The Apprentice (UK) 2012

Ricky's rationalisation of his decision-making in the boardroom was perhaps one of the most OTM things anyone's said in there. Basically 'I delegated, but you can only work with the pishy blunt tools you're given, ffs'.

I basically quite like Ricky, Katie, Nick and maybe Jenna. The rest, meh.

^^^ Nick seems competent (still a Tory boy though), Katie obviously isn't the boo hiss baddie that she was set up as earlier, Ricky more level headed than he seemed at the beginning of the series.

I thought Stephen would come unstuck in the traditional 'pprentice "I do this as my day job I should be PM!" move, but he didn't, although more by luck than anything. The other team's programme seemed like it would do better in the long run, but the show isn't about coming up with real practical business ideas that would actually work for more than five minutes.

Adam clearly heading for a huge blunder that completely sinks him. Tom is a sneering prick who will come unstuck when he's put in charge of something that actually matters. I can't tell if Laura really is argumentative or if she's just being edited to seem that way. Gabrielle, Jade, and Jenna are possibly the real argumentative elements. Azhar needs to pull something out of the bag to avoid his video performance being just an insubstantial flash in the pan.

Duane's brother is Simon from Blue!

can i just pop in here to say that me and my friends LOVE the apprentice uk??

(and hate the apprentice US?)

what episode are you on? NO SPOILERS FOR A SECOND PLEASE!

(i just watched 4)

Someone at my other half's work knows Laura. Gossip or character assassination sadly unforthcoming.

Comedy Scottish racism ahoy next week. I predict Laura will be fired for (1) somehow not being an expert in all things ever to do with Scotland or (2) going postal on everyone for assuming that living in Lanarkshire gives you instant insight into the whims of wee old touristy grannies on the Royal Mile.

This was episode 5.

I'm slowly starting to think Ricky is the most sane, normal and dare I say, professional person they've had on for a long while.

It's back? Cool

This is the second week in a row where the team that did the 'proper business process' implied in the task lost, and the team that did the barking mad stuff, won.

btw, where can you source Spacehoppers for £2 each?

indeed.

this wam bam, here's the twist! groove is becoming very tiresome

and surely there should have been equipment costs taken off the 12 grand license fee

i mean a few thousand spacehoppers/skiping ropes/hula hoops aint going to be that cheap ?

^^^otm

I was mostly sat there after the decision puzzling about how they worked out the costing and if they factored that into the grand total. Thankfully my general life outlook is that business is all handwaving and bullshit, so I'm happy to have this programme continually reinforce my belief system.

Would've liked someone to have just said, "yeah, your product was better and it was more well-liked than that shit retro thing that was poorly thought out, and you're only here because some of bloody 'family market' fluke that nobody on that team considered until it was brought up by a buyer."

and i had to stifle a laugh "you'll always witness the fitness with Ricky Martin."

I can't tell if Laura really is argumentative or if she's just being edited to seem that way.

She's certainly giving them loads of material if she isn't. I used to work with someone just like her - I think it's the nippy voice that makes it worse.

Best deal I can do you on these Spacehoppers is £46.20 for five, darling. Special offer. They're £122 for 10, and this offer won't laugh. What do you mean £2 each? You've heard my offer. Take it or leave it.

Well, there you go. If AlSug had factored in the cost of the spacehoppers into the final net totals, WHICH IS WHAT YOU DO IN BUSINESS, the fair and just result would have been presented.

I've seen this 1-0, 2-0, 2-One squillion scoreline too many times before to believe that it wasn't either a fix by the producers or a wind-up by Virgin, but either way it backfired. The result didn't make sense and the winning team was stuffed with dead men/women walking, hence the need to make an absurd fuss about whether the video did or not contain the right moves in order to sack one of the strongest candidates. No wonder Duane seemed puzzled.

The other problem with this series, as I keep saying, is the premise: it's about Sugar selecting the best business idea to back. Does anyone seriously believe he hasn't decided the winner on the basis of the business plans before the series even starts, and the rest is just a charade? Last series, as I also keep saying, Tom kept getting saved despite being palpably the most hapless contestant week after week after week, which must have been because his was the only business plan Sugar was actually interested in - as it proved to be when they got down to talking about them, and the other contestants were dismissed out of hand.

Well, quite. When he was looking for an employee, the ability to communicate, take on new ideas, get stuck in, work as a team, pitch, sell, understand sums, etc, were all important. Now you just have to have a good idea and you can get Sugar's money to employ someone else to do all that shit for you. Tom would never have won last year's one in the old format, and Helen would probably have run away with it.

I won't be happy till Adam is fired, not least because he has the manner of a date rapist.

How many date rapists do you know, Dorian?

There are too many flaws in the programme to take it seriously. Maybe I'm too cynical but I'd assumed that the 250k 'win' is better than a job offer for Al Sugar.

