Music Criticism 2012, UK Division: "Instead of a review of this performer's concert, here are 50 insulting remarks about her appearance."

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Christian Jegard
white pepper is the most pathetic, neediest condiment around. we all know black pepper's by far the best, yet white just sits there acting as if its not bothered. yeah good luck going on MY pasta you prick.
April 15 at 9:13am via mobile ·

18 people like this.

RECENT ACTIVITY

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"hello chaps! i'm an englishman and was wondering if there was a british division of your wonderful organization that i could join? i can provide references if i need to. just a few questions -
1) is there a fee to join?
2) do we get a welcome pack/ fact pack?
3) how soon can i start murdering people?" on Crips's timeline.

this guy's gonna far

RECENT ACTIVITY

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"i'm having a day where i'm pretending its the seventies and i'm going to smoke anywhere i damn well please, just for one day. on the train, in the pub, etc. we won't get nicked, as long as we keep moving on. everyone do it. " on Everyone Smoke Fags Day's timeline.

xp I wish he'd just go TBH

Christian Jegard
remembering when we spent the whole day replacing 'love' with 'lunch' in song titles - what time is lunch, shower your lunch on me, i would do anything for lunch (but i wont do that), i believe in a thing called lunch, your lunch is my lunch (and my lunch is your lunch) etc...
November 14, 2011 at 11:27pm via mobile ·
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17 people like this.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibt5wfp5nZQ

not the Tesco Value Pete Doherty, no sir

The newly formed Valentines are a Brighton based band who formed in 2007, consisting of singer Christian Jegard, Bassist Chris Lowe, Guitarists Chris Leader and Danny Curtis, and drummer Carlito's Way.

Their plan from the start was to make fun, proper songs that sound like they're "sprinkled in Sugar and glitter".

They want "to smash melodies out for everyone to fall in love with/to".

WNS

drummer carlito's way. FFS

and drummer Carlito's Way.
and drummer Carlito's Way.
and drummer Carlito's Way.
and drummer Carlito's Way.
and drummer Carlito's Way.

shd've got a bassist called Glengarry Glen Ross

Donnie Brasco on tambourine.

Kind of don't want to give the pricks the clicks, so not going on to that article, but from what's posted here this dude is the kind of utter utter twat that gives Brighton a band name. SMH.

hello! i wrote this florence thing and am well good.
firstly, do you not think that suggesting 'glengarry glen ross' and 'donnie brasco' is redundant because 'carlito's way' is clearly not what the drummer's ACTUALLY called and was only referred to as such ONCE in this particular description because we were being silly. you cant ridicule something that was self-consciously silly in the first place. your brasco comments are kind of 'scary movie' to 'scream' if you know what i mean.

secondly, i'm not a writer (as you can probably guess). it wasn't intended as an actual review. d'you REALLY think i mean it? how on earth can someone "look like sid james' laugh"?
i'm merely just indifferent to welch. no feelings either way. she was bothering me at the time and (no offence) you'd have to be a moron to think that i actually believe that a florence and the machine gig is comparable to the fritzl basement.
twas a joke. rest easy, i'm not a music journalist. i posses neither coke nor iretrievable levels of smugness.

incidentally, carlito's way is a TERRIBLE film.
all De Palma films are.

U mad doggie

i'm certainly challenged by those opinions

Egg on my face re. Donnie Brasco joeks.

feeling a calum/doomie vibe from this guy, need to nurture him imho

Oh, it's nice to know you do not mean it.

Neither do I.

feeling a bit star-struck tbh

I wonder which photo of King Adora did he took to the barber's

Is the band called "The Newly Formed Valentines" ?

Why is "glitter" not capitalised? Is it to distance yourself from Gary Glitter?

no, the "Sugar" is capitalized to signify the tween girls' mag

They 'want to "smash melodies out..." '

Is that because they aim to do this at some point in the future?

'carlito's way' is clearly not what the drummer's ACTUALLY called

No his real name is Carlito Sway.

When you say you cannot ridicule something that is silly, are you saying that Florence is not silly?

and, has he gone?

'carlito's way' is clearly not what the drummer's ACTUALLY called

No his real name is Carlito Sway.

― Gavin, Leeds, Wednesday, 16 May 2012 11:41 (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

up there with Lou Bega (hi grimmers!)

oh and emily, you're right, i do give brighton a band name.
on a daily basis, in fact. today it "the trust fund bohemians".

Hi Dwight (xp)

TRUST! FUND! BOHEMIANS!

mark g - the glitter's not capitalised because i didn't write the blurb and even if i did, i STILL would capitalise it because i personally cant be arsed with capitals. i've not capitalised anything in this post (apart from 'STILL')
and i assume you all understand what i'm writing.
where does this loathing come from mark? i think under different circumstances, we could've been friends you and I.
(i just did a capital for YOUR sake. [and another four, just then])

ps - email me mark, i've got some ideas about getting together to write a blog or wash a car or plant a fuckin tree or something.

Waiting patiently for you to realise that the problem with posting 50 insults about a woman's appearance is not that it doesn't measure up to the Rolling Stone style guide.

What loathing? I have none. Or do you mean yours?

I think "The Newly Formed Valentines" is an excellent name for a band.

"The Valentines", um, well.. There's been a few havent there?

mark -
no yours, toward me band. although that youtube video up there is a bit shit, granted. this is much more representative.
(i await your slating with baited bait.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&hl=en-GB&client=mv-google&v=x86mVnCmg10

well, two of note (kind of).
bon scotts old band and a doo-wop group. neither of which has been big enough to be any kind of problem though.
there was a 60's 'the charlatans' and a 60's 'the vines'.
it sounds obvious though, which is why i like it. i like names like 'the stone roses' and 'the kills' and stuff like that. i fucking hate names like 'godspeed you black emperor' and that.

because you see i COULD call my band 'default pacino impression' or 'we are industry' or something wank like that, and do the mogwai 'loud then quiet then loud then quiet then feedback for six hours' thing but i like songs and pop music.

Hi again.

I know it fits the concept, and is also corny, but I haven't listened to the track and am not going to.

(It's a "I don't play music at work" thing)

I used to know a bass player of "Nirvana", and yeah...

Christian are you familiar with that meme-y internet photo of a middle aged guy in suspenders having sex with an exhaust pipe?

yes of course. i'll always remember his face because it was just so BLANK.
you'd think being in suspenders in a field with your dick in the exhaust pipe of a car would provoke SOME kind of reaction but nothing...
imagine what he looks like when he's washing up or fixing a hinge bracket.

why? you're not him are you?

i don't drive.

I wonder which photo of King Adora did he took to the barber's

― Morrissey & Clunes: The Severed Alliance (PaulTMA), Wednesday, 16 May 2012 11:35 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

^^^^most savage zing on all ilx imho

Makes me nostalgic for the days of Raygun.

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Mr. Louis J. Batman late of the Island of Dr. Moreau