Does the entire Innocent Smoothies aesthetic strike you as deeply fucking irritating?

om nom nom! noodle is going to massacre his hunger with domino's yummy new dessert options

wait, domino's like the pizza?

guessing that quote's from a domino's mailout or similar?

innocent drinks ‏ @innocentdrinks

@danwalkerbbc good lad. He always was a dab hand with scissors. Big fan of your football focus banter by the way. Keep it up

jesus

that is just

thinking of setting up a twitter feed to just retweet moronic uses of the word "banter"

have we spoken abt dan walker & how hateful he is

i think it's been mentioned sort of, on the football threads. he is like the poster boy for some vague new movement of awfulness that i can't quite define but basically involves #banter, puns on Twitter, football, and shit music.

he is always 'irreverent' in the most timid way, pathologically unserious

banter, #getinvolved

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/17325398

i like how he slouches out of frame 37s in

noel gallagher being on football focus is like a watershed for the walkerite movement

fucking hell, 3/4 mins in noel asks "where are your ancestors from"

The second was in 2002 on Adam Cole's Key 103 afternoon show, where, as Cosmic Dave, Walker took on the persona of a sham psychic and spiritualist, who physically abused his oompa-loompa assistant and fluffed even basic attempts at reading the minds of listeners and the host, before eventually being tracked down to his 'deep secret underground bureau' by the Oompa Loompa Protection Front and apparently dying. The segments were something of a success (being nominated for a New York Radio Award) and were discussed and replayed on other shows on the network, with Cosmic Dave's 'death' prompting over 2,500 messages on the station's website. However, Walker's diversification into comedy would end with his move into television.

dudes who've obviously edited their own wikipedia entry amirite?

just gonna leave this here: http://www.lordsday.co.uk/Dan%20Walker.htm

think i mentioned that before actually, there used to be vague tittering about it in sport meetings. i'm sure one time j pearse said something about someone being "crucified" and crooks or someone was like "lucky dan's not here"

Crooks' Crucifix Cracks

is it just my anti-religious prejudice or does that article give off the vibe that something damaging has happened to dan?

#happyclappyLAD

i'm not anti-religious it's just fucking evangelists i hate

#archbishopofbanterbury

There are certain jobs I have to turn down and certain subjects I feel uncomfortable with

just gonna assume this means he's a homophobe

why does he hang out with unrepentant sinner noel gallagher?

The church, the corporate worship of God, and the preaching of the Word are three of the main things Satan aims to undermine in the lives of Christians.

ah fuck we've got another Icke in the offing

what is "the corporate worship of god"

The Bible is split into two parts – the Old Testament and the New Testament. We believe that every word of each is wholly God-breathed. We believe that, in its original language, the Bible is

The Word of God

Without error

Wholly reliable

The Bible has ultimate authority on all matters – it has the final say over all that we believe and all that we do as a church. It is never out of date.

definitely a fucking homophobe then

xp

in that sense i think it means "regular attendance at a church"

worshiping as a group, i mean

does seem apt that his airy irreverence abt football is combined with a thuddingly literalist xtianity

the devout of all the nations shall banter in tongues

https://twitter.com/#!/BanterWatch/

Twitter user @BanterWatch has got the angry retweeting thing down, although has crossed over into occasional annoying shrillness and trying to flog t-shirts quite quickly

talking about xtianity on a xtianity website != evangelist

he goes to an evangelist church

Already thought he was a twat. Now I think he's a massive twat. Also, he wont go to a football game on a sunday but he will drive a car like a taxi driver. Hypocrit.

In a mass email to holders of the Starbucks loyalty card, under the subject line, "We'd love to get to know you over coffee", the company mused: "Have you noticed how everything seems a little impersonal nowadays? We've all become user names, reference numbers and IP addresses. That's why, from tomorrow, we'd love to call you by your name when you order your coffee." It gets worse: the chain's latest television advertisement compounds the insult, claiming: "From now on, we won't refer to you as a 'latte' or a 'mocha', but instead as your folks intended: by your name."

"but my folks christened me 208.81.201.10"

Is this whole cutesy bollocks a backlash against usernames and IP addresses and PIN numbers and suchlike? Fucking infantile if it is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vtr0c6oVvSM

A name's just another reference ID.

An IPv4 address is way more unique than 'John Smith'. And if it's still not enough, use an IPv6 address.

See, this is why my career as a stand-up comedian never took off.

I insist on baristas addressing me by my IP address otherwise I pour hot coffee over them and shout "Wrong! Try again!"

i disapprove and everything but lets face it i am going to go and tell them my name and get a free latte

i don't even drink lattes

I assume there's nothing to stop you telling them your name is Xerxes or Tamerlaine, should you wish to. It's a chance to be reborn with the name your parents should have given you.

i don't know, i fear there's going to be a form to fill in

are they going to have to call out the name at any point? i could claim to be called mike hunt and see if they throw me out for using a terrible old joke

or just claim my name is 'latte'

'yeah uh my name is actually latte (pause) VAGINA, like that. you say latte and then you pause and yell vagina'