they wear a power tie
― pc user, Tuesday, 18 December 2007 19:35 (sixteen years ago) link
star wars: episode 2: attack of the jews
― s1ocki, Tuesday, 18 December 2007 19:35 (sixteen years ago) link
The clones were bred to be less independent thinking
― Sleep, Eat Food, Have Visions, Tuesday, 18 December 2007 19:36 (sixteen years ago) link
Also its pretty obvious that droids are sentient.
― Sleep, Eat Food, Have Visions, Tuesday, 18 December 2007 19:37 (sixteen years ago) link
Episode 3: Revenge of the Bris?
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 18 December 2007 19:37 (sixteen years ago) link
more money, more perks (from PILLAGE), promise of power, I presume.
The bad guys never spend enough on training courses.
Pay peanuts, you get monkeys
Somewhere in here, there's a contradiction.
― libcrypt, Tuesday, 18 December 2007 19:40 (sixteen years ago) link
This cliche also helps in stories where the good guys kill the Big Bad Guy, which is dramatic high point of the story, and then you don't have to worry about what happens to the thousands/millions of his minions, because apparently all of them they stop fighting or die the moment the Big Bad is dead. In real life the minions would probably go on fighting for days if not months after their leader is finished, some of them might never even find out the Big Bad is dead, or some new leader(s) might take the place of deceased one, but that never happens in fantasy stories, because it would ruin the dramatic arc where killing the Big Bad automatically saves the word. Like in Lord of the Rings, it seems all hostilities stop after Sauron dies, because apparently all the orcs and evil men and other followers of Sauron are mere puppets who cannot function at all once their master is gone. You'd think it takes the orcs who weren't there at big battle days or weeks to find out Sauron has died? In the movie they try to patch up things a bit by making Sauron's death cause a massive earthquake that kills most of the army at the Black Gate, but it's a pretty convenient earthquake since it only kills the bad guys, even though the army of the good guys is also there.
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 20:42 (fourteen years ago) link
I asked this on the LOTR thread and got no serious answers but... do Orcs have genitals?
so, okay, Sauron (or Saruman, whatever) creates them through some combination of magic and science (orcs were originally elves, right?) and makes a whole bunch of them. afaik there's no orc women. so do orcs have genitals? It seems like it would make sense that they could do a little raping along with their pillaging and murdering or do some homo-bonding a la Roman centurions. On the other hand, having genitals and not reproducing is nonsensical.
― Obama Death Panel (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:00 (fourteen years ago) link
Raping would have detracted from the pillaging and murdering, so Sauron had the foresight to create them genital free.
― Alex in SF, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:02 (fourteen years ago) link
can't believe no one took this question seriously
― it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:04 (fourteen years ago) link
I know!
― it's like i have a couple worked up orc dicks under my arms (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:06 (fourteen years ago) link
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla%3Aen-US%3Aofficial&hs=Myy&q=lotr+do+Orcs+have+genitals%3F&btnG=Search
google is not helping, either
― it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:08 (fourteen years ago) link
Orcs have no genitals. One could consider their oft-mentioned acts of cannibalism a primordial attempt at satiating their psychosexual desires.
― the stain specialist (Viceroy), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:09 (fourteen years ago) link
the real question is whether orcs have belly buttons
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:10 (fourteen years ago) link
(obv no)
Dan how do you do this? I'm seriously embarrassed posting on threads with this screenname.
― it's like i have a couple worked up orc dicks under my arms (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:11 (fourteen years ago) link
I feel like such a puritan now.
― it's like i have a couple worked up orc dicks under my arms (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:12 (fourteen years ago) link
Dan/Alex slash orc dork porn.
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:19 (fourteen years ago) link
really you should be more embarrassed at revealing your gender prejudices by assuming that orcs would have dicks instead of some other form of genital ;)
― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:20 (fourteen years ago) link
hahahaha quite honestly I stop paying attention to my screenname approximately 7 nanoseconds after changing it
― it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:20 (fourteen years ago) link
Results 1 - 10 of about 187,000 for orc porn
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:20 (fourteen years ago) link
i thought they just budded like amoeba
― thomp, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:21 (fourteen years ago) link
(also vadges are much less embarrassing than orc dicks)
― it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:23 (fourteen years ago) link
Ladies and gentlemen, A Band of Orcs.
