Aldo reads DC's New 52 (So you don't have to)

The sword is the mysterious image at the start of it all, like that stupid hand in DC mythos.

Or maybe it should be a foot.

NO FEET ALLOWED

it is the holiest icon in the LIEFELDVERSE, never to be depicted, discussed or acknowledged.

This has the feel of a new thread.

Oh my God, it's full of pouches: What If Rob Liefeld owned and wrote all of the DC Universe?

Blackhawks #6: In which we learn that humans are like Native Americans and superheroes are like The White Man. There's far too much dialogue to go into, or to care about. In the end everything blows up, although it probably doesn't. This has no real connection to any of the issues before this, or at least not in a meaningful way, and yet that doesn't help it despite how bad the previous ones were. The end can't come soon enough for this book.

Flash #6: So, Hawkman #6 was inexplicably in and this was inexplicably out. I hate my LCS sometimes (not really, but YKWIM). Anyway, I love the splash page of this, which rams home the Spirit comparisons I've made previously. Captain Cold has become WAY good at what he does and through a series of flashbacks and flashforwards we get that Barry's dumped Iris (or was possibly never seeing her) we credibly arrive at the correct point in time with all the right things in place and this turns out to be a really tightly scripted 18 pages. I still love it, especially the art, and the addition of explaining the Speed Force, a heads-up display and WAIT, IS THAT A TREADMILL? Aces.

Green Lanterns New Guardians #6: Oh look, the Kyle Rayner one. Kyle works out they all have to team up to beat the good guy, and the pink teletubby says only Bleez can save them. GOOD JOB SHE TURNS UP ON THE LAST PAGE THEN. Kyle drops The Titanic on the good guy at one point. How's that imagination working out for you Kyle?

Teen Titans #6: New York wants to arrest the Titans for the damage following their rumble with Superboy, which probably gives away the plot of Supergirl #8, huh DiDio? Kara vs Judge Judy in small claims? Anyhoo, Kid Flash excites himself nearly to death and they visit Static from Static Shock where they find him playing with his ERECTOR. He seems very proud of it. I turns out Kid Flash is being hunted by someone who speaks Interlac. INTERLAC. This can only end well. This books keeps on stealing victory from defeat.

Firestorm #6: "WHHHYYYYY?" Well, quite. "H2O... it's like cake with these powers." Wait, WHAT? Ron Raymond thinks he's in Red Dawn and wants to teach Gorby a lesson or two. The Firestorms fight each other instead then the Army show up to arrest the black one. Really? Seriously? I wish I was making this up.

Voodoo #6: I'm going with refreshingly simple. Jaaf Smax from Top 10 turns up and busts Voodoo out of prison, helped out by the guy from the first Hellboy film (who might instead be the bad guy from the current B&R run). Kyle Rayner smells bad. This is linked to various other DC books and they are desperately trying to add Blackhawks to the mix. Way to make me hate you again guys.

Blackhawks #6: ... This has no real connection to any of the issues before this, or at least not in a meaningful way, and yet that doesn't help it despite how bad the previous ones were.

Was there a creative team change?

Not as far as I could make out. Lady Blackhawk is pictured a couple of times, and two of the characters TALK like they were in one of the previous issues, but I'm drawing a blank.

EARTH 2!

Jay Garrick "stumbling and shrieking through a sewer full of mutant rats is apparently the character's "New 52" redesign, which, in keeping with the theme of "New 52" redesigns, looks completely sarcastic, like a smart-ass artist ironically redesigning a classic comic book superhero costume into something they think an idiot might draw for other idiots to enjoy."

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TI6vZ5EFafs/T1bZepY2UtI/AAAAAAAAad8/9rQhV4l5oek/s1600/earth-2-2-cover02.jpg

UPDATE!
Amy Reeder departs Batwoman halfway through her years-in-progress first five-or-six-issue run due to untenable creative differences. I choose to believe this means "hated the shitty macho inking on #6, was told to fuck off by editor," but probably means "was told to look more like JHW3."

