Marilyn Haggerty's amazing Olive Garden review and the subsequent viral shitstorm

man, this thread moves fast

Why doesn't that fourth guy just watch TV while he's waiting for the salad?

I'm sympathetic to Lex's fear of cooking. I think it definitely has the language analogy, I tend to see it more analogous to drawing/painting. I've lost count of the number of confident, talented coworkers I've seen who retreat into a state of stricken terror when asked to pick up a pencil or a paintbrush. and at the heart of the fear is the judgement: what if it's not right/good? what if what I draw doesn't look the way it's *supposed* to. Same with cooking - what if what I cook doesn't turn out the way it's *supposed* to.

To an outsider, art/cooking are NOT subjective. There's no wiggle. To someone who feels they can't draw/cook, they're attempting algebra when they know in their heart the answer is wrong wrong wrong and no-one will eat what they cook/recognise what they have painted. The effort feels futile because the end result seems stacked against them.

The secret, if there is one, is to partner up with someone who can help take the fear of the end result out of your hands, and/or to find a cookbook that speaks your language. Not all cookbooks are made the same, and a lot of recipe writers should be shot in the face for showing off/being vague/being chatty/annoying. Find a cookbook that has a good glossary, and maybe a list of definitions so you know what the author means when *they* say 'chop' or whatever.

Opening up the door for cooking, if you *want* to open the door is easiest if you start with cooking something you already enjoy eating. Like for Lex, if you like eating soup, the ideal would be to learn a simple soup recipe, that's a combination of a few fresh veggies, and a premade stock. And once you have made it a few times, you might find another soup recipe you're game to try. I cook with recipes all the time, I really only 'freestyle' with a couple of dishes and that was after 20-odd years of cooking.

But Lex doesn't have to cook if he doesn't want to.. That would ruin the fun of all of us finding excuses to visit London and trap him in the kitchen :)

The ratio thing is interesting and so true. My dad was a chef for over 40 years and If I've ever asked him for a recipe he's had to think really hard and basically make stuff up in terms of measurements. I've never ever seen him use measuring spoons or cups. I would be surprised if there are any at my parents' house at all.

His vinaigrette is amazing. It has Dijon in it iirc and a raw egg.

Mum was always about splashes and dashes and bits. It drove me crazy.

He makes these amazing pancakes and I remember asking him for the recipe once and him telling me to put in "some" flour. Gee, thanks!

Yep yep. "How much vinegar should I add, Mum?"... "Oh, you know...a slurp."

u_u

he's right though, even if you follow a pancake recipe to a t the little variables in the temperature and fattiness and air/water ratio of the beaten eggs and milk and melted butter and sugar are going to make your flour measurements approximate, that's not even getting into what kind of flour you're using

it's all about "consistency and texture and smell and feel" as MW put it, you gotta just watch the texture he gets when he does it right and then just add flour a little at a time until it looks like that

my cooking got a lot better when i started taking notes on stuff that turned out well and keeping track of what looked like and how it behaved at different points [/captain nerd]

Jenny -- Jody W. is a big fan of Ratio.

i can also vouch for the cooking partner advice, my cooking got a lot better because of my ex-wife

she was so picky she wouldn't even let me beat the eggs for her scrambled eggs w/o supervision and coaching, but damn if it wasn't like being on the set of martha stewart every night and i quickly learned what tasty salad dressing and good batter and dough looks like (haven't really figured out yet how to beat eggs like she does)

the catering stuff was like that but it was more like being on a cross between top chef and the office

ENBB otm. all the best and most experienced cooks i've known have been approximators, recipe-less creators of things. i'm not that good, except as regards the stuff i've been making all my life.

it's exactly the kind of behaviour that makes novice cooks IA. it's kinda cool now that I can cook and I respect the 'whatever whatever' relaxed approach that each version of the dish is a little bit different, but I remember it being crazymaking as a kid

humus is a ratio recipe, ime:

3 pts chick peas
1 pt tahine
bunch of garlic
some water
maybe some oil or cumin or whatever?

let's all pitch in and get lex a copy of the Alinea cookbook for some no fuss basics

we should say "have become" instead of "have been", everyone cooks off of recipes when they're starting out

xpost to contenderizer

I'm still pretty much a recipe cook.

to veer slightly back onto topic i just read that marilyn hagerty follow-up article and i had NO idea ground rounds still existed!!

alinea requires too much specialized equipment, get him the french laundry one instead

true, I guess we've gotta go with a real beginner's level one

the best advice is the cooking partner stuff (see also the entirely otm "cooking by yourself sucks" acknowledgements of even cooking evangelists upthread). i've tried cookbooks (back when i tried, before i gave up trying at all in the spirit of cutting my losses), being unable to deal with a recipe that's not turning out like it should or other roadblocks is why we're here in the first place. but i don't have a cooking partner oh well

