Footcelsior

I didn't even know this thread existed and I'm surpised to find myself on it. That Sgt. Bisquits thing upthread is as funny as hell.

really pleased for the james gang that Wigan stayed up, but i feel really sorry for steve kean. He has not deserved the vile abuse he has had all season.

― Algerian Goalkeeper, Monday, May 7, 2012 9:29 PM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hes a cunt

― nakhchivan, Monday, May 7, 2012 9:30 PM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

tiger suplex '85

two posts after this one and this becomes the longest thread on ilx

― navihchkan (nakhchivan), Thursday, 17 May 2012 13:02 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ok i want it to be this:

― navihchkan (nakhchivan), Thursday, 17 May 2012 13:04 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

jol out

― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Thursday, 17 May 2012 13:04 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oh u cunt deems!

― navihchkan (nakhchivan), Thursday, 17 May 2012 13:05 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

classic

sheringham/andrew cole rift starts here imo

i'm gonna spend a weekend off sometime bulking this thread up from the historical archives

id guess thread would get more traffic if it didnt sound like a bankrupt sneaker store in indiana

Noteworthy football content << classy, minimal, restrained, dignified -- an andrea pirlo to this thread's landon donovan

butthurt lance-asster here today to open our shoe store imo

god shoe store clerks are so surly

understandable, tbh, if it weren't for this damn fetish i could have been a physicist

"that's not dribbling, that's running" - Capote on Ben Arfa

― cissémanwhore (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 13 May 2012 23:03

it is true that relative to other sports...nobody really mentions technique in football.

They talk about little else in cricket, I can hear Boycott's voice droning away in my head, "You, see that's just bad tegneeg that is, you can't play grigid at this level with bad tegneeg, do you think I had bad tegneeg when I was scoring my hundred hundreds? Give over!"

― Tom D has taken many months to run this thread to ground (Tom D.), Tuesday, 31 May 2011 15:49 (11 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no wonder everyone stopped talking to the cunt huh

― ♪♫ hey there lamp post, feelin' whiney ♪♫ (darraghmac), Tuesday, 31 May 2011

tbf like

what do folks think of the portuguese winger ronaldo?

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:16 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Well at least he's got rid of that stupid spaghetti haircut he had. Although i don't think that was what you were looking for was it k*l*an?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:19 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

all opinions re:ronaldo are welcome...

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:20 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

What's a "winger"? Did you misspell "singer"?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:20 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(winger = footballer who plays attacking role and usually concentrates his/her efforts along the touchline)

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:22 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

jol out

― darraghmac, Tuesday, September 11, 2001 11:38 PM (10 years ago)

heh

Q: How could Arsene Wengers financial approach to signings be described.

A: As tight as Scrooge Mc'Ducks Arse (Contains a duck reference, a Scrooge McDuck reference (a famously stingy character), a common phrase relating to being penny pinching which relates to Arsenals famous policy of no big money signings and also contains the word 'Arse' which features in both the name of the club and it's manager.

― Jarlrmai, Tuesday, 16 March 2010 17:07

I predict a run of dispiriting Spurs defeats. Next time Spurs play.

― the pinefox, Monday, May 14, 2012 1:06 PM (4 days ago)

the question must be asked- how hungry can frank lampard really be at this stage?

― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 21 May 2012 15:39 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ledley likely to hang up his knees?

― mizzell, Friday, June 1, 2012 8:44 AM

sit him up on kaboul's shoulders to steer imo

― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Friday, June 1, 2012 9:01 AM

THE WAYNE IN UKRAINE FAILS MAINLY BY EVERY AVAILABLE YARDSTICK

― Alba, Sunday, 24 June 2012 22:43 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm

I hate Manchester United and all they stand for, and always will, but I'm now getting slightly confused as to whether Chelsea are worse ... gah

― Si.C@rter (SiC@rter), Saturday, 4 November 2006 17:31 (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
what do they stand for?

― Rebel.yell.For.Internet.cakes (nordicskilla), Saturday, 4 November 2006 18:57 (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Somebody took their seat cushions away when they were buying a prawn sandwich.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Saturday, 4 November 2006 19:01 (5 years ago)

Giggs gets his goal. That's not the 20,000th is it?

