ILE rolling non-slam Tennis thread

jankovic needs to retire asap before she fucks up her h2h vs the williamses completely.

that is the least shady shade I've ever seen

What does a Djokalo look like?
http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/8664/djokolo.jpg

I'm ready for the Serena/Venus Charleston SF. Haven't played on clay since RG final 02 IIRC??? :o

lisicki injury time-out

music playing: ASHLEE SIMPSON - NOTHING NEW

never did i think i'd see the day where an ashlee album track would be played at a tennis tournament. so much life

serena and ashlee simpson at the same time, captured on my tv. this is too much for me to take right now tbqh

hahaha now THAT is shade

you realise i was serious right -_-

OMG AT THAT FIRST SET. SERENA YES YES YES THOSE BACKHANDS

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

THAT is the serena i love. such clean hitting. absolutely unbeatable.

you realise i was serious right -_-

You realize I was talking about the music they played when Lisicki got hurt

Serena was so good against Stosur, who just looked totally hapless.

Though not as hapless as Hercog's doing right now. This is embarrassing for her. Oddly enough Hercog's game reminds me of a destitute man's Stosur - obviously based on a big serve and running around her big FH but everything's so awkward and disjointed and her BH is laughable. Even brainless Lucie knows to aim 90% of her shots there.

You realize I was talking about the music they played when Lisicki got hurt

oh lol

yes

Today's ticketholders must be on top of the world right now.

i would have been :D getting to see one of the best performances of the last few years :D

"I have to say this is probably the best match I've played in my career, either in a long time or it's up there in the top five," Williams said.

wowzas.

Hercog, based on my observations of her, has a very specific game plan against lefties like Lucie. That is to hit to the forehand constantly. Saw it when she was playing Makarova earlier this year and it was such a spectacular failure. Can imagine the match was just like that. Not that I mind, because I <3 Lucie.

ATTENTION

Yulia Putintseva and her antics will be streamed for the first time later today. Against JANKOVIC, appropriately enough. CAN'T FUCKING WAIT hope she's as insane as she's made out to be. I have waited for her to make it on to the tour for YEARS

http://cowbell.typepad.com/forty_deuce/2010/01/robbie-watch-2010-shes-so-annoying.html

The diminutive but confrontational 15 year-old Russian has developed quite a reputation for herself in a short space of time and her penchant for intimidating umpires by persistent arguing and attempting to influence the calls of line judges have become notorious.

“She is a pit-bull, pure and simple,” said Peter McNamara, the former Australian doubles champion who now figures amongst the elite coaching team at the Mouratoglou Academy just outside Paris. “She will fight and scrap and do anything. The only person I’ve seen argue and try and intimidate umpires more consistently is John McEnroe.

i <3 her already

she's totally gonna double bagel jankovic

OH MY GOD WHAT HAS DOLGOPOLOV DONE TO HIS HAIR

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-V4owa4Z89Q4/T2vGgcaSroI/AAAAAAAAOYI/VwAEemVtEYQ/s1600/AD-Miami-1.jpg

http://l.yimg.com/j/assets/p/sp/getty/5b/fullj.716c1a1fbbf94a616c69eeb2b0858675/716c1a1fbbf94a616c69eeb2b0858675-getty-141722239.jpg

I CAN NOT

apparently the skin on his face hates it so much it's attempting to melt itself off his skull in protest

The VERY FIRST Putintseva point I see is followed by a racquet toss :D

TRIPLE racquet toss!

Her tortured facial expressions are something else.

She is so tiny and she just cannot smash at all!

his mustache is coming in nicely
http://sphotos.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/523519_10150729802958701_24410993700_9460006_1226829522_n.jpg

lol @ the explicit version of "niggas in paris" being blasted at top volume on the changeover during this Wozniacki Invitational final

kanye and jay-z inspiring Care Bear! she's playing well again!