A job offer would entail a headache for one of Sugar's company's HR, finding them a suitable role in an environment that people might be unwilling to work with them, employer's NI, benefits, the bad publicity if you need to sack them.. the list is endless....

£250k means you can put them in a remote office, possibly even charge them for rent and admin staff, visit them for 'an update & advice' once a month and them wave them off when the money (quickly) runs out.

The types of 'tasks' remind me of a useless BTEC in Media that I did years ago. They are faintly ridiculous. Not at all suitable to judge a person's ability. I think Sugar, Nick, Karen and the talking heads on YBF look the most silly for taking it seriously.

Quite fun to watch though...

no-blinky guy is terrifying.

http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2012/03/13/article-1331644279394-1224FDBF000005DC-234307_466x310.jpg

BLINK MOTHERFUCKER

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/07/Krays.jpg/250px-Krays.jpg

as played by http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Steve_Owen_ee.jpgmorelike

gah

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3c/Steve_Owen_ee.jpg

and now it's massive. what a fucking idiot.

I love the "This is my boardroom, and by the way, this is my money" bit they show every week.

Don't think that's an Amstrad games console they're playing there.

I love the 'TAFF ECONOMIC TIMES' from last year which is now just 'tough times'

Finally, a team wins by actually doing the task!

Yes, I was a bit surprised by that. We wondered if they would hammer Adam for failing to understand the "gourmet food" part of the instructions (again, make these things clear, ffs!), but no, he loses anyway. Then gets a second chance in order to prove his managerial clout (despite that being the point of being a team leader which he was rubbish at). Did Azhar actually do or say *anything* (apart from trying to sell meatballs to a squirrel)?

Trying to flog expensive food to hungover Rangers fans at Tynecastle at stupid o'clock on a Sunday morning is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard as a business plan. btw, had it been a normal kick-off time, I'd totally have bought some real food on the way to the match.

Also, why make it hard for both teams by doing this on a Sunday anyway? Looking at the fixture list, I reckon this was filmed in October. A Sunday in October is not exactly prime tourist time either.

Also fuck Jenna and her "will you understand them if they speak Scottish" pish.

The reason for filming on that day might have something to do with not upsetting other traders on busier days? They appeared to have carte blanche over where they put their food wagons. This made it more realistic as before they seem to get put in places where one has good passing and the other doesn't. The task on the other series with the sausage selling was typical, one team had a weekday on Portabello Mkt which has limited appeal and the other team had Leadenhall Mkt which has huge number of city workers at lunchtime. All the bashing of Adam about not having a 'gourmet' product and in the end they just went to the wrong places at the wrong time. I can't imagine the 'gourmet' aspect being the reason they didn't sell.

They were given a choice of about half a dozen places, iirc. Lack of local knowledge is usually the first fail - are they never allowed to do research on this if they don't have anyone with local knowledge?

The bashing of Adam for not having a gourmet product was because they were asked to provide a gourmet product. Not that they ever specify if there's a punishment for not adhering to the rules, but ffs, gourmet does not entail hundreds of tins of own-brand tomatoes.

On the train up to Scotland, wasn't Nick phoning around places for advice on where to set up their pitch? He got some pretty good recommendations but they were ignored.

Also fuck Jenna and her "will you understand them if they speak Scottish" pish.

― ailsa, Thursday, 26 April 2012 08:12 (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I note that everyone else present was trying very hard not to laugh out loud / roll on floor of the taxi, etc.

I did wonder what would have happened if that team had won by £21 as opposed to losing by that amount, whether or not the team would have got fined for not doing the task as was CLEARLY explained.

As our Alice exploded: "You don't "Slop Gourmet Food on a tray" like it was School Dinners!!"

"There's one fing you can't cook.. and that's the books!"

Second week in a row where he's fired someone with real skill and promise while sparing a plodder.

Well, yes. I assume Adam and/or Azhar have some excellent business propositions for when they scoot through to the final like Tom last year.

I note that everyone else present was trying very hard not to laugh out loud / roll on floor of the taxi, etc.

If I'd been Laura I'd have nutted her in the face. Take *THAT* Scottish stereotype, ya daft bint.

(I wouldn't really)

Also fuck Jenna and her "will you understand them if they speak Scottish" pish.

not that she has an accent or anything...

Welll, the further north you come from...

Actually, shock horror actually the first team manager to do it properly and well, this series?

no-blinky guy should have been in the board room for suggesting a price hike from 5.99 to 8.99.

have been trying to avoid this but when your flatmates are fans what can y'do. caught one of the girls on the meatballs team saying their food was "locally sourced" - what, because they bought it at a nearby tesco?

it doesn't matter where the produce comes from as long as it is utterly delicious.