Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

I've been sitting in on an open office thing the past couple days, and this thread has made me like super paranoid about my behavior.

ditto, esp when i'm snacking/eating at my desk.

My co-worker may or may not have just smacked me on the ass.

OK, she did.

Arg!

that is horrifying but also a little bit funny but also rage-making

Yeah. That's not cool of your coworker.

my coworker told me that i lost my ass when i lost weight and i said oh, great, and she said it was a shame. i didn't even have a good butt, so i don't know what she's on about.

I was bending over to take a picture of something by her desk and she just smacked me! And said - you can't put your butt in my face and not expect me to smack it. NB It wasn't in her face, her back was to me! Then she did it again and I think she realized that was strange cause she got all flustered and was like don't mind me I'm just a smacker!

It was more funny than anything. She's just lucky it was me and not someone else imo. She's sort of bizarre and clueless. This is the same one who told me a couple months ago that my ovaries are shriveling up.

"i'm just a smacker"

right?!

She's just lucky it was me and not someone else imo.

I think this is exactly what I would tell her if I were the smackee -- it would get "that's just not done" across with the option of face-saving if she's smart enough to recognize it.

Yeah. I feel like now it's too late but if she ever does it again then I will. There's a glass partition between us so she just saw me biting my cuticle and said "You know that's a form of self-mutilation and an obsessive habit". I don't even bite my nails anymore it was just the one little piece but anyway SHE IS SO WEIRD.

I'm pretty sure I smacked your ass in NYC! You have a great ass!

NB I smacked a coworker's ass yesterday, but she & I have an understanding.

Yeah but that's different!! WE DON'T HAVE THAT UNDERSTANDING! lol It's fine. I think she's just feeling comfortable with me and is, you know, a smacker. I was a little taken aback though and if she does it again I'll be sure to convey that. Too shocked this time tbh.

Haha, that's fair. I wouldn't do it to anyone I didn't have a very close relationship with!

I wouldn't do it to anyone I didn't have a very close relationship with!

Well now you know that if you do ever do, you can just tell them that you're a smacker.

*smacks rayuela's ass*

Sorry, I'm a smacker!
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3513/3802739304_c45de890ce.jpg

The coworker I share an office with wears noise cancelling headphones a lot, which is great because then I can cough and fart and sigh wearily or sob at my desk and I know I won't bother her. But now she is listening to some kind of on-line lecture thing and she's not wearing the headphones. Why is she not wearing the headphones now when there is something to listen to??!?!?!?

She's done listening to the online lecture out loud and now she's put her headphones back. Free to fart again.

Are they stank canceling headphones?

So I work with this guy who has hiccup fits, like at least once a day. Like the loudest hiccups I've ever heard. At first this was really not that big of a deal, because he obviously has no control over this and has made everyone aware that he is self-conscious about it*. But recently a bunch of people had their seats changed when the floor got reorganized, and one of my many, many stupid, annoying co-workers, who is new to our part of the floor, continues to just RIDE him about it. So anyway, earlier this week, he starts hiccuping, and she says "We need a thing that we say whenever you hiccup." A completely inane conversation followed, whereupon it was established that, going forward, any time this guy hiccuped, this shitty woman would respond by yelling "APPLE PIE!" It might help to know that she is in her mid-to-late-50s but flirts hard with all the 20-something dudes and tends to revert to this cloying sing-song voice whenever they are around. This is the voice she uses to yell "APPLE PIE!"

OK, so it gets worse: stupid, annoying co-worker #2, who is your typical any-conversation-I-overhear-I-am-entitled-to-join type, also sits nearby and is not satisfied with the decision to yell "APPLE PIE!". So now every day I get to hear this:

GUY: *HICCUP!*
STUPID 1: APPLE PIE!
GUY: *HICCUP!*
STUPID 1: APPLE PIE APPLE PIE!
STUPID 2: Watermelon!

*Actually, the real reason the hiccups themselves are not that annoying is because pretty much everything this guy says is annoying, so the hiccups are like a nice break from his words.

Holy shit, I would just tell her to STFU if I had to sit near that, could she possibly be any more insensitive?

