Q: How did the pimp lose so much weight?A: Using one weird old trick.
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 03:34 (twelve years ago) link
Have you heard the Kansas song about the Vulture telling his son what's for dinner?
"Carrion my wayward sonthere'll be peas when you are done"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Thursday, 22 March 2012 02:21 (twelve years ago) link
Q: What is Lucky Luciano's favorite movie?A: Maid in Manhattan.
― we gotta move these refrigerators (CaptainLorax), Friday, 6 April 2012 02:07 (twelve years ago) link
What did the Juggalo eat for breakfast?Cream of WOOT!
― beachville, Sunday, 15 April 2012 10:10 (twelve years ago) link
Why did the indie rock ingenue actress go so well on a Croque Monsieur?
Because she was Gooey Bechamel
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:51 (twelve years ago) link
!
― fruitsbs (beachville), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:53 (twelve years ago) link
What do you call a horse from Pennsylvania?
A filly!
― Mordy, Thursday, 19 April 2012 02:58 (twelve years ago) link
Haven't quite worked this one out yet, but I think there could be a long joke involving a geisha and a submissive man that ends with the line "I wouldn't have pegged you for a fan"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:43 (eleven years ago) link
Have you seen that new Edith Piaf branded salad dressing?
Je ne vinaigrette rien...
― Scary Move 4 (dog latin), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 13:23 (eleven years ago) link
stealing that.
― how's life, Wednesday, 2 May 2012 13:24 (eleven years ago) link
five stars!
― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Wednesday, 2 May 2012 14:12 (eleven years ago) link
Q: Where do the Chicago Worms play?
A: At Wriggly Field.
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Friday, 11 May 2012 18:02 (eleven years ago) link
Q: What do you call an extinct species of spider?
A: an arachnid-ism
― He's sick of the Swiss. He don't like em. (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 11 May 2012 18:12 (eleven years ago) link
Q: What subway stop do the Brooklyn Moles get off at?
A: Burrow Hall.
I think having a baby is affecting my humor style.
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Monday, 21 May 2012 15:57 (eleven years ago) link
Did you hear that E.L. James is writing a scat novel?
Yeah, that's right, it's called "Fifty Shades of Gray Poop-on"
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 20:36 (eleven years ago) link
Q:What's the king's favorite record label?A:Moat-town!
― how's life, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 00:10 (eleven years ago) link
Q: What's the lawn's favorite record label?A: Mow-town!
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 02:59 (eleven years ago) link
Q: What's a librarian's favorite record label?A: STAX
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 03:26 (eleven years ago) link
There's this hot new bestseller soft porn novel that started out as He-Man fan fiction.
It's called Fifty Shades of Greyskull
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 20:50 (eleven years ago) link
Q. What do they shout at the existentialist gay pride march?A. "We're here, it's queer, get over it!"
― the fey monster (ledge), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 10:02 (eleven years ago) link
(warning, contains mild racial slur):
Q: Where do Boston Italian Yodas go to meet up?
A: The Dagobah!
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Friday, 22 June 2012 19:42 (eleven years ago) link
I submitted all these jokes to Laffy Taffy under the guise of "Michael Pipia, age 9", I'll let you know who the winners are
― frogbs, Friday, 22 June 2012 19:53 (eleven years ago) link
"Knock Knock""Who's there?""Smell mop""Smell mop who?""hahahahah"
This is probably my favorite joke ever now.
― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 22 June 2012 19:56 (eleven years ago) link
Knock KnockWho's there?Asparagi.Asparagi who?Asparagi a dollar for bus fare?
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Thursday, 5 July 2012 11:11 (eleven years ago) link
A man walks into a military installation. He is shot. His dog looks up and says "You stupid shit, this is a top secret installation!"
― The Cheerfull Turtle (Latham Green), Tuesday, February 7, 2012 9:25 AM (4 months ago)
aaaaaaahh CLASSIC
― the late great, Thursday, 5 July 2012 11:30 (eleven years ago) link
Q: Why is Joe Paterno rolling over in his grave right now?
A: Because he prefers to look the other way.