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:30 (fourteen years ago) link
Greetings Humans, Allow me to introduce myself.They call me Gruesom Grimp. I am the Chaos Pundit and Manager for A Band of Orcs. If you have not yet heard of A Band of Orcs, methinks that is due to the fact that their meteoric rise has not quite yet exploded into your consciousness. Allow me to remedy this...
They call me Gruesom Grimp. I am the Chaos Pundit and Manager for A Band of Orcs. If you have not yet heard of A Band of Orcs, methinks that is due to the fact that their meteoric rise has not quite yet exploded into your consciousness. Allow me to remedy this...
Gogog Bloodthroat--Vocals and Power PresenceCretos Filthgrinder--Filthy Leads and Crushin' GuitarsHulg ElfR.I.P.per--Undead GuitarsGronk!--Bass guitar & ShamanismOog Skullbasher--drums & other bangingsLukacs--Agent of Chaos, Chronicler & IllustratorYou--the fans proselytising the wicked, carrying the war-banner into battle, and crushin' lame music everywhere
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:31 (fourteen years ago) link
http://c3.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/63/l_3d0e4a3e887e43a9af088dd30a0d3282.jpg
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:32 (fourteen years ago) link
You'd think it takes the orcs who weren't there at big battle days or weeks to find out Sauron has died?the appendices to 'the lord of the rings' chronicle how kings aragorn and eomer get together periodically to go smoke out remaining bad guy strongholds. no naked orc pix though unfortunately
― kamerad, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:33 (fourteen years ago) link
so, orcs can be dicks, but we still don't know if they have dicks
― it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:33 (fourteen years ago) link
we need the lyrics to "Procreation (Of the Wicked)" -- that should answer all these questions.
― the stain specialist (Viceroy), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:33 (fourteen years ago) link
"(also vadges are much less embarrassing than orc dicks)"
Esp. when they are worked up.
― it's like i have a couple worked up orc dicks under my arms (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:34 (fourteen years ago) link
yes, I believe quite a few of them were originally named Richard xxp
― a being that goes on two legs and is ungrateful (dyao), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:34 (fourteen years ago) link
Lukacs?
― goole, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:35 (fourteen years ago) link
see, it's SCAKUL backwards...
― it's like i have a couple worked up vadges under my arms (HI DERE), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:37 (fourteen years ago) link
we need the lyrics to "Procreation (Of the Wicked)"
Well here's them performing it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly-3XUahobY
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:37 (fourteen years ago) link
Oh goodie, individual band member bios:
http://abandoforcs.com/Fear_the_Orcs____.php
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 21:38 (fourteen years ago) link
Gogog hails from the Gore-Stained Axe Tribe of orcs. He has killed over 300 worthy and unworthy opponents, including 50 elves. His pastimes include breaking bones, pillaging villages, watching things burn, slapping around the slaves and watching monster trucks crush smaller cars. He prefers fist-fighting to weapons, but uses a two-handed axe in war, when necessary. His moniker comes from the fact that he once took an elf's arrow to the throat. He got better and now screams his way to superior Rock God Status.
orcs: british soccer hooligansuruk-hai: cockney factory workershobbits: irish belle and sebastian fanselves: swedish royaltydwarves: vikings"men": british middle classwild men: canadians?
― omar little, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 22:02 (fourteen years ago) link
wild men: canadians?
real answer is a bit more racisty methinks
― Obama Death Panel (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 22:07 (fourteen years ago) link
He never did like the Scots.
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 22:16 (fourteen years ago) link
Wizards: dudes with degrees in ancient literature
― the stain specialist (Viceroy), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 23:24 (fourteen years ago) link
"Like in Lord of the Rings, it seems all hostilities stop after Sauron dies, because apparently all the orcs and evil men and other followers of Sauron are mere puppets who cannot function at all once their master is gone. You'd think it takes the orcs who weren't there at big battle days or weeks to find out Sauron has died?"
Wasn't there a whole part of ROTK (the book) where the Hobbits come home and have to mop up a bunch of orcs who hadn't gotten the memo yet?
― schwantz, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 23:47 (fourteen years ago) link
Sorta but they were Saruman's henchmen.
