no boys allowed in the room!!!!

Yeah, I don't understand that either. :/

I rly feel for the woman in the relationship, but I'm kind of unfairly ANGRY with the friend who said maybe it was all for a higher cause, like, because maybe she could HELP HIM. I know she didn't mean that our friend should be sacrificed to her abusive bf but it was such a WTF thing to say.

help him, how? like, does he have some other problem that makes beating his gf from time to time understandable?

That is WTF, I agree. However maybe you're also partially channeling the anger at the boyfriend at the more accessible target who happened to wind you up right after having your head filled with bad thoughts abt the asshole?

Or maybe not, I mean!

(PS this is so sad, I worry so much abt a friend I basically never talk to any more because she's not allowed to see anyone and the occasional emails all end "got to go, he's back soon and will be angry if he knows I've used the computer, got to leave it enough time to cool down" and blah, we don't even know 100% that he's physically abusive as well as emotionally and we don't know what to do)

i think i can understand a lot of reasons people don't "press charges" (is that how you do it in new york, does the victim have a choice?) or don't follow through with or cooperate with prosecutions for domestic violence. the way it's handled is really shitty for everyone and i hate it.

yeah otm. i have been thinking a lot about how shitty the existing systems for handling complaints of domestic violence and also rape are legally. sometimes i wonder if it's even possible to make them better? like there might need to be a whole new way of addressing these things. i don't even really know what i mean by that it's just so shitty for victims of abuse to then have to put up with added horribleness.

i'm really sorry this is happening to your friend, Laurel.

one of the things that started me thinking about the inadequacies of the system was this about the dominique strauss-kahn case. it's kind of hard to read, but it seems fairly otm? (nb: she is apparently a defense lawyer and i kept thinking of harbl the first time i read it.)

there is a part of me that wants all these assholes hurled in jail but it just doesn't seem to work out very well for the victims in question.

sorry, that's just her tumblr. this is the post i meant to link.

i like that but i was even thinking of something different that i think about every day. in the county i work in they are really good at acting like they want what the victim wants, until the victim doesn't want what they want, and then the patronizing but-we're-helping-you-you-just-don't-know-it-yet game gets started. imo even given situations like fear of testifying and battered woman's syndrome, making someone come to court (sometimes under threat of arrest) after they told you that they don't want to is not making it better. even fearful or battered people should have some control over the thing, and who gets to decide why they aren't interested anyway?

i think some people who do domestic violence can be changed in some circumstances. usually if they have money and education and can get into individual counseling rather than a one-size-fits-all state certified anger management class. they make people do ywca "abuser intervention programs" here and i don't know what they do there but i am skeptical of their effectiveness given the people they are dealing with. most abusers i think were exposed to violence as children and have other mental problems that are not going to be fixed so easily. also alcoholism is a big thing. should just ban alcohol.

in the county i work in they are really good at acting like they want what the victim wants, until the victim doesn't want what they want, and then the patronizing but-we're-helping-you-you-just-don't-know-it-yet game gets started. imo even given situations like fear of testifying and battered woman's syndrome, making someone come to court (sometimes under threat of arrest) after they told you that they don't want to is not making it better. even fearful or battered people should have some control over the thing, and who gets to decide why they aren't interested anyway?

yes, that all seems otm

x-post ime Harbl otm x1000

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/fashion/6651851/How-to-fix-hairy-legs-and-cankles

lol, the indignant comments after this story are so very new zealand, reading them made me homesick.

Ha

Ell #21 3:18pm
I was a feminist, but then I shaved my legs, and with each stroke of the razor I too found myself thinking "no, women don't need social equality" until finally as I gently went over my knees I thought "you're right, I do deserve an unequal wage." Bravo for defining feminism as it so often has been since the 1980s backlash and continuing to remember that no woman with a smooth leg has ever thought about our inequality.

yes <3

SKM #17 3:08pm

My best friend always teases me about not shaving my legs in winter (my thoughts - why bother?). But it's always teasing and he wouldn't dare tell me I can't leave the house without a wax job. If she hasn't asked for your advice, leave well enough alone! Lorraine, you sound like a very image-oriented friend. Are you still in high school?

ljlj #8 2:48pm
Dear Fashion Doctor, my friend dares to look different from expected norms, how do I tell her how disgusting and freakish she is for not wanting to feel shame about her body and to cover up, and that she makes me want to puke?

