear abt yr problems WMC, even tho I don't really know u. It sucks to feel trapped and unsure whether any changes you make will be effective. In my case the uncertainty lies in the fact that no matter how much you change, you will still be yourself...will I be depressed no matter where I go? Sometimes I think that would be even more depressing, to make this big change only to find that nothing has really changed. But on some level I think that is my fear talking to me.

Thank you all -- it feels good to unload a bit and not be told I'm the most miserable poster on ILX.

nah you're awesome apart from the braves thing

hahaha, thanks dude

Sometimes I think that would be even more depressing, to make this big change only to find that nothing has really changed.

I have lived in 6 cities in the last 8 years, and this is truer each time. Which is not to discount the fact that some places suck and others don't. Your day to day can change and significantly improve (or get worse) with a move, but it doesn't touch the core stuff at all. Can't run from yourself, etc.

Sending good thoughts, WmC. It's not much but if you need a bottle of sriracha or something I'll be happy to ship it along.

really sad to hear you're feeling this way WmC, you seem like a good dude.

what is your wife's definition of 'country'? could there not be some sort of compromise?

xpost -- Can you believe The Great Satan (Walmart) sells that stuff here in Amory? And I can get the other Huy Fong products at Kroger in Tupelo. High cotton! (Thanks, Ned.)

just1n3, our little NoCal adventure was sort of a compromise, but it didn't work out at all -- Redding at 80K people was still too big for her, and 225 miles was too far from the Bay Area for me to be able to really enjoy the music, art, baseball, etc as much as I wanted. I managed about three trips down per year during the 3+ years we lived there. This booming metropolis of 6500 is where she wants to be.

wmc, i send you kindest wishes, and i think it sounds as if it's your emotional and mental health's turn to be given a higher billing. i really hope things improve soon.

hang in there!

maybe you could move somewhere hip and fly out to see your wife every three months. my grandmother's sister's husband has been doing that for 20 years from his base in chicago. he was the first adult i was ever on a first-name-basis with. like flip the sign to "back in 20 minutes".

is it really hot and humid right now where you are?

maybe you could move somewhere hip and fly out to see your wife every three months.
or the other way around
have you considered separate vacations? lots of people do this, i even know some of them.

Wrt not being as nice a person as you thought, I'm going insist on my own experience, which is that I'm a not-very-committed poster who was a bit nervous of shuffling into the outloud room and had no good music to even contribute and you were welcoming and friendly. All the very best to you.

maybe you could move somewhere hip and fly out to see your wife every three months.

We have considered this! It's not out of the question. (The heat is starting to kick in this week, though evenings are still pleasant. 93 degrees today.) LL, aside from the occasional joint vacation, I do go off on my own regularly -- the Vegas/New Mexico trip, Amsterdam a few years ago, etc.

Thanks again everybody -- I feel a little embarrassed bogarting this thread.

What the thread is here for imo.

(almost feel like saying "feel better" is hypocritical given my usual state but I really do hope you feel better)

Don't be! Your problems are as worthy of attention as anybody else's. What threads like this are for.

Ha, WC. You should ask sunny how she copes with moving from one of the largest cities in the Southern Hemisphere to North Little Rock, Ark.

But her plan for escaping from the Bible Belt is to move to Utah. I'm all "Oookay, but o_O?"

sunny just wants to ski

Utah?!

mookie otm.

well, my fantasy is to leave the worldly metropolis and go a small town in maine. as the shaggs said, you can never pleeease any-boh-hoh-dee in this worrrrld.

paul le page has no use for your enlightened ideas, alas

what about paul lekakis?

dude can dance

boom boom

yo wmc, sending ~good vybes~ yr way.

Utah, man, living that big city dream of hanging out with 18-year-olds with fake IDs, drinking 3.2% beer at Kilby Court.
WmC, also sending good vibes. I don't have any solutions but I am really glad you shared, like everyone said, that's what this thread is for.

Kilby Court!!!

Kilby Court is basically my favourite place in USA

WmC, I wish you lived close so that we could make each other go out and get vitamin D and sunshine and exercise! I've been feeling a lot like this lately - realized this week that I might actually be depressed again instead of just sad/tired which is how I would previously have described myself. Usually summer cures it but this year feels different. I'm trying, passively*, to wiggle out of my slump and I hope you can too. :) But until then, bitch and moan with the rest of us - that's what the board is for.

http://everyonesanidiot.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/snn2502gx3-532_1459446a.jpeg

*I take vitamins and sometimes force myself to take dog or bike to park. Living life, right here!

Good wishes to you, WmC. I really enjoy your posts, particularly the food-related stuff!

Thanks to everybody for the good vibes. Ironically, one reason it's so easy to spend all day staring at the internet is because, for the most part, ILX is a good community for people who desire community. If World FAP were to ever actually happen, I'd buy you all a round.