R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet"

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IT WAS ALL A DREAM!!!!

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:58 (eighteen years ago) link

Be warned: The one I waited an hour to grab off slsk, filename: "R Kelly - Trapped In The Closet (Chapter 2"

― Bummer, Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:58 (eighteen years ago) link

Uh oh

― Jimmy Mod, Sultan of Sexxitime (ModJ), Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:59 (eighteen years ago) link

Damnit, ate the rest of my post.

Retry: Be warned: The one I waited an hour to grab off slsk, filename: "R Kelly - Trapped In The Closet (Chapter 2"

― Bummer, Thursday, 12 May 2005 22:59 (eighteen years ago) link

THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME

― lemin (lemin), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:00 (eighteen years ago) link

WTF? Again!

Condensed form:

"R Kelly - Trapped In The Closet (Chapter 2" off of slsk, missing last ")" is just Chapter 1 renamed.

― Bummer, Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:01 (eighteen years ago) link

I picture everyone waiting to hear Chapter 2 listening to the "AND HE OPENS THE CLOSET" part on a continuous loop.

― Al (sitcom), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:02 (eighteen years ago) link

Dizzle, have you checked the track length?

― lemin (lemin), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:03 (eighteen years ago) link

wait, he doesn't even remember having sex with her, right? woke up the next morning with no idea what happened, right?

POSSIBLE PLOT TWIST

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0784011184.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:06 (eighteen years ago) link

OMG HURRY UP

― Jimmy Mod, Sultan of Sexxitime (ModJ), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:06 (eighteen years ago) link

there should be a betting pool for people to predict what happens by the end of the Chapter 5.

― Al (sitcom), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:07 (eighteen years ago) link

she took off her draw URRS!
and you won't believe THIS!
she took off her draw URRS!
and she had a PENIS!

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:07 (eighteen years ago) link

this is a good substitute while waiting:
http://www.myspace.com/blacknasty
check out 'it wuz worth it' and 'real animal lover'

― heywood jablomi (heywood), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:09 (eighteen years ago) link

this is all kind of like the fruition of the creepy foreshadowing "this cat looks real familiar"/"don't I know you from somewhere?" stuff in Contagious.

― Al (sitcom), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:09 (eighteen years ago) link

maybe by the end Mr. Biggs and all the characters from previous R. dramas will be entangled in it somehow.

― Al (sitcom), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:10 (eighteen years ago) link

THE CLOSET IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE!

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:11 (eighteen years ago) link

the closet is in your mind.

― Al (sitcom), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:13 (eighteen years ago) link

This all could be happening at the Rock And Roll McDonald's too. not at someone else's house, necessarily.

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:14 (eighteen years ago) link

Fuck this. I'm going to the gym.

― Jimmy Mod, Sultan of Sexxitime (ModJ), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:14 (eighteen years ago) link

he opens the door of the closet and two gorillas are making love

― strng hlkngtn, Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:15 (eighteen years ago) link

mr. biggs tiieeed me to the chair
and put his hand between my legs
I yelled WHAT THE HELL YOU DOIN' DOWN THERE???
he said "I'm gonna MAKE YOU BEG
now kells I know you think you're smooth
you think you're quite the pimp
but give up hope you've dropped the soap
and now you'll be my GIMP!" OHH!!!
He's up in my closet!
He's up in my closet!

― miccio (miccio), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:15 (eighteen years ago) link

I vaguely remember reading an interview with someone, don't remember who, where they talked about being in the studio with R. and that he played them this multi-part epic that was going to blow everyone's minds. this was a few months ago, before Chapter 1 came out or anything. so at least a few people out there have heard the whole thing.

― Al (sitcom), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:26 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.tucsonweekly.com/binary/42705-273-1/book-2937.gif

― stephen morris (stephen morris), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:27 (eighteen years ago) link

The man in the room turns out to be....um..... EMINEM!

He's going to the closet to, you know, clean it out.

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 12 May 2005 23:29 (eighteen years ago) link

maybe by the end Mr. Biggs and all the characters from previous R. dramas will be entangled in it somehow.

GOD I HOPE THIS IS THE TWIST OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I HOPE THIS IS THE TWIST

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 00:14 (eighteen years ago) link

his dead mother in the sky better make a cameo too.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 00:14 (eighteen years ago) link

Well, i think the file someone mentioned upthread as being renamed is probably the one i was downloading, but the guy who had it disconnected 7 seconds into my download anyway. Jerk.

― Lethal Dizzle (djdee2005), Friday, 13 May 2005 00:16 (eighteen years ago) link

motherfuck.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 00:17 (eighteen years ago) link

He did let me finish getting some old messy marv tracks, though.