Dear Lorraine, I share in your horror that your friend flaunts her disgusting hairy fatness. I wish you could bring her over to my house so I could stare at her like the freak show that she is. If she's one of those 'feminists' she can't be fixed so you should end the friendship - hopefully then her grossness is because she's slovenly. If she's just not noticed how gross she is have a word to her about how horrendous her wardrobe is and tell her how to dress.

Kisses! The Fashion Doctor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NkwVFhKkDs&list=UUS4VHNKderSwD-EqIUIi79Q&index=1&feature=plcp

what is happening to me

OMG I FORGOT ABOUT THIS

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

im prepared to say he was the best looking living male at that time

hahaha i liked the wrong video

although i do believe bernard is the best looking living male, that was supposed to be a video of damon albarn

Oh come on, Damon was only about the 2nd or 3rd best looking man in his own band.

if youre insane

although i do think blur in 1996 were a fuckin joke in re how hot they all were

im v v attrated to graham and he was my favorite when i was in high school. alex is def/obv beautiful but not really my type.

also last night i had a dream that damon and graham (circa '94) asked me to store some paintings in my garage and then me and damon kissed behind a painting, i never have dreams like this

Alex circa Modern Life was possibly one of the most beautiful looking human beings who has ever lived! Good god I wish handsome were as handsome does in that man's case, though. :-(

idk why but roxy's smoochdream is making me lol
no idea what the blurs look like

otm. i cringed through his book

the smooch dream is embarrassing and teenagerish!!

yes it is very silly :3

i cant say im ashamed, ive told everyone about it, lol.

in the dream damon said "she'll just throw them out" re: the paintings. what does it mean

They are leaving their art carelessly in the hind parts of your brain, and they are afraid that you will forget their beautiful art and throw away the band's best work. Or, erm, something.

I love dreams where I get to smooch rock stars. But I am embarrassing and teenagerish.

man I'll settle for any kissing dream

I'm not embarrassed to admit I got an "omg he looks like Alex James" excitement vibe when I met my husband. I'm sad I missed all this Blur talk! I'm also sad the emo movement pushed Andrew to lose the front-swept bangs I loved so much, heh.

I would like Blur dreams. I was nuts enough for them that I am sure I have had them, but can't recall any. :( I will settle for that one time AJ winked back at me in a concert. Sigh.

OTN re hotness of 96 Blur. Damon in all those polo shirts and shaggy bowl cut, Graham in his secondhand shirts..sorry Dave, I got nothing except maybe that brief orange hair period.

ive never had any dreams about them or any other fancied rockstars

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3bx6c2CQU1r7uocgo1_r1_500.jpg

Graham I kinda got in a super-indie sort of way. But I just never ever saw the appeal of Damon. He just reminded me of some super-punchable older brother.

Besides, I got room for only one boyish, spikey-haired, art school-attending English blond in my life.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5y1s5GmAj1rsvop4o1_500.jpg

^^^^^ this one.

I can has snog-dream, pls?

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk9setj6oH1qcilyeo1_500.gif

i think i had a smoochy Jarvis Cocker dream recently? however Jarvis had merged with David Tennant and it involved time travel, so i think it was more a doctor who dream than a brit pop dream.

Thats it right there Roxy - those fucking eyelashes, gah! I'm biting my lip just looking at that gif.

I can see a decent Jarvis/Dr Who crossover! Maybe he took you back to Disco 2000. ;)

well, my friend Amber used the phrase "jarvis cocker in space" when describing tennant as the doctor, so that is how i made the connection - plus the suit, and the thing he does with his hair.

You just ruined David Tennant for me FOR EVAH!

sorry!

Haha ;)

lol

i think they both are v dreamy, though my friend G0rdon loathes tennant and does dick van dyke in mary poppins impressions when we discuss tennant, and i just tell him that i don't care, he is my favorite.

Tennant's English accent is hilarious, though! Even funnier than Ewan McGregor's!

I think it just adds to the appeal of both of them.

(I mean if we're talking boys from the 90s, Ewan is the uber-dreamy)

oh yes! though it does raise my feminist hackles to think that Shallow Grave had three stars: one went on to play Doctor Who, one went on to play Obi Wan Kenobi, and the third was a woman.

Keith Allen is a woman?

kerry fox

ewan was my biggest celeb love interest in high school, hands down.

i also liked jude law, but he was kinda too pretty. i remember explaining to a friend why damon albarn was more supernaturally attractive than jude law because damon had fucked up teeth. when he smiled it gave that little crack in the straight prettiness that really made it just painful to look at

i ran into jude law in person once!!!! i was with ken chu on primrose hill. for a brief second i thought he was damon albarn and i nearly died.