― Number None, Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:44 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

19999th

― awesome to have a clever englishman zinging yr enemies (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:47 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Damn, i was imagining the flowery tributes already

― Number None, Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:49 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the tributes would have reached such a pitch of encomium for the beloved 93 year old welsh wing wizard that ronan might literally have set fire to a church or something

― awesome to have a clever englishman zinging yr enemies (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:56 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

20kth goes to the Villa's Marc Albrighton

― mortified of ILX (onimo), Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:57 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Good luck writing a flowery tribute there

― Number None, Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:58 (6 months ago)

rooney's whiteness i think i don't let affect my judgement, i don't say i don't know it's there cos it's always there obviously, but i try to make a clear judgement on him as if he weren't white, iykwim?

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Monday, 10 October 2011 02:06 (17 hours ago)

^^^^^^

― nakhchivan, Monday, 10 October 2011 19:07 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Sorry but I have no idea what that even means.

- You signal he's white
- You don't want that to affect your judgement
- Yet you are aware that he is white
- But you try to make a clear judgement "as if he weren't white"?

???

― Young Swell (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:15 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

deems is basically saying that when we discuss rooney's popular soubriquet 'the white pele', we refer largely to the pele element -- how does rooney relate to pele, his mythos, his technical ability, how does rooney improve upon his prototype?

however, what is missed is exactly the meaning of rooney's whiteness -- why he is white? did he become white? does his whiteness derive from or merely perpetuate the tabloid rooccult?

― nakhchivan, Monday, 10 October 2011 19:31 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ya

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:32 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

but without making it 'a thing' y'know

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:33 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I don't think the tabloids made him white.

I'll back off now, I'm afraid all this is too meta for me.

― Young Swell (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:34 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the rooniversity of ilx: ROO 101 -- introduction to roonology

― nakhchivan, Monday, 10 October 2011 19:35 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

just enough pigmentation to perform

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:41 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a+ routine would confuse bystanders again

good times

gonna eat my tea really furiously if United win this effing thing now

― it's-a me, irl (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 2 September 2012 17:48 (Yesterday) Bookmark

lookit, the prods just get the technique (or maybe the work ethic to develop it)

this is why they develop the trades, and the golfers, and now the tricky wingers. they have been convinced since planter times of the benefits of the excursion into enemy territory, also as landowners they maybe had the time and resources to chase down avenues unavailable to the downtrodden peasant masses, hence an inbred proclivity towards the showy lollipop

catholics know their lot is to remain wary against invasion (hence two banks of four), to keep a general level of low-level skill married with strength of numbers and the odd guerilla ambush

it's the history of the country, idk what more i can say

― Randy Carol (darraghmac), Saturday, 8 September 2012 00:48 (41 seconds ago) Bookmark

Christ that's a good post.

"what more can I say" delivered with a Seinfeld swagger

couldn't cut and paste it fast enough, obviously

Otm, lads.

Otm.

quintessentially Lampardian strike for 2 - 1

― Number None, Saturday, October 6, 2012 2:23 PM (11 minutes ago)

deflected?

― pandemic, Saturday, October 6, 2012 2:23 PM (10 minutes ago)

or penalty?

― pandemic, Saturday, October 6, 2012 2:23 PM (10 minutes ago)

Seems like a nasty business - public repentance, then they burn you anyway? So we can expect the full Brazil 82 from Ireland tomorrow, followed by Trap in a wicker man at the final whistle.

(wikipedia seems to count burning in effigy as an execution; good traditional footy punishment imo)

― Ismael Klata, Monday, 15 October 2012 21:54 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

jesus i'd say he'd be great tinder tho, lookin at him

― the oft-posited third fisherman (darraghmac), Monday, 15 October 2012 21:59 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

like a pile of dead leaves

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 10:56 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

where's your god now trapp?

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 10:56 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a naked john o'shea cavorting outside his hotel room and banging walls tonight to irish folk music

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 10:57 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

there never was a world cup, we just needed something to bring him to the island

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 10:58 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

if we're going to give the job to mick or harry we might as well just interview a third person too, anyone really, once they're called tom.

