quiddities and agonies of the ruling class - a rolling new york times thread

otherwise i feel like the paper is getting on board w/ her sense of "what syria is like"

lucas should build this low income housing and name it "Syria"

Anastasia, do you have any idea how much money I make?”
I flush, of course not. “Why should I? I don’t need to know the bottom line of your bank account, Christian.”
His eyes soften. “I know. That’s one of the things I love about you.”
I gaze at him, shocked. Love about me?
“Anastasia, I earn roughly one hundred thousand dollars an hour."
Fifty Shades Darker, p. 78.

For some reason this reminds me of:

http://achewood.com/comic.php?date=04142003

Six hundred million dollars isn't a funny enough number.

Should've gone for seventy billion. Plausibility be damned.

A. Stanley was off to a promising start there: "One of the good things about divorce is that you get to see less of your children."

(sorry I'm late, I read the less obviously ridiculous parts of the Times first)

So the crossword?

My own erotic novel, "Entry Level," about a handsome, mysterious and domineering data entry clerk has seen disappointing sales.

she likened it to syria, not "syria"

like it's a mogwai album track or something

us papers not real comfortable with reported speech in general though i've noticed, cf 'valentine said his bullpen was "terrible"' (yes) 'valentine said his bullpen was terrible' (no)

idk exactly what this is about but i think it needs to be here

http://www.fuckedinparkslope.com/home/who-handed-out-these-hilarious-fake-menus-at-googamooga-over.html

was crying at some of these tbh

kinda think it could have been executed better

I'm also reminded of this, which, while derivative in a super corny way, nonetheless has some moments:

http://vimeo.com/35314812

it's back!

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/dining/easy-homemade-mayonnaise.html?hpw

“DON’T you know the mayonnaise trick?”

My friend Dori and I were standing in front of Empire Mayonnaise in Brooklyn, the city’s first and only artisanal mayonnaise shop, ogling its wares: flavors like lime pickle and, of course, bacon, when she asked me that.

ogling its wares

tbf this article contains good practical advice

The first time I tried it, I achieved the lightest, most ethereal mayonnaise I’d ever made. It tasted deeply of the good olive oil I used, seasoned with lemon and mustard. We ate it with roasted asparagus, dunking the spears two, three and four times into the tasty sauce until we swabbed the bowl clean.

And what a trick — a potential game-changer, the kind that turns homemade mayo from a special-occasion recipe into an everyday endeavor, ending our dependence on subpar, corn-syrup-filled commercial stuff.

BULLSHIT *sounds airhorn*

from http://old.cbbqa.org/recipes/Mayonnaise.html

The Hellmann's Mayonnaise ingredients label shows that it contains the following ingredients, which are listed in the quantity order in which they occur:

Soybean oil, whole eggs, vinegar, water, egg yolks, salt, sugar, lemon juice, natural flavors, calcium disodium EDTA (used to protect quality).

The Best Foods Mayonnaise ingredients label shows that it contains the following ingredients, which are listed in the quantity order in which they occur:

Soybean oil, whole eggs, vinegar, water, egg yolks, salt, sugar, lemon juice, natural flavors, calcium disodium EDTA (used to protect quality).

I mean, why would you even put corn syrup in mayo

thickening agent + preservative

EXACTLY, that's why we have to help these little artisanal shops stand up to big corn syrup whenever we can

"corn syrup" is a metonym for "shitty processed food" i guess

if they only used natural corn syrup instead of whatever this horrible "calcium disodium EDTA" is then you wouldn't even have to stir it when reopening

the bias against corn syrup in mayonnaise is ruining what could be a great product

don't worry I've started producing my own small batch corn syrup, will be aging it in whiskey barrels and opening a storefront soon

is "supermarket mayo has corn-syrup in it" the foodie version of "bubblicious is made from spider eggs"?

good plan

I really need to stop making jokes along this line at work, it probably violates some sort of ethics thingy

delicious, delicious spider eggs

Maize Syrup

teosinte tincture

http://gifr.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Bart-Blowing-Bubbles.gif

you don't use olive oil in mayonnaise! philistines!!!!!!

that mayonnaise article is goofy, it's like the least complicated thing ever if you have a hand mixer and a modicum of patience

Olive oil mayo is actually really, really good.

It is! I feel weird having to defend it, but there you go.

if you use strong olive oil it turns out too bitter, but its good w/light stuff or blended

one weird trick to make delicious home made mayonnaise [CLICK HERE]

agree with icey on the straight EVOO; doesn't taste right at all. Canola or veg blend for me--maybe I'd put in a little olive oil, but would not make it the primary.

Compare the advent of digital recording to an event in the history of food or agriculture.

Mayonnaise is as it is now known a bastardization of the Sauce Mayonnaise every saucier learns to make his first season as an apprentice. Pre-packaged mayonnaise sold in jars is almost nothing but tasteless vegetable oil and water, emulsified by gum and gelatin. I think this product is analogous in many ways to the CD, and it's introduction has degraded the standard of eating in much the same way digital recording has degraded the standard of music.

-steve albini

ha, great dn brownie

oh steve

its

“The sauce was invented as a new sensation for jaded palates at court by the duc de Richelieu, at first known as mahonnaise after Mahon, the chief port of Minorca, the scene of the duc’s dubious ‘victory’ in 1756 over the ill-fated Admiral Byng. Basically Louis’s drug dealer and pimp, Richelieu, known for opium recipes to fit all occasions, is also credited with the introduction into France of the cantharides, or Spanish fly.” She gazed pointedly at Kit’s trousers. “What might this aphrodisiac have in common with the mayonnaise? That the beetles must be gathered and killed by exposing them to vinegar fumes suggests an emphasis on living or recently living creatures — the egg yolk perhaps regarded as a conscious entity — cooks will speak of whipping, beating, binding, penetration, submission, surrender. There is an undoubtedly Sadean aspect to the mayonnaise. No getting past that.”

Kit was a little confused by now. “It always struck me as kind of, I don’t know… bland?”

“Until you look within. Mustard, for example, mustard and cantharides, n’est-ce pas? Both arousing the blood. Blistering the skin. Mustard is the widely-known key to resurrecting a failed mayonnaise, as is the cantharides to reviving broken desire.”

emulsified by gum and gelatin

again with the invented bullshit ingredients, i don't get it

I mean homemade mayo does taste way better, but yeah the ingredients list on Hellman's is surprisingly non-scary, all things considered.

*holds flashlight under face*

as she read the ingredients... she realized... that the mayonnaise...

contained CORN SYRUP

noooooooooooooooooooooooo

children of the corn syrup

THE CORN SYRUP IS CALLING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/28/nyregion/in-manhattan-a-for-profit-private-school-that-calls-its-own-shots.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&src=recg&adxnnlx=1338387353-AzHYfkb94yn95bPwn9XN9g

Incidentally, I have wanted to start a separate thread for obnoxiously terrible writing in the nytimes:

“Kids are nicer than psychopaths,” he chirped in his English accent.

He "chirped" in "his English accent"? As opposed to the French accent he likes to put on when discussing other matters?