Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

YAAAAAARGH

Of COURSE. The one nearby person I was into (99% match/0% enemy!) and I just today (via OKC msg) discovered in mutual terror that we know some of the same people, and both have ... interesting ... Google histories. Theoretically this could have gone well, but I got tense and wouldn't send a photo (I don't have any on OKC, and actually don't have any a.t.m. that are less than a year and a half old), and made a preemptive joke about him being kind of a player. I instantly felt bad and apologized, but it was a moment of douchey internet-dating-related weirdness that I hope not to repeat. 'Spose it's not necessarily best to pursue people who are too similar to oneself, anyway. Back into my burrow I scuttle. The End.

I really hit it off (online) with this girl on OKC a few years ago, and as we were building towards actually meeting, we both slowly came to realize that she was "friends" with someone with whom I'd had this big meltdown falling out (the person in question has some, ahem, social difficulties, let's say). She got paranoid that her "friend" was fucking with her by putting me up to contacting her (not entirely outside the realm of possibility, given how her "friend" sometimes treated people). And then we wound up never actually meeting in person. So thanks for that, "friend".

Oh, although we never met up, we did keep talking on occasion, and she eventually had a falling out of her own with our mutual "friend". Unsurprisingly.

Hitting it off with someone online to discover that they are somehow already connected to my "real life" is def. a nightmare scenario to me

What?? See, this might be a relief to me!

yeah I don't mind it either tho it depends who they know I guess, I met one rly lovely guy who is friends with fellow ilx mongrels, alas he'd already started seeing someone else. one other mutual friend thing was a disaster tho, guy who knew my housemates gf of the time and inexplicably hated my housemate over what turned out to be a massive misunderstanding, it became a bizarre drama very quickly ugh.

ok so i have a bit of a saga involving a person i have NOT EVEN MET from okc.

a couple weeks ago when i reactivated okc this guy messaged me and he seemed kind cute and we talked about sci-fi and fantasy literature mostly and made some tentative plans to hang out and exchanged numbers (though as it becomes important later that i did not actually add his # to my phone) . i think i mentioned him up thread. well, he didn't write back for a week so i assumed he had other stuff going on, or whatever, and forgot about it. last week i got a text from someone and didn't recognize the number - i assumed it was a friend who's # i didn't have since my phone was stolen in spain and wrote back asking who it was. i proceed to get a barrage of more and more angry texts implying all kinds of things about me (i was called a player! that has to be a first haha) and i just wrote back sorry but the texts kept coming. there were a more the next morning when i woke up. then there was a very long email about how he couldn't comprehend how i did not know who it was that was texting me (but he still wanted to hang out but i had to initiate it?). i didn't reply. then the next day i got another email from him apologizing for getting mad at me (didn't respond) then another couple of emails pouring his heart out about all of this stuff he was going through and how terrible the last few months have been and i felt pretty sympathetic and wrote back to him offering to refer him to my psychiatrist and just kind of saying how much medication and therapy have helped me. he has written about four more emails that i haven't responded to and the last one was 1,200 words! this is someone i have NEVER MET. i'm just not sure what to do.

holy fuck

back away slowly

Yikes. The guy clearly needs help and its not your place to do it. It does sound like a fairly firm "please stop, you need help and need to speak to people you actually know" kind of response and then just block him?

Sweet jesus. Now that is my nightmare scenario. What the fuck is wrong with people's ability to recognize boundaries anymore?!

back away slowly

Oh, and if it even needs to be said, CONTINUE NEVER MEETING THIS PERSON.

Argh. Sympathetic but firm 'get support' two-liner as Trayce suggests. This would thoroughly freak me out.

ATTN ALL:

if you have a smartphone I highly suggest getting a google voice number and using that along with the app

that way you can easily filter out internet people from your usual contacts, and they won't know your regular number

or just getting a burner

I just dont exch numbers with ppl I meet on OKC til I have met them.

^good policy. also lets the person know you're interested when you do give it to them.

as for that psycho, a very brief zero emotion rejection is the most you should give (if anything) and then block them entirely.

Yeah I do think something needs to be said to that guy - I know that mindset, and complete silence will only spur him on to further panic trying to work out whats going on (as he seems to percieve some non existent "issue"). He needs a verbal faceslap and then complete avoidance. It does risk making him nuttier, but I have a feeling he needs to hear a "no, god, shut up go away".

i feel like i need to exchange #s with people before i meet them in case we can't recognize/find each other! i'm definitely going to be more discretionary with my number after all this though.

i sent an email last night saying that i wished him well but this was the last message i would send and if he could please stop contacting me. i feared vicious retribution but it hasn't happened...yet, anyways. fingers crossed.

maybe this will be a good story to tell on other internet dates?

Sure, like how I told my last roommate before I moved in about the previous roommate who walked into my room blind drunk and naked in the wee hours of the morning and pissed all over my floor. A good simultaneous coversation piece and understated-but-firm example of DO NOT WANT.

http://slacktory.com/2012/05/20-guys-try-to-bang-psycho-on-okcupid

Jesus fucking christ, just the first few paragraphs of that story makes me give up on humanity way more than internet dating ever did. Classist, racist, ablist and a complete fucking douche - and the author thinks that gives them the right to sneer at the people that answered the ad?

I would be more disgusted at meeting the person that wrote that article than I would their fictional creation. Ugh ugh ugh. Why did I click the link.

yeah half her responses seemed p normal to me, I found the premise quite offensive too. unless she assumes every reply means " hi I wanna bang you!" I mean wtf. ugh.

so the end of my saga above...the guy sent me a reply to my final message that wasn't particularly nasty saying he just had to tell someone about what happened and so he just picked me because i was some internet stranger he was never going to meet, with a little "aw poor men" whining about how men are not allowed to express their emotions. get a livejournal, dude!

I'm glad to see that his takeaway from all of this is that men aren't allowed to express their emotions. He seems like a reasonable fellow with a healthy perspective on human interaction.

"get a livejournal dude" otm

Oh! I totally forgot this thread existed: The Vagaries of Dating The Vagaries of Dating. I have felt a little bad about using the OKC thread for general vagaries of dating concerns.

i think the vagaries of dating has a lot of potential and should be put to good use.

http://okcenemies.tumblr.com/

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m55j44eanO1qzcv7no1_500.jpg

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4y0qeDNxw1rxt7jlo1_500.jpg

not cool, forks/mod -.-

lolol "going to school to become an airplane"! ;akjldfh

not cool, forks/mod -.-
― bnw, Thursday, June 7, 2012

What's this in reference to?

Probably the fact that not everyone has ready access to the shower that they'll need after that last pic.

I think that gentleman could help you out with a shower.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4yhcyWyqW1rxt7jlo1_r2_500.jpg

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m53qz1nFVU1rxt7jlo1_500.jpg

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4v7uesrlP1rxt7jlo1_500.jpg

lol @ 98% enemy

Is there a search by enemy mode? I want to check it out.

After seeing so many of these completely bugshit profiles/pictures lately, I finally understand that at least one reason why women message me when we don't have much in common is that my profile is among the few that don't belong to violent sex offenders.

ladies of the NY area, this guy looks pretty cool: http://gawker.com/5916550/the-return-of-the-montauk-grifter

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4vapbai041rxt7jlo1_500.jpg

^cannot look at this one without laughing

suddenly, this thread is NSFW. or my eyes

gross image flood by mod, not cool -.-

all images sfw, just not for sanity

I feel a bit weird about that tumblr, esp if any of those guys have the locked "OKC members only" kind of profile and someone is just posting them all over the internet? :| I mean theyre gross profiles, but still.

Trayce caring about people

:P