Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

why does he hang out with unrepentant sinner noel gallagher?

The church, the corporate worship of God, and the preaching of the Word are three of the main things Satan aims to undermine in the lives of Christians.

ah fuck we've got another Icke in the offing

what is "the corporate worship of god"

The Bible is split into two parts – the Old Testament and the New Testament. We believe that every word of each is wholly God-breathed. We believe that, in its original language, the Bible is

The Word of God

Without error

Wholly reliable

The Bible has ultimate authority on all matters – it has the final say over all that we believe and all that we do as a church. It is never out of date.

definitely a fucking homophobe then

xp

in that sense i think it means "regular attendance at a church"

worshiping as a group, i mean

does seem apt that his airy irreverence abt football is combined with a thuddingly literalist xtianity

the devout of all the nations shall banter in tongues

https://twitter.com/#!/BanterWatch/

Twitter user @BanterWatch has got the angry retweeting thing down, although has crossed over into occasional annoying shrillness and trying to flog t-shirts quite quickly

talking about xtianity on a xtianity website != evangelist

he goes to an evangelist church

Already thought he was a twat. Now I think he's a massive twat. Also, he wont go to a football game on a sunday but he will drive a car like a taxi driver. Hypocrit.

In a mass email to holders of the Starbucks loyalty card, under the subject line, "We'd love to get to know you over coffee", the company mused: "Have you noticed how everything seems a little impersonal nowadays? We've all become user names, reference numbers and IP addresses. That's why, from tomorrow, we'd love to call you by your name when you order your coffee." It gets worse: the chain's latest television advertisement compounds the insult, claiming: "From now on, we won't refer to you as a 'latte' or a 'mocha', but instead as your folks intended: by your name."

"but my folks christened me 208.81.201.10"

Is this whole cutesy bollocks a backlash against usernames and IP addresses and PIN numbers and suchlike? Fucking infantile if it is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vtr0c6oVvSM

A name's just another reference ID.

An IPv4 address is way more unique than 'John Smith'. And if it's still not enough, use an IPv6 address.

See, this is why my career as a stand-up comedian never took off.

I insist on baristas addressing me by my IP address otherwise I pour hot coffee over them and shout "Wrong! Try again!"

i disapprove and everything but lets face it i am going to go and tell them my name and get a free latte

i don't even drink lattes

I assume there's nothing to stop you telling them your name is Xerxes or Tamerlaine, should you wish to. It's a chance to be reborn with the name your parents should have given you.

i don't know, i fear there's going to be a form to fill in

are they going to have to call out the name at any point? i could claim to be called mike hunt and see if they throw me out for using a terrible old joke

or just claim my name is 'latte'

'yeah uh my name is actually latte (pause) VAGINA, like that. you say latte and then you pause and yell vagina'

"my name is Costa"

"ipher gott"

Oh FFS. I don't want you to know my name, prickfeatures. In fact, this was the reason before I never went into the Gloria Jean's coffee shops, way before I found out they were run by evangelicals. So yeah, Starbucks, well done, now you sound like a bunch of rabid right-wing over-friendly glassy-eyed cult members.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/02/24/article-2105882-11DDEE4C000005DC-701_468x711.jpg

http://www.innocentdrinks.co.uk/static/olympics/images/olympics_juice_label1.jpg

ffs

is there a US brand that pulls this kind of stuff?

said it in the thread I think but fuck the assholes who write copy for Groupon gave me a p similar vibe

Kind of related...

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/new-festival-aimed-directly-at-twats-201203285064/

i like the Daily Mash because it demonstrates exactly how good The Onion's writing is

"Tasty Little Numbers" - food for people who can't and won't count!

Packaging for a chocolate bar includes
"I NEED DARK CHOCOLATE NOW!
"the snacks that take the messin' outta guessin'!"

"If you are super busy, love life and real food (like me!), want to enjoy a healthy lifestyle but think that life is too short to eat diet food and tot up odd numbers of calories (like me!), then Tasty Little Numbers is for you!

... perfectly proportioned to whole numbers of calories so you get to leave the sums to the snacks that take the messin' outta guessin'!"

It even has a "Tasty before" date.

What's annoying me most is the suggestion that odd numbers aren't whole numbers.

Dammit I demand that calories and other nutritional data are expressed in scientific notation! Or failing that, as base 7 reals with 3 decimals of precision. I'm determined not to have gone through New Math for nothing.

Since coming back to the UK I've noticed tons of branding in the supermarkets which has gone all cutesy. I don't know if it's just a contrast with US brands or if they've actually gotten worse but they're all using childish non-threatening fonts and writing all kinds of shit over the front of the packaging (e.g. instead of 'Doughnuts' it says 'I'm a DOUGHNUT monster!'). I blame Innocent.

I imagine BrewDog would see themselves as the complete opposite of this kind of thing, but a lot of their cobblers is surprisingly similar:

"Bracken is James' Dad's chocolate lab. He recently appeared on Mastermind and progressed to the semi final with his specialist subject of 'The origins of Constitutional Democratic Government: Europe 1846-1912'. Unfortunately he missed the semi-final because he was busy chasing a stick.

He is our guard dog, head taster, accountant and general buddy! Be sure to say hi if you see him. He is very friendly! Apparently he loves a high-five… and a biscuit!"

h8 the brewdog blurbs

everything about brew dog is reprehensible.

the pot noodle (i know) im currently eating: "Quality: if it's in perfect condition, happy days, if not, have a moan at the customer care department. And don't forget to quote the code on the pot so we know who to send back to noodle school".

KINDLY FUCK OFF.

i quite like the first sentence there, even if the second is terrible

"happy days". not on my watch.

idk it seems like it's being used sarcastically? assuming that glaswegian pot noodles all speak like malcolm tucker

"send back to noodle school" has some potential as a phrase, just not on the side of a pot noodle

Brewdog's short run taxidermy publicity stunt editions are pretty noize tbf

i don't think this kind of thing has really caught on the US yet