― Lethal Dizzle (djdee2005), Friday, 13 May 2005 00:17 (eighteen years ago) link

man, I figured that hearing it on the radio meant that it was already or soon to be readily available on the web. I mainly started the thread thinking it was the quickest way to get an mp3, but it looks like I just stirred up more suspense!

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 00:19 (eighteen years ago) link

You know what you must do now:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ef/Akashi_Gidayu_writing_his_death_poem_before_comitting_Seppuku.jpg

― Bummer, Friday, 13 May 2005 01:07 (eighteen years ago) link

is that what I must do? or what R. must do?

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 01:19 (eighteen years ago) link

this is my first you send it attempt, hopefully it will work

https://s48.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=287OR5RALT2OA1QK17BST4I3FY

― the R. LOVES U!, Friday, 13 May 2005 01:55 (eighteen years ago) link

SIIIICCCCKKKKKKKK

― Jimmy Mod, Sultan of Sexxitime (ModJ), Friday, 13 May 2005 01:56 (eighteen years ago) link

holy shitttt

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:00 (eighteen years ago) link

ahh!!

― maura (maura), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:02 (eighteen years ago) link

thank you to whoever that was that YSI'd it!

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:02 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm a bit disappointed, but much thanks anyway.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:02 (eighteen years ago) link

biggest smile on my face.

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:03 (eighteen years ago) link

dude, there's THREE MORE PARTS. don't go writing anything off yet.

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:05 (eighteen years ago) link

yall should read the noize board thread for some laffs.

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:07 (eighteen years ago) link

!!!!!!!

― Jimmy Mod, Sultan of Sexxitime (ModJ), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:11 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm very uncomfortable with the gurgling-baby noises in the midst of a domestic. That's all I'm sayin'.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:12 (eighteen years ago) link

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WOULD HAVE DONE SOME BOGUS SHIT UP IN MY HOUSE

― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:24 (eighteen years ago) link

well...
now he starin' at me like
as if he was starin' in the mirror
she yells "honey, let me explain"
he says "you don't have to go no further
I can clearly see what's going on
behind my back, in my bed, in my home
then I said "wait a minute, now hold on"
I said "mister, we can work this out"
she said "honey, don't lose control"
I tried to get him to calm down
he said "ho, I should've known
that you would go and do some bogus shit up in my house
but the Christian in me gave you the benefit of the doubt"
I said "we need to resolve this"
and he stepped to me, I'm like "woah
there's a reason I'm in this closet"
he says "yeah, what are you, talkin' clothes?"
I said "I met this girl at the [?] Club
and she told me she didn't have a man"
and he said "man, please,
I'd kill you if you didn't have that gun in your hand"
and then I said "but your chick chose me"
he said "don't gimme that mack shit, please"
his phone goes off and then
things get a little more interesting
he steps a little closer
I point my gun and says "I'm not the one you after"
he says "son, I bet you didn't know, my man
did she tell you I was a pastor?"
I said "well good, that's better, right?
why can't we handle this Christian-like?"
and I started to put the gun
until I saw his face still had that frown
she started cryin', sayin' "baby I'm sorry"
then he said "baby, not as sorry as you're gonna be"
I started inchin' out
he said "no, I want you to see this"
said "I gotta get out this house, but not until I reveal my secret"
I'm like "what the hell is goin' on inside his head?"
then he takes his phone and calls somebody up and says:
"hello"
[muffled, on the other end of the phone]: "hello"
"baby"
[muffled, on the other end of the phone]: [unintelligible]
"turn the car around"
[muffled, on the other end of the phone]: "what's goin' on?"
"listen, I just need for you to get right back here now"
CLICK
he looks at me and says
"well, since we're all comin' out the closet
I'm not about to be the only one that's broken hearted"
she said "what do you mean?"
he said "just wait and see"
I said "somebody better talk to see"
and then his phone rings
he picks up, and somebody says "honey, I'm downstairs"
and he's like "I'll buzz you up
I'm on the fifth floor, honey, take the stairs"
and I'm like "who is this mystery lady
that you're talking to?"
he says "in time you both will know the shocking truth
baby, this is something I've been wanting to get off my chest
for a long, long time"
and I said "yo, I'm'a shoot you both
if you don't say what's on your mind"
he says "wait, I hear somebody comin' up the stairs"
and I'm lookin' at the door
he says "I think you better sit down in a chair"
I says "I'm gonna count to four"
"ONE"
he says "mister, wait!"
"TWO"
she says "please don't shoot!"
"THREE"
he says "don't shoot me!"
"FOUR"
SHE SCREAMS
THEN I KNOCK ON THE DOOR
THE GUN'S IN MY HAND
HE OPENS THE DOOR

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S A MAN

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:29 (eighteen years ago) link

but why should R. be shocked / surprised about that? He doesn't know or care about the dude, he just wants to get the fuck out of the house.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:35 (eighteen years ago) link

He should be GLAD it's a man, fercryinoutloud!

