ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

a friend lent me that book Shakey but i couldn't make it past the first few pages; the author sounds like she had problems we don't really have, and her advice on how to overcome those problems is very much common sense. though it can sometimes be helpful to be reminded what common sense actually is - sometimes you can outthink yourself.

My plan is definitely to apply the "go with your instincts" method of parenting, because I can pretty much never get through more than a few pages of a parenting book.

Kids are all different anyway -- I was naturally quiet and slow-moving, my brother was a perpetual motion machine. I was hold-it-in, he was let-it-out. I probably needed different parenting than he did.

the author sounds like she had problems we don't really have, and her advice on how to overcome those problems is very much common sense

yeah I don't really disagree with this. some of the examples given of things parents might say ("close the door! how can you be so stupid!") are like so over-the-top wrong - just stuff I would never say - lend the book a strange anthropological appeal. like jeez were these really common parenting tactics in the 70s, to constantly emotionally and physically abuse your child...?

for example:

I was so gung ho to get his new approach going in my family that I came home from a meeting, tripped over my daughter's skates in the hall, and sweetly told her, "Skates belong in the closet." I thought I was wonderful. When she looked up at me blankly, and then went back to reading her book, I hit her.

I've since learned two things...

uh, okay

hahaha WHAT

haha, no that's not funny, haha

how about

I was so gung ho to get his new approach going in my family that I came home from a meeting, tripped over my daughter's skates in the hall, and hit her. When she looked up at me blankly, and then went back to reading her book, I sweetly told her, "Skates belong in the closet." I thought I was wonderful.

tbf the book does have some helpful/common-sense things behind it - like, "don't insult your child", "acknowledge their feelings/help them articulate them" etc.

btw y'all i'm a dad now. her name is keren

congratulations, that is wonderful news! <3

congrats!

Congratulations!

congratulations! that is a nice name.

That's a beautiful name! Congrats!

We had our 1st real appointment with the midwife today and I really like her. She felt T's belly and told us how the baby is positioned and that was nice to know. Something the previous doctor couldn't tell us.

baby bonding hormones = best drug ever btw

Ya know for the last few months I've had this depression repellant, it's like nothing gets me down. I guess it's baby bonding hormones, even though she's isn't here, I feel connected to her. I like singing to her.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love being a dad but I sure will be happy if/when little man learns how to sleep longer than 3 hours at a stretch

also congrats to Hurting 2!

hurting 3

Haha perfect! Congrats and OTM re baby bonding <3<3

So today was day 4 of her life, and it feels like so much was compressed into this short time. She's already very different than her first day - much more alert and interested in the world, calmer, less prone to frustration. We had a (probably typical) scare with feeding because she seemed to be eating all the time and still hungry and losing weight, but you just have to keep at it for a few days and the milk comes. Then today all of the sudden she had one of those massive diaper blowouts, and since that point she has been the most serene little thing.

I've actually been able to relax for the first time since her birth tonight - she is actually sleeping soundly for full 1-2 hour stretches and letting mom get some sleep. I'm doing my best to be calm with her and to give her a sense of reassurance - in my mind that seems more important than getting the exact right number of wet diapers or feeds or whatever, as long as the baby seems ok, and believe me if you are paying attention to the baby you will have instincts about this (e.g. when she was not getting enough to eat her mom knew right away, and pretty soon it became clear to me too).

She slept on my chest this evening while we watched the Knicks lose. BTW the skin-to-skin thing really is awesome, both for mom and for dad.

Congrats, hurting!

yeah, it is awesome to hear you talk about this!

Congrats Hurting!

Aw, how sweet. Congratulations Hurting.

congratulations

Awwww Hurting, enjoyed reading your post :)

I'm doing my best to be calm with her and to give her a sense of reassurance - in my mind that seems more important than getting the exact right number of wet diapers or feeds or whatever, as long as the baby seems ok, and believe me if you are paying attention to the baby you will have instincts about this

hurting i think if youre already at this point on day 4 you're going to make a fine parent.

ha but what about on day 6? reached a bit of a crisis bc I kept screwing things up from absent minded ness and exhaustion -- f'ed up with the carseat in a way not worth explaining in detail, forgot the baby's clothes in the washer downstairs, put a diaper on wrong, got the car towed etc. started to lose confidence, but I guess like with anything you have to fake the confidence you don't have.

firsts today: book ("look look"), music (Elizabeth Cotten), walk in the park

don't sweat it, sounds like you're doing fine to me, congrats!