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 August 2009 23:47 (fourteen years ago) link
and but so anyway
http://marvel.com/universe3zx/images/3/31/Taskmaster_Head.jpg
― all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Wednesday, 12 August 2009 00:16 (fourteen years ago) link
'taskmaster_head.jpg'?
― thomp, Wednesday, 12 August 2009 01:38 (fourteen years ago) link
"If we were orcs, wouldn’t we, at a racial level, imagine ourselves to look like elves?”
― jerk store (hmmmm), Wednesday, 12 August 2009 03:47 (fourteen years ago) link
Actually not seeing any real-world shortage of Big Bad Guys with armies of loyal followers, y'know?
but it's the FEW, the proud...
― Indiana Morbs and the Curse of the Ivy League Chorister (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 12 August 2009 03:50 (fourteen years ago) link
http://www2.pictures.zimbio.com/mp/2tGxgrg9q1Hc.jpg
― kamerad, Wednesday, 12 August 2009 04:26 (fourteen years ago) link
Wait, if orcs don't have genitals, how does Sauron come up with new orcs to replace the dead ones?
― Tuomas, Wednesday, 12 August 2009 11:53 (fourteen years ago) link
don't they just grow out of the ground or something? They did in the film.
that said, I think the Orcs do have genitals, but not for procreation.
― The Real Dirty Vicar, Wednesday, 12 August 2009 13:26 (fourteen years ago) link
Yeah, Saruman's orcs are artificially created somehow, but it's never said how Sauron's orcs procreate. The implication seems to be that Saruman has found a new way to create orcs, and it's not something Sauron has done before. IIRC, in Silmarillion it's established that orcs were originally elves that Morgoth corrupted, but it doesn't seem like there enough elves left in Middle-Earth for all the orcs to have that origin, and it's not even clear whether Sauron can corrupt them like his master did. So it seems they must breed in one way or another. And even interbreeding between orcs and humans is a thing, that doesn't explain the seeming lack of female orcs... Are all biologically born orcs male, somehow?
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 14 January 2020 09:07 (four years ago) link
Female orcs stay in the hovel and bring up the kiddie orcs, while the big bad orc-husbands go out and get themselves killed for Sauron. That's why you don't see them. Tolkien was pretty old-school, don't forget. Maybe there's an orc middle-class of teachers, scribes etc that run it all from back in "the east" and are resented by the arrow fodder orcs that have to go out to Mordor or wherever.
― it's after the end of the world (Matt #2), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 10:57 (four years ago) link
rejected story orcs
― Banáná hÉireann (darraghmac), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 11:06 (four years ago) link
how does this happen irl also
― Appleman Appears: 20/2/2020. Whose Cider You On? (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 11:08 (four years ago) link
When a Saruman and a mud puddle love each other very much
― Pizza is Really Yummy for Me (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 13:15 (four years ago) link
this doesn't happen irl because orcs don't exist u oaf
― que pasa picasso (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 13:17 (four years ago) link
is that a reference to something itt cause i haven't bothered reading it
― Appleman Appears: 20/2/2020. Whose Cider You On? (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 13:50 (four years ago) link
I’ve never read it but I bet The Last Ringbearer has a take on this.
― steer karma (gyac), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 14:00 (four years ago) link
that sounds kinda great tbh
― que pasa picasso (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 14:06 (four years ago) link
It’s free to read online in English if you google!
― steer karma (gyac), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 14:11 (four years ago) link
Grudging respect for the language and anti-capitalism/industrialism, but Tolkien is such a racist colonialist anti-miscegenation mess.
― Now We Know (Sanpaku), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 18:36 (four years ago) link
royalist and sexist should probably be in there too.
― Now We Know (Sanpaku), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 18:37 (four years ago) link
idk, I think Eowyn killing the witch-king makes up for a lot on the gender front imo.
― Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 January 2020 18:41 (four years ago) link
it's definitely the most "fuck YEAH" moment in the film adaptation (with extra castration imagery)
― Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 January 2020 18:42 (four years ago) link
but there's no arguing about all the "swarthy" = evil language and the royal bloodline crap
― Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 January 2020 18:43 (four years ago) link
Most Brit fantasy seems to do the true blood trope - see CS Lewis, JK Rowling and even Philip Pullman.
― it's after the end of the world (Matt #2), Tuesday, 14 January 2020 18:45 (four years ago) link
Moorcock otoh
― Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 January 2020 18:46 (four years ago) link