slaves, tell me about 50 Shades of Grey

I flipped to one scene in an airport bookstore out of idle curiosity and iirc it was a graphic description of him forcibly putting his wang into her pooper*

*ftr that may not have been what it actually was but now that I've typed that, I'm not deleting it

He put the wang in the pooper and drank it all up.

(sorry)

no you aren't!

http://static.rateyourmusic.com/album_images/fff0e18e796786245cb133b316809c7a/592373.jpg

This tumblr is funny, it has some choice quotes from the books.

Remy, I'm a little shocked that your co-workers are talking about this stuff at lunch!

Yeah, dude! Don't y'all have an HR department or somethin'?

The most egregious thing about this book's existence is that you know a slew of hack "writers" are gonna try to piggyback on the same idea (either via a million new S&M books or via writing barely-veiled fanfic of popular books and figuring out a way to successfully self-promote), a la the glut of post-Sense And Sensibility And Zombies trash.

meanwhile Jacqueline Carey is sitting at home going, "seriously, fuck all of you"

i wonder who she's sitting on these days?

Don Cheeseley and Brionie Grainchurch are gonna get it seventy ways from Sunday in Larry Cotter and the Chamber of Inserts.

double lol

I read this great thing from Erica Jong about it:
here is the link

“Argh,” she says, losing her virginity. This from a virginal contemporary college student, whose hymen is penetrated? The penetrator is one of the “Masters of the Universe” and he dresses in grey. And is named Christopher Grey, has gray eyes, wears gray ties, gray suits and speaks in clichés from badly-written romance novels (which are actually improving).

maybe she's a pirate?

“Argh,” she says, losing her virginity.

this is hilarious

I am interested in ebb and flow of the nation's interest in lite porny novels, though. It really seems to erupt at the strangest times.

Fear of Flying was a long time ago (that was definitely not a romance novel)

I love that she says "argh" like she's Cathy.

"Ack!" she says, losing her virginity as she crams chocolates into her mouth.

dying here

That's the kind of sound you make when you lose your keys down a storm drain, maybe, but not your virginity.

bleurgh!

Man, that would be some serious perversion, making your little virginal slave say, "Ack", when you're devirginizing her.

ACK! My hymen!

"Kloont!" she said, losing her virginity.

-- Don Martin's 50 Shades of Grey

what is the approved onomatopoeia utterance for losing one's virginity?

"Oomf?" "Guh?" "Owwie owwie owwie?" "Fuck you, you actual fucking clown." < blink > "POP!" < / blink>

Heavens! My virginity ;-)

Dr. Seuss's The 500 Shades of Bartholomew Greyins

Anyway, Erica Jong was mostly pissed about the gravy train/Hollywood adaptation aspect of the brouhaha around this book.

And its failure to be a proper "book of one hand"

A very cynical part of me says this is a calculated 'make' book in the way of Twilight, Julie and Julia, that David Benioff book about Soviet cannibals, the Dragon Tattoo, Hunger Games, Wimpy Kid, etc.

... this a book for pooping? or does that phrase mean something else?

Think again.

http://www.newyorksocialdiary.com/i/partypictures/05_16_12/erica/fiftyshades.jpg

Everybody Arghs

'make' = deliberately manufactured as a hit i.e. printed in huge runs on cheap paper and distributed in major lots w/ blitz/word-of-mouth advertising/in spite of reviews/tons. best comparison is, like, a blockbuster movie's PR campagin.

airport books?

Isn't there already enough anal probing going on with airport security?

TSA workers wear harlequin masks and grey contacts, it's a whole new experience

Wait - it's not even a one handed read? That was the only reason I thought for a nanosecond about reading it. Dammit.

http://perezhilton.com/2012-05-22-50-shades-of-grey-read-by-gilbert-gottfried

i have doubts this will be made into a movie, idk, i think maybe hollywood can handle some light B&D, but maybe not S&M (or poopers & wangs)

“I finished the series three weeks ago. I miss Christian Grey. I miss him so much,” said attendee Mabel, who donned a silver tie, a nod to the front cover of “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

E.L. James’s New York City book tour stop for her hot bestseller, “Fifty Shades of Grey” felt more like a Justin Bieber concert for an older group of women than a book signing. But when you keep in mind the author’s claim that the novel “brings women together,” the energetic atmosphere is to be expected.

The British author tried to explain the mass appeal of her series, which follows the multifaceted relationship between a recent college graduate named Anastasia Steele and a wealthy CEO with a flair for kinky sex, Christian Grey, to sexologist Dr. Logan Levkoff in front of a packed, hooting and hollering audience of about 200 at Barnes and Noble Union Square on Thursday evening.

“I don’t get [the books' popularity] at all,” said James. “I wrote this little love story…But it brings women together. I think that’s it.”

http://www.thejanedough.com/el-james-fifty-shades-of-grey/

James has said before that she wrote her books during her morning commute to work on the train, which begs the question: How can someone pen intense sexual experiences on public transit, which is just about the unsexiest place imaginable? James laughed at the question posed by Dr. Levkoff and said she got carried away in her own world of writing by listening to music.

“[I would sometimes] get lost in writing and miss my stop,” she said, adding she had a “Let’s Write Some Sex” playlist she’d turn on.