Hahaha in 15 years she is going to be so sick of hearing about that time that you got the car towed b/c of sleeplessness, and you're going to think it's hilarious and miss these days like crazy. I promise.

It's totally okay.

ok it is worth explaining. my baby came early and I hadn't installed the carseat. the night before discharge I had to rush home to install, but I left the hospital p late bc mrs h had a c and needed support. in my delirium I became convinced that the carseat could not be properly installed bc of the kind of seatbelt we have. we got her mom ato drive u.s home instead and a few days later I had an auto shop. jerryrig a way to permanently install the base, like a makeshift Latch system. then I got home and realized nothing was wrong with the seatbelts at all. yes, she will be hearing for years about her easily confused father.

sorry for typos, iPad typing w baby on stomach

car seats are always a bit of a hassle,worst is when they get sick on it/have an accident and you have to remove it, strip the cover, wash it and then figure out how to secure it again

Hurting I think your effort goes much further than you know. At least that's what I'm counting on when we have our baby. lately I've been feeling overwhelmed with how soon our delivery date is and how much T. is doing to prepare and how little I am doing. T. is making list and reading essays and books. I feel like I should be making list and reading books too. I read so much about being healthy during pregnancy and taking care of T. while she's with child. But I still don't know how to fold a diaper or how to burp her. I haven't even took the car seat out of the box to figure it out yet! I feel like I need to get on the ball. My eyes tear up writing this and I can only hope instinct will help me.

you sound like me dawg. there's the cliche about men becoming fathers when they see the baby. it's because things are so much more palpable for her during pregnancy being that she's already carrying the baby. not that all dads to be are like us but a lot certainly are. you're probably putting things off because it's hard to face the change that's coming. but eventually you will just face it because you'll have to.

I don't think we know exactly what is in store for us. I read the books but it is all theoretical. I do not know what it will be like at all, I haven't a clue what the impact of this tiny person will be on our lives. It is overwhelming and I go back and forth between wanting another six months and just wanting her to be here already. It changes minute to minute.

god i am so dumb when it comes to car seats, even 2 1/2 years later.
and yeah, tera/jacob, in my experience, no matter how much planning/reading/thinking you do, it's impossible to imagine how you'll feel about this little kid before he/she pops out. at least for me, it was pretty abstract until the actual birth. but you'll love him/her, don't worry.

btw y'all i'm a dad now. her name is keren

― simulation and similac (Hurting 2), Monday, February 20, 2012 9:43 PM (3 days ago)

sometimes it's abstract for a while after birth too, don't necessarily expect things to click on day one but they will eventually

sometimes it's abstract for a while after birth too, don't necessarily expect things to click on day one by the time they're five, but they will eventually

Normally, we are a happy little family, but our daily biggest argument occurs every morning regarding who gets to press the button that opens the garage door.

lol. tbh i remember being suuuuper jealous of friends who had automatic garage door openers.

I was jealous of people who had garages!

We had "carports".

We have what is classified on assessment documents as a "lean-to". This is what happens when you buy a home from someone who essentially built it themselves. You have to throw a bolt to open it.

Braved the elements today and went to our first Williamsburg parent meetup. The whole thing is kind of surreal -- like being in a parallel universe Williamsburg. One woman told us how we should look into something called a "Tibetan Nanny," saying it like it was a brand of childcare rather than a nationality and occupation. (fwiw H is staying home for now anyway).

I find the proportion of parents I know with nannies kind of unsettling. I didn't know anyone - ANYONE - that had a nanny growing up. I dunno what this says about our economy (everyone has to work and nobody can afford to stay home and raise their kids?)

When I lived in Austin and was on my neighborhood list I was surprised at how many households employed full time live-in nannies. I was pretty shocked, actually. This was not exactly a posh area and I always thought those were the households that had nannies (Nanny Fine). The area had a ton of daycare centers, nurseries and Montessori schools.

What do nannies do exactly? Because a majority of my neighbors worked at home or were stay at home mothers so I just didn't understand the need for live-in nannies as opposed to an hourly caretaker. Then again, I didn't have facts or stats, just judging from posts on the hood list.