Marilyn Haggerty's amazing Olive Garden review and the subsequent viral shitstorm

i eat like lex most of the time tho. whenever i cook something nice i just end up eating like 4 portions of it because i have no self-control.

yeah I do that too

the rudiments are beyond me, i am terrified of making mistakes and also how do you learn to ENJOY this lengthy, time-consuming, incredibly stressful, hateful process, at the end of which you produce a mediocre and unappetising mess that's gone in 10 minutes and oh hi it's washing-up time?

compared to "heat soup up in 5 mins, pour into bowl, wash up bowl and spoon, fin"

― lex pretend, Wednesday, March 14, 2012 10:58 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lex, you are that guy who's like, NO I CAN'T DO IT I JUST CAN'T.

we are like those people who are like NO REALLY YOU CAN. JUST CONCENTRATE. YOU CAN DO IT.

hey, if i gave you a simple recipe, would you like make it and REALLY try to make it not like, OH NOES I CAN'T GET THIS CAN OF TUNA OPEN I GIVE UP?!

because i have some nice simple recipes i can share w/ you.

how does beer bread sound? it is tasty.

frankly if you SWEAR that you can't do ANY of this stuff, then i kind of wonder how you like put your clothes on and open a bank account and stuff.

yeah i can never plan what i want to eat in advance, the only time i ever think about food is when i'm really hungry right now

bcuz some ppl enjoy eating food

so do i! i save my enjoyment of food as a thing for when i eat out. i don't associate enjoyment with my own cooking

this is like when people show up in threads all "i dont like rap" and then people spend hours trying to get them to like it but its such a waste of time

seriously lex would you try to make beer bread? it is tasty and easy and you can eat it for a few days. you can put whatever you want on it. butter, jam, nutella, whatever.and it has BEER in it.

Do you masturbate?

yeah you are barking up the wrong tree amateurist

lex the first time you make something a bit more ambitious and it is awesome, it's such a great feeling.

This is very true. I felt like Will Hunting at a blackboard the first time I made a really well-done carbonara (not a hard recipe, but still represents about the upper limit of my skill set).

why would i try to make bread? you can buy nice bread that isn't exactly expensive

yeah you are barking up the wrong tree amateurist

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, March 14, 2012 11:04 AM (28 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ok, but she or he should shut the fuck up about "NOT BEING ABLE" to cook because it's patently untrue and she or he is being a huge drama queen about it.

xpost oh fuck you lex.

actually i'm with lex on that one

everyone else itt is being as ridiculous as lex ftr

Yeah, some of you are acting like Lex is refusing to breathe.

lol.

actually i'm with lex on that one

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, March 14, 2012 11:05 AM (45 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

but it's like crunchy and warm and wet inside and delicious -- it's nothing like store-bought bread. or even bakery-bought bread. tracer, you would like it.

i think some people should just accept that we have all different skill sets and for some of us they don't include cooking

Homemade bread is the best thing in the entire goddamned universe. The smell when you take it out; that first, still-warm piece with a little butter on it . . . it's better than a hundred Super Bowls.

Yeah, but being belligerantly insistant us fun on both sides.

i dont know if baking bread is necc the best first thing to cook

i mean it is amazing but not exactly entry-level

in london there are real bakers who can make better bread than i could ever, ever make in a million years of baking, and i REALLY like bread, so it's worth it to me to spend a crazy amount of money (£3) on a big loaf of REALLY nice bread rather than spend several hours of rising and kneading to produce something maybe a quarter as good

which is not really true of most food - i can make better lunch than a hell of a lot of places i might eat out at

i think some people should just accept that we have all different skill sets and for some of us they don't include cooking

i'm a firm believer in anyone can do anything tbh.

Yeah, some of you are acting like Lex is refusing to breathe.

― Eric H., Wednesday, March 14, 2012 11:06 AM (14 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i'm not actually upset. it's one thing to claim that you don't like to cook and don't really care about eating what you can eat w/o cooking. it's another thing to claim that you are physically or mentally incapable of cooking. i accept that you are not anthony bourdain, i do not accept that you are actually incapable of e.g. making a sandwich.

it's like saying "oh, playing the piano is so amazing, all you have to do is practice!" "writing an essay is so easy, all you have to do is type the words!"

some people just don't have the knack and are never gonna have it. stick to what you can do or enjoy doing, why stress yourself out with the rest?

"oh, playing the piano is so amazing, all you have to do is practice!"

it's true! some people don't want to practice though. it's about interest, not skill or some mysterious knack.

i accept that there are tons of simple things i just don't want to do or spend my time/energy learning. like gardening. but i am not physically or mentally incapable of gardening.

if i HAD to play the piano, i would do some piano practice at home instead of going out to play piano all the time

frogbs i have kids, so economizing is important to me, so that's a helpful motivation. i guess i also have a kind of morality about not wasting food. and i feel stupid when i waste money. but "neat and organized".... is not how anyone would really describe my life. it's maybe because of that that the kitchen is like one place where a TINY TINY bit of planning drastically improves my day and makes me feel good about myself.

yes, I have that morality too, but it obviously depends on your cooking style. if you're buying 12-15 things to make a stir-fry it's not exactly easy to plan out how you're going to use everything else, try as we might

whatever anyway some lady wrote an article about olive garden

also here's a simple recipe for beer bread yum: http://www.farmgirlfare.com/2005/11/beyond-easy-beer-bread.html

look obviously i can make a sandwich or make pasta but i regularly fuck up basic things like TOAST and BOILED EGGS and even my beloved CHEESE ON CRACKERS that i do regularly. stuff above that, you're justr asking for total disaster, plus i am going to hate every minute.

i'm ok at cooking but i don't enjoy it really, only if there are other people involved. cooking alone is a p miserable process.

if i HAD to play the piano, i would do some piano practice at home instead of going out to play piano all the time

well my point is i don't HAVE to cook

if i HAD to play the piano, i would do some piano practice at home instead of going out to play piano all the time

― 3hunn O))) (J0rdan S.), Wednesday, March 14, 2012 12:10 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

stick to what you can do or enjoy doing, why stress yourself out with the rest?

Because that's a really bopring approach. How does anyone ever learn anything or the world improve?

Cooking alone is, tbf, pretty rubbish.

cooking along can be kind of sucky, but if you have the right music on and the right drink you can feel like clive owen or some shit

When Em was away for a fortnight recently I cooked about 1/3 as much as usual.

yeah cooking w/ other folks is fun. actually cooking FOR other folks (even if they don't pitch in) is fun. cooking by yourself for yourself can be fun, but it is distinctly less fun than the other options.

cooking along can be kind of sucky, but if you have the right music on and the right drink you can feel like clive owen or some shit

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, March 14, 2012 12:13 PM (49 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

me every night yo 8)

well... maybe not every night... but many nights!

cooking alone is a p miserable process.

Cooking alone is, tbf, pretty rubbish.

cooking by yourself for yourself can be fun, but it is distinctly less fun than the other options.

SO IT TURNS OUT YOU ALL AGREE WITH ME AFTER ALL

yes, when the missus isn't home I usually just make a BLT or something, which is not really cooking (total cost = $4. in case you were wondering)

i mean...that is why i don't cook! because it's not remotely fun!

Cooking alone is great, you weirdos

i love cooking by myself! with friends and lovers its even better.

do you people not masturbate??

one dollar for each slice of bread, one dollar for a few leaves of lettuce, 25 cents each for two slices of bacon, 25 cents for a slice of tomato

I cook at least four times a week for and by myself!

frankly baffled by the continuing references to masturbation in this thread.