Kids say the darndest things

awwww

"26, 27, 28, THIRTY!!"

"you forgot 29"

"there is NO TWENTY NINE IN MY LIFE!!"

LOL!

I got in trouble the other night because Beeps told sunny how there's a man who lives in the ground, under the dirt, and at night, he comes into the house and throws dirt at everyone's faces. When asked from where she got this information, Beeps replied "From Daddy."

So I had to explain that I had told her about THE SANDMAN, lightly sprinkling crystals into her eyes to make her go to sleep (and why she had eye boogers in the morning, the reason this all came up in the first place.) SHE'S the one who came up with dudes buried alive in the yard and shit.

My friend's 2-year-old got the same haircut as me. When I pointed it out to her, she said, "We both look so cute!" She has a half-inflated football she calls Frogbot.

Ava decided to rename her band last night - "I don't want us to be Mr Cool any more, in case people don't think we're cool, because the name would be silly. We're now Pitchfork Pandemonium. Because I have a guitar shaped like a pitchfork*." (* - it is a plastic pitchfork) Lulu immediately made herself the singer, wearing pants on her head, two pairs of socks on her hands and Mum's cardigan. Creative differences immediately:
A: "We're not doing a song called Barbie Band!"
L (singing): "Barbie is lovely..."
A: "I'm going to guitar practice!"
L: "Then I'm going to singing club!"
They re-emerge...
L: "This song is called Wonderful Daisies."
A: (groans) "Ok then."
A makes neow-neow gtr sounds, while L sings "I am going in a garden / It has a lovely bench / We went on a swing that was shaped like a tyre / The ground was covered in daisies".

It took me until 10:30 last night to get Ava to sleep.

lolz at all of these...

funny in particular about the guy who lives in the ground because my 2 1/2 year old has started talking about NIGHT GUY. Which sounds pretty creepy (we haven't shown her any It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia). But she says his name in this excited voice, like he's a fun dude. "NIGHT GUYYYYYY!" If you ask her what Night Guy does, she just says "He sleeps."

I think going to gigs in the US has had a profound effect on our girls. "I want to be a rock star as well as an author now, Daddy," says Ava, "but I worry that with all the soundchecks I won't have time to write my stories."

Ava and Lulu killing it omg.

I wd like Ava to be my train conductor every day, even if she does seem skeptical about the validity of the bar car argument.

She told me I would have to stay on the train for FIVE DAYS to get to Kalamazoo, even though Lulu was going to Liverpool and her ride was only two days long--that hardly seems fair. Miraculously, I was ordered off right around the time I ran out of beer.

I'm going to go through all our photos with them at some point, and make sure they don't forget any of their new Stateside aunts and uncles.

I will bribe their memories with American children's books <--unfair advantage even though they have no idea who I am.

evie got a pair of my boxers out of the clean (fortunately) laundry, held them up in front of herself, and said "i like my tutu!"

One of the tasks I worked on on Mechanical Turk was analyzing transcripts of children's speech. I was this close to emailing the researchers that I worked for and telling them that their tasks were the most adorable ones on the entire site.

"I had the weasels!" --my husband at 6-7 years old after a certain now rare childhood illness.

After having that illness, I mean.

PPs first words: 'Leave me alone"
<3

Lol no way.

a couple of times now evie has described food that she didn't want to eat as "boogers" (one time it was avocado, another time hummus)

heard a kid in an NPR piece say, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, replied: "a soldier, a computer expert, and an. . . exterminator."

pplains's Sandman story is killing me :-D

"you taste like peanut butter, grasshoppers, and a fireplace"

I think I had that dish at Coi!

Owen: "I want to be a space alien, so I can pick up bad guys in my flying saucer and throw them into the garbage truck!"

Ben: "I want to have a space suit that has computers, and night-vision goggles, and shoots french fries at bad guys!"

parents are having a serious conversation after breakfast, I start a sentence "sometimes...", kinda trail off

my nine year old pipes in, straight faced, "you gotta live mas", then grins

that's my boy!

nice

Henry, on mother's day, in packed restaurant, at the top of his lungs, busts out with some Katy Perry "BABY YOU'RE A FIREWORK!"

hahahaha <3

my Dad (David) used to tell people on the bus as a toddler that his name was Burset. My Grandma was mortified and never figured out where he got that name from.

One of my friends went through a phase when he was little where he'd only answer when people addressed him as Hong Kong Phooey. He even has books from that time where it says This Book Belongs To: Joanh Hong Kong Phooey.

haha

*reading 'Pinocchio'*

ME: Do you know what a conscience is? It's supposedly what makes you know the difference between good and bad.

BEEPS: I already know the difference between good and bad.

ME: Well, yeah. But just like you use your hand to pick up your milk there, you use your conscience to know what's right and wrong.

I start reading the book again. She starts punching her own forehead.

ME: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

BEEPS: There. No more conscience. Let's finish the book.

Little girls are at their best when charmingly amoral, and Beeps is a fairly wonderful example. None of that pesky conscience for me, thanks.

evie's grandpa got her one of those board books with a finger puppet of a bee in it, like this:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UPJ4-0s41Mk/TqJ_Fsf5rVI/AAAAAAAAAfM/h0145klM-5k/s1600/beee9780811852364-crop-325x325.jpg
she pushed the puppet inside out through the back of the book, then pointed at it and said "bee bottom"

"I've got a case of the hippies"

While discussing the King of the Hill episode about Dale's gay dad:

Wife: So when you grow up, are you gonna marry a girl or are you gonna join the gay rodeo?
Son: When I grow up I'm gonna be a journalist for ten years, then I'm going to war.

Woah!

"daddy, how about this. i've got a new game. it's called dying.... children"

lord almighty

he's 3.5 years old...

haa

Right now Dalton is doing this extremely adorable thing where he's convinced that our dog Maebelle's full name is actually Our Dog Maebelle and so he refers to her as "Our Dog" (dropping her last name).

Me: "What's her name?"
D: "OUR DOG!"
Me: "No silly it's Maebelle."
D: "OUR DOG! OUR DOG! OUR DOG!"

Very cute. Unfortunately he also thinks his name is "You" right now, which is also adorable, but sort of unfortunate too.

Henry won't say his name.

Ask him who his friends are, and he'll list them out for him. Ask him what his name is, and he'll say "Wyatt". (another boy in his class.)

I finally heard him say his name the other night, but he was making reference to one of the other train engines in a Thomas book.

He also calls all cats "Pye", who was our beloved cat.

Pye died this week and last night he pointed at the other cat ("Rocket") and went PYE!

Maybe we should rename the other cat Wyatt.

Pyeatt? :D

[driving through the mountains]
sylvie: [quietly] are we in the mountains?
me: yep.
sylvie [screaming] WE ARE NOT IN THE MOUNTAINS!!!!!!

Ask him who his friends are, and he'll list them out for him. Ask him what his name is, and he'll say "Wyatt". (another boy in his class.)

omg

This is hilarious. I mostly can't wait to have kids because they're the funniest.

x-post - lollllllllll

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"OK, Sterling, this is your stuffed frog, this is your stuffed monkey, and this is your stuffed toast."
"Toast!" (pointing at frog)

"No no, that's the frog. This is the toast! Can you point at the toast?"

"Toast!" (pointing at frog)

"No, this is the toast! Here's the frog. Can you say 'frog'?"

[grabs stuffed frog, crawls across room, puts it on top of much larger rocking frog, points at them:] "Toast!"

― Douglas (Douglas), Monday, 12 June 2006 21:45 (6 years ago) Permalink

I still think of the frog/toast mix-up often.