Kind of wish the creative team was Rucka/JHW3. The pre-Batwoman-title Batwoman stories were so much better.

More:

I'm sure there's a lot of curiosity about what exactly happened, which is understandable. But I can't get too far into it--in addition to trying to be a professional and not burn bridges, it's complicated enough that I find it difficult (and frustrating) to explain even to friends.

The jist of it, though, was that it was a bad situation, and kept getting worse and more intense until it became impossible. I am a long-term project kinda girl and I was so excited about being on Batwoman...I didn't want to let go of it and fought until it was over.

It was bad enough that now I'd rather just be happy and move forward: I'm honestly very excited by the possibilities. All this has strengthened my resolve to do my own thing again--write, draw, color, letter. My work is, by nature, better as a full experience, and the process makes me so incredibly happy that I can't stop drawing. Which also means more comics for you. Anyway, not saying it's my guaranteed next step, but if there is a way for me to do that and pay the bills, I will.

Also, DC are junking the parts of #9 she'd already drawn. Any bets on whether they'll junk her covers for a SECOND time? The New DC - There's No Gender Parity Now!

I know I have been remiss btw, I've been away a couple of weekends and not picked up and I'm about to be away again for a month. Will get up to date this weekend.

Easy big fella - don't take more than you think you can.

Guys I finally read some Animal Man and it's actually pretty darn good! How's Swamp Thing going? It looks like they're about to intersect

Voodoo #6: I'm going with refreshingly simple. Jaaf Smax from Top 10 turns up and busts Voodoo out of prison,

wow waht

I mean I knew DC bought Wildstorm but just ugh

This thread will be an invaluable document in clearly delineating how DC Comics came to its sad and undistinguished conclusion.

It is only a matter of time before DC falls at Liefeld's metaphorical feet.

I didn't realise the Jeff Smax thing was for real. Waaaaaah!

hey guys, how long do you think it'll take Liefeld to start swiping blatantly for his covers now that he's one of the star and linchpin creators of DC's entire line? oh never mind:

http://cdn.bleedingcool.net/wp-content/uploads//2012/03/300px-Rom17.jpg http://cdn.bleedingcool.net/wp-content/uploads//2012/03/300px-Rom17.jpg

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y115/kitbrash/300px-Rom17.jpg http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y115/kitbrash/300px-Liefeld.jpg

nice.

Liefeld's continued success in the comics industry is the ultimate refutation of God's existence.

Why does every Liefeld character, male or female, have a bulging package?

eh, that's not that bad

not the bulges, i mean the swiping

Dove is rather strong, holding herself up there by lightly grabbing not-Kraven by the wrist.

Right? And yes, it most certainly is that bad. It's pretty damning that Liefeld can't even swipe with any skill. I mean, he clearly doesn't understand what's happening on that ROM cover, which leads to his own cover having a tableau of figures that makes no sense. I sometimes wonder if he might be profoundly brain damaged. There's art featured in Raw Vision that would appear to be the product of clearer faculties than those Liefeld possesses.

in a weird twist, because it's not as sound as the original, i don't consider it as a bad a rip-off? like, sure, if he was a more competent artist, it would make more sense and be a better "pastiche", but i don't know how much you can criticize poses as swipes

Like, the least damning thing I can say about it is that it isn't blatantly lightboxed. But it's absolutely a swipe.

lightly grabbing not-Kraven

eyepatch makes me assume this is Deathstroke or whatever Slade Wilson might be called these days, for some reason dressed as Kraven. (where the reason is probably "Liefeld loves Marvel and is massively uncreative")

typing that first sentence just made me realise: Deadpool aka Wade Wilson is Rob's serial-numbers-filed-off version of Deathstroke aka Slade Wilson, I guess? WTF at a) ripping off a DC character to create a Marvel version, then getting to do the DC character and making him a rip-off of a different Marvel character [!!!?!], and b) one of Marvel's biggest and most profitable over-milked characters of recent years was created as a rip of their competition's IP

I sometimes wonder if he might be profoundly brain damaged.