Care Bear reels off five games in a row for the title following the Jay-Z/Kanye intervention and Wozniacki's sour face as she approaches the net is a glorious sight to behold :D

Haha that's great

it was even sweeter because prior to Jay and Kanye, Wozniacki had won four games in a row herself following a HIGHLY DUBIOUS medical time-out that broke Kerber's momentum

omg lollllllllllllllllllllllllll at woz losing the woz invitational :)

Kerber will be up to 14 this week. Not bad for a fluke Slam SFist! And the people ahead of her are injured Petko, probably injured Lisicki defending SF at Wimbledon, Li and Fran defending W and F at RG, and Zvonareva, who is Zvonareva, only more so than usual this year. She'll be at least #9 by June.

I have no idea what to say about this other than that until I saw the finished product, I was sure they were kidding.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_dbcPMsK_Q&feature=player_embedded

lol at some angles, the dude looks like conan o brien

sometimes i feel sorry for her, i'm not sure she realises how much of a joke she is.

I half expected the German Shepherd to put its paws over its eyes at the end.

In further Wozniacki joke news, did anyone else see the utter beating Kerber just laid on her. That was just...an impeccable match from start to end. Kerber absolutely brilliant in offense and defense and in knowing which to play when. Just an absolute joy to watch. The 1 and 2 scoreline flatters Wozniacki if anything.

Wozniacki was obviously powerless to do a single thing and becomes more irrelevant by the day :D

Some of Kerber's FHs were just <3 <3 Putting the ball where the fuck she wanted to.

That amazing defensive point early in the second set where she got back about 4 impossible shots, lobbed Wozniacki and then THUMPED the weak reply for a FH DTL winner <3 <3

ugh i am still on easter holiday and constantly bored yet still manage to forget this tournament's happening

lol @ woz altho at this point it's just like... yeah w/e just go away 4ever you're not even funny to watch any more

The rest of the WTA needs to watch Mona Barthel nearly beat Azarenka - twice in one year now. She's not really significantly less beatable than Wozniacki. Maul her in the final, Petra!

Lol Murray lost to Raonic on clay.

why is murray still playing tennis i'm so over him

isn't the operative word there "nearly"? Barthel played out of her mind but Azarenka was always...there. Always getting balls back in court, grinding and always right there scoreline-wise. And of course Barthel with her poor footwork and hit-or-miss second serve cracked first.

Cibulkova proved in Miami what we already knew, that Vika's game in and of itself is not a transcendently dominant one. But it's far sturdier than Wozniacki's and unlike Caroline, Vika just doesn't crack these days. It's tremendously aggravating.

Hopefully Kvitova saves us and lays b2b beatdowns on Ma$ha and Vika!

I'm not surprised Raonic is doing well on clay, he has groundstrokes that are actually up to rallying unlike most freakish big servers...

True, dat, but I've heard people say that Murray is one of the very best at dealing with big servers, so...

I'm thinking if Maria barely beats her bitch Stosur then Petra should be safe if she doesn't go slightly nuts mid-match. I mean, it's clay, it's indoors, Masha is nothing special on clay except and Petra doesn't lose indoors, right? Right?

Radwanska hit plenty of winners against Li (for her) so maybe she'll bother to hit some against Azarenka.

Barthel hit 62 winners v Azarenka, btw. Sadly, 16 doubles.

Clay is Sharapova's best surface though. But Kvitova should still win easily, especially after Maria's 3 hour match last night. I hope Petra wins so she can lay yet another brutal beatdown on Vika :D

Kiki Bertens has just become the FOURTH tournament winner ranked outside the top 100 of the year in Fes (joining Arruabarrena Vecino, Babos and Hsieh). Surely a record, and it's only April.

Totally into these events having random young titlists instead of your usual AMGs, Benesovas and Unforced Erranis though.

LOL.

Chris Bradnam: "Who would you pick to serve out a match or set for you? Serena, obviously."
Jo Durie [brightly, high-pitched]: "Well! That's interesting!" [conspicuously fails to name anyone else]

Cue Sharapova DF.

Jo Durie: "...Djokovic?"

can kvitova learn to hit a ball in court
this match is soooo boring

literally LOL @ that kvitova miss on set point up. now 5-5

seriously. 8 break pts and not one converted.

-_-