Does she have any annoying tics? You could respond in kind until she reigns it in.

gah i really can't stand one of my coworkers. the other day, another coworker brought muffins to work, so i had one in the morning. the annoying coworker started telling me how muffins really weren't very healthy or anything... while eating a mcdonalds breakfast. she really gets on my nerves because she keeps telling me and other people at work that what we're eating is not good for us/fattening etc, usually while having food herself (mcd breakfasts, subs, fried rice & chicken etc)

I went and bought myself an icecream this afternoon and then we had a network outage, for the rest of the afternoon everyone in the office proceeded to blame the outage on my ice cream eating >:|

I WORK WITH WEIRDOS

Does she have any annoying tics?

Not really; well, there's the aforementioned sing-song voice, and pretty much all proper nouns are spoken in Valley Girl...her demeanor is basically one giant annoying tic. Also I'm one of those people who is terrified of any kind of altercation, so I just put up with it and hope someone else eventually says something to her. :(

Food police coworkers give me the rage. I used to work at a law firm and I lost some weight and one of the secretaries became OBSESSED with what I ate for lunch every day. "What are you eating? How many calories does it have?" "Oh, what is that?" "It's yogurt." "YOGURT! Wow!"

People at work GETTING 'LOST' WRONG

Oh christ I get that shit at work anyway! "whats for lunch? what you having?" at one point I was necking some panadol and I got "whats the matter? are you sick?" NUNYA BIZNESS LADY.

i've made so many snarky responses to those sorts of questions at work that i don't get asked about any personal stuff anymore

*heaven*

The weird ass security guard at my work who sings hymns in the bathroom once asked me how much my lunched weighed. I told her six or seven pounds.

hahaha

There are only a few smokers at my job, I'm one of them. Another is this weird girl from the second floor who has no ability to read social cues whatsoever - walks up talking to me while I'm wearing headphones & playing an iPhone game, keeps talking long after our cigarettes are finished, invites herself on lunch with me, etc. Well the other day our conversation somehow got around to the name Paul, which is the name of a coworker I don't know and the name of the guy who works in the print shop, who she didn't know. Anyway the print shop one is dating another colleague and I mentioned that to her before I realized we were talking about two different guys. We quickly figured that out & I explained this. Since that day she has been talking to print shop Paul all the time - she's out the door right at 5, he's usually there waiting for our coworker/his gf, but now when the gf gets downstairs Annoying Smoker Girl is always there chatting his ear off. She asked him what he does for lunch and showed up at the same place at the same time the next day. He's taken to waiting elsewhere if he & gf have to go right at 5 because she'll hold them there for 5-10 minutes. He even changed his lunch break so she can't bomb them.

I get it, you're lonely, but fuck off!

oh god annoying coworker was impressive today... another coworker is about to leave and annoying one asks her where she is going. she replies that she's going to the gym. then annoying one tells her "oh that's a good idea, i noticed you've gained a bit of weight lately". total wtf moment, not only because how is that a problem of hers and also since other coworker is really slender and annoying one is very fat (and yeah, i know its nagl to mention stuff like that but in this case, it just makes the situation even more awkward). it took the other coworker all her self-control to not just kill annoying cw.

I do miss working in an office sometimes when I read stories like that.

XP that happened to me once but the co-worker was from another country (so not that used to british levels of over-politeness) and she was basically correct so I forgave her and it actually made me do more at the gym.

Stupid 1 and Stupid 2 decided that, instead of work, they will do a crossword puzzle today. They have two copies and are loudly discussing it across the aisle. One of the clues was "Do business", which by filling in the intersecting words they have determined to be "HAIRSALON". This is blowing their minds. Stupid 2 just said "That doesn't even make SENSE!.......unless it's 'NAILSALON'."

Like, I know these people well enough by now that it doesn't bother/surprise me that they don't see why "HAIRSALON" is right, but now I seriously need to know why "NAILSALON" makes more sense to them!

I am still back on don't mind me I'm just a smacker! tbh

Yeah smacking someone's ass here would land you in serious hot water if you had an active HR dept.

Also WHO DOES THAT.

It probably wouldn't get anyone in trouble if it went unreported. But people should know better and they should at least realize that some people might complain to HR and get them in trouble.

Though there may be accommodations for those who are legitimately affected w/ being smackers.

I don't think being a smacker is considered a disability under the ADA.

Pending litigation over whether it falls under Title VII.

lol

It was pretty unbelievable.

It reminds me of a time I was waiting at the lifts and a lady - complete stranger from another floor/company, no idea who she was - reached over to me (standing behind me) and tucked in my fukcing shirt tag. Said "I cant stand tagdags! I had to fix it!". I was gobsmacked.

Like hey ok lady, snap my bra strap or something next time why dont you?