Marilyn Haggerty's amazing Olive Garden review and the subsequent viral shitstorm

how do you mess up cheese and crackers....?

one dollar for each slice of bread, one dollar for a few leaves of lettuce, 25 cents each for two slices of bacon, 25 cents for a slice of tomato

+ $2.50 for an avocado

can we go back to discussing Marilyn Haggerty

I did make an awesome moussaka the first day Em was away.

I mean, all you have to do is slice some cheese and put it on a cracker, there's no actual cooking involved

how do you mess up cheese and crackers....?

structurally unsound crackers are the bane of my life

you should make your own crackers!

(kidding.)

Yeah I don't get it frogbs are you charging the entire cost of each ingredient to each meal? Cuz that's some fucked up accounting.

trying to cut a piece of cheese can be hard. you end up with slices that are way too thin and some that are very thick. and some that are thick at the top, but are only half size. in the end, not a single piece will be satisfying.

tragic cheese-n-crackers mishap

haha okay that is not "messing up cheese and crackers", that is "an unavoidable side-effect of constantly eating cheese and crackers"

How strong and inept are your hands, geez

*buys loaf of bread, tomato, package of bacon, head of lettuce*
*makes blt*
*forgets remaining 90% of ingredients in fridge for three weeks*

Now all I can picture w/r/t poor lex is

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjvQRerJu0g

*sneaks into hurting 2's house and makes a bunch of blts, confident he will never miss them*

xp yeah I'm pretty sure thats the way most people ITT are picturing me

the ineptness of my hands is the central issue here for me. they are very very very inept

Spray cheese reminds me of doggy diarrhea , but maybe that is yr solution

lex are you Edward Scisshorhands?

with the boiled egg incident, the egg actually boiled fine, but when i was trying to peel it, it wouldn't peel, and i somehow ripped the egg in half and the whole thing fell in the bin

it was my last egg :(

in the end, not a single piece will be satisfying.

And then the neurasthenic took his own life in despair.

I have been playing piano for 25 years now. In my experience, it costs less for me to hear someone else play it, and they'll probably play it better. But it's more satisfying to do it at home where, hopefully, no one is listening.

with the boiled egg incident, the egg actually boiled fine, but when i was trying to peel it, it wouldn't peel, and i somehow ripped the egg in half and the whole thing fell in the bin

it was my last egg :(

― lex pretend, Wednesday, March 14, 2012 12:26 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is genuinely heartbreaking

what happened to the other 11 eggs??

Re: spray cheese and other home cooking concerns, everyone eventually changes their tune when their metabolism starts to change

dr. strongo's neuvo cuisine

lex did you let the egg cool first, run it under cold water, etc?

It's some kind of communist connection to the fruits of your labour, I suspect, lex. Seriously, if you're ever near Exeter, let me know, come round, I'll cook.

― Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:59 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I do wonder about this. The first part, not SM hitting on Lex.

Eric, is that a pro canned cheese or an anti canned cheese stance?

i'm glad i learned the basics of cooking at Big Bob's Our Place, Double Play Sports Bar & Grill, and Stub and Herb's working part time in high school and college

will someone please let the lex off of the hook and tell him everything's okay. i can't take another botched meal anecdote.

nb, do not stand on canned cheese because you might slip, hilariously

I'm pretty sure that objectively my not-great tofu and whatever meals aren't any better than going to the mediocre Chinese place two minutes away. But I feel a lot better about them. Communism.

Covent Garden soups I always end up eating at work a whole lot and are kind of the epitome of 'I wish I had something better to eat but I'm not, I'm eating this'

It's a pragmatic canned cheese stance.

lex did you let the egg cool first, run it under cold water, etc?

siiiigh no. lots of people have since told me this is what i should have done. i don't know where they learned it from. nonetheless i have not recovered my confidence re: eggs sufficiently to attempt them again

It sounds like Lex really doesn't want to start cooking-maybe he could, if he really wanted to, but he doesn't, so why be so pushy about it? Also it's not like he goes to McDonald's for every meal, or eats nothing but Pop Tarts, it sounds like he has a reasonable diet, not worse than that of many who do cook.

As far as OG etc, I agree they are not really innocuous due to food production methods, their effect on local culture etc, but IME, people who make a display of how much they hate OG rarely make it about that. They don't even mention factory farms, regional culture, local economy etc-it usually seems more an opportunity to display their superior taste, and experience and knowledge of "authentic" food.

Meh, it's OK to hate things that taste bad, are overpriced and horrifically unhealthy.

It sounds like Lex really doesn't want to start cooking-maybe he could, if he really wanted to, but he doesn't, so why be so pushy about it?

we have an interest in making this thread very long

i only just read this. it's funny/sweet because she so politely avoids going into detail about the food and quietly minimizes the damage: "Instead of the raspberry lemonade she suggested, I drank water."

will someone please let the lex off of the hook and tell him everything's okay. i can't take another botched meal anecdote.

i posted this last night in the gay thread:

i tried to steam some broccoli the other week and it just...i have no idea why it didn't work. i thought i knew how to do it. i've done it before. but nothing happened. i ended up having to gnaw sadly on semi-raw florets.

― lex pretend, Tuesday, March 13, 2012 4:10 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

along with the last time i tried to join in on pancake day and toss pancakes, which ended in disaster when i somehow managed to toss the entire frying pan :(

if you're buying 12-15 things to make a stir-fry it's not exactly easy to plan out how you're going to use everything else, try as we might
― frogbs, Wednesday, March 14, 2012 11:10 AM (20 minutes ago)

Yes, it is. You're not trying hard enough.

beginning to think your problem might not be cooking

buy less things to make a stir-fry imo

i think i understand now lex - you've learned your kitchen techniques from saturday morning cartoons

stop cooking on ketamine!

i heard an interview with her son on local npr. he writes for the wsj! nothing too revelatory but he did have to explain to his mom what 'going viral' meant.

― goole, Wednesday, March 14, 2012 9:36 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oh ha i just remembered something pretty funny: the host asked the guy how, since she is very non-negative about anything, you could tell if she was giving a place a bad review? and his answer was if she writes more about the decor, the food probably isn't too hot.

didn't marilyn spend like five paragraphs on the seating?

the famed olive garden review might have been a vicious pan all along

Lex's cookophobia is fun!

goole this has been mentioned