Your 'wacky' BBC news caption of the day

The judge was going to send him to a psychiatrist, but realised that he was a dyed-in-the-wool pervert.

Ewe've been bah-ed

The defendant tried to convince police that he was a vet, but they realised that he was spinning them a yarn...

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!

These puns have shorn all the humour from the situation. Really, they are shear agony to read.

The man's defence lawyer tried to knit a convincing alibi, but it came unravelled in court.

A man was recently arrested for a similar offence in a secluded car park - the charge was sheepdogging.

"he was later spotted sheepishly buying a leg of lamb from his local co-op"

So where do you buy mint sauce flavoured lube from anyway?

(xpost) We are now rapidly approaching the realm of:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/ae/Tworonnies.JPG
...although now thank to NV we're not...

(xpost) I imagine that such an item could be procured from a bah-ck alley sex shop.

Now you're just ovine me on.

You guys are scrapie the bottom of the barrel here.

Yeah, we should cutlet out.

The man had misunderstood the term "mutton busting"

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44838000/jpg/_44838426_poohsticks_getty_226.jpg
"Pooh Sticks is free"

The court ruminated for a long time before coming to a verdict.

You could say he was licking his chops

He wanted a bit of rump

^^^ I'm sorry, that's just low quality...

No need to mince words

Hope he doesn't go anywhere near East London, with a reputation like that he'd get proper shanked up.

When he arrives in jail, the other prisoners will flock to get a look at him, because they will have herd about his attempt to fleece the judge.

He's already been widely lambasted.

He'll be doing twenty to ten in the pen...

Not really a yarn to tell his grandchildren though.

"Yes your honor, I was naked when I hoofed it"

The man was caught because witnesses recognised his woolly jumper.

Apparently the guy told the sheep that he only wanted to give her a stroke, but it sounds like he welshed on her.

Police also suspect that the man was trying to supply the sheep with grass.

Experts say that this case will open up a whole new field in criminology.

When the first issue of Sheep World arrived, he realised he'd been fleeced.

The man told reporters the incident had left him "in a deep trough"

"Did I know it would feel good?" he said, musing aloud. "No, it was just one of those haunches."

The sheep was physically okay, but left with a few grazers.

However, she did go and get slaughtered straight afterwards.

LOL

There's no point bleating about it.

"When I heard the police siren," he said ruefully, "I knew something wasn't kosher. So I legged it."

He's also had difficulty getting a bank loan - his credit rating is offal.

"When we realized what had happened," said the chief constable, "we just burst out laughing. Andouille couldn't stop."

Damn, andouille's made from pork.

The farmer called the police on his mobile. He has a contract with Phones4Ewe.

ARGH

Despite rumours, there is no video footage on EweTube.

This follows on from an incident last week, where several Premiership footballers were accused of roasting a sheep.

"At first when he called, he gave us wrong directions. He may have been trying," the constable added with a chuckle, "to pull the wool over our eyes."

The man was also believed to have been listening on his iP0d to the Pink Fl0yd track "Careful With That Axe Ewe-gene".

Reports that another four men were seen running from the scene are still unconfirmed. It is believed the suspect was not acting alone, and they had been planning to give the animal a roasting.

His iPod is also said to contain another Pink Floyd track, from a later, less-acclaimed album. The track is called "The Post War Dream".

Producer and Editor: Joanne Whalley

scandal!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-50486724

Alton's Christmas skiing marmot decoration sparks row

A giant ear-muff wearing marmot has sparked a mixed response in a Hampshire town after it was revealed as part of its Christmas display.

residents of southern town hate unusual newcomer shocker

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-50760470?ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=twitter&ns_mchannel=social&ocid=socialflow_twitter

Woman, 89, granted 'big biceps' stripper care home wish

Her somewhat unorthodox wish was granted when the stripper, dressed as a fireman, turned up at the Glastonbury Court care home in Bury St Edmunds two weeks ago and began swinging his belt around wildly before stripping down to his underpants

'two weeks ago' is stretching the definition of 'news' imo

I'm missing Laura K already!

Pringles tubes burnt to crisp in M1 lorry fire

Wine bar occupies former gents' toilet site

Cue the "this is a toilet venue", "the beer tastes like piss", etc., etc. jokes.

ffs BBC...

Lesbos refugee centre burns amid migrant tensions

The article itself has the much less tabloid headline Greece migrant crisis: Refugee centre ablaze as tensions rise.

Profile of Robert Oppenheimer, controversial father of the atomic bomb.

Storyville: The Trials of Oppenheimer. Tonight, 10.30pm, @BBCFour https://t.co/OKN48N1W0A

— BBC Four (@BBCFOUR) August 13, 2020

you can take all yer pots and pans and your atomic weapons and your famous quantum chemistry and molecular physics theories + chuck 'em all in the bin!

someone else one twitter - "i am become death, destroyer of leeds"

why would they not delete??

US election: Do you need Jesus to win the White House?
(maybe because you don't trust the other two candidates?)

Your 'wacky backy' BBC news caption of the day...
Cannabis crop at former Coventry nightclub 'worth £1m
https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/14626/production/_114949438_nca.jpg

Islam: Sunak lets the taxman take the strain

No, the government isn't going to tax Muslims. The article was written by Faisal Islam, the BBC's economics editor.

Piet Mondrian artwork displayed upside down for 75 years

Insert "modern art, amirite!?" joek here.

Jeremy Clarkson warns some of his cider might explode