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 15:41 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wtf happened with the eng u21's today. Mass racism, brawl, danny rose sent off??

― pandemic, Tuesday, 16 October 2012 18:39 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, there's some clips on youtube but they're fairly brief

― Number None, Tuesday, 16 October 2012 18:41 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Was JT the overage player?

― Ismael Klata, Tuesday, 16 October 2012 18:41 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

kiu guys, kiu

'john terry is a racist'

otm

Question: my dad told me that he stopped drinking Manhattans when they "started to go down too easy." I've always liked that way of explaining it, but I didn't know if it had an origin?

― these albatrosses have no fear of man (La Lechera), Wednesday, October 24, 2012 8:37 AM (38 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

foreign soccer players iirc

― i will fondue, and i will killue (darraghmac), Wednesday, October 24, 2012 8:41 AM (35 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

cross-board controversy

figured all the americans on the reg excelsior thread wouldn't get the subtlety -- ALL soccer players 'flop' amirite

"Contenderizer walked on to the gender issues thread with a smile on his face. He was skulking off it with a grimace an hour later. The first chance I got, I did him. Never have I hunted down a vaguely misogynist implication with greater appetite. 'You're not fucking laughing now, are you, you sophistic cunt?'

― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Thursday, 1 November 2012 12:19 (Yesterday)

King: Do you feel an extra responsibility helping the young players (Wisdom is 19) coming through, Jamie, as you are the elder statesman in Liverpool’s squad now at 34?

Carragher: I’ve always tried to help whoever I’ve played alongside, no matter what their age.

― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Wednesday, 31 October 2012 16:29 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

CarraZing!

― Named locally as Tom D (Tom D.), Wednesday, 31 October 2012 16:33 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

even the black players, eh?

― but with socks instead of football (darraghmac), Wednesday, 31 October 2012 16:56 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no matter what age they claimed to be

― oh shawx (onimo), Wednesday, 31 October 2012 17:00 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bobby z is all aboard the o-train

http://news.yahoo.com/bob-dylan-predicts-obama-landslide-061628696.html

― reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, November 6, 2012 8:07 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

thats not bobby z

― ut's nutta bull, ut's a *romanda* (darraghmac), Tuesday, November 6, 2012 8:09 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

realize maybe the outright lolz aren't there but I'm just happy to get the joek

Just been sat on the train heading out from town towards Aston, crowded with villa fans, not a level head amongst them. We're either about to bosh bcfc 8-0 because we're villa and in the ep league and just because. Or alternatively we're about to get turned over 2-0 on our own patch and Lamborghini should be strung up from the nearest tree/lamppost. Can't anyone just be cautiously optimistic about this ffs? A degree of confidence is fine so long as you remain suitably wary

― Windsor Davies, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 19:14 (18 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Also lamborghini = phone autocorrecting lambo. Defs need a few more wins under his belt before I start bestowing him with cool monikers

― Windsor Davies, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 19:15 (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

spain make me feel like a sceptical boondocks sheriff looking at two moonshone alien abductees- if all this probing is really going on, then why is there no attack?

― Ну, там твое место, там сабе будь! (darraghmac),

ye must have missed me something fierce during the tourney itself

Alderweirelds a stage and even kyle walkers playing his part

― MONKEY had been BUMMED by the GHOST of the late prancing paedophile (darraghmac), Sunday, 22 November 2015 17:19 (three years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

son's teeth, son's eyes, son's taste, son's everything

― r|t|c, Sunday, 22 November 2015 17:40 (three years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

holy shit

you saw that at the time im sure

oh i see

hi guys

for the last year and for the first time in my life at thirty whatever (seven i think) ive been involved in a sports team, a load of struggling dept ed penpushers of varying experience and silhouette togging out once a month or more under floodlights against lads with coaches and clipboards and a ref looking on and shaking his head at us

we havent won yet but we havent given up yet. our goalie would rather be our striker, our striker would rather be anywhere else, our best player has forty years done and is likely running down his contract and we're only taking it too seriously in the ten mins before and after when tge blood's up.

highlights include:

- the ref blowing up ten mins early against the prison service and refusing to divulge the score

- getting a man sent off for running away from a fight against the fire service (and being let back on out of pity ten mins later)