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:38 (eighteen years ago) link

yeah, his character's shock does seem a little forced. plus the pastor makes the not-exactly-subtle remark "well, since we're all comin' out the closet..."

― Al (sitcom), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:39 (eighteen years ago) link

I was pretty sure it was going to be R.'s wife or something.

― The Good Dr. Bill (The Good Dr. Bill), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:43 (eighteen years ago) link

I think he says "the poshest club."

― Jeff Reguilon (Talent Explosion), Friday, 13 May 2005 02:43 (eighteen years ago) link

Skipping 580 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

"his life" vs "his contributions to art"

but then again, Tyler Perry stayed in school and look at him

― The Owls of Ja Rule (DJP), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 17:24 (eleven years ago) link

always weird when people break out the "he's successful, so it must be awesome to be him whatever else might be true about him personally" deal

as a "stay in school" cautionary tale? are high school dropouts really worried that they may one day turn into R. Kelly? "this guy is a painfully ignorant buffoon" sounds like something a 30 year old college grad who doesn't like R. Kelly would say

― frogbs, Tuesday, 16 October 2012 17:41 (eleven years ago) link

well that more or less describes DJP tbf

― lil dirk (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 17:48 (eleven years ago) link

yeah 30, let's keep that

― The Owls of Ja Rule (DJP), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 17:49 (eleven years ago) link

i've enjoyed plenty of r. kelly's music - he's got a commanding voice, good hooks, and a shameless taste for the absurd. but i don't think it's hard to see how someone could find him too embarrassing and tragic to do likewise.

― da croupier, Tuesday, 16 October 2012 17:50 (eleven years ago) link

one month passes...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZxsMg3ROhY
Alastaire Kelly

― (alternatively, “Respec’”) (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 24 November 2012 01:19 (eleven years ago) link

bridget reminds me of janice soprano

― liljon /bia/ bia (k3vin k.), Saturday, 24 November 2012 01:26 (eleven years ago) link

the first five chapters of this are legit classic. the rest a bit less so

― it just might not jive with you (fadanuf4erybody), Saturday, 24 November 2012 01:34 (eleven years ago) link

and by "a bit" i mean "a lot," yet i still kinda wanna watch these new ones even if i could barely finish the later ones

― it just might not jive with you (fadanuf4erybody), Saturday, 24 November 2012 01:35 (eleven years ago) link

i think the whole thing was starting to come off the rails even by chapter 4 or 5, but it was a fun few weeks there

― The Doc Morbama (some dude), Saturday, 24 November 2012 01:45 (eleven years ago) link

i transcribed the lorem ipsum from his little book.

"Textual texting for verbose placement of words. Blah blaeh blah. Crazy ass shit. In a series of uncommon events that involved several good men and women from the greater chicagoland area, the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. Stream of consciousness. Typing. Man, I could really use a good sandwich right now. Or some spaghetti. That shit that Joey was eating in chapter 21 looked pretty damn good."

trapped in the closet remains a good time

― fennel cartwright, Saturday, 24 November 2012 01:50 (eleven years ago) link

still got it

― (alternatively, “Respec’”) (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 24 November 2012 01:51 (eleven years ago) link

four years pass...

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jimderogatis/parents-told-police-r-kelly-is-keeping-women-in-a-cult

― this iphone speaks many languages (DJP), Monday, 17 July 2017 14:47 (six years ago) link

I read that earlier... this is absolutely fucking insane.

― Matt DC, Monday, 17 July 2017 14:48 (six years ago) link

Does the same link need to be pasted on every R.Kelly thread tho

― Le Bateau Ivre, Monday, 17 July 2017 14:53 (six years ago) link

I assume it is for the sake of removing any possible shred of doubt people might have about how fucked up R. Kelly is

I mean, if this is how some R. Kelly fans think:

“In the back of our minds, we were thinking (my daughter) could be around him if I was with her,” J. said. “It didn’t really hit home. Even with the Aaliyah situation, now that I think about it, ‘Age Ain’t Nothing But a Number’ ... but you don’t think about that. You grew up with the song, and you like the song.”

then maybe they need to be spoonfed this info

― korla pundit (crüt), Monday, 17 July 2017 14:56 (six years ago) link

I have actual work I need to get done and I think the point (which I have been making on this board in some fashion over the past 17 years) has been made.

― this iphone speaks many languages (DJP), Monday, 17 July 2017 14:57 (six years ago) link

I think it's good that no R. Kelly thread activity is going to be able to go on credibly unaware of this.

― albvivertine, Monday, 17 July 2017 23:19 (six years ago) link

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