Aldo reads DC's New 52 (So you don't have to)

Remember that Deathstroke is a rip of Marvel's Taskmaster, whom Perez had helped to create in Avengers not long before starting New Teen Titans.

That depth of Marveliana is a mystery to me. I had a vague idea that Deathstroke might have been inspired by the murder shooty deadliness of the Punisher, though obv wasn't a rip in any further sense

Taskmaster is an all-time favorite of mine; "photographic reflexes" is one of the best powers ever. Being the Super-Adaptoid of skills instead of powers is a genius concept.

http://io9.com/5893904/china-mieville-gives-us-a-sneak-peek-of-dc-comics-weirdest-new-superhero-series

uh, that is not a new superhero series. that is one from 1966, 1981, 1988, and 2003.

ok to be fair to Mieville, he tells the io9 dude that he is wrong about that, right in the interview, that they still headlined otherwise

I enjoy that they quote him as saying "ffs"

it's still "new" sic. The interviewer is clearly aware of its pedigree

Marvel has a sort-of Taskmaster who is female in Echo, now. I think they may have killed her recently? Idk.

That Taskmaster series in the past year was pretty fun.

the headline is silly, there's nothing at all either weird and new revealed about the mieville iteration of the series in the interview, and mieville consistently a) claims that there isn't and b) refuses to reveal anything about the content anyway. it's straight-up bad 'reporting'.

eyepatch makes me assume this is Deathstroke or whatever Slade Wilson might be called these days

is that an eyepatch or a shadow (remember, this is a Liefeld drawing)

It could be a foot, for all we know.

it's a Liefeld drawing, the one thing we know for sure is it's NOT a foot

Hmmm. I have to assume, then, that it's a pouch of some kind, given the otherwise troubling dearth thereof.

It's a pouch he keeps his eye in.

wait it's probably not Deathstroke, unless he's been de-aged and gingerised

which is kind of likely now I think about it

GIANT SIZED ALDO-THING! BEWARE! HIS WHINGING STINGS A LITTLE!

Ok, been away for a couple of weeks (although thankfully one of them was the JL only week) so will try and catch up.

Justice League #6: Unbelievably, Cyborg saves the day for everyone. He has no idea how, and almost does it by accident, mainly because Batman is more of a dad to him than the one that saved his life a few issues ago. Really? That's how you resolve the first plot? When George Bush (which looks nothing like him, and reinforces the point this is supposed to be 5 years ago) calls them the Super-Friends you really wish they stuck with that instead of Justice League. Even the Flash's 'Super Seven' is better, although it does sound like an Enid Blyton title. Five Go Mad on Apokolips? The Pandora backup is pointless rubbish (watch me retract this when it actually develops into a good plot) though. Bring on the next story.

Action #7: There are some things to love about this. Lex's resigned tone when he realises he's been shrunk. The re-appearance of the short man from #1. But there's lots not to like too. Braniac is the internet. The dad dancing of people holding up their iPhones instead of lighters. Solly Fisch gets another paycheck for something GMoz can't be arsed writing. This is better than the last couple of issues but it's treading water badly. You definitely get the impression GMoz just doesn't want to be here - that he lost interest as soon as they asked him to split his story up and write some filler books for his own work - and that's a shame because it should (arguably) be the flagship title of the line and instead isn't any better than some of the mid-level stragglers narrowly avoiding cancellation. I feel let down, but I don't know why I expected any better.

Animal Man #7: Ellen manages to sum up how I begin to feel about this book - "You do realise you're listening to a talking cat, don't you?" Yes, it's an avatar of the Red but, you know, it's still a talking cat that eats cat food. Cliff tries to pick up girls by telling them who his dad is, while under strict instruction not to draw attention to themselves. So Buddy flies him away. Ellen's mum cries because of what she's seen and not because animals are rampaging everywhere, although she'll no doubt find out soon because she's gone off alone in the dark. The Swamp Thing crossover may or may not be taking place over 10 years in the future, which is somewhat confusing. This feels like the last days of the last Animal Man story, when Buddy was a giant bird travelling up and down the West coast of America. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I suspect I'll find out soon.