YET

:)

it is pretty tough to scale recipes down to for one person

P.S. This, too, shall pass. I soon will take my hammer named Margo and go down to the river. There I will meditate on the 15 years that have passed since the flood of 1997.

this woman

when i lived alone i made a lot of little pizzas. i would buy nan bread and just put whatever i wanted on top (cheese, broccoli, olives, sauce, pesto, whatever) and throw them in the oven. ten minutes and done. yummy. even a lex could do that. and then no leftovers. you know, the small round ones.

premade pizza bases too. can of artichoke hearts, some pesto, some cheese, jar of olives...if you don't want to chop anything homemade pizza is the way to go. sorta cooking without cooking.

but even better if you are feeling frisky and chop a tomato, a zucch, some shrooms...love a pizza piled high with veg. And I'm not even a veggo!

mmm, onion nan too. i should buy some. i really like nan for pizza. but i haven't done that in years. for awhile maria was rolling dough on saturday mornings at our friend's brick-oven pizza place and our house was lousy with pizza dough. kinda got doughed out.

dough fatigue, lol

I've never tried nan for pizza. We always used to use pita bread. Much thinner crust obv. But tasty.

pita + ketchup + "italian seasoning" powder + cheese singles + toaster oven = 3rd grade heaven

YES

Oh yeah, naan or pita pizza is cool and very easy.

I sympathise with lex a fair amount - unless you've got a big freezer or a family to make economies of scale then cooking from scratch really doesn't cost any less, and it's a major major hassle. I don't enjoy it when I do it. The best thing I've done with cooking is to learn how to make a nice tomato and veg soup in a massive saucepan, eat that for a couple of days, and then on the third day get some mince to cook, add in soup leftovers and then eat with any good carbs - bread or potatoes or pasta, whatever. But the first day of that process takes aaaaaaages, I get so bored.

the slightly burny parts of tomato paste at the edges of the crusty pita = yum

Crumpets are great for pizza.

xpost

no it definitely does cost less (unless you're eating fast food) but you have to be willing to eat your dinner for lunch the next day, every day

I found one of the most important things I learned in cooking is this: when measurements matter, and when they dont.

When they do: baking. Anything that involves cakes, bread, other scientific miracles, you gotta measure it accurately.

When they dont? Things like the size of a single onion. Wether its 1 or 3 garlic cloves. "about a cup" of stock in a stew. The amount/weight of cubed steak for a casserole (recipe says 700g and I only have 500? Ok, i'll add an extra potato then). You learn when its ok to wing it. It'll still be edible!

This possibly only falls over when you're dealing with things like chillies, and similar very strong flavours. Oh and salt I suppose.

late great: I guess I don't really eat lunch much, so I'm not spending money on that anyway. Hence my 'if you don't have a big freezer' caveat. 'Big' to me is 'bigger than a single bag of frozen peas'.

I cook a lot after work, becuase the process of cooking is usually pretty relaxing for me. I enjoy prepping veggies, chilling out to some music or a podcast and just chopping away, and I enjoy the cooking part too.

The only time I get kind of stressed is when I'm baking. That's when I have to have a drink before or during, and deliberately choose happy/favorite music to put me in a good frame of mind. Especially with pastry. For some reason we don't get along very well, but I am DETERMINED to make it my bitch.

trayce otm with measurements.

damn that's a small freezer

god frozen leftovers are depressing to me tho, who would want to look at last months spaghetti sauce

which is why I use OKCupid.

lex: "lol I'm so helpless!!!"
everyone else: oh don't worry I'm a good cook, let me tell you some stuff
lex: "lol I'm so helpless!!!" I hate cooking and gave up long ago
everyone else: oh don't worry I'm a good cook, let me tell you some stuff okay whatever
lex: no seriously guys, here is how helpless I am!!!!!! I ACTUALLY FORGET THAT HEAT CAN BE APPLIED TO FOOD WHAT IS HEAT WHAT IS FOOD

- all because someone mentioned food in a thread lex happened to read.

so who did you used to be? are you old too? i don't know the name. or the late great either. so confusing.

and everyone is all like oh plaxico is this guy now and i'm thinking wait plaxico? i know i know that one. but not really. i should just give up. i know enough people probably.

Scott - the late great is Vah1d! I had to ask a couple days ago but I was happy to find out he's back. :)

- all because someone mentioned food in a thread lex happened to read.

― free societies must let drunken gay Texans have sex (Je55e), Thursday, March 15, 2012 5:35 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

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