Though “Fifty Shades of Grey” has some very dirty sex scenes, James assured the crowd she’s a “dull and boring” person who’s looking forward to “four weeks of sleep” and time to redo her kitchen after the tour.

e. l. james, what's on YOUR ipod??

You guys I don't think we published this, this is not my fault, put down those baseball bats, please.

OK. So this isn't about the Monkees's song *backs out quietly*

can we start a "Donald Glover as Christian Grey" tumblr

airport books?

― game of crones (La Lechera), Tuesday, May 22, 2012 7:40 AM (2 minutes ago)

airport books exactly, but 'made' books tend not to be serialized or from established authors. IOW it's a way for publishers to maximise profits: take a small book by a no-name (or INTERNET FAMOUS) author writing an acknowledged genre w/ niche (and usually female, preferably young and uncritical) fanbase and print copies on the cheapo and bind w/ glue, flood book blogs/internet retailers/bookstores with promotional materials, get people talking about the book and then dump 100 copies in every b&m store at a v. reduced price. profit.

Wait - it's not even a one handed read? That was the only reason I thought for a nanosecond about reading it. Dammit.

― wolf kabob (ENBB), Tuesday, May 22, 2012 9:45 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

Erica Jong says no. I haven't read it myself.

This lacks thrills though right?

its just an EROTIC

I'm sure people find it thrilling in exactly the same way Wild Orchid was thrilling

I remember my parents going to see Wild Orchid. A year or so later, when it hit cable, I snuck downstairs late at night to watch some of it and was pretty much like "so, this is what adults find hot?!"

Thanks to winning a VCR circa 84/85 at a fundraiser raffle, my father treated the entire family to some uncomfortable family movie nights with movies like Body Heat and 9 1/2 Weeks. My takeaway was that my dad is super shameless and a total hero.

Way to go dad

So, basically, this movie is book one, and there will doubtless be three eventually.

Ok, I have now read more of this thread.

Basically, Stevie D's review is otm.

they're going to break the third book out in to three separate movies though

The desolation of SM

applause

50 Shades of Armond: http://www.nationalreview.com/article/413741/50-shades-dull-armond-white

Enterprises such as 50 Shades of Grey and Gone Girl, designed to exploit modern moral confusion, also mean to rationalize political disorientation. Anastasia and Grey’s sadomasochistic love/hate symbolizes contemporary bewilderment regarding capitalist politics. Rich, empowered men like Grey are shown to lead and seduce us, while a new consumerist myth (replacing rugged individualism) suggests that our naïve affection — the opposite of buyer’s remorse — can redeem them, just as Bill Clinton has been redeemed and sanctioned by the mainstream media.

I think he is getting at something but not getting all the way there

armond white is quoting X and giving a big-up Eddie Murphy's Vampire In Brooklyn for the National Review

So Jamie Dornan has quit the franchise?

I resubmit...

http://www.atlasshruggedmovie.com/css/01-382188340005332013/default/assets/dvd_boxset.jpg

three covers with pictures of...bridges? and a clip art of atlas carrying the comfort inn logo.

have I posted yet with the idea that knowing who her parents are, this is probably like the fifteenth most screwy enterprise Dakota Johnson has been a part of. we just don't know.

Her mother lived with a pet lion in their house, who the hell knows.

Funny name for a lion.

and then this happened. shocked that he didn't get one donation

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1839613945/fifty-shades-of-poop

shocked that you're the one telling ilx about a bad poop joke

https://usatthebiglead.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/arkansas-fan-gives-the-double-bird-during-game-against-cal1.gif

can't lie, I flagged the poop joke post

sam taylor-johnson is out:

I forged close and lasting relationships with the cast, producers and crew and most especially, with Dakota and Jamie. While I will not be returning to direct the sequels, I wish nothing but success to whosoever takes on the exciting challenges of films two and three.

'exciting challenges'

http://blog.eljamesauthor.com/?p=1173

should have been called 50 Grades of Steele obviously

this might be my favorite ile thread title. always makes me chuckle

yet ANOTHER way 50 shades is ripping off twilight, stephenie meyer notoriously rewrote twilight from edward's perspective and then canned it after a rough draft leaked to the internet. legend had it that robert pattinson traded his copy for drugs, but that's probably apocryphal.

You knew this was gonna happen...

https://scontent-dfw1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xfp1/v/t1.0-9/12278656_10153726563164889_3445818379510825209_n.jpg?oh=52f1d1ea414599a6202aa5cd42e58ba2&oe=56F94ACD

http://m.imdb.com/title/tt4667094/?ref_=m_nmfmd_act_1

do you get it, the tie is an erect penis

they've been showing this on hbo... this movie is hilarious, constant lols

http://variety.com/2016/film/news/kim-basinger-fifty-shades-darker-1201689084/

butt room

lmao she actually wrote the three Fifty Shades books again, from Christian's perspective? Jesus GOD, that's like the "Megahertz" episode of Weird Science (tv version).

also managed to get an actual non-50 shades book published: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mister

Jezebel reviewed it, lmao

https://jezebel.com/e-l-jamess-the-mister-fucks-a-duck-1834456299

She has a new one about a Jewish mobster from Brooklyn who's addicted to sunglasses:

Fifty Shades Freed