Batgirl #7: Waking up women in the middle of the night for a fight seems to be Babs' new tactic. I'm not sure it works. Still, in this book that a single artist couldn't be bothered finishing it's maybe the most notable thing about it. It's just very average stuff. And then it turns out the villain is a guy Brian Bolland drew 24 years ago in the background. Ho hum.

Batman & Robin #7: Oooh, the cover is dreadful. Anyway, Bats turns up in Boba Fett's Slave 1 and crashes through the roof so we don't have to read through the torture porn we got promised last month. Bats and the bad guy compare daddy issues and then Batman throws him in a vat of acid but NOT TO KILL HIM. We know that because once he pulls him out of the acid, Robin punches him once which kills him. I know, some days you can't do right for doing wrong. Not the best issue of the run so far, but not the worst either.

Batwoman #7: I don't know what's happened, but this has turned into directionless slop. The book takes places in about 5 different timelines which meet up in the last couple of pages and in the meantime there's some not-so-attractive art. I guess I'll stick with it and see if it can recapture the thrill of the first handful but I'm not holding out that much hope. A shame.

Demon Knights #7: A blast, as ever. By the end the Knights have 'won', however, there's nothing much of anything left to win as it's all been burned or killed or raped or magicked away or something. It feels like a Silver Age book at times, and you know what? I'd love to have seen a Kirby version of it. But in the end we only have the version in my very hands and I'm happy enough to have that instead. It's not a big seller though, I suspect so I don't know how much longer it'll be on the shelves.

Detective Comics #7: The Penguin story concludes with a mass of double crosses and explosions. I hope Combustible survives, as I quite like the idea of a giant light bulb in a top hat and bow tie who speaks like he's from the 20s. Snakeskin's powers don't work until he stops betraying the Penguin it appears. Sometimes it's just not your day.

Frankenstein #7: Woohoo! Ray Palmer uses his Atom power in this issue. It's the undoubted highlight, as the remainder is fairly bland base-under-siege fare in need of a bigger plot. Although as the baddie at the end is revealed to be Frankie's son, this may mean slipper-on-backside action next month. And Frankie only wears clumpy boots, so that could be more violent than it sounds. I have no idea why I'm still buying this.

Legion Lost #7: This is the end of the plot according to the final page but I can't really work out what's finished or where or how as it isn't materially different from the issues that have gone before. It's still fun, but in a fans only way and is about to lead into a giant punch-up with Superboy which will either be great or crap. I know which one my money's on.

Red Lanterns #7: Ragey McRage fights Guy Gardner for a bit, then does that acid blood vomit thing and flies off into space. Bleez has taken the Red Lanterns to beat the crap out of what's left of the Sinestro Corps. Atrocitus wanders about in the jungle thinking about a dolly. And then gets stabbed by a corpse just as Ragey McRage shows up. A regular day in Pete Milligan's head then. Still crap.

Stormwatch #7: Um. What? Wordy confusing rubbish. Time to pull it.

Suicide Squad #7: Hooray! Amanda Waller blows the head off a JT Krul creation! Wishful thinking on Adam Glass' behalf? A metaphor for comics readers everywhere? But the rest of the issue... wow. The retelling of Harley and her pudding is cute fun but I don't think any of us saw the end coming. Best thing in this whole pile by a significant margin.

Swamp Thing #7: Maybe that last entry was an overstatement. This pushes it unbelievably close and might actually be better. It's basically and extended lecture to Alec from the Parliament of Trees surrounded by some gorgeous artwork, but Alec's submission to the inevitable and the retribution show this is a keeper. Scott Snyder is writing nearly all the best books in the Johnsiverse. How does this happen? A triumph, whatever.

My guess? He writes a high-profile-ish title co-created by Stephen King and thusly probably doesn't have to deal with the level of editorial dipshittery that the flood of departing creators have had to.