your terrible ideas

'Last Tango In Paris' - a short film following a desperate American tourist who is trying to find the last available can of fizzy orange soda in the city.

Do you mean "Last Faygo in Paris"?

That's the US title.

A Rifftr4x type product for pr0n movies.

Suture Self, a store which sells "repair kits" for the human body, allowing people to circumvent stupid doctors and hospitals.

Wake N Parm - a chain restaurant that sells Chicken/Eggplant/Meatball/Veal Parmigiana sandwiches only for breakfast

a strong packaging adhesive which dries to a hardened state, but when subjected to sustained sonic vibrations will undergo a phase change back into a pliable gel state.

this will result in interactive consumer product experiences like a pack of gum which cannot be opened unless you hold it up to your face and yell at it for like three or four minutes. target demo is mostly kids and anyone who doesn't hate fun.

This is secretly a good idea, but I'm writing it here so I have it on record:

A mafia-style sandwich shop called Baguette About It

Also an ambient act specialising in covers of the Northern Songs back catalogue called The Beatless.

Family Band: a photography business that specializes in family portraits posed in the style of band photos. Like mother, father and children staggered in the foreground and background, looking in different directions, in an abandoned warehouse.

You could even do portraits in the style of famous band photos/album covers, e.g. family zipping up flies after pissing on a giant concrete thingy.

^ such a not terrible idea. everybody should be quiet riot, the runaways or van halen though.

Actually, yeah... I kind of like that idea.

hmm...

a compilation of laid-back songs from the southern islands of Greece. I would call it DIS CRETE MUSIC.

a sexy R&B-tinged slow jam band called NSFW

A Junkyard Wars/Scrapheap Challenge type TV show where the teams have to make computers out of garbage, called 'Byte My Junk'.

— We should record an a capella version of The KLF Chill out

— Please stop talking

A "lighting round" version of Is This Racist?

did i mention this already? my terrible idea is to sell running shoes that don't look like they were designed by an 8-year old. i.e., they don't have a bunch of intersecting neon green lines on both sides. afaik, no one has ever attempted to make a running shoe that isn't completely embarrassing

i will attempt to make a running shoe that does not look like this

http://sidomoro.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/running-shoes.jpg

although you know what might improve that shoe, right there? one more flashy stripe running down the side

actually there's a bunch of blank space near the tip of the shoe, i bet a few stripes could be placed there as well

just do it already

the problem is that i'm not sure how to assemble a shoe, let alone one that can properly cushion a runner's foot.

A Battlestar Galactica 1980 / Mission Impossible crossover.
"Your mission, Apollo, should you choose to accept it,
(...)
If you or any of your team are caught or killed, the white haired dude from Bonanza will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This highly sophisticated piece of alien technology disguised as a primitive 20th recording device will self destruct in 5 centons."

Since everyone watches pr0n on the internet these days instead of on videotape, an art installation made from stacks of VHS pr0n tapes. I would call it... Pr0nhenge.

a website that allows people to illustrate driving scenarios by inputting a few parameters. it would generate images like this one:

http://i46.tinypic.com/smzu6e.png

you could create stationary diagrams as well as animated gifs. the site would host the images so you could post them to hate sites like ilxor.com and complain about disgusting savages who shouldn't be allowed behind the wheel. the site itself would be a social network for neurotic drivers. I'd give it a vintage Web 2.0 name like MyCrashSpace.com.

how would the params work?

ok, so there's already draw.accidentsketch.com/, but it's not optimized for social networking. my site/app would have a like/dislike button (I'm thinking a system where you could vote for which driver was at fault), comment sections for each diagram, and fake petitions to get rid of annoying traffic lights. there'd be a Facebook tie-in and iPhone app and stuff.

how would the params work?

I'd probably just steal draw.accidentsketch.com's system, where you can just drag graphic building blocks into the picture (or into each frame, if it's an animated gif).

there'd be a text-based param interface too, but I'm not sure how that would work. there'd have to be a way to animate traffic lights (green for 3 seconds, yellow for ½ second, red for 90 seconds), for one thing.

I figure most of the people who used this thing would be irrational hotheads who'd drew up every scenario to make themselves look like amazing drivers surrounded by idiots/haters, so there'd have to be a way to create diagrams that wouldn't even be possible in real life.

Family Band: a photography business that specializes in family portraits posed in the style of band photos. Like mother, father and children staggered in the foreground and background, looking in different directions, in an abandoned warehouse.

You could even do portraits in the style of famous band photos/album covers, e.g. family zipping up flies after pissing on a giant concrete thingy.

― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, May 8, 2012 4:22 PM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

What does it say about me that after reading "Family Band" the first thing that came to mind was Black Flag's Family Man.

that's a good idea unreg

A new Blackberry tablet that has a scale blackberry keyboard instead of a touchscreen

That would make the keyboard almost usable...

how about a zx spectrum style rubber keyboard you could stick on top of any tablet?

That's a terrible terrible idea - loads of people would buy that.

hopfeully someone here will steal it so i don't either have to go to the trouble of making it happen, or forever curse my failure for doing so.

I just like the image of a tablet that's just a large scale blackberry w half the body taken up by a keyboard

xp phew, i'm relieved of my burden:
http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1030552097/ikeyboard-0

It's not how I imagined it. I was picturing something more like an actual ZX Spectrum keyboard.

Actually that would be more like a Z88.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/a2/Cambridge-Z88.png/640px-Cambridge-Z88.png

that kickstarter thing must be hugely unsatisfying. you'd get the rough look of a keyboard but you'd go insane pining for the tactile sensation of pressing actual keys. or maybe you already get that feeling when you use the iPad the right way. I dunno.

UP 'n' ATM: a cash machine for elevators

Pretty sure they already have these in Las Vegas or some other heavy gambling place like that.

ah but do they have a shitty pun as a product name?

in college I wanted to start a vegan drunk food chain called Tofuck U.

a colleague's terrible idea: a vacation photographer (in the same way you'd hire a wedding photog). you'd give instructions as to what kind of shots you wanted and then you'd just go about your vacation and they'd do the work. you could even have options as to how arty or basic you wanted it, how much posed stuff, how much of you vs the locale, even if you wanted him/her to act like a paparazzo. this would be for rich ppl obv.

xp; Cluck U would probably have a problem with that.

well tofuck them