'John Carter,' aka the Edgar Rice Burroughs 'A Princess of Mars' adaptation

Holes of Mars

A Trip to the Moon of Mars

Schindler's List of Mars

Just got back. This movie was perfectly fine! I will say, however, that the stuff that doesn't work about it largely falls at Stanton's feet: his misbegotten promotion ideas, his inability to find a rhythm (talk talk talk ACTION talk talk ACTION talk), his lack of experience dealing with in-the-flesh actors and occasional tough time simply putting a movie of this scope together (weird framing and mismatched scenes abounded). Bummer we won't get a sequel, because obviously the foundation is there. How did fucking Clash of the Titans get a sequel? Was that a blockbuster? How did Battleship get made at all?

This movie did leave me wanting a six-legged butt-dog of my own, though. And a Lynn Collins.

I have a butt-dog but alas, she only got 4 legs.

his inability to find a rhythm (talk talk talk ACTION talk talk ACTION talk),

i think this is a big problem yeah. i still think any scene where characters are gravely spewing 30 different goofy alien names at you is just dead-on-arrival. i also didnt care for how JC felt like a cardboard Reluctant Modern Movie Hero - right down to the phoned-in hero refusing the call moments. most of the stuff about his backstory was unnecessary, especially all the stuff where he keeps telling people he's done with fighting other peoples wars or whatever - it doesnt resonate, and it drags the movie down. you never believe him as a southern gentleman from virginia either

How did fucking Clash of the Titans get a sequel? Was that a blockbuster?

a big one!

How did Battleship get made at all?

thats kind of a funny story actually. universal was desperate for franchises a few years ago and hasbro had just switched to an aggressive firm looking to make some deals, so universal bought the rights to a bunch of hasbro properties, with penalty clauses if they didnt get projects off the ground within a certain amount of time. so to avoid a 7 figure penalty, they commit to a $200 million Battleship picture because it was the best choice out of a bad lot. i think their deal recently went in the toilet so there probably won't be any more boardgame movies in the near future.

you mean we're not going to get Ridley Scott's Monopoly?

I want to see that list

Clue II

The Cluening

it was Battleship, Candy Land, Clue, Magic: The Gathering, Monopoly, Ouija, and Stretch Armstrong

how on earth is battlefield the best of those? lol this industry

do you think any of the others are clearly 'better'

tim burton's candy land

^ what we're all thinking

tho that would suck hard

Monopoly could be great. Candy Land also if done similarly to Mr. Show's take on the Kroffts.

xxxpost

i can in my mind's eye imagine good movies of all of them but battleship but maybe i'm being contrarian at this point

they should have bought risk and made a four-hour the longest day kinda thing that just cross-cuts between 500000 a-list names shooting each other in ten different locations. AROUND THE WORLD.

...in a teal & orange steampunk napoleonic cgi style? please?

soundtrack is just fake gregorian chants and a couple songs from smash

i can in my mind's eye imagine good movies of all of them but battleship but maybe i'm being contrarian at this point

― goole, Wednesday, March 21, 2012 5:08 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark

well i mean their concern wasnt what will be good, it was what can they sell. and it's easy to sell a big budget transformers knockoff

LIFE: people getting born, growing up, going to college, making out, getting married, raising kids, getting jobs, starting businesses - all from inside their cars. kind of like taste of cherry, but more cheerful. shot entirely in pink and blue.

it was Battleship, Candy Land, Clue, Magic: The Gathering, Monopoly, Ouija, and Stretch Armstrong

read: CGI action movie, CGI kids film, thriller, CGI fantasy, adult drama, supernatural thriller/horror, CGI action comedy

pretty obvious why they chose the one they did - biggest potential ROI

Ouiji could be a genuinely neat movie. Think: supernatural comedy/romance

Ghost

Didn't you see Witchboard back in the 80s?

a Tawny Kitaen classic

It was more than just a matter of too much talk. It was that as soon as I'd get into the mythology a little bit, there'd be this rushed, chaotic action scene which really showed the limitations of the director's abilities, cool as what I could catch in all the commotion seemed to be. Also, they failed to illustrate the parameters of John Carter's Mars powers. Like, how many times was he chained up in this movie until he was just motivated enough to break his chains or something? And the movie really should have started with John Carter and earned him his Oz moment when he woke up on Mars, not with a great Mars aerial battle. Given how little the blue-eyed people stuff made sense to this neophyte, they really didn't need to show McNulty getting his magic blue electro arm thingy. Or rather, they could have easily slipped that in somewhere else, later, once the movie got its legs.

I did love all the stuff I recognized from numerous movies that have mined this material before. Did not love seeing that kid from "World's Greatest Dad," who once I realized it was him took me out of his bits

I should stress that all these complaints have little to do with the material and more to do with how it was incorporated, or how the story was told. Which again, lays it at the feet of the director.

And the movie really should have started with John Carter and earned him his Oz moment when he woke up on Mars, not with a great Mars aerial battle. Given how little the blue-eyed people stuff made sense to this neophyte, they really didn't need to show McNulty getting his magic blue electro arm thingy. Or rather, they could have easily slipped that in somewhere else, later, once the movie got its legs.

yeah, i objected to the same thing upthread. there was just no reason to start the movie with sab than getting the 9th ray armband thing. we could easily have found out later that the therns were guiding him to victory.

I was a little worried by that intro, I was like..oh wait maybe it isn't that great? The Onion review was otm about that, it was pretty much everything everyone fears about scifi movies

It felt like the start to a cable mini-series, not a feature film. Maybe they should have gone with a scroll? "A long time ago ..."

I really liked the electro arm start! Just jumping straight in there.

don't tell anyone this...but i totally just dissed d@viD D^nby in my emp thing i'm reading at nyu on friday. if you are morbz you shouldn't miss it...

i couldn't help myself...

and i make fun of old people but morbz should come anyway...

:D

http://blogs.indiewire.com/thompsononhollywood/global-box-office-climb-continues-in-2011

I liked some of the design work and visual effects, but really this was a complete and utter mess. I have nitpicks by the ton, but overall it just failed to engage me. I was, at times, completely lost as to what was going on, which I put down to horrible writing. It was all muddled plot, no story.
The source material was written 100 years ago, and it felt like it. All the good ideas in this have been used in greatly better movies throughout the years, and now the well is dry.

I loved it. Given the amount of utter shite that does well at the box office it is shocking that a film as entertaining as this did so badly.

for people who don't follow ILM stuff, my Denby slam is here:

http://skotrok.blogspot.com/2012/03/2012-emp-pop-conference-paper.html

its in the last section. maria said she actually sensed some dismay from the crowd, but i didn't hear any from where i was. i didn't think anyone would care, but it is new york. maybe his mom was there.

It was pretty beautiful, that moment.

Wow Scott! Can't wait to read this. You go on about some of my favorite records as a clubbing kid in the late 80s. Chep Nuñez was God.

haha, yeah, that line is great and I had a very similar reaction to his review

Wow! Heady rush reading that Scott. Kudos and ashamed I missed seeing it in person.

was that a speech for a conference or something?

My father, joking to some Disney suits after overhearing them talking about the failures of "John Carter": "John Carter from Mars? Who wants to see that?? 'Jimmy Carter From Georgia' would've made more money." They laughed.

how, how did this get made?