― Will Chave (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 July 2012 14:58 (eleven years ago) link
Q: What is a francophile's favorite legal drama?A: Paris Maison
― Will Chave (Hurting 2), Friday, 3 August 2012 18:33 (eleven years ago) link
What vegetable helps you get dressed in the morning?
Button-up Squash
― Quickly, take hold of my hand, asshole! (dog latin), Wednesday, 8 August 2012 09:53 (eleven years ago) link
Q. What did the pervert say to the bikini-clad lady when she bent over to pick up a seashell?A. "Damn ma, you find a shell!" ("Damn ma, you fine as hell!")
― starfish succulents (unregistered), Wednesday, 8 August 2012 16:39 (eleven years ago) link
the lady is his mom?
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 8 August 2012 17:10 (eleven years ago) link
"that's no lady," etc
― Godzilla vs. Rodan Rodannadanna (The Yellow Kid), Wednesday, 8 August 2012 17:15 (eleven years ago) link
What do you get if you cross the captain of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) with the supreme being?
Jean-Luc Godard
― kmfdotm (ledge), Friday, 10 August 2012 10:57 (eleven years ago) link
I posted this on another thread so sorry for repeat material, but I really think Daft Punk should release an Indian cookery book called "Cumin After All".
― sorry for asshole (dog latin), Friday, 10 August 2012 11:09 (eleven years ago) link
good enough to repeat imo, gave me a second chuckle :)
― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Friday, 10 August 2012 13:52 (eleven years ago) link
q. What did the pervert say when asked for forgiveness?a. "Never my love"
― Sweet Organic Princess (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 14:06 (eleven years ago) link
A: Paris Maison. I like this one.
― andrew m., Friday, 10 August 2012 15:04 (eleven years ago) link
q. what did Edgar allen poe say to that fucking ravena. fuck off bird!
― Sweet Yin Yang ☯ (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 15:20 (eleven years ago) link
wait did this ever get resolved
My friend made me a joke as a birthday gift...he says it takes a few weeks to sink in. Here it is:
Knock knock?Who's there?Ha.Ha who?Nothin'.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Friday, 18 June 2010 15:52 (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― thomp, Friday, 10 August 2012 15:40 (eleven years ago) link
maybe the joke is there is nothing to sink in
― Sweet Yin Yang ☯ (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 18:11 (eleven years ago) link
Trying to come up with a follow up to my daft punk joke. Can only think of 'One More Thyme' and 'Mace to Mace'
― sorry for asshole (dog latin), Friday, 10 August 2012 18:23 (eleven years ago) link
is that crazy incense you have of a daft punk?
― Sweet Yin Yang ☯ (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 19:03 (eleven years ago) link
Digital Clove
― a hoy hoy, Friday, 10 August 2012 19:10 (eleven years ago) link
their anime is more hentai than manga (take that!)
― Sweet Yin Yang ☯ (Latham Green), Friday, 10 August 2012 19:13 (eleven years ago) link
that knock-knock joke was the bext birthday gift – I used to get him one sock for his birthday and the other matching sock for Christmas so really he spoiled me in comparsion
― drawings by teen cultists (Crabbits), Saturday, 11 August 2012 03:14 (eleven years ago) link
A lot of the other orchestral musicians envy the easy portability of my violin. But they're just cellists.
― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 14 August 2012 18:49 (eleven years ago) link
― sorry for asshole (dog latin), Friday, August 10, 2012 2:23 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Did you not see my follow up in that thread that the book included the recipe "Hotter Pepper Fatter Sambar"?
― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 14 August 2012 18:52 (eleven years ago) link
I'm developing a video game about violent, piano-playing marsupials. It's called Chordal Wombat.
― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 14 August 2012 20:16 (eleven years ago) link
People often ask me how I became the world's most successful weed dealer to migratory birds.
Well it's simple. I leave no tern unstoned.
― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 15 August 2012 01:38 (eleven years ago) link
I like it!
― drawings by teen cultists (Crabbits), Wednesday, 15 August 2012 03:35 (eleven years ago) link
did not realize it when I came up with it, but apparently it's a variation on an Ogden Nash line
― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 15 August 2012 03:52 (eleven years ago) link