Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

someone being nice to you is the very basic need - go for that+!

so my irl meet-people plan actually worked
o_O
so then my question is to bnw: how long are you going to wait to call yr date of sat night? and why? <-- the eternal question girls ask guys tbh

i guess there are other eternal questions. but this is a big one.

i hate waiting.

there is this whole cool guy hipster indifference bullshit attitude that i just need to stay as far away from as possible.

yes, this. I HATE THAT

I always make sure there is mutual number exchange. And text saying I had a nice time either the next day or a couple days later, depending on how we parted.

text is a good idea. danger is i don't want to rely on that. you have to man the fuck up if the girl is worth it. (that's to me, not you.)

I have no idea how long to wait :/ I am going to speak to my wartime consigliere later. prob I will call sometime this week and ask to go out on the weekend.

No, definitely call soon after that, but a casual acknowledgment is cool

idk, I feel like with anyone under 30 you almost have to text like "hey could I give you a call"

I prefer txt but its not an age thing, its an "i hate phonecalls" thing. My issue, ov course.

i fucking despise being phoned

All this stuff seems so formal tho. Maybe its an american thing. The whole going on a stiff date, doing only so much that firstevening, waiting X hours/days.... shit, I just hook up with a guy and usually bang him on the first night we go out, when I'm meeing new guys.

...I perhaps have said too much. o well.

'real danger' of Abbott ovenmitt

haha what is this about?

related to comical misspelling of 'government' w/relation to opposition leader in australian press

unless you also have scary ovenmitts

Thought i was in the wrong thread for a scary moment there

That Australian leader is nothing but a source of comic misunderstandings for me.
In thread-related news, I looked at OK Cupid for about 15 minutes and freaked the fuck out.

Bnw, my foolproof advice: call or text on Tuesday (no later!). I respect phone calls, but I wouldn't gainsay a text.

I hate the text-to-call maneuver. If someone wants to call, just call! Don't ask for permission via text. If I don't like you, I just won't answer.

Yeah it does that :(

I realise I forgot to elaborate on peener man upthread when someone asked. It was a closeup shot of a ... shaft. if you werent paying attention you probably wouldnt twig what it was, as it wasnt even the whole wang - no helmet, just icky veiny closeup shaft.

WHY GOD WHY.

oops my post is an xpo to Ab

itt we learn: Trayce likes helmets

Even non-helmet peener pics are against OKC's TOS, right? I mean, peens aren't like breasts, where you can leave off the nip/helmet and it's no longer R- or X-rated.

I would totally think so! I was gonna report him but I figured to do that I had to click on his profile which... ew, no. So I just hid him.

xps
yeah i'm of the "call by tuesday if date/mtg/etc was saturday" school of dating. but i'm also of the "aaaagh dating aaagh brain anxiety loop whyyy" school of hard knocks. (and i'm talking xp with anxiety thread anxiety, not mere dating worry)
like whether i even like a person or not. and so my pattern to get out of anxiety loop is to kind of immediately hit manual shut-down in my brain: "well that was what it was -> who cares -> it hardly even happened -> i imagined it/it didn't actually exist -> fin."
unhealthy tbh!
but part of why i stopped using okc 3 dates in yet still maintain my profile.
being aware of our problems is part of the process of solving them right
right...

well i was going to not reactivate my profile. but i did. i am weak and need attention. and already i have a message from someone who is cute and asked me what my favorite lovecraft story is and where i think bran stark is. and has les georges leningrad listed as one of his favorite bands which is endearing to me! though he claims to be a "recovering rock star" which is less endearing :/

I got one of those, too, bg. If I could stop him from talking about it, it would be pretty cool? I mean it's cool to have done stuff! Neato stuff! Just as long as you have done/are doing something else with yourself now so you have new things to talk about.

Clearly yours is spending is new-found free time watching Game of Nerds like the rest of us, so that's a start?

Question: how many of you react positively to a "warts and all" type of profile? Not all sad sack-y and FML, but just "here's an honest assessment of who I am". I've gone that route and gotten positive feedback, but the sense I got was more, "Wow, you seem like an interesting person that I maybe don't want to actually date!" Which is valid. But the thing I notice over and over is the extent to which most people's profiles seem like they're overreaching in trying to show how together they are. And maybe they are that together, but I'm always more drawn to the people who are all, "here's some of the shit that makes me a little bit more of a handful, take it or leave it". I personally prefer to see an honest indication of self-awareness up front as opposed to the all-too-frequent cracking open of the floodgates after some time has passed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TL7LaxyYz4

manual shut-down in my brain: "well that was what it was -> who cares -> it hardly even happened -> i imagined it/it didn't actually exist -> fin."
This is definitely the danger of waiting. The low risk part of okc makes meeting people easy, and makes dropping people easy.