- holding justice to a two goal win and running to the bench celebrating as they looked on nonplussed

- our bruiser (seconded to defence since, unrelated) launching into a legbreaker against dept health and the victim berating him while prone with "dyou fuckin know how long the ambulance will leave me waiting once they know who i work for?"

its been a joyous experience, almost totally positive without the pressure of performance or competitiveness and while i wish id done it years ago i think maybe the magic is coming from the maturity in actually enjoying the participation and the camaraderie and all the things that wouldve been and sounded like placatory cant back when we were young enough to care.

are ye sporting yerselves and isnt it great

― deemsthelarker (darraghmac), Tuesday, 23 April 2019 18:41 (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

not that your ego needs the balm but i did lol irl

if yall think agile is bad, pray you never have to work at a place that implements SAFe

― diamonddave85​​ (diamonddave85), Thursday, 11 April 2019 14:44 (three weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Moysey certainly couldn't manage it

― cherry blossom, Thursday, 11 April 2019 15:15 (three weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Stern Stern John - claims to be lackadaisical Trini striker born again after discovering 'de fyah ah de lord' following extensive conversations with Marvin Andrews. Splits his time between using terse, literalist interpretations of biblical passages to explain Birmingham City's off-the-field woes and offering disciplinarian child-rearing advice on I Love People-Making. Board members suspicious of his inconsistent patois are unsurprised when he is exposed as a fraud, following the real Stern John's arrest, alongside Dwight Yorke, for attempting to smuggle amyl nitrate and two under-age Belarussians into Abu Dhabi.

Cursory Googling reveals him to be Roger Walton, 47, a roofer from Morecambe who has been living as 'Stern John' for four years. It's a crushing blow to partially-sighted wife Martha, son Stern and daughter Sterne. Disappearing shortly afterwards, a tear-stained note is found on Morecambe pier reading simply "with his talent and my iron will, we could have made the world tremble before us".

― A little bit like Peter Crouch but with more mobility (ShariVari), Tuesday, 20 September 2011 17:28 (nine years ago) link

That is a thing of beauty

That whole thread is a pretty amazing read, although I don't think I noticed at the time how many of the protagonists ended up taking their own lives

perhaps the collective was a little in thrall to the turn-of-the-decade vogue for gritty miserablism

gritty, re: boots

Watching on a bit of a delay, who are these arseholes on motd2 please

― Windsor Davies, Monday, 28 December 2020 00:45 (thirteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Tottenham

― spruce springclean (darraghmac), Monday, 28 December 2020 01:43 (twelve hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

It's Christmas

Theres no need to be afraid (short of set pieces after the 80th minute)

Wow at the Dele goal. Not sure I've seen someone set themselves up for a bicycle kick before.

― cajunsunday, Thursday, 25 February 2021 13:31 (thirty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm sure darragh's done it once or twice

― Number None, Thursday, 25 February 2021 13:39 (twenty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Fair play hes caught that one just right, but its hit me the the lower stomach

gritty, re: boots

― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits)

In itself a worthy effort

Ryan Sessegnon

― anvil, Sunday, 7 January 2024 20:07 (eighteen seconds ago) bookmarkflaglink

yes

the wicker man was on the tv last month and I suddenly thought of trappatoni and a naked john o'shea but couldn't remember why. it was fairly disturbing. I finally remembered this thread. darragh and ronan riffing off one another is beautiful.

Moyes - I'll take any kind of win

Would like if this was made into a musical number.

― Legitimate space tale (LocalGarda), Sunday, 27 October 2013 10:40 (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I often think of this and laugh

(Everyone else hears an actual tune in their head as they read it too right?)

i never do because the moyes van dyke head image disturbs me overmuch

i regret this thread title nakh otm

I won't be happy until Jon Moss is facing the dual pressure of court litigation and FA disrepute charges for accepting a bribe and tries to hang himself in shame from a kitchen hook, but his weight breaks it off the wall and he suffers a head injury causing severe brainstem injury that renders him paralysed, over the weeks his increasingly starving dog eats him in a slow piecemeal manner.

― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Monday, 15 January 2024 21:27 (fifty-one minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

it was this or vmic