Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

yes.

you say that now, but if it wins you'll all claim to prefer the earlier work imo

yes

the atoll one was good but I stand by my belief that puns do not win

otm imo

There's something about this one. Runner-up = forks

Needs more exclamation points imo

everyone's a person who criticizes

Needs less 'know' imo.

one less k i'll grant you

"It's not huge, isle grant you that!!!!!

"i'll never view a place at low tide again"

"We need a davenport."

"it is terribly ironic and not a little awkward that we have squandered our wealth on moving to a desert island with preposterously excessive immigration controls to isolate ourselves from the tyranny of sodomy and to escape the gay jihad on marriage only for me to now discover that i am in fact in love with you, and always have been"

Please please submit that.

at the very least to colin firth's agent

short version:

"Why, do you fancy a shag?"

But that doesn't make any mention of the toll booth/barrier/fence deal. The implications are completely different.

it's irony/juxtaposition.

"I said from the start this congestion charge was a terrible mistake."

"this island satisfies me because i fucking hate mexicans"

"You smell."

"I told you no one wants to live in a gated commune."

"i knew nobody else would be here this early, didn't i say nobody else would be here this early? i just knew nobody else would be here this early"

"Yes, I know you like having him around, but to be perfectly frank I feel it's another unnecessary expenditure we just can't afford right now"

"Come to think of it, I actually do feel safer than I did four years ago."

^sounds like a winner

"That sure was an unusual TED conference."

^continuity

"I thought YOU read the terms and conditions."

Ryanair's tactic of flying into regional airports failed spectacularly in the Carribbean

"I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."

*farts*

"There are so many islands!
As many islands as the stars at night
like falling fruit around the schooner Flight.
But things must fall, and so it always was,
on one hand Venus, on the other Mars;
fall, and are one, just as this earth is one
island in archipelagoes of stars."

The "Ted" captions they chose are all rub.
Anyways, moving on..

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2012/06/18/p465/120618_contest_p465.jpg

"The state arts board called and they revoked your grant."

"Every day I write the book."

when you said great american novel etc etc

"All giant killing and no play makes Jack a dull boy?"

"Why won't you ever let me see what you're writing?"

"The size of your book makes this room essentially unlivable, why would you do this?"

"your handwriting is really bad"

"You going to forge Jonathan Swift's signature as well?"

"Why did I marry a man whose ass is made out of blocks?"

"yes, they can send books directly to kindles, but they don't use wonkavision, dear"

"The phrase 'The Great American Novel' doesn't refer to great as in size!"

"I'm pretty sure largehand isn't the opposite of shorthand."

"This isn't going to work."

"The "Ted" captions they chose are all rub."

"What do you mean, 'What's wrong with this picture?' Who the hell uses the diaeresis anymore?"