I was looking at this awful (fake) gawker piece yesterday and that initial turndown from the girl put a nice chill in me.

Have been dating someone I met on Okcupid for 6 months now. So far so good.

Question: how many of you react positively to a "warts and all" type of profile?

I used to be sort of like that, like, "If they know this, and they still like me, there must be something to it, right?" but that turned out not to be true, it didn't make my dating experiences any better because I was still bringing my own problems to them, and I saw and met more people who had done the same, and eventually I decided that I think it's defensive in a...teenaged sort of way? I don't know. I still have the urge sometimes to put my negatives out in front but I try to refrain.

Sometimes also people use it as absolution from doing anything about their problems, like "Hey, I warned you!" which is obvly nagl.

nice, curmudgeon!
http://i.imgur.com/y2EMM.gif

agree with Laurel, seems like pre-emptive self-sabotage. everyone's got baggage.

wait so bnw are you not going to call/txt the person you went out with because you think you might be rejected? but you like her? and the only thing up in the air is that you don't know how she'll respond even tho you had a good time on the date?

i feel like you just gotta go with the flow, if you think you had a great time and had positive vibes, text the next day or whatever ... feel like the "IF date sat THEN text tues" mindset leads to overthinking and stilted-ness

well that would be the ideal, yes

if we all actually did what we really wanted to do w/o fear and other bs

he called :)

huge! :)

Awesome rrrobyn.

Question: how many of you react positively to a "warts and all" type of profile? Not all sad sack-y and FML, but just "here's an honest assessment of who I am".... And maybe they are that together, but I'm always more drawn to the people who are all, "here's some of the shit that makes me a little bit more of a handful, take it or leave it

I love it when other people do this, both in profiles and IRL. Fuck artifice and negotiation - cards on the table IMO.

(though i've made the mistake of highlighting my "warts" and worse, of spending too much time w/ some astounding messes b/c i appreciated their candor)

i think that if you have an inclination to post a warts and all profile, and that reflects who you are in real life, then you just post it! it might not appeal to some people, but those might be the kind of people you wouldn't work well with in the first place. so you may as well weed them out!

personally, though, i like to hold many secrets and then sorely disappoint people a few years into the relationship with my true self

^^^my man

wait so bnw are you not going to call/txt the person you went out with because you think you might be rejected? but you like her? and the only thing up in the air is that you don't know how she'll respond even tho you had a good time on the date?

― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 15, 2012 10:30 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah if this was me i would walk into traffic. so no, not my plan.

I don't highlight my warts because I am absolutely perfect in every way

lol ZS

I don't mind those types of profiles, though - the ones that absolutely gross me out are the slightly misogynistic ones that moan about how shitty women are to deal with (GOD, DO ANY WOMEN ANSWER ANY MESSAGES ON THIS SITE!? - etc)

Its frustrating when you mention things you do/are on a profile and then date someone who doesnt like it (smoking is the example here), says "but thats ok thohgh", knows you smoke, then 6 months later whinges about it being unbearable. Fuck off, you knew I smoked, why'd you go out with me if it was such a big issue? Grrr. Thats happened to me more than once.

they thought u were perfect in every other way and hoped to change u?

I don't mind those types of profiles, though - the ones that absolutely gross me out are the slightly misogynistic ones that moan about how shitty women are to deal with (GOD, DO ANY WOMEN ANSWER ANY MESSAGES ON THIS SITE!? - etc)

Ugh, yes.

I hate gay guys' profiles where they gripe about how gay guys suck, especially the anti-femmes ones ("if I wanted a woman [or "bitch"], I'd date a woman" and "I want a man who acts like a MAN") or the classic "why are homos nuts?" ones. Please, get to Exodus Int'l ASAP!!

I hate the people who say how awesome and happy and well adjusted and successful they are. Such bores.

Bnw, did you call/text yet? Walk into the traffic!

Yeah, I mean, far too often I've hit a brick wall because I failed to live up to someone's idealized notion of me or because they were unable to change stuff they knew about from the get go. Like, I'm pretty honest and open about stuff! It shouldn't be that confusing when I'm the person I told you I was!

My thinking has gone back and forth wrt the brutal (but tactful) honesty in online profiles, but I do tend towards it if only because it saves a lot of hassle to get potential dealbreaker-y stuff out of the way asap. And, yeah, if someone sees that stuff and decides not to contact me because of it, that saves us all time and